"D'Arvit?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

The boy was doing his best to keep his cool, though he was fighting a losing battle. A simple statement, that's what he needed. Just something totally irrelevant to the fact that he had just been caught breaking and entering.

"This is your room, I presume."

"Damn straight it's my room, and you better get your sorry ass out of it!"

The boy put his hand in his pocket, and felt around for something. That should have been Kim's first clue, if she wasn't more in shock that someone had just broken into her house and was now acting like this was an everyday occurrence.

"I can assure you, Miss, there is a perfectly logical reason for this."

"Bullshit! I'm calling the cops!"

He pulled a small handgun from his pocket, and pointed at her. "Are you sure you want to do that?"

Kimberly wasn't stupid. She didn't think she didn't have to be afraid of a gun because she thought she could dodge bullets like in that freaky scene in The Matrix. She wasn't a moron. And she was very, very afraid of guns.

She threw her hands up like she was on some cop show. "Okay, chill out. Just don't pull the trigger. Take whatever the hell you want, just don't shoot me."

The boy took a deep breath. Why did every simple plan he came up with had to end with someone waving a gun around? "Where is the Maple Stone?"

"The what?"

"Don't act stupid. Although I highly doubt you need to act."

Kim blinked. "Was that an insult?"

He sighed deeply. "Where is the stone?"

"I've already told you, I don't know anything about a stone! Except for . . ." She paused, as something dawned on her. "Oh shit. This stone. Is it red and shiny and kind of oval-like?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"It's over there. Take it." She pointed to the floor.

The boy walked over to where she was pointing, careful not to touch anything. He bent over, and picked up the red stone. He held it for a second, let out a painful yell, and promptly dropped it.

"God, what's your problem?" Kim craned her neck to see the boy's hands.

The palms where he had held the stone were scorched.

"Holy shit . . ." She looked up. "What the hell 's going on."

He shook his sore hand. "Can you pick it up?"

"The stone?"

The boy rolled his eyes. "No, you idiot, the Hope Diamond. Of course the stone!"

"The Hope Diamond? Isn't that that big rock that was an eye of some freaky scared statue and now it's got a curse or something on it and whoever touches it dies?"

"Let me assure you, that's a myth fuelled by a startling number of coincidences. And how would you know about that?"

She shrugged. "It's not Top Secret government info. I read it in Welcome to Weirdsville. And yeah, I can pick up the thing just fine."

"I just don't understand . . ." he muttered. "But no matter. I'm sure Foaly will be able to explain this."

"Explain what? And who's Foaly? Come on! What the hell's going on?"

The boy sighed. "I guess you'll have to come with me, miss. They'll want to see you."

"Come with you? Fat friggin' chance! And who's 'They'?" Her eyes narrowed in suspension. "You're from the government, aren't you? This is a conspiracy! It's like how they tried to cover up Roswell!"

He rolled his eyes again. Just his luck. Out of every person in Canada, of course the stone had to be found by some insane paranormal lover. And of course, something like this had to complicate things.

"I can assure you that I am not with the government. In fact, I happen to be wanted by the government."

"Oh, so you're with the Mafia? That's so much better!"

"I'm not very popular with the Mafia either, Miss. Now will you com willingly," he raised the gun so it was level with Kim's head. "Or we can do it the hard way."

She gulped. Things like this weren't supposed to happen to her. "Er, do I really have much of a choice?"

"No."

"Well, in the words of Lu Tze, "When in doubt, choose to live"."

Artemis almost blinked. "Lu Tze?"

"Thief of Time. Terry Pratchett." She saw his quizzical expression. "God, don't you read?"

The pale boy rolled his eyes. Again. "Let's go. I have a car waiting."

Kim glanced out the window and saw a very expensive-looking car in the driveway. She was about to make a comment, but decided it might not be best to annoy someone with a gun in their hand. Kim followed him out of the house. Something sprang to her mind, likely the result of reading one too many You-Solve-It mysteries. This freaky little pale kid knew the way around the house. Had he been watching her? Something shocked her. Maybe he was an alien! He was kidnapping her to take her to outer space. Kim shook herself. She hated when her imagination ran away with her. He was probably just some creepy guy a stalker hired to take her away and slit her throat. That sounded much more reasonable.

They went outside, and the boy opened the door of the car and gestured for her to get in.

She complied as he followed her and shut the door.

The driver in the front seat turned around. "I don't mean to question, sir, but what is the girl here for?"

Kim almost swallowed her tongue in fright. This guy was huge! He was almost seven feet tall, and he looked like he could take on a bobcat and toss it without breaking a sweat.

The boy's voice brought her back to reality. "A slight glitch. Strange that she didn't show up on the heat scan. Never mind, though. I'm sure once we question her, we can wipe her and send her home."

"Okay, who the hell is 'They'? What do you mean, wipe? And send me home? Where are we going?" She paused for a moment, trying to sort out her priorities. "But fist of all, who the hell are you? And what's with the ape?"

He drew himself up. "I," he announced with pride, "Am Artemis Fowl the Second."

She looked at him, unfazed. "And I'm supposed to be impressed by that because . . ."

His pride dropped a notch. "The Fowls are a very well-known family in Ireland."

She pointed a finger at him. "There's you're problem. We are not in Ireland. We are in Canada. Now, if you want to amaze me, get a bike and join Hell's Angels. And what kind of a name is Artemis?"

"It's my name. And may I ask yours?"

"Okay, you break into my house, insult me, stick a gun in my face, and kidnap me. Then, you ask my name?"

The huge man looked at her, his merciless blue-grey eyes drilling into her soul. "Look, miss. Are we going to have problems?"

Kim made a noise that sounded like a cross between a gasp and a squeak. "Kimberly Holmes. Please don't kill me."

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AN: Sorry this took so long, and is kind of short. We got hit bad by Hurricane Juan, and our power went out for almost two weeks. Not to mention school's been keeping me busy. I swear to anything my Language Arts teacher is Trouble Kelp. Anyway, please press the little review button in the corner there. Thanks to all my reviewers. And yes, I do live in NS. Wicked place. Tons of snow until March. And bugs until December.