© 2004 Himitsu-Star

Title: Clouds In My Coffee

Rating: PG

Pairing: Momoshiro/Echizen aka MomoRyo

Disclaimer: Fanfiction.

Warning: Unbeta-ed. Unpolished.

Notes: The title is from that song 'Clouds In My Coffee'. This storysort of feels like the song, though the plot certainly doesn'tfollow it.

Clouds In My Coffee

Dear Momo-sempai,

Do you remember me?

You used to stand in the tunnel after my matches, leaning against the wall, hands shoved in the pockets of your jacket. You'd throw me a can of the Fanta I like so much, and I'd catch it and drink from it. -- I never had to say anything in reply; I never needed to. We understood each other, or at least I thought so.

Then it started.

I don't know when it first began, or when I finally noticed. You'd be staring in my direction, but you wouldn't be looking at me. You'd be looking through me, like I wasn't even there. Maybe you were thinking of something else; more likely, you were thinking of someone else. Those days, I had to fight hard not to spew Fanta in your face just so I could get your attention.

Used to be you'd never miss a chance to drag me out for burgers; used to be you'd insist that I go everywhere with you... even if you'd been asked out on a date, and I was the third wheel, the light bulb, the idiot interloper sitting between you and your date. Used to be it was always like that, even when we left Japan for America to-ge-ther— huh,forgot that, didn't you?

Used to be, yeah.

But then you started going places where you wouldn't take me, and some days I never knew where you'd gone. You'd never say anything and I'd never ask, and I always figured you'd tell me if you needed to—you'd tell me if you wanted to. And I respected you enough to leave you alone. I thought so then. I thought so once. I—I thought if I waited long enough—I thought, if it was important, you'd tell me, if it wasn't important, you'd still tell me. Nothing ever kept your mouth from blowing its lid off before, so why did you stop talking to me? Why did you stop telling me things? –Don't bother denying it. I'm not stupid. I've been a lot of things, Momo-sempai, but I've never been stupid.

You know something, sempai? I've been playing tennis since I was born. Batted a ball about with a racket since I was two, maybe three. It's been twenty-five years I've been playing tennis—that's a quarter of a century, you know? And fifteen of those years I played tennis with you. Fifteen years, Momo-sempai. What happened to us? So what if you still buy me Fanta after my matches? So what if you still laugh in that dumb fashion and pull at my hair and call yourself my best friend? Your heart's not here, Momo-sempai, and even I can tell that.

I always thought you'd be here. I always thought we'd go through life together, stay in the same apartment, the same house—grow old together, and hell, I'd even buy the house next to yours if you married, because we are who we are, Momo-sempai. Best friends, and it sounds crazy to say it, but you make me laugh. You make me remember that I'm not just some tennis player. You make me believe that there's still something left of me even if I'm stripped of tennis. And I thought maybe, one day, we'd end our professional tennis careers together, because we were always stupid together, and then we'd go back to Japan and Seigaku, and coach there, and tell weird stories about when we were kids on the Seigaku team. Or go back and wreak havoc in Hyotei or Rikkaidai.

Though I will never tell you that—and now I won't ever get the chance to.

Some kind of friend you've been. What happened to best friends? You don't have to report your every move... but you used to.

You skip practice without me. You don't tell me where you go when you're not there. You don't even tell me when you want to skip.

You keep things from me.What can I say? 'Excuse me, Momo-sempai, exactly what deadly secret are you trying to hide from me now?'

You go places you won't take me and then you LIE to me after that. ' Oh, I was down at the --insert random place--' Lies, I skipped practice that day tolook foryou there.

You never used to lie to me. Why do you start now?

So I don't know what not to say to you anymore. I'm stabbing in the dark trying to find things to say.

I don't even know if you laugh at me behind my back to others. You wouldn't be the first 'friend' to do that. You'd be the first I never expected to do that.

I don't know the people you talk to when I'm not with you. I have a right to know who keeps leaving those messages on the answering machine. It's my answering machine too.

... I don't know you anymore, because you don't let me know.

Momo-sempai.

I'm only a brat in a little white cap, whom you've known forever, since I was half your height... and come to think of it, I'm still half your height. But I've grown up, Momo-senpai, and I don't need you anymore. So if you want to leave, go ahead.

Don't come back.

Just remember, you left me.

Yours truly,
Echizen Ryoma