Episode Six "Misconceptions & Miscommunications"
Drue tossed and turned in his bed. He couldn't sleep and it wasn't the first time this had occurred. Every night since he had walked away from Jen had been spent thinking of her, missing her. It had been a week and he still hadn't spoken to her, still hadn't seen her.
He closed his eyes and he could see her face. The look of hurt on her face as he turned and walked away. He couldn't get it out of his mind. She called and she left messages but he remained unresponsive. He had to stay strong. He couldn't let her back in. There was no point.
He was leaving for New York in a week. His plan to fight against his Dad just seemed pointless. Why fight something that was inevitable? Eventually he would have to leave Jen. Why not make it easier?
Jen pulled the covers over her head, trying to block out the morning sunlight. Wanting to block out the world. She didn't think she could face it. She didn't want to. Not without him.
He walked away from her and she didn't even know why. She didn't understand. According to him she never did. She kept replaying that day in her mind. From the moment she woke up in his arms to him walking away from her and not looking back. She couldn't figure out what she had done wrong.
She called him that night and for the next two days but still no response. After that she had pulled herself together and decided she wasn't going to call anymore. Not that she really pulled herself together. Spending most of her day in bed did not qualify as normal Jen Lindley behavior.
She just wished she knew what had gone wrong. What she had done wrong. And right now she just wished she could disappear under her covers and not have to face the world.
-&-
"You can't hide in your room forever, Valentine." Pacey opened Drue's curtains and attempted to pull off his covers, but Drue just held them tighter.
"Watch me!" He turned over, burying his head in his pillow.
"I realize you're in the middle of a little fight with Jen but I don't think risking your grades over it is very clever. You know how easily they can kick you out of college."
"Screw you, Pacey. I don't need you babysitting me." Drue turned angrily. Pacey just put up his hands in defense.
"Jeez. Sorry for caring." Pacey paused and looked at Drue's face. He had bags under his eyes and looked really drained. Pacey hadn't seen much of Drue lately, but he knew something was wrong. When he got home from work Drue was usually locked in his room and didn't come out. This had been going on for a week now and Pacey still hadn't managed to find out what had happened. "It's not just a little fight is it?" Pacey said, in a softer tone.
"It doesn't matter." He turned away from Pacey, looking out of the window.
"Obviously it does. Jen's really upset and so are you." Drue tensed, not needing to hear about how he upset Jen. That was partially why he hadn't even wanted to see her. He didn't want to see the damage he's caused.
"Aren't you going to be late for work?"
"No. Look Drue, I know we're not the best of friends. But if something's wrong you can tell me." Drue just sat there, not looking at Pacey, not saying anything. Finally Pacey sighed, heading towards the door.
"I screwed up." Drue suddenly responded just as Pacey was about to leave.
"I gathered that. I didn't really think Jen screwed up." Pacey joked but all he got was a glare from Drue.
"She screwed up too." Drue sighed. "Except her screw up was much less monumentally damaging than mine."
"You're starting to sound like Dawson."
"Damn." Drue smiled slightly. "I'm moving. To New York."
"What?" Pacey was definitely shocked. "Why?"
"There's nothing here for me anymore."
"Right. So you decided this before or after you had the big fight with Jen?" Pacey looked skeptical.
"Look, I don't need this Witter."
"Yeah, you do need this. Because for some reason Jen Lindley seems to care about you and you're just going to throw that away because you had a little fight?"
"It's not that." Drue sighed, knowing he would have to explain now. "My Dad, he's moving back to New York and his latest venture requires him to give off the impression of a family man. So of course he asks his one and only son, the one he doesn't even give a damn about to just get up and move there too."
"He said that to you?"
"Well he didn't exactly put it that way. But I know my Dad. If he had it his way he would never see me again, so since he said I have to move with him, it must be something business related."
"So you just decided to listen to him and go?" Pacey rose his eyebrows.
"No. There was no way I was gonna go. But I didn't know what I was going to do. I was just really pissed at my Dad and I kind of took it out on Jen."
"So apologize. Tell her you're sorry. She'll understand."
"I just think it's better if I left. She doesn't need me."
"I think you should let Jen decide. I know Jen and she'll hate you for making a decision for her instead of talking to her about it and deciding together." Pacey looked at his watch, knowing that now he would be late for work. "Just think about it, Valentine." Pacey said sincerely. "Now get out of bed and do some work," he ordered, jokily.
"You wish." Drue smiled, getting back under the covers.
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"You know trying to sleep while blasting this music isn't very clever." He walked over and turned down the volume of her 'angry chick music'.
"Le me 'lone." Jen mumbled from way under the covers.
"Sorry, no can do. As you're best friend it is my job to get you out of this funk you've been in." Jack pulled on her covers and she finally sat up.
"I'm not in a funk. I like to think of it as being removed from reality." Jen grabbed her remote and put the music volume back up a little.
"Whatever it is. You can't stay in bed all day."
"Watch me." Jen stuck her tongue out at Jack, smiling for the first time. She just sat there for a few seconds, trying to face the day. "He's not going to call, is he?"
"I don't know, Jen."
"It's because it's him. I should have known."
"Known what?"
"That he would hurt me."
"Jen, I don't know what's going on with him. But whatever it is I know it's not something you did. It's something he's dealing with. And even though it hurts, it's something he needs to deal with alone."
"He shouldn't have to be alone. That's what I get for being in love with a stubborn moron." Jack smiled at what she said and Jen looked confused. "What?"
"You said 'in love with'." Jack pointed out and Jen realized she hadn't even noticed she said it.
"Well not right now. Right now I'm in the thick of pissed off."
"He's gonna have to work for it then?"
"Oh yeah." Jen grinned and then looked sad. "That's if he even wants to work for it. Right now it seems like he's forgotten that I even exist."
"He'll come around. If he doesn't he's as stupid as we first thought." Jack grinned, as he stood up. "Now are you going to go to your lessons or what?"
"I don't think so. I just need a bit of time." Jack smiled, understanding.
"I'm just down the hall if you need me." He leaned over and hugged her tightly.
"Thanks Jack."
-&-
"I'm starting to think I should have taken that stalking joke a little more seriously." Pacey grinned as he approached the marina.
"You're late!" Sarah shook her head, looking at her watch.
"And here I thought I was my own boss." Pacey joked. "So what brings you hear? Is this another one of those 'just dropped by to say hi' things. 'Cause what would that be then, the 5th time this week?" Pacey joked.
"Well if you don't enjoy my company you could have said so. Plenty more people out there." Sarah joked.
"I never said that."
"That's what I thought. But actually I do have a reason for today's visit."
"Really?" Pacey looked skeptical.
"Yes. So here it is. There's a really nice new restaurant opening on the edge of town. Italian I think. My Dad managed to get me and one person of my choice onto the very busy list."
"So you want me to be that person?" Pacey asked and she nodded. "Like a date?"
"Duh, Pacey. Come on. It'll be fun. We'll go. We'll eat. And if you really don't enjoy it I promise to stop what you seem to deem stalkerist behavior." Pacey thought for a second. Why was it the first person that came to his mind when thinking about it was Joey? Even though he wasn't with Joey it still felt like he was being unfaithful to her or something. But it shouldn't. They both had to move on. She had and it was time he did too.
"Sure. What time is it?" Sarah smiled and started giving him details as he tried to convince himself he was making the right choice.
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"Knock, knock." Joey opened the door to Jack's room and looked inside. He wasn't there, so she was about to turn and leave, but she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. "Oh God! Jack you scared me!" she shrieked as she turned to face him.
"Sorry Jo." He walked into his room and she followed. "Was there something you wanted?"
"No. Just thought I would come and see you. Where did you go?"
"I had a lecture. Dropped by Jen's on my way there. She's not doing too well." Jack said sadly.
"Yeah. I can't believe Drue broke up with her. They were so happy together. Does anyone know why?" Joey asked, truly worried. "Jen said he didn't say much that night. And no one's really talked to him since."
"I know. I spoke to Pacey and he said Drue was moping about just like Jen, but wasn't really talking to him. He said he would try and find out what happened."
"Oh good. I was thinking of going to Drue's, but maybe I'll see what happened with Pacey first."
"Cool. So how are things with you and Pacey?"
"Fine. Wonderful. Everything's just peachy." Joey said sarcastically.
"Woah. I thought things were okay with you guys."
"They are."
"Let me guess. That's the problem?" Jack realized what Joey was saying.
"I always thought that the point of us hanging out and getting comfortable again was to get back to a point where we would be together again."
"But you think he's not thinking the same?"
"I don't know what he's thinking. I mean we're friends. We hang out. I think it's as comfortable as it's going to be with us. But I feel like I'm just pining away for him while he's happy just being friends."
"You want him to want more."
"I want him to want me!" Joey blabbed.
"He does."
"How do you know? How do you know he's not just comfortable being friends? I think it's pretty obvious I want him back so…"
"Maybe it's not," Jack interrupted. "Maybe he doesn't know you want him back. Maybe it's time you reminded him."
"You think?" Joey asked, thinking about it. If she wanted him back she had to tell him. "Thanks Jack."
"No problem."
-&-
Jen walked along the beach, taking in the smell of the fresh air. She had been cooped up in her dorm room for the better part of the week, thinking about Drue. After Jack had gone, she decided that she just needed to get out and think for a while.
She didn't understand how Drue could ends things just like that. There was no explanation or reason. In one day they went from being pretty close to blissful to breaking up and not talking to each other. Obviously something else was going on. She didn't believe that Drue would break up with her over something as little as going to get some coffee.
But she didn't know what that other thing could be. Drue wouldn't talk to her. She had called and called and he hadn't answered. She gave up, not knowing what else she could do.
It was weird to think how much she missed him and wanted him back when all she had wanted when he first arrived in Capeside was for him to disappear. But over the summer Jen had seen a completely different side to Drue, a side he hadn't shown much in Capeside and it reminded her of the real Drue. The Drue she had known in New York.
Drue had always been a screwed up guy who hid behind a tough-guy facade. His ability to annoy you and call you on your shit had made Jen forget that those were sometimes good qualities because they made you face what was wrong. Drue had always done that for her, by telling her when she was acting out of character, telling her to sort herself out, or helping her sort things out.
When he first got to Capeside all Jen wanted to do was run from him. He reminded her of everything she had tried so hard to forget. She had finally put New York behind her and then Drue showed up and threw her world into a tailspin. She didn't think about Drue at all. She just thought about the New York lifestyle he represented.
The Prom, and then graduation and then all the time they spent together in the summer reminded Jen why Drue had always been one of decent ones. Because everything he did in New York he did for the same reasons that Jen had done them. To hide the hurt or to try and get rid of it.
They had grown so close and Jen had started depending on him again. Not the way she depended on Jack or her other friends but in a different way. Drue understood her in a way that no one else could. He knew her past and knew what she had been through. And he knew her present, he knew how she had changed and grown and he still cared about her. She felt like he knew everything about her. Just like she knew him.
Or at least thought she knew him. Now it felt like she didn't know him at all. He just left her with no explanation. She was so pissed off at him. Why did he have to be the tough guy? Why deal with this on his own? And if it was really a problem with her then why not tell her about it properly instead of leaving her with no explanation? Why did he have the ability to turn her world upside down once again?
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Drue got up, knowing he couldn't lie in bed and hide forever, although that was a very appealing idea. He walked over to his desk, sighing as he picked up something. A one way ticket to New York dated November 12th. One week and he was going.
He sat down and stared at the ticket, just holding it in his hands. It seemed so easy. Just picking up and moving back. He had always wanted to go back to New York. Ever since he arrived in Capeside, he just wanted to go back. Jen had been the only highlight of the place and when she rejected his attempt at being friends he had already decided that he was going back to New York as soon as he could.
But then things changed. He couldn't say that his decision to go to Boston had nothing to do with Jen. When he heard she was going Boston Bay he felt maybe they still had a chance. He had changed in Capeside. Not very much, but he had given up all illegal substances and tried to be more considerate. So he had made the choice and chose BU over NYU. And in the end he got the girl.
But now he was losing her. He was just packing up and leaving. He knew he didn't have to leave. Even though his Dad said he did, Drue knew that if he really stood up to him there was a chance he would agree to let Drue stay in Boston. But the fear of possibly having to leave Jen mixed with his jealousy over seeing her with Paul sent him spiraling into confusion. He got scared, broke up with Jen and didn't protest to his father.
But what could he do? He felt out of control. He knew he should have told Jen. If anyone would understand it would be her. She would understand the problem he was having with his father. To say his Dad wasn't exactly father of the year material would be a severe understatement. From what he had heard about Pacey's Dad, he could see the similarities with his own.
His Dad didn't care about him. He didn't even speak to him unless it was necessary. He gave him money and told him to stay out of his way. Sometimes, and only sometimes Drue even felt sorry for his Mom for having been married to the guy once. Not that his mom was any better.
But why didn't he just tell Jen it was a Dad thing? All his anger at his father for just thinking he could not give a damn for eighteen years and then expect Drue to move across state at the snap of his fingers was displaced onto Jen, and that wasn't fair. Jen deserved better. She deserved the truth. He just didn't know if he was strong enough to give it to her.
-&-
"Hey there, stranger."
"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" Pacey smiled at Jen as she approached him.
"How's work?" Jen asked, ignoring his previous question. Pacey gestured around him to the pretty empty dock. "Well I guess the summer is over."
"Yeah, I guess." Pacey shrugged. "So what brings you by? I thought you were confined to your room lately."
"Haha. I just needed some fresh air." Jen said, but Pacey noted the sullen tone in her voice.
"I can't believe you're moping over Drue Valentine!" He said it in a light tone, trying to make her at least smile.
"Yeah well, stranger things have happened."
"Yeah, like me going on a date." Pacey stuck in, needing to tell someone.
"What? You're going on a date?" Jen looked at him, shocked. "Joey?" He shook his head no. "Not Joey! Oooh."
"Exactly. Why do I feel like I'm cheating on her or something when we haven't been going out for nearly five months?"
"Because you still love her… And she loves you." Jen answered simply.
"Yeah, well sometimes love just ain't enough."
"Tell me about it."
"Have you spoken to him lately?"
"No. Did he say anything to you? You guys do live together."
"Sorry. He's been the quietest I've ever seen him be. I didn't think it was even possible." Jen sighed, not wanting to think about Drue again. She shrugged off her thoughts and put on a fake smile.
"So tell me about this girl you're going out with." Jen nudged Pacey jokily. "And I want all the details."
"Her name's Sarah."
"Worthington girl." Jen said without realizing.
"You know her?"
"No. I just… Anyway you were saying." Pacey looked at her quizzically before continuing.
"I met her this summer. We spent some time together. She's been coming here a lot lately and she asked me out this morning. And the only reason I could think of to say no was…"
"Joey."
"Right." Pacey sighed. "It's stupid isn't it? I'm supposed to move on right? Date other girls?"
"That depends."
"On what?"
"Whether or not you're over Joey. Which by the way I think you're totally not. But if you think you are then sure go for it, move on. But if you're still hung up on Joey it's not fair to Sarah, Joey or you."
"I…" Pacey stuttered, trying to put his thoughts into words. "I love Joey. I just don't know if it's the right time for us. I don't want us to be like last year. I loved her and in some ways she loved me too, but we just ended up hurting each other too much. And Joey's moved on, she seems fine with the way things are now, I don't think I should ruin that."
"Maybe you need to talk to Joey about the state of your relationship before you jump to conclusions about what she thinks or wants." Jen hinted.
"Maybe." Pacey thought about it for a second. "I really think I've done the right thing. I need to move on if I ever have any hope of getting over that Potter girl." Pacey smiled, knowing he was really convincing himself rather than Jen.
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"Coming!" Drue shouted, getting up to answer the door. Pacey was at work, or so he assumed, he hadn't actually come out of his bedroom to check.
He opened the door and his face fell when he saw the look on Jack's face.
"If you came to give me a lecture you can just save it," Drue advised, turning and walking into the apartment, leaving Jack to follow.
"Actually I came to see what the hell your problem is." Jack said, trying to control his anger. "Look, Drue. Jen is my best friend and I hate seeing her hurt like this. But you're my friend too and it's obvious you're hurting just as much."
"Jack I don't need this."
"Yeah. I think you do. Obviously you don't want to talk about whatever is wrong with you and that's fine by me. But when it affects Jen the way it's affecting her I can't just watch."
"I love Jen." Drue said quickly, surprising himself. Although Jack didn't look too shocked.
"Well you have a funny way of showing it." Jack sighed. "I know you were upset that day, even before you saw her with Paul. But you never told me why. Breaking up with Jen without even talking about the reason, is not going to do anything but hurt you both."
"I think the damage has been done."
"But you can still fix it."
"I don't think there's anything left to fix." Drue sighed, not even knowing why he was holding back so much.
"Well if you're willing to give up on Jen after everything you went through to get her, after everything you've been through, then I guess you never really deserved her."
"You're right, I didn't." Drue said, standing up. "We all know she's better off without Drue Valentine. The guy who does everything wrong!" Drue said, before storming into his room.
Jack just stood there, stunned at Drue. He knew Drue was hurting but he didn't know how else to get through to him. He sighed, and left upset that he couldn't do anything for his friends.
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"Jen!" Joey smiled at Jen, surprised to see her out of her room.
"Hey Jo," Jen smiled slightly.
"How you feeling?" Joey asked sympathetically.
"Like I let Drue rip my heart out." Jen deadpanned. Instinctively Joey hugged Jen and then pulled away. Jen smiled at her, feeling happy that she had such great friends.
"He's a fool for letting you go. I guess that's the trouble with dating the strong ones. They want to deal with everything on their own," Joey said, thinking of Pacey.
"Well it would help to at least know what he was dealing with instead of being cut loose." Jen sighed.
"He'll come to his senses sooner or later."
"I don't think there's any point. If he has no faith in our relationship then what's the point of being in one?"
"Go easy on the boy. It's not their fault they're mentally retarded sometimes." Joey joked, trying to make Jen laugh. "At least you decided to come out of hiding."
"Yeah. I just took a walk down the beach, cleared my head, you know? I went to see Pacey as well."
"Yeah? I was just on my way to see him too actually." Joey's face lit up, thinking of how she was planning to ask Pacey back, or at least tell him she loved him. She wasn't quite sure what she was doing yet.
"Yeah. Apparently he has a da…" Jen stopped, realizing who she was talking to. But her face must have given something away.
"What? He has a what?" Joey asked, fearing the worst.
"Nothing. Nothing. He just has a long shift." But unfortunately Jen wasn't a very good liar.
"He has a date doesn't he?"
"I'm sorry, Jo." Joey's heart sank. She couldn't believe it. She had been turning down a few guys in the hopes that she and Pacey were headed back to each other. But obviously Pacey had moved on. She had just been stupid to think that they both wanted to be together. "Joey?"
"What? Oh. Err…It's okay Jen. I'm fine. You don't need to lie to protect my feelings." Joey put on her fake smiled even though Jen could see right through it. "I've moved on really."
"Joey. You don't need to lie to me."
"I'm not." At Jen's skeptical look she said. "Fine. I hate it. But it had to happen sooner or later. I just have to let him go."
"You could go and see him anyway? What does it matter if he has a date or not? You're friends."
"Ugggh." Joey hated that word. Friends is not what she wanted to be.
"Sorry." Jen realized she said the wrong thing. "Well you could just give me company in my depressed state?" Jen nudged Joey and she smiled. They turned and headed away from the beach.
"We're pathetic aren't we?" Joey laughed jokily as she and Jen walked off together.
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"Finally get Joey to take your sorry ass back?" Drue commented at Pacey, who was getting ready in front of the mirror.
"Actually no. I'm going out with Sarah."
"The Worthington chick?" Drue asked and Pacey nodded. He was taking no notice of Drue's crude behavior because he could see Drue was about ready to pull his hair out.
"I see you haven't managed to swallow your pride and beg for forgiveness."
"Valentine's don't beg."
"Well they're pretty stupid then. The way I see it, if you do something stupid, you gotta suck it up and beg for forgiveness or you'll always be miserable."
"Thanks for the advice Witter."
"So tell me why Drue? Because I'm really wondering why you're willing to give Lindley up, or what it was that made you so crazy you let her go. I thought you were this tough guy, why would you let your Dad tell you what to do. And worse still, why would you do what he said?"
"I wouldn't."
"But you are. You're moving back to New York."
"I…"
"Actually. Better yet. Why don't you tell Jen?" Pacey said, stopping Drue. He took one last look in the mirror and left the room. "Think about it Drue." He called over his shoulder as he walked out of the front door.
Drue just sighed.
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"I thought I might find you here."
"It's our place isn't it? Where we have all our good and bad memories." She didn't turn to look at him, just continued to look out at the water.
"Jen, I…"
"Save it, Drue." She turned, looking hurt or maybe it was anger on her face, Drue couldn't quite work out which.
"I'm sorry. I acted like a jerk. I just…"
"That's the understatement of the year."
"You don't understand…" Drue pleaded but Jen laughed harshly.
"You keep telling me I don't understand. Well I guess there is no point to this if I don't understand. I'm just a dumb blonde right? Like any other girl you've dated." Jen spat out. She didn't mean to be so harsh but all the hurt she had been feeling just took over her.
"I'm trying to apologize," Drue said, trying to make her listen, needing her to understand.
"Don't bother. I probably won't understand, right?" Jen shook her head and walked up towards the city.
"Jen!" Drue called, but she didn't turn. Leaving him just like he had left her.
He fell to the ground. Not knowing what to do now. Giving up seemed the easiest option. He could just walk away and not look back. But he knew he couldn't do that. He couldn't let the best thing in his life go over a stupid misunderstanding.
He wouldn't let her go without a fight.
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"I have to say, you have great taste in food." Pacey smiled across the table, as he tasted the freshly cooked pasta.
"Well I think I have great taste all round, wouldn't you agree?" Sarah grinned lightly. "So how was work?"
"Boring but good." Sarah rose her eyebrows.
"Well work can never not be boring. But it was good being out by the boats."
"You really love sailing don't you?" Sarah asked.
"Yeah." Pacey smiled, remembering his summer sailing with Joey. She was the only one who could fully understand why he loved sailing so much. He shook off those thoughts, mentally telling himself off for thinking of Joey while on a date with someone else.
"Pacey!"
"Hmm?" Pacey said, not realizing he had zoned off into his own thoughts.
"I asked you where your favorite places to sail to are."
"Oh sorry. Florida Keys I guess." There he went again, thinking of her when he wasn't supposed to.
He looked at Sarah, but he couldn't help feeling guilty. Sarah looked too much like Joey for it to be coincidental. Sure, she asked him out, but somehow he felt he was only there because he was trying to replace Joey with someone just like her. Only no one else could fill that role.
He sighed; realizing it was going to be a long night.
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Joey paced up and down her room, trying not to think of what Pacey was doing. He drove her so crazy sometimes. Or she drove herself crazy. She told herself she shouldn't think about him or care that he was on a date, as she sat at home and moped, but she couldn't help it.
"I think you're definitely going to win."
"Huh?" Joey turned as her roommate entered her room.
"That marathon you're so obviously preparing to run. I think you'll win." Joey stopped pacing and sat on her bed.
"Ugggh!" She screamed, not knowing what else to do. "You know, it wasn't this bad. Everything was fine even. I was getting on with my life. Pacey was my friend and everything was going well. I wasn't obsessing over him or anything. And then he had to go and do this. Like I need this right now. To be reminded of exactly of everything I don't have!" Joey said it so fast Stacy had no idea what she was talking about.
"What are you talking about?"
"Pacey! He's on a date. With a girl!"
"Well I wasn't thinking he had switched over to Jack's team." Stacy tried to joke, but Joey was too wound up. "I thought you guys were just friends huh?"
"So did I. Friends who didn't date. Not each other and certainly not anyone else!" Stacy just gave her a look. "Okay, I'm being irrational again aren't I?"
"I would say that if I wasn't scared of you." Stacy grinned.
"What should I do?" Joey sighed, falling back on bed.
"Get over it?" Stacy suggested, not expecting Joey to take any notice. There was a pause for a second and then Joey suddenly got up.
"You're right!"
"I am?" Stacy looked confused. Joey began putting her shoes on and getting ready. "What are you doing?"
"Going out. Getting over it." Joey began whizzing around and Stacy was regretting ever saying anything.
"Where are you going?"
"I don't know. A club or something? Anywhere." Joey said, not thinking. "So are you in?" Joey asked.
"As much as I'd love to witness this adventure first hand, I have work to be doing."
"Fine. I can do this alone. I'll show him I'm totally over him!"
"Sure you are!" Stacy called as Joey walked into the bathroom.
"I am!" she screamed back and Stacy just laughed.
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"Anyone home?" Jack stuck his head into Jen's room; he sighed as he spotted her under the covers again.
"Hey, Jack." Jen turned to face him, trying to smile. "What's up?"
"Just came to see if you were still alive."
"Ha ha." Jen said, obviously not amused.
"I'm still alive, although I'm surprised Drue still is." At Jack's confused look she continued. "I finally saw him. To say I wasn't happy would be an understatement."
"What did he say?"
"He tried to apologize for acting like a complete ass."
"And?"
"And what? I didn't want to stand there and listen to his pathetic attempts to explain why he's made the past week of my life a complete misery."
"Jen…"
"Look, I know I could have been more understanding, but when I saw him I just felt so angry. I hate him for making me so…so…"
"In love?"
"No." Jen said sternly. "More like depressed and confused."
"Maybe you should have listened to what he had to say."
"Maybe I should have. But I just couldn't. My relationship with Drue has always been weird. I knew before we even started going out that I was just asking for trouble. I don't know why I didn't just follow that instinct."
"You don't really believe it's over between you?"
"No." She sighed, because she didn't want it to be over. "I just want it to stop hurting so damn much." Jack leaned over and hugged her.
"I think you should give him a chance. At least he is trying now." Jen wiped the tears that had sprung up in her eyes and smiled at Jack.
"I'll think about it. He has a hell of a lot of groveling to do if he wants to get back on my good side though!"
"That's the spirit." Jack smiled and Jen just laughed lightly. "What?"
"I just never thought I'd be acting like such a girl." Jen said, smiling finally.
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"The food's really great." Sarah commented, once again pulling Pacey out of his little daze. "Don't you think?"
"Yeah." Pacey had been a little distracted all night and he hated that he felt guilty being on this date. It shouldn't feel so wrong, but it did.
"So what made you choose Boston?"
"To live in?" Sarah nodded. "Well, the job really. It was too good to turn down." Pacey knew that wasn't the only reason. The fact that Joey was in Boston was probably the most important thing to him, even if he hadn't really admitted that as the reason, even to himself.
"There it is again," Sarah commented.
"What?"
"That look. You keep getting this far off look in your eyes. You're thinking about Joey aren't you?" She said it casually, like it was okay.
"What? Sarah I'm not… How do you know about Joey?" He asked finally.
"She does go to my college. And I told you I have my sources Pacey."
"I wasn't… Joey's my past. I wasn't thinking about her," he lied, and it must have shown.
"I thought when I asked you out that you were over her. I heard that you guys dated for a long time and were pretty serious. I know you loved her Pacey. I saw it over the summer. When you had that picture of her in your wallet. The picture that I know is still there." She wasn't being accusing, but merely stating a fact. "I just thought that maybe it was over."
"It is," Pacey insisted, trying to convince himself more than Sarah.
"Is it? Is it really, Pacey?" she prodded, shocking Pacey. Sure, she liked Pacey. But she wasn't going to date him if he wasn't over Joey. First of all she would feel completely inferior, she had seen Joey and she was stunning, and second of all she didn't believe in denying someone their love.
Pacey didn't know what to say. He had been denying these feelings for Joey for so long. He couldn't face up to the feelings that had been so damaging in the past. He was so scared of ruining what they had built up that he had ignored what they used to have.
"Because if it's not over, if there's even a little part of you that's not here, a part that's with her, then you shouldn't be here."
-&-
Pacey stood outside Joey's dorm room, he lifted his hand to knock, but then stopped, and then tried again, but stopped. Finally, taking a deep breath he knocked on the door.
What Sarah had said to him had made him face up to what he had been denying for so long. All these feelings he had been ignoring because he was too scared to face them. He felt so bad getting up and leaving Sarah, but she had made him choose and he couldn't choose anyone but Joey.
She insisted it was okay but Pacey couldn't help feeling bad. But he couldn't think about that now. Now he was too scared thinking about what he was going to do when the door opened. He could hear footsteps approaching the door and took a deep breath.
The door opened and his heart sank.
"Pacey!" Stacy said shocked, but then realized that he would think it was weird that she knew his name when they had never even met. "Uh…I'm Stacy, Joey's roommate. You're Pacey right?" she asked, even though she knew he was. She had seen enough pictures to recognize him anywhere.
"Uh, yeah. Is Joey here?" He suddenly felt really stupid, not knowing what to do.
"No she's not." Stacy said regretfully, mentally thinking to kill Joey for going out.
"Oh." Pacey didn't know what to do now. He couldn't believe he had come all the way to her dorm and would have done something as stupid as kiss her.
"Do you want me to give her a message?"
"No. No, it's okay. I guess I'll see her later. It was nothing important." Pacey rambled, moving away from the door. "Thanks anyway."
"No problem." Stacy smiled as Pacey walked away, downfallen.
-&-
"What do you want?" Jen tried to close the door she had just opened but Drue stopped her.
"I came to talk. And I really need you to listen. I know I've been a complete ass and there is no reason for you to ever talk to me again, but I was hoping you'd just give me a chance." Jen softened slightly at his desperate tone but wasn't willing to back down completely.
"You have five minutes," she instructed, walking into her room and sitting on the bed. Drue started pacing, not knowing where to begin.
"You know how you said you must be like every other girl I've dated?" He said finally, and Jen recalled saying something like that last time they spoke. "Well you're wrong. You're not like any girl I've dated. Mainly because I've never dated before." Drue admitted. Jen realized that she already knew that, but she had forgotten about it because of the way Drue acted. He seemed so confident when it came to girls that you could forget that he hadn't actually 'dated' before. "I've screwed up a lot in my life, I've screwed around a lot too. But I've never had someone who was worth anything in my life before."
"When I moved to Capeside, Jen, I was a mess. I didn't know what I was doing. And then you were there. When you started to accept me I felt as if I'd managed to get something normal back in my life. I stopped screwing up because there was someone there to make me want to not screw up all the time."
Jen just sat there listening, not knowing where he was going with this. He paused, not saying anything for a second and then pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to Jen. She looked at it, confused. It was one way plane ticket to New York.
"Drue, what's…"
"My Dad called me last week." Drue continued. "He wanted me to move to New York to live with him. Not because he's suddenly decided his son is worth something of course," Drue said sarcastically. "Something about giving off the impression of being a family man or something, I wasn't really listening. He called just before we went to the beach that day." And suddenly Drue's attitude at the beach was much clearer. She was about to say something but he continued.
"I know I don't have to go. I kind of knew it then. But suddenly I was faced with this prospect of never seeing you again, and I went a little crazy. I just needed to think and I didn't know what I would do if I lost you." Jen was still sitting there, not moving. She wanted to get up and hug him, but something was keeping her from moving.
"I was going to come and tell you about it later and apologize for running off from the beach, but then I found out you went for coffee with Paul and I…"
"It was just coffee," Jen disputed.
"Where in this story did I say I was being rational?" Drue joked and Jen smiled slightly. "I just went a little crazy. I hate to be the jealous boyfriend but I just thought that what if my moving wasn't the thing that would pull us apart but other people? What if we just weren't meant to be? What if you realized that I was just too much of an idiot to be with?"
She got up then, hugging him, realizing that he was trying hard not to cry.
"Drue?"
"I'm sorry I acted like a jerk. I'm sorry I just left you with no explanation. It's just because I love you so damn much." She looked up at him and he refused to meet her eyes. She kissed him on the forehead, then his nose, and then his lips. He melted into her kiss, pulling her close. "Do you forgive me?"
"How can I not when you act like such a baby." Jen joked, laughing through her tears. "I love you too Drue."
"You do?"
"Why do you look so surprised?" Jen asked, offended.
"I…I don't know. I just didn't think that…"
"Well you think too much. Unfortunate as it may be, I am rapidly falling in love with you." Jen smiled, hugging him closely. "But that's why it hurts even more when you shut me out," she said seriously.
"I know I…"
"I don't think you do, Drue. When I felt you pulling away from me…that was the worst feeling in the world. I know we are a strange couple but what makes us so special is that I fell like I know you, even if no one else does. I can see through the act and the tough-guy routine. But that's only because you let me. I can't be with you if you shut me out."
"I promise I won't." Drue kissed her again, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Their kisses grew hotter and Jen pulled Drue towards the bed. They fell on it, laughing and kissing. Finally Drue pulled away and looked at her.
"Promise me one thing though."
"What?"
"No more going out with Paul. I hate the guy." Jen laughed and kissed him again.
"Deal." She pulled the covers over the both of them, blocking out the rest of the world.