A Quick Note: This chapter involves a strip club. If you are in any way offended by strip clubs, strippers, and frilly pink drinks, you may want to skip this……
No one?
All right. Enjoy the show. :)
Three days
"You know, you're going to have to get out of the house."
James glanced up from his paperwork to see Lily standing in the doorway, hands on her hips and looking expectant.
"What?" he asked, confused.
Lily entered the room and magicked herself a chair so she could sit in front of the desk. It made James feel very important, like he was a person in power at some sort of office and Lily was a drone that worked under him. Interesting. "Emily and Charlotte are coming in less than three hours," Lily said. "You can't be here."
"Why not? I know Charlotte and Emily. They like me."
"Yes," Lily said patiently. "Yes, they adore you, love. But that's not the point."
"You're right. The point is, it's my house, for all intents and purposes. I don't have to get out of it."
Lily leaned back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest. "When is your bachelor party?"
James tapped the quill he was writing with against his cheek as he thought. "Tonight."
"I know. What time?"
"Oh." He thought some more. "I think Sirius said he'd come to get me at nine."
Lily stood, preparing to exit the room. "Fine," she said. "You'll have to listen to Emily talk about backpacking through Europe and Charlotte about having sex on a film set until then."
James made a face. "You know, I don't really want to hear about your friends' sexual exploits."
"I know you don't. As such, I was doing you a favor."
"By throwing me out of my own house?"
Lily reached the doorway and tossed her hair so that it fell in her face, brushing against her eyelashes. She raised her voice in an imitation of Charlotte's and leaned against the doorway, twirling her hair around her finger. She began in a breathy, but Charlotte-like voice, "'Lily, it was amazing…the heat of the lights and the whirring of the fans….'"
James yelled loudly and clasped his hands over his ears.
She rolled her eyes, dropping the act. "You are so immature."
"Yeah, I'm immature."
Lily waited for him to make a point, and when he didn't, she replied, "That's what I said."
"Fine," James grumbled, returning to his papers. "I'll…go to Remus's or something."
She smiled and crossed the room to kiss him quickly. "Thank you," she cooed, locking her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek.
"Thank Charlotte. Although I hope you know that whenever I look at her that sentence will pop into my head."
Lily smirked, resting her chin on his shoulder as he wrote. "She'll enjoy that. She always thought you attractive."
Emily arrived first, luckily enough for James. Her hair was longer and she wore it in a single untidy plait hanging down her back. She carried a single linen suitcase and was very brown, undoubtedly a result of walking around in the sun for hours at a time. She greeted Lily with a hug and a shrill squeal that James was sure only dogs could hear.
When she finished hugging Lily, she turned to him with a wide smile on her face. "James Potter," she said, positively beaming. "You certainly have grown up."
"Not really," he told her. "I'm still a bit of a prat."
Emily laughed and pulled him into a quick hug. "Getting married, though!" she exclaimed. "To my friend Lily! God, never in a thousand years would I have expected it from you."
"You and my mother both," he agreed, smiling. "And just about everyone else I've ever met."
Emily stepped back, grinning. "Do you at least know my name now?"
He cringed. Ah, so she knew about the whole not being able to tell them apart thing. "I've gotten better. I bet you and your sister look a lot more different than you did four years ago."
"That is true," she acknowledged. "Charlotte's got herself that movie star boyfriend, did Lily tell you?"
"Yes," Lily said. "He's very jealous that Charlotte might have a boyfriend who has more money and fame than he does."
"Hey," James said. "That's not true."
"You get the Muggle newspapers when one of his movies comes out so you can see how it did."
James pretended to be annoyed. "That's called support, Lily."
Lily grinned. "Don't you have somewhere to be? A bachelor party to attend?"
"Not for another hour and a half, thank you. Besides, I'd like to see Charlotte."
"She'll just die when she sees you, that's for sure," Emily broke in.
James's chest swelled with pride.
Lily rolled her eyes, still smiling. "Emily, do you want some tea, water, coffee? I think we've got some pumpkin juice around here somewhere…"
"No, we don't."
"Oh. Then tea, water, coffee?"
"Water would be great, actually."
Lily headed into the kitchen, talking the whole way. "So, how was Spain?" she called from the sink.
Emily lowered herself onto the couch, clasping her hands together and resting them on her knees. "It was fantastic."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Insanely hot, but there you are." Lily entered the room carrying a glass filled with water, which she handed to Emily before sitting down next to her. "Where are you and James going for your honeymoon?"
"Greece," James answered for her. "Lily loves the history."
They chatted idly for a few more minutes before a 'crack' sound could be heard just outside the door. "Oh, there's Charlotte!" Lily exclaimed happily, leaping up from her seat as the doorbell rang. She threw the door open and there stood Charlotte, all red lipstick and tightly set curls.
"Hi!" Charlotte shrieked, throwing her arms around Lily.
"Hello!" Lily cried back.
When the two of them pulled apart, they started babbling to each other so quickly that James could not quite discern exactly what they were talking about—or whether or not they were speaking English. He was pretty sure he heard the words 'hair' and 'thin' and 'marry' and 'dress' and 'James'. At his name, the conversation sort of stopped and they both turned to look at him.
He immediately felt like a giant spotlight had been shined on him. "Hi, Charlotte," he said uncertainly.
"Well," Charlotte replied. "Stand up, I want to see how tall you are now."
James complied, feeling very much like he was twelve and being interrogated by a great-aunt or something.
"God," Charlotte sighed. "How tall are you? 6'1"? More? Cameron"—that was the name of her boyfriend—"is only 5'9" so I can't wear heels that are too tall or I'll absolutely dwarf him, and you know that doesn't look good in pictures."
"He's 6'2"," Lily told her friend.
James did not know why they were talking about him in this sense, and he was pretty sure he should leave. "Well," he said, clapping his hands together. "I'd better be going. I have a bachelor party I should be getting to."
"A bachelor party?" Charlotte inquired wickedly. "You're not going to hang around with us tonight?"
Was she asking him to have an orgy or something? "No," he replied uncomfortably. "I'm, uh, going to hang out with strippers. Get smashed. Stuff money in lingerie, you know." He flashed a grin. "Just like every other night."
"All right," Charlotte sighed, batting her eyelashes coquettishly. "We'll miss you."
James stared at her for a full thirty seconds. Was she harboring some kind of crush on him? James had heard of stranger things than girls falling madly in love with him and never being able to get over it. Or was Charlotte just joking, messing around with him, trying to give him a heart attack three days before his wedding? "Uh-huh," he said slowly. "Right. Well. I'll see—see you guys later, all right? Lily, can I see you for a second?"
Lily crossed the room to him and he pulled her into the hallway and kissed her. When she pulled away she said, "Are you okay?" She brushed some of his hair out of his face.
"I'm fine," he told her. "I'm going to my bachelor party, I'm fantastic."
Lily grinned. "Yes, of course." She kissed him again, then said, "I love you."
"I love you," he returned, pulling her to him. "I really feel like I'm going to miss you," he added.
"You're going to miss me?" she smiled. "You'll only be gone for the night. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."
"Yeah, well," he mumbled into her hair. He sighed and reluctantly pulled himself from her. "I'm going to go look at a bunch of naked women, dancing for my pleasure."
Lily smiled. "Have fun."
"Like you even have to tell me?"
"But not too much fun," she added.
James gasped. "Oh, my dear Lily, there is no such thing."
She laughed and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him again. When she broke away, she sighed and said, "Oh, no."
"What?"
"I think I'm going to miss you, as well."
"We're incredibly sad, aren't we?"
"We definitely need to get out more."
She smiled and said, "All right, I'll see you later."
James grinned and waved at her before Apparating.
When James arrived at Remus's flat, Sirius was already there, drinking a firewhiskey and examining himself in a dusty little hand mirror that Remus had found for him.
"Got to make myself look presentable for the ladies," he grinned at James. "Apparently, my reputation precedes me."
"What?" James asked, confused, as he sank into one of the moth-eaten chairs in Moony's living room.
Remus rolled his eyes from his seat next to Sirius on the sofa. "Sirius made reservations at a…strip club and the girl taking down the information screamed when he told her his name."
James snickered disbelievingly. "I don't think so."
Sirius nodded, shaking his head so that some hair fell into his eyes. He ran his fingers through it, teasing it as he spoke, "She did, Prongs. 'Course, I don't expect you to know what that kind of scream sounds like, but I have heard it countless times, and there is no mistaking it." He frowned into the mirror and looked up at his friends. "Does my hair look all right like this?"
Slightly sour from Sirius's previous comment, James dismissively responded, "You look like a pouf."
Sirius grinned. "Thank you, but I don't think I'm going to keep it like this." He returned to the mirror and threw his head back, shaking it so that when he put his head right again his hair was interestingly arranged.
Remus shook his head slightly and turned to James, who was leaning over in his chair, examining something on the floor. "What are you looking at, Bachelor?" Remus asked him.
James plucked something shiny off the ground and held it up to the light. "What looks like an earring," he replied, looking at Remus quizzically. "Since when do you wear earrings?"
An odd, closed expression came over Remus's face. He recognized the earring, of course; Hestia had lost it the night before, during a particularly heated…encounter. "I don't," Remus responded, his voice strangled.
Sirius put down the mirror and reached over and took the earring from James. "Are you sure?" Sirius asked, smirking. "'Cause this looks a lot like an earring. And it was under your coffee table. Incriminating evidence, I think."
"I concur," James agreed.
Remus snatched the earring from Sirius, trying not to blush. "It's a cufflink," he snapped.
James and Sirius exchanged curiously surprised glances. They both knew it was an earring; no cufflinks were this small. "Since when do you wear cufflinks?" James asked.
"Since you decided to get married," Remus replied coolly. "I'm wearing them to the wedding on Saturday."
"Okay," Sirius said slowly. "But since when do you wear diamond cufflinks? No offense or anything, Moony, but I don't think diamond cufflinks are really included in your budget."
"They're heirlooms," Remus said. "My father's."
James and Sirius glanced at each other again. "All right," James said. "Then what was it doing under your coffee table?"
"And where's the other one?" Sirius added.
Remus chose to ignore these questions. "I'm going to go put this away," he announced, rising quickly from the sofa and heading down the short hall to his bedroom.
Sirius turned to James. "Think there's something he's not telling us?" he asked, almost rhetorically.
"Maybe he's having a midlife crisis," James suggested, reaching over to take a sip of Sirius's firewhiskey.
"At twenty?"
James shrugged, replacing the bottle and leaning back in his chair. "Stranger things have happened."
Sirius picked up the mirror again. "Speaking of midlife crisis…es…crisis's?"
"Crises," James supplied.
"Yes, that—where's Wormtail?"
"Late, I expect," Remus replied, emerging from the hallway and returning to his spot on the sofa. "He said he might be when I talked to him yesterday."
"What's his reason this time?" Sirius questioned, finally deciding that his hair looked acceptable and setting down the mirror. "A date? One of those mysterious 'previous engagements'? Is he ill, hungover, what?"
Remus shrugged. "I dunno," he answered. "He didn't say. Just said, 'Oh, hey, I might be late'. We didn't get to talk much."
"Where did you see him?"
"At the Three Broomsticks last night," Remus replied. "I was there to pick up—" He broke off, flushing immediately. He had been there, of course, to meet Hestia for a drink before going to his place, but of course he couldn't say that.
"A girl?" Sirius supplied deftly. "A girl who left her earring here?"
"Moony, you dog," James smirked.
Remus was flushing brilliantly. Admitting that there was a girl wouldn't do any harm, he told himself. He would just say he preferred not to talk about her… "Yeah," he said. "A girl."
Sirius and James started to make immature howling noises when they were interrupted by a crack, signaling Peter's arrival.
"Am I missing something?" Peter asked, dusting himself off for no apparent reason as he lowered himself into the other chair across from James's. "Happy…bachelor day," he added to James. "What do we call this, anyway?"
"Just call it 'happy three days before your wedding' and leave it at that," Remus said quickly, hoping that this interruption would be sufficient enough to distract James and Sirius from their new discovery.
No such luck. "You are missing something indeed, Peter," James said jovially. "Remus here's got a girl."
"Oh, yeah," Peter said, nodding. "The one from the pub."
Remus could've fallen over. He was positive that Peter had left before Hestia showed up. Admittedly, Peter had never been introduced to Hestia, so he didn't know who she was, really, but if he described her, Sirius would figure it out and James would spend his bachelor party digging Remus's grave. Oh, God.
"You saw her, then?" Sirius said delightedly.
Remus caught Peter's eye and shook his head a fraction of an inch on either side, trying to make his eyes send a message of impending doom Peter's way.
Peter got the message. "Not really," he lied. "I left when she got there."
"But you saw her," James pressed.
"It—it was dark," Peter said. "I didn't—I didn't get a good look at her."
"But you got a look at her," James kept on.
"Look," Peter said wearily, "if Remus doesn't want to talk about it, then I don't either, okay?"
Sirius shook his head, smiling. "You know what, Wormtail, that's your problem. You're just too loyal to your friends, you never let us have any fun."
A strange expression that none of them could read washed over Peter's face. "Yeah," he said darkly. "That's my problem."
"Well, maybe not your problem," James acknowledged. "But our problem."
Oh, the accuracy. "Yeah," Peter tried to smile. "Well, someone's got to keep you lot in line. Let's go look at strippers, shall we?"
"It really wasn't what you would call a romantic proposal," Lily insisted.
Charlotte sighed exasperatedly. "Come on, Lily. It was a proposal. It's still going to be more romantic than mine."
"You got a proposal?" Emily asked, surprised.
"No, that's the point," Charlotte clarified. "Just tell us, we won't laugh." She paused to think about this statement for a moment. "Well, if we do we're not laughing at you," she amended.
The three of them were sitting cross-legged on James and Lily's bed, wearing brightly patterned pajamas and eating mass amounts of junk food. It was very much like the sleepovers that Petunia used to have back at home, though this one was probably a lot more fun, seeing as how Petunia was not in attendance.
Lily reached for a Licorice Wand and pulled it apart so that she was holding a half in either hand. "I dunno," she said, biting a piece off of the half in her right hand and chewing thoughtfully. "He'd been acting very strange for about a month. He was always saying he had to ask me something, then he'd stutter for about an hour and a half before he could even talk. It was very much like we were sixteen again, which wasn't entirely pleasant. Anyway, he'd just say to forget it, and then bring up something else."
"How did you not know?" Emily asked. "I mean, I thought you guys knew each other really well."
"Yeah, well…I think I did sort of know, in the back of my mind. I guess I was just trying not to get my hopes up." She took another bite. "Or maybe I really didn't know and now that I do know, I'm thinking that I must have known." She paused. "Wow, spending way too much time with those boys."
"Anyway…" Charlotte prodded.
"Oh, yes!" Lily said, as though she had just remembered that she was telling a story. "Right. Okay. Um…" She thought for a moment, chewing on her licorice. "So before I left for work that day, he told me to meet him at this coffee shop that we sometimes go to. 'Six o' clock', he says. 'Don't be late. It's important.'
"So, of course, I'm still at work at 5:59 when Alice Longbottom comes in. Now, she's a nice lady, but she talks a lot. She started talking about…oh, I can't even remember what it was, but whatever it was, she was very passionate about it. Anyway, Alice is talking, and I'm trying to be polite, but I'm hardly listening to her. I'm staring at the clock on the wall behind her. I'd been late almost every time we set up a meeting lately—well, lately back then, does that make sense?" She didn't wait for an answer.
"We'd been fighting about it a little, and I knew that if I didn't get there pretty soon, we'd be fighting about it again tonight. That night. Whatever. I finally said goodbye to Alice but I was already fifteen minutes late. I Apparated to the coffee shop, and James is sitting there all by himself, looking like he could throw up at any minute. I apologize, and he sort of waves it off. He starts babbling, and I'm being stupid and antagonistic, interrupting him the whole time so he can hardly get a word in edgewise, and finally he just bursts out and says, 'I'm trying to ask you to marry me', and…" She shrugged. "I said 'yes', he passed me the ring, and that's about it."
"I've never seen an actual stripper before."
James, Remus, and Sirius all turned to Peter at the exact same time.
"But you've seen a lot of plastic ones?" Sirius smirked.
Peter blushed and swirled the ice cubes in his drink around with a stirring straw. "No," he said. "I'm just saying. I've never been to a strip club before."
The four of them were sitting right on front of the stage, the lights that ran all around it casting a bright pink sheen over their faces. They were holding equally brightly colored drinks, decorated with umbrellas and flowers, and James had a hat with "groom" emblazoned on it perched lopsidedly atop his head.
"Well," Sirius said, leaning back in his chair and sipping his drink contentedly, "that's because whenever we ask you to come you squeak for about forty years and then say 'no'."
Peter became extremely interested in the purple umbrella that came with his drink.
Remus, who was sitting next to James, elbowed the groom and said, "Enjoying yourself so far, Prongs?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" James said. "Although I hate this hat. I just hate hats in general, actually."
"No, no, Prongs," Sirius said from where he sat on the other side of James, "you have to wear the hat."
"Why?"
"Because once the girls see the hat with groom on it—"
"Assuming they can read," Remus cut in dryly.
Sirius ignored him and prattled on, "—they give you extra attention, and possibly free lap dances."
"But they still expect me to tip them, right?"
"As your friends," Remus said, "we are expected to do all the tipping, actually."
James frowned. "But the tipping's the best part," he said sadly.
"You like having your money taken away?" Peter asked incredulously.
"No," James responded, as though Peter were dense. "I like putting it in their knickers."
Sirius raised his drink. "As every self-respecting man should." He and James clinked their drinks together.
"Where are the girls, anyway?" Remus asked. "We've been here for fifteen minutes and I have yet to see a single schoolgirl."
James glanced at him curiously. "Schoolgirls, eh, Moony?"
Remus flushed. "It was an example," he muttered.
"Takes you back to the good old days, doesn't it, Moony?" Sirius teased. "Girls in skirts and stockings…lots of plaid…"
"Drink your cosmo, Sirius," Remus retorted.
Sirius grinned and cheerfully complied.
As if on cue, loud, obnoxious music started to play. Sirius released a doglike howl and Peter began to applaud a little over-enthusiastically as the shimmery curtain between backstage and the catwalk-like stage parted to reveal a girl with short blonde hair that she had curled and teased until it resembled a small cat. She was wearing a blue minidress, emphasis on the mini. She was also wearing a lot of purple lipstick and white spike heels. She spotted James's hat and grinned, sauntering in their direction.
Sirius howled even louder as the girl got down on her knees when she reached them. "Hi," she said in a low, seductive voice. "I'm Sandy."
"James," James told her, staring directly at her chest, which, thanks to her position; he had a full view of. "It's spiffing to meet you, Sandy."
She giggled and stood up again, twirling once before heading to a pole at the end of the stage. She hoisted herself onto it and spun herself around on it.
"That's an art, that is," Sirius commented.
"Seriously."
"I wonder how long it takes to learn how to do that?" Peter wondered aloud.
James flashed him a grin. "Why don't you go up there and find out, Wormtail?"
Peter was saved the indignity of answering as two girls—holding hands—stepped on stage. One, with long dark hair and a lot of dark lipstick, was wearing a red two-piece dress and a pair of devil ears. The other was blonde and wearing a white sparkly dress and angel wings.
"Themed stripping!" Sirius shouted. "Right up your alley, Moony!"
Remus put his face in his hands.
The angel and the devil began to dance with each other, causing all four boys to cheer raucously as another girl stepped onstage, wearing a shiny purple bra top and matching shorts. She, too, spotted James's groom hat and made her way towards them. As she grew closer, Remus noticed something…suspicious.
"Oh, my God!" he yelled, covering his eyes.
The girl, taking a slight offense at this, stalked away. James, Sirius, and Peter turned to him, glaring a little.
"What was that for?" James demanded. "She was going to give me a lap dance."
"That girl was not…a girl," Remus said.
The other three took a collective pause.
"What?" Peter finally said.
"Of course she's a girl, Moony," Sirius said. "You saw her chest."
"Yeah, I saw her chest," Remus responded. "But I also saw her…shorts."
Another pause.
"No way," James said uncertainly. "She's gotta be a girl."
"Wait until she…he…it turns around," Remus said. "Look at her…area and tell me she's not a guy."
"I don't really want to," Peter said softly.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'll look," he snapped. "God, you're all a bunch of pansies." He called for the girl, and she turned around.
Sirius dropped his empty glass.
"Who's up for a lot of really strong alcohol?" he asked, hurriedly grabbing his cloak.
As Emily shook up the bottle of pale pink nail polish she posed the question, "So what do you think those horrid boys are doing right now?"
Lily glanced at the clock on the wall. "11:30," she mused. "I'd say they're still looking at strippers."
Emily laughed and unscrewed the lid, swiping the excess polish on the lip of the bottle. "How can men stare at girls dancing around for hours at a time?"
"Easily," Charlotte responded. "Especially when the girls are taking their clothes off at the same time." She moistened her fingers and turned the page in the magazine she was reading.
Emily began to paint her index fingernail. "Yeah, I guess." She paused, apparently concentrating on the task at hand, when suddenly she said, "How much do you think strippers make, anyway?"
Both Charlotte and Lily looked up at her.
"You want to be a stripper, Em?" Charlotte asked, surprised. "I'm sure Mum will love that."
Emily flushed and dipped the brush back into the bottle of nail polish. "I don't want to be a stripper," she quickly assured them. "I was just wondering."
All three of them were quiet for a few moments, Charlotte reading her magazine, Emily painting her nails, and Lily picking lint off of her pajamas.
"It's probably a lot," Charlotte spoke up.
"Yeah," Lily agreed. "Because, think about it, for every day of the year, there's at least one wedding. And for almost every wedding, there's a stag night, right?"
"Right," Emily said.
"And where do best men take their friends for stag nights?"
"Strip clubs."
"Well, not all the time," Emily contradicted thoughtfully, starting in on her right hand. "I dated a guy once who went to a bachelor party at an ice cream shop." She paused, stopping mid-paint and thinking about this. "Actually, now that I think about it, that was probably a lie."
The three of them laughed at that and returned to their activities. Emily finished her nails and moved on to her toes. Lily started to brush her hair. Charlotte abandoned her first magazine and found another. They continued silently like this for about twenty minutes, and Lily was halfway asleep when a shriek from Charlotte jerked her awake.
"What?" she asked dazedly. "What's the matter?"
Charlotte didn't seem hurt but was pointing at something in the magazine. "That's your boyfriend!"
Lily leaned in, mildly interested. "Oh, yeah," she said casually. "That Witch Weekly? Yes, that's from about two years ago."
"Your boyfriend was one of the Most Eligible Bachelors," Charlotte said, "and you never told us?"
Lily raised an eyebrow. "It was a long time ago. James got quite a kick out of it though. A girl asked him to sign her copy once and he wouldn't shut up about it for about a month."
Emily laughed at that. "That's funny," she said. "I'm actually picturing that situation right now, and it's rather enjoyable."
"Sirius was furious," Lily told Charlotte. "He'd been on it for two years before that and he was convinced that James stole his spot that year. It was all right, though, because Sirius got the cover the next year."
"The cover?!"
"Yes," Lily replied, nodding shortly. "Now that was funny. Although slightly unbearable."
"I thought only really famous people got the covers," Emily said, painting her last toe and screwing the lid back on the bottle. "Like authors and inventors and singers."
"Sirius dated the editor for a while," Lily replied. "She was much too old for him, but he liked her well enough. And he got the cover out of it, so all is well, I guess."
"That's mean," Charlotte said. "Dating someone just to get something."
"He didn't even know she was the editor of Witch Weekly until their third date," Lily said defensively.
"Well, James looks very attractive here, doesn't he?" Charlotte asked, holding up the magazine.
Lily grinned mischievously. "Why, yes, Charlotte, I believe he does."
The 'horrid boys' were not still at the strip club. As a matter of fact, they had rather lost their taste for strip clubs and had vowed never to go into one again. They were, at this present time, sitting at the bar of the Hog's Head, sipping their first firewhiskeys of the night and reminiscing about their school days, when they would sneak out of school on Friday nights and drink.
"Remember," Sirius was saying, "Prongs's fifteenth birthday?"
"The fifteen shots?" James asked, smirking. "How could I forget?"
"Well, you don't remember anything of it except what we've told you, so I'd say, pretty easily," Remus responded, sniffing his drink suspiciously before taking a cautious sip. He'd never cared much for the stuff, but James had ordered a round without asking what anyone else wanted.
"I don't really remember," Peter frowned.
"That's because you were totally plastered and spend most of that night throwing up in the loo," Sirius told him, grinning. "But it's a good story, so let us refresh your memory, shall we? All right, Prongs decided that he would have fifteen shots, one for each year he was alive, right?"
"I'm not daft," Peter said crossly. "I do remember that." He paused. "Vaguely."
Sirius ignored him. "But he was only fifteen, didn't have quite the tolerance for it he thought he did. Passed out cold, right here on the bar. Remus here had to carry him back to the castle under the invisibility cloak while I stayed here with you. He came back for us later."
"And then I failed a Transfiguration test the next day," James said fondly, "because I was so hungover." He sighed reminiscently, smiling. "Good times."
"For you," Remus contradicted darkly. "I was the one who had to carry you all the way back to the castle. And then while I was taking you up to the dorms, you came to and decided to take off the cloak and perform the song of your Quidditch team for me. And you woke up the Head Girl, so she came down and was very interested to know why you were hanging off my neck and calling me 'sugar'."
James grinned. "And what did you tell her?"
"That you had been on the receiving end of a very faulty Cheering Charm," Remus responded, taking another careful sip of his drink. "I could tell she didn't believe me."
"Why? That was a pretty good excuse."
"Yes, well, you kind of ruined it when you threw up on her slippers," Remus said coolly. "I got a detention."
Sirius looked up, surprised. "You got a detention?" he asked. "I don't remember that. Why not Prongs?"
"She could tell he was drunk and said that the hangover the next morning was punishment enough. She also forbid me from doing any charms on him to alleviate the pain."
James yawned. "I think I'm getting old," he announced. "I'm already tired."
Sirius pushed his drink away from him. "I'm too disturbed to even drink," he said.
"Hey!" Peter exclaimed. "We promised that we were never going to speak of it again."
"Sorry," Sirius mumbled.
"Now I'm thinking about it," Peter sulked. "I'm going to have nightmares tonight thanks to you, Sirius. Why didn't you ask if they had transsexual strippers?"
"Because I didn't want transsexual strippers!"
"The club was called 'Leggs', Sirius," Remus pointed out. "That should've tipped you off."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "How would that tip me off? It's not like it was called 'Hairy Leggs' or 'Hey, Guess What's Between My Leggs'. That would have tipped me off. Just 'Leggs' wouldn't. And didn't."
"Let's just go home, shall we?" James suggested quickly.
"Where's everyone headed?" Peter asked, standing up and shrugging on his cloak.
"I'm going to my place," Sirius said. "Prongs, are you coming?"
"Yeah," James responded, yawning again. "I've got Lily's friends camping out in my bedroom, so…"
Sirius, for once, ignored the obvious joke that was there and moved on to Remus. "Moony? You want to come?"
Remus shook his head. "Nah, that's okay."
"Wormtail?"
Peter also declined, so they said their goodbyes and Apparated away.
A/N: I must give credit where credit is due…I got the idea for the stripper being…less than female from Love, Actually, which is really great…the name of the strip club was from the blink-182 video for "The Rock Show"…I think that's it.
Anyway, now that that's out of the way…
This didn't really turn out to be as funny as I intended it to be, and for that I apologize. However, you guys usually like even what I don't, which is nice.
Two more chapters left!