Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, etc. Just borrowing.

Warning: Don't think there's any spoilers, but you never know. Read up to 227 in the manga when this chapter was finished.

Chapter 6: Fugue

Nara Ino was naturally worried. The father of her child was gone on a Class A mission, possibly a bolster operation for the suicide mission to the war-torn land of the Southern Crack. She remembered the land from an old mission before. Its capital city lay upon the shadows of a monstrous, sheer rock face that towered and spread for miles. It truly did look like a crack on the continent, two slabs of earth wrenched apart vertically. The Nameless ones were rumored to hide beyond that sheer cliff, on the blizzard-plagued mountain range that created natural boundaries on the south and west of the Southern Crack country.

The two-week time frame given for the original mission was a farce, Ino knew. The assassination was probably done by now, if at all, though everyone kept tight-lipped about details and the news traveled slow among the lay. Two weeks was a reasonable amount of time to expect the teams to arrive back in Konohagakure no Sato, but it was not reasonable to expect at all. For all she knew, Shikamaru could have left with a team of hunter-nins to retrieve the bodies of fallen comrades.

Ino chose to be unreasonable and calmed herself with cheerful assurance: they would all return, sooner or later, perhaps aided by one of her Shika's miraculous tactical saves.

Sakura, on the other hand, after outgrowing her girlish obsession with romanticism, was probably being reasonable. Ino could practically feel terror emanating from the other woman, a sort of anticipatory grieving. To her credit, Sakura wasn't that obvious about it. Ino only knew from being alone with her for days.

She did not, however, expect Sakura to snap so soon.

It didn't even register in her mind, at first, that Sakura was laughing by herself in the bathroom. When a particularly brittle peal caught her attention, Ino nearly choked on her peas. Now, that's over the hill, she thought. Giggling over something remembered was one thing, but Sakura was laughing so hard she sounded like an injured hyena.

Ino stood up and ran to the bathroom.

Sakura was howling alright. It was not out of hilarity.

The door was locked.

"Dammit, Sakura! Don't do anything stupid," Ino screamed through the crying. "Open the door!"

The door remained shut. Ino could only assume that Sakura had not done anything stupid—she could imagine several gory possibilities----since the weeping continued. There was no need to break down her own bathroom door, after all, Ino decided, so she desisted the pounding. Eventually, Sakura's wails trickled into a cycle of sobs, sniffles, and hiccoughs.

And then silence.

"Sakura?" Ino asked sharply.

There came no reply. Ino began cursing under her breath. She disappeared into her bedroom, came back with her ninja utility belt, and picked the lock.

"Sakura?"

"Zzzzz..." came the answer from the form slouched against the lidded toilet bowl.

Seeing as she couldn't carry the sleeping girl to a more comfortable place, given that she was already carrying added weight about her girth, Ino studied her surroundings more thoroughly. She quickly sighted the paraphernalia scattered on the sink area. What she saw made things clearer for her—too clear, in fact. She knew that she had inadvertently breeched the other's privacy.

"Oh my god," she mouthed. "Sakura-chan?"

Sakura-chan? Pregnant? Ino had no idea that she even... Not that it was any of her business. But still—

She picked up the tester from where it had fallen on the floor, bending laboriously.

Ino facefaulted.

"This is too much," she burst out. "Really! All this melodrama for.... Mou!"

She bended again and shook her friend firmly.

"Sakura. Sakura, you idiot," she said. "Wake up."

Sakura stirred. Slowly, her eyes opened and blinked a few times.

"What?" she asked gruffly.

"Arg!" Ino stamped her foot. "Get up. Just get up first. I don't like seeing you slumped like that on the floor. You look like a mangled cor—Aurgh! Get up!"

Sakura did as she was told shakily. Upon standing, her eyes fell to the mess she made in the little bathroom. Her jaw began to quiver.

"Oh, no you're not!" Ino whipped her around and gave her a hard shake. "You're not gonna cry again."

"Ino-chan---"

"You're not pregnant, stupid. You read it wrong. It's a negative."

Sakura's jaw still shook, and hot tears began sliding down her cheeks. At least, she wasn't wailing like a banshee, anymore, only hugging herself as her body was racked with stifled sobs.

After a stymied moment—and nearly jumping out of her skin—Ino roughly embraced her friend.

"I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions, forehead-girl," she murmured almost grudgingly. "Come back to the dinner table with me. I'll listen, if you want to let it out."

Sakura nodded against her hold. Ino sighed and lead the way.

Later, after sitting in silence for nearly half an hour, Sakura briefly explained that on the eve of the commencement of the Southern Crack mission, she had slept with Uchiha Sasuke and had been consumed by the possibility of that union bearing fruit for almost a week now. Ino was still confused after her quiet explanation.

"I understand you were worried about the suicide mission and the fact that he could have knocked you up, but you weren't crying out of relief a while ago."

"I haven't really sorted it out yet." Sakura sighed, confusion rampant in her voice. "I guess I'm relieved, too. And happy. Because... Because of many reasons. But now, I feel...disappointed."

"The mildest term anybody would come up with," Ino said dryly.

"And terrified, and sad, and guilty."

"Guilty?"

"I didn't realize I wanted it that badly."

"Sasuke's child?"

"And Sasuke himself, I suppose. It's—Maybe it's like having a part of him for my own finally. I'm selfish like that. And terror that I've lost my last chance of having that at least, what with this mission and all, the fact that they're still not here."

"But Sakura, it's not like you raped Sasuke. He would have to face a consequence like that, too. And it's not like---"

"It's not like he'll die?" Sakura laughed. "I don't think he'd mind that much, if it happens."

"What?" Ino retorted. "You think he boned you as a goodbye present, some sort of suicide note?"

"No, I don't," replied Sakura quietly.

Ino sighed, willing herself to be patient. It was hard to do, what with the desire to smack her friend senseless and the desire to smother her with a bear-hug and cry for her pain warring in Ino's chest. "Why do you think he did it then?" she asked instead.

"I asked him to do it. I asked him that night. He owed me, and he paid up. And maybe subconsciously I was already planning then." Sakura smiled bitterly. "Maybe I had subconsciously done that, hoping I'd have something to blackmail him with, you know, a leash to tie him down to me. Maybe I really am a conniving bitch."

Ino didn't know what to say. Having used the spirit replacement technique on Sakura before, she knew how twisted the pink-haired kunoichi could be. Beyond the weird notions of self-incrimination, Ino felt the sick guilt drip from each word she heard. Guilt for what, she wondered. For simply wanting, for simply wanting to be loved back?

What could she say to that? Anything, anything she'd say would be empty words, useless platitudes.

"I wasn't thinking of consequences, either. I wasn't able to... think past the drive. I nearly went crazy when I first realized the possibility. I mean, my parents, my career. I'd be set back again and not be able to take the next jounin qualifying exams. And of course, there's the rumors, the gossips, the judgements. I'd be ostracized, shunned. And the responsibility: a child!

"I didn't want that, I swear. I'm not sure I do, even now, but there's a certain ache that yearns. It's stupid. I guess, I can't accept the fact that I'm that obsessed with having a piece of him finally, despite what I would lose or he would lose. Especially now that he has gone to his death. And I can't even accept this idea... 'cause I can't accept he's dead. I simply can't---"

"Of course you can't," Ino snapped in a horrible voice. "We haven't gotten news from any of them. Until then---"

"We keep faith." Sakura's smile shone true then.

"And when Mr. Sasuke Uchiha returns, you two are going to have to talk, dammit." Ino bared her teeth viciously. "You can't play mind games forever. It's fun, I suppose----if you get off on S&M! But a relationship----"

"Isn't built on mistrust and manipulation."

Ino gritted her teeth, her exasperation wearing her thinning patience. "You're being unfair to yourself!"

"Perhaps, I deserve it. You do realize, don't you, that if I hadn't gotten lucky, a child would have also destroyed his life? He didn't want that. He told me so. He didn't want liabilities. And yet, knowing that, part of me still want that. It's disgusting."

"He told you he doesn't want a family?"

"If you were him, would you? After all that happened to him?"

"He told you he couldn't love you, then?"

Sakura looked as bewildered as Ino felt.

"All right," said Ino. "I suppose that's an unfair question coming from any of us. You can't help loving those asses you used to run around with at fifteen, trying not to get killed. It's a unique bond. When physical attraction kicks in, that's when things get messy."

"All those years.... Sometimes, I think I worry about him out of obligation. There's none of the reward thing Shikamaru keeps ragging about." She paused. "That's simply it. Ino-chan, do you realize? I played myself into this. That time I pursued him idiotically, it was just a crush, was a curable thing. See, all that time with him has shattered my misconceptions, my delusions, my daydreams. But how could have I known....that it would come to this? Now, I can't detach myself, even though I know it'll destroy me."

"S-sakura-chan..." Ino stared at the green orbs floating on those dark circles of flesh, speechless.

"Ino-chan," Sakura continued bitterly. "That day Iruka-sensei separated us into our genin cells, you were the real winner."

Now what could she say to that?

"This." Sakura pointed to herself. "I did this to myself."

That did it. Ino couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop it!" she cried, eyes shutting momentarily, breathing hard. "Stop... Okay? Just stop."

Jaw set angrily, Ino shook her head, glaring at the her friend's pallid knuckles kneading one another. "Sakura, you're shocked and guilty over a realization you had. On top of that, you're scared shitless over that icy bastard who still hasn't come home with that lazy-ass husband of mine." Despite her best efforts to control herself, her desperate attempts to explain, to counter things said, her words deteriorated into a heated rant. " I didn't know this... I didn't know that bastard had affected you this much. How could I have missed this? How could I have missed seeing how much he fucked you up!" Her voice throbbed with a fierce wave of protectiveness. She had to pause to swallow the urge to march out the village, to hunt for the said bastard, to maim and brutalize.

In a calmer voice, she then continued. "I think you should just sleep for now. And tomorrow, you'll tell me objectively, whether or not you planned this whole circus, or that you've snapped, or... or... Augh!"

"..."

"Will you promise me that?"

"I don't know."

"If you say yes, I'll let you moon around for a few days, and I won't even lecture you."

Sakura blinked her eyes tiredly. "Yes."

And so, Ino escorted Sakura to bed. When the latter finally drifted to sleep, Ino sighed to herself.

"My head hurts," she murmured plaintively.

A few moments later, she went back to her own room and slept through the storm raging outside.

The next day brought a lovely morning, the sort that had a crystalline glow about it, brought about by the raindrops that fell last night and now coated all surfaces exposed. Children were out and about again after being caged like animals for the past several afternoons, ecstatic about their current freedom.

A young woman of about twenty-four walked briskly through the muddy streets, skillfully avoiding dripping roofs, trickling drain spouts, dirty little urchins bent on emptying their chosen puddles by splashing mud on passers-by, and the jostling pupils of the Ninja Academy on their way to their classes.

Several minutes ago, this woman didn't even have plans of getting out of bed. Her friend, with whom she was staying with, managed to drive her out of that sulk through guilt, unintentionally or not.

The pregnant kunoichi was up and about bright and early, busying herself with preparing an "extra special breakfast." Sakura, who had woken up blankly and dully, wasn't too thrilled and frankly didn't give a damn. When Ino started rattling off the items in her prospective menu, Sakura's stomach roiled violently and enthusiastically regurgitated age-old.... stuff, together with gastric juice. The bitter taste it branded on her tongue and throat was enough to bring her back to her senses: she was in the Nara's bathroom, slumped over the toilet bowl and puking her belly out. She had been moping around for the last thirty-four hours.

Her thoughts moved slowly enough. No matter how lugubrious she was, her mind still whispered, "Why has he not come?" or " Where the hell is he?" over and over again. It was the anxiety that was killing her; it took every ounce of her willpower to keep her very molecules together, to keep from dissolving to bits. She didn't have enough energy to drive away the evil notions that plagued her, to just stand up and shake away the irrationality. They wickedly remained, nesting in her hair, weighing in her viscera. The only reason she hadn't resorted to alcohol was that she knew, somewhere in that mess that was her head, that Ino would be sorely tempted to join her.

That and she didn't have enough cash for booze.

She was tired and had remained in the bathroom for a while. Ino continued to cook outside, occasionally cursing when little mishaps occurred. A few minutes later, the phone rang. Sakura deduced one of her parents was on the line, probably checking on her. Ino was brilliant. She managed to keep her temper and Sakura's real condition undisclosed.

Ino was a brick, probably the only solid thing she was capable of perceiving at the moment.

"No matter what the situation is, a shinobi must put all emotion aside... must posses a heart that never shows tears."

She admired Ino. Ino could live to that, even now. But Ino wouldn't be able to hold for the misery of two women. It's not fair to burden her that way. If anything, it should be the other way around. She, Sakura, should be the strong pillar for her friend, Nara Ino, an expectant mother separated from her husband by his duties and by circumstance.

And so, fifteen minutes later, Sakura was standing by the kitchen table, bathed and dressed in her uniform, and shoving down two pieces of bread, bulging with scrambled eggs, cheese, and ham, down her throat. Her tongue was singed a bit, for she fished the said food fresh from the frying pan. It was pretty much worth it, seeing Ino's astonished expression.

That and her stomach was rumbling like drums.

"Sakura-chan," she stammered, as Sakura drank the last of her milk. "You're going on a mission? I mean-----now?"

"Yeah," Sakura answered with a smile. "Like you said, there's no sense in waiting around and wasting time."

"I did say that," Ino admitted thoughtfully. "I didn't realize it sounded that profound, though."

Sakura rolled her eyes playfully. "I'm sorry, though," she added, turning serious.

"What for?"

"I guess, you'll have to deal with your mother for a while."

Ino's brow twitched. "You just had to remind me of that, didn't you?" She harrumphed and turned her back on the other ninja. "Go on, scat! Get out of here."

"By the way," said Sakura as she walked to the main door. "I didn't plan it; it just happened. But I don't care anymore. As long as he comes back alive."

The blond jounin smirked. "I knew you didn't have the guts to seduce anybody----not that you have enough equipment for that operation."

Sakura stopped and turned back to her friend dubiously. "And you do?" Then her eyes fell to the other's burgeoning belly. "Oh, right. Point taken."

"Hey!"

Sakura only smiled at her. "Thank you, Ino-pig."

Ino snorted. "Kick ass today, forehead girl."

And that's exactly what she planned to do.

Soon enough, she was in the steadily busy office of mission assignment and reporting, milling about with the enthusiastic genins garnering their list of missions for the day.

The Godaime Hokage was there, too, though not quite as perky as the pubescent novices. One thing Tsunade had yet to get the hang of over the years was the complicated sleeping schedule demanded by her position. Sometimes, she still snoozed on cozy little stacks of urgent paper work, especially after grueling meetings that last all night.

"Good morning, Sakura," the Hokage greeted with a yawn. "Back so soon?"

"It's been three days, Hokage-sama. Don't tell me I ran out of assignments again."

"Heh." Tsunade scratched an ear. "Can't always get away with that, you know."

"It's nice to hope."

"Well-rested?"

"Very."

"Good." The Hokage unfurled a list of B-class missions. "Any special requests?"

"Long, hard, and grueling, Hokage-sama."

"Like Jiraiya's." Tsunade smirked. "Porno novels, I mean. Spoken like a true Leaf ninja."

Spoken like a coward, more like it. Sakura was sick of the thoughts plaguing her. She could have stayed with Ino; the Hokage would understand. She didn't think she could survive another day of idle, however. Trying to dodge deadly projectiles and what-nots tended to keep ones mind off distant happenings. Besides, she had already missed an entire work day yesterday. She had confined herself to her room, not even bothering to send messages to her parents or to the people in charge. Ino had only knocked twice on her door that day, both times offering food and self. Sakura ate a bite once for her sake; the fierce code to take care of ones comrade was so ingrained in her, it broke through her depression.

The blond woman even took it upon herself to inform the pertinent people of Sakura's indisposition. The Harunos were informed that their daughter was a little sick, nothing serious, of course. She bravely insisted that there be no visitors, too, for which Sakura was eternally grateful. The Hokage's office was informed, as well. Even though Ino didn't say anything, the Godaime probably knew that Sakura's illness had something to do with Uchiha Sasuke. Sakura was surprised she wasn't getting the pep talk yet.

Presently, the others in her team arrived. The Hokage delivered the briefing, with Sakura fiercely attending to her every word.

"All right," the Hokage finished. "Just remember, people, that your radio equipment will be destroyed by debugging devices. Disable them before reaching the borders, please. Budget's a little tight, nowadays. Anyway, I have given you your mission. Estimated time of commencement: 0800 hours. Gambatte."

The team collectively nodded and went off to gather supplies and arms. Sakura was last to flit away, for the Hokage caught at her sleeve as the others disappeared.

"Be well, child," was all she said.

Sakura returned her gaze, nodded once, and left.

October 2nd came. Ino had not yet murdered any member of her family. Sakura still kept her precious sanity.

The five consecutive B missions she had taken on the past two days helped, of course.

That afternoon, she had been haggling with Tsunade and Iruka-sensei for another mission. Iruka-sensei bellowed at her like a bullfrog and ordered her to go home and eat supper like a normal ninja. That would leave a gaping monstrosity of several hours before bedtime, however. Besides, she wasn't that tired yet----not enough for her to collapse in bed and head right off to sleep. She wheedled for a quick little mission to fill that time. Tsunade said she had to rest her pulled back muscle (she injured herself in her second mission that day) or the damage would worsen. Her flawless arguments fell to deaf ears—not that they were intentionally being rude. A messenger had puffed into the Hokage's presence without warning, bearing tidings.

"A party of ninjas are coming. They'd reach the gates in ten minutes."

Tsunade nodded once. "I'll be there. I don't have to tell you to be wary."

"Yes." The man disappeared.

"I'll accompany you, Hokage-sama," Sakura said doggedly.

"Go home, Sakura," said Iruka, equally persistent. "That's the ANBU's job."

"Their job is to shadow the Hokage. I'm company. A pleasant one."

Iruka-sensei opened his mouth.

"Leave her alone, Iruka," interrupted Tsunade.

"But Hokage-sama—! She's sounding more and more like Naruto daily. She doesn't heal or rejuvenate spontaneously like he does."

"By the way, sensei," said Sakura. "Where is Naruto?"

"I have no idea. Last I—you're changing the subject!"

"Go home to your wife, Iruka," said the hokage patiently.

"But Hokage-sama!"

"That's an order, mister."

And so, Tsunade and Sakura walked together to the village gates and up a watch tower. The sky was pinking by then. The sun shot a reddish orange to all it saw.

Sakura was somewhat surprised when an excited Ino came bounding towards her.

"Did you hear, Sakura?" she demanded. "It's them."

"Hokage-sama?" Sakura turned to the older kunoichi for confirmation, not even daring to hope.

"We shall see," Tsunade said simply. "Ino, calm down. Keep your head and stop imagining things."

"Yes," Ino said, abashed. "I'm sorry, Hokage-sama."

"I was warning you not to kill yourself, baka." Tsunade wrinkled her nose at her good-naturedly. "Thank me, instead of apologizing."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama."

"You, too, Sakura."

"What?" Sakura asked dazedly.

The Godaime sighed ruefully. "My point exactly."

Soon enough, five bedraggled ninjas came into view, all wearing masks. The guards impassively waited by the door, as the newcomers approached. The sentries weren't the only ones waiting; an unseen assemblage was scattered in the proximity, tensed like an plucked bow, ready to go off at a blink of an eye.

Sakura sought him among the remains of the two teams. There was a man in a make-shift litter, attended to by a medic. He was not this man, she decided with a guilty sigh of relief. She recognized him as one of those who carried the patient, recognized him easily by his stand, by his gait, by his hair.

Her fist tightened its hold on itself. It wasn't enough.

Finally, the group stopped. Fifty meters from the compound, each removed their masks to reveal the familiar faces of comrades.

If possible, the atmosphere condensed to further increase the pressure. Everyone breathed carefully, treaded softly, waited for a trick, an ambush.

Sakura wasn't paying attention to the wary goings-on. She was staring at Sasuke—not that much has changed with him. He was tall enough, somewhat slim, but not to the point of emaciation. Quietly muscled, but that she knew from being at close contact with him, not by seeing. His face was still impassive and pale, a little bloody, perhaps. He was bandaged in several places, nowhere alarming. The symbol of his clan was nowhere to be found on his person.

Her heart nearly stopped when she thought he looked to her direction. He must be feeling her eyes on him with that weird sixth sense even non-ninjas had. She hid herself better, taking her fill of his sight from the shadows of the deepening twilight.

To see him was enough. To be able to verify for herself that he still breathed... That was enough.

She didn't realize she was crying.

Finally, she tore her eyes away from Sasuke, for she was drowning in the whirlpool of emotions he elicited. The sentries were relaying to the Hokage a message: no one else would come. Tsunade nodded gravely.

Sakura scanned the faces of the survivors. One of the kunoichi in the group was Tenten, it dawned on her. So Shikamaru's team did meet up with the assassins.

Ino was shaking beside her. Sakura was late in realizing this, but she wasted no time when she did, not even bothering to wipe her soiled face. She was by Ino in a flash, had the half-fainting, expectant mother out of there swiftly.

Thus, she did not see Uchiha Sasuke staring at the empty spot she had been standing on earlier, did not see how he stared at the spot for a very long time, lost in thoughts.

0225hrs 082404 rewritten 0028hrs 082804

AN: Thanks to seiyo for prereading this chapter.
The ninja saying was taken from chapter 31 of the manga, from the translation at NarutoFan.