AN: I'm back! I spent nearly two weeks out in a cabin out in the bush of
New Brunswick. Yay. Fortunately, I found a bunch of my cousin's old horse
magazines, so I drew centaurs. Lots and lots of centaurs. Do you have any
idea how hard it is to make hooves look chibi? I'd offer some ones of Foaly
around, but my scanner just did everything but blow up, so ...
Oh, and to clear up a few things. This is not, and will never be, a love story. No way, no how. Kim isn't really a demon, Root just doesn't trust her. And she's actually smarter than she lets on, even if she's not a genius, but that'll show up in later chapters. Also, I don't own Bigfoot Bob, Red Green, or Duct Tape Forever, which is a real movie. Go out and rent it. Now.
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"Well," stated Artemis. "What another fine mess I've gotten myself entangled in. There's a half-witted girl who may or may not posses supernatural powers, most likely not I might add, two elves sitting across from me, and a centaur who thinks this is all one big joke."
Foaly shook his head. "This is far from a joke, and I know it. But you have to admit, there's more to that Holmes that meets the eye. If that girl was somewhat less hyperactive, she'd be an excellent fighter. I can tell just by looking at her that she's a scrapper."
"I know," said Root, frowning. "She might be small, well, compared to other humans, but she's got a nasty look to her."
"And there's something odd about the girl," muttered Holly thoughtfully. "I could sense it a mile away."
"Listen, Short," Root said sternly, switching to Gnommish so Artemis and Butler couldn't understand him. "This is not the time for your 'bad aura' Shamanism shit."
"I agree with Holly, Julius," put in Foaly. "She's got a powerful hold on her magic, and as far as I've seen, she's never been wrong about shifty characters. If Short thinks something's rotten in the state of Denmark, I'm steering clear of it."
"What does this have to do with Denmark?" asked the commander quizzically.
Captain Short sighed. "It's just an expression. And I didn't say she's evil, just that there's something in the back of my head telling me not to let our guards down. She's no demon, be sure of that, but something's still wrong."
"You know," interrupted Artemis in English. "It's quite rude to leave people out of your conversations."
Root grunted. "Keep your nose out of what doesn't concern you, Mud Boy."
"Come on, you two," said Foaly. "We can't afford to start fighting this early. Another thing we have to remember is to take it easy on this girl. After all, she is only a child."
"She's only a few months younger than Artemis," Holly said.
"True, but Artemis is hardly a normal kid. Holmes has been raised, well, normally. She's not use to running around with faeries and risking her life and all that jazz. She's had not training in combat or strategy, and while her intelligence is slightly, and I mean slightly, above normal, she's no whiz kid like Fowl."
"Why can she touch the Maple Stone?" Holly asked, still pondering the question.
Foaly sighed. "It could be completely random. Maybe it just happens that her mix of genes and blood and amount of human magic add up to make the one Mud Person who can handle it."
"If that's so, what are the chances of her being the one to find it?"
"Almost infinity to one," he admitted.
"There must be a different reason. What do Foaly, Commander Root, and I all have in common?"
"You're all faeries, obviously. Even if only two of you have magic," said Butler.
"We were all born in the spring," the centaur said. "Almost all faeries are."
"Holmes was born on April thirteenth," Artemis mused, consulting the girl's school record. "Maybe it has to do with the astrological signs."
"But Commander Root is a Pisces, and Foaly is a Taurus. Only Kim and I are Aries'," commented Holly. "And we're weeks apart, so it can't be anything to do with the phases of the moon. Years don't help either."
"We're getting nowhere," sighed Foaly. "Besides, people will wonder where Holmes went if her parents come home and find her gone. All we need is the human police breathing down our necks."
Holly snorted. "Come on, Pony. Even if they did look for the girl, how under the earth would they trace her back here?"
"Okay, point taken. But we don't need a kidnapping on our hands. If Artemis left so much as one strand of hair in Kim's bedroom ..."
"In the unlikely event that they found an DNA or fingerprints, it'd take a while to analyse them, and even longer to get a search warrant for the manor," said Butler, who usually kept quite. "Besides, I suspect the girl's parents won't be home for some at least a few days."
"Wait a minute," started Foaly. "Artemis, did you run a heat scan before entering?"
"Of course I did. No one showed up on it, so I proceeded to enter. But Kim was in the house, and you know the rest."
"Did you use a human heat scanner? If so, it wouldn't pick her up if she was in the basement of the house."
"D'Arvit. I knew I should have brought one of the LEP helmets."
"In any case," grunted Root. "We're stuck with the little idiot, and she appears to be another link in this freaky, paranormal chain."
"Personally, I think Holmes may be smarter than she seems. She's got a good head on her shoulders, and it says on her school report that she's excellent at thinking outside of the box," commented the centaur, breezing through files on his laptop.
"She's a bit paranoid in all honesty," said Artemis. "Even when she was sedated, she was muttering in her sleep about aliens and conspiracies. She said something about ghosts, too. My guess is she reads more supernatural books then is healthy for physiological development."
"Conspiracies?" asked Foaly, looking up. "You know, she might just be on to something."
Holly sighed and shook her head. "Birds of a feather ..."
"Hey! I swear, there's something going behind closed doors in the Mud World! Probably the US, those bloody Americans ..."
"Care to repeat that, horse man?" asked Juliet threateningly, walking in the door. "The Canuck's up in the first guest room. She's still a little shaken up, so I locked the window. I don't want to be the one scraping..."
"Thank you, Juliet," interrupted Artemis. "So, what do have so far on this little problem?"
The centaur consulted the notes he had been making on his computer. "Let's see. Magic's out, age is out, gender is out, the Forty-Two theory is out ..."
"Forty-Two theory?" interrupted Root. "What's that?"
"Randomization. You wouldn't get it, Julius. In any case, we basically don't have a clue. Besides the extra magic and Holly's suspicions, there's not much that sets Kim apart from any other teenager girl."
Butler shook his head. "Captain Short isn't the only one getting nervous about this. I touched that stone on the way over, and it's like the thing is on fire. But that girl touches it like her hand is made of water. It's unnatural."
"I hate to say this, old friend," sighed Artemis. "But we're conversing with elves and a centaur. We discarded naturalism for gold in years past."
"We're more natural then you human lot," grunted the commander. "In my opinion, Mud Men are like politics. No one likes them, and they're not going away any time soon."
Foaly rolled his eyes. "That was insightful, Julius. I'm moved, I honestly am."
"Don't call me Julius, centaur."
"I suggest we retire for the evening, and face this in the morning with a fresh view," said the young Fowl. "I know that you faeries are nocturnal, but I think you should get some rest. Juliet will show you to some rooms. Butler, could I see you in the study for a moment?"
Everyone nodded. The three mythical creatures trailed Juliet to the staircase.
"If you ask me," muttered Juliet. "This whole thing is insane. Holmes seems nice enough, though. Then again, Canadians are pretty much famed for being polite. I mean, have you ever seen Bigfoot Bob fight? He says 'sorry' before choke-slamming someone. Canucks are a weird bunch ..."
Root frowned. "What's a Canuck?"
"It's slang for Canadian," offered Foaly.
"And you know that because you watch all those human movies," smirked Holly. "Don't think I didn't see that 'Duct Tape Forever' DVD stashed in the Ops Booth."
"Oh shut up. It's first class comedy."
"It stars a character named Red Green, Foaly."
"I said shut up."
Oh, and to clear up a few things. This is not, and will never be, a love story. No way, no how. Kim isn't really a demon, Root just doesn't trust her. And she's actually smarter than she lets on, even if she's not a genius, but that'll show up in later chapters. Also, I don't own Bigfoot Bob, Red Green, or Duct Tape Forever, which is a real movie. Go out and rent it. Now.
*******************************
"Well," stated Artemis. "What another fine mess I've gotten myself entangled in. There's a half-witted girl who may or may not posses supernatural powers, most likely not I might add, two elves sitting across from me, and a centaur who thinks this is all one big joke."
Foaly shook his head. "This is far from a joke, and I know it. But you have to admit, there's more to that Holmes that meets the eye. If that girl was somewhat less hyperactive, she'd be an excellent fighter. I can tell just by looking at her that she's a scrapper."
"I know," said Root, frowning. "She might be small, well, compared to other humans, but she's got a nasty look to her."
"And there's something odd about the girl," muttered Holly thoughtfully. "I could sense it a mile away."
"Listen, Short," Root said sternly, switching to Gnommish so Artemis and Butler couldn't understand him. "This is not the time for your 'bad aura' Shamanism shit."
"I agree with Holly, Julius," put in Foaly. "She's got a powerful hold on her magic, and as far as I've seen, she's never been wrong about shifty characters. If Short thinks something's rotten in the state of Denmark, I'm steering clear of it."
"What does this have to do with Denmark?" asked the commander quizzically.
Captain Short sighed. "It's just an expression. And I didn't say she's evil, just that there's something in the back of my head telling me not to let our guards down. She's no demon, be sure of that, but something's still wrong."
"You know," interrupted Artemis in English. "It's quite rude to leave people out of your conversations."
Root grunted. "Keep your nose out of what doesn't concern you, Mud Boy."
"Come on, you two," said Foaly. "We can't afford to start fighting this early. Another thing we have to remember is to take it easy on this girl. After all, she is only a child."
"She's only a few months younger than Artemis," Holly said.
"True, but Artemis is hardly a normal kid. Holmes has been raised, well, normally. She's not use to running around with faeries and risking her life and all that jazz. She's had not training in combat or strategy, and while her intelligence is slightly, and I mean slightly, above normal, she's no whiz kid like Fowl."
"Why can she touch the Maple Stone?" Holly asked, still pondering the question.
Foaly sighed. "It could be completely random. Maybe it just happens that her mix of genes and blood and amount of human magic add up to make the one Mud Person who can handle it."
"If that's so, what are the chances of her being the one to find it?"
"Almost infinity to one," he admitted.
"There must be a different reason. What do Foaly, Commander Root, and I all have in common?"
"You're all faeries, obviously. Even if only two of you have magic," said Butler.
"We were all born in the spring," the centaur said. "Almost all faeries are."
"Holmes was born on April thirteenth," Artemis mused, consulting the girl's school record. "Maybe it has to do with the astrological signs."
"But Commander Root is a Pisces, and Foaly is a Taurus. Only Kim and I are Aries'," commented Holly. "And we're weeks apart, so it can't be anything to do with the phases of the moon. Years don't help either."
"We're getting nowhere," sighed Foaly. "Besides, people will wonder where Holmes went if her parents come home and find her gone. All we need is the human police breathing down our necks."
Holly snorted. "Come on, Pony. Even if they did look for the girl, how under the earth would they trace her back here?"
"Okay, point taken. But we don't need a kidnapping on our hands. If Artemis left so much as one strand of hair in Kim's bedroom ..."
"In the unlikely event that they found an DNA or fingerprints, it'd take a while to analyse them, and even longer to get a search warrant for the manor," said Butler, who usually kept quite. "Besides, I suspect the girl's parents won't be home for some at least a few days."
"Wait a minute," started Foaly. "Artemis, did you run a heat scan before entering?"
"Of course I did. No one showed up on it, so I proceeded to enter. But Kim was in the house, and you know the rest."
"Did you use a human heat scanner? If so, it wouldn't pick her up if she was in the basement of the house."
"D'Arvit. I knew I should have brought one of the LEP helmets."
"In any case," grunted Root. "We're stuck with the little idiot, and she appears to be another link in this freaky, paranormal chain."
"Personally, I think Holmes may be smarter than she seems. She's got a good head on her shoulders, and it says on her school report that she's excellent at thinking outside of the box," commented the centaur, breezing through files on his laptop.
"She's a bit paranoid in all honesty," said Artemis. "Even when she was sedated, she was muttering in her sleep about aliens and conspiracies. She said something about ghosts, too. My guess is she reads more supernatural books then is healthy for physiological development."
"Conspiracies?" asked Foaly, looking up. "You know, she might just be on to something."
Holly sighed and shook her head. "Birds of a feather ..."
"Hey! I swear, there's something going behind closed doors in the Mud World! Probably the US, those bloody Americans ..."
"Care to repeat that, horse man?" asked Juliet threateningly, walking in the door. "The Canuck's up in the first guest room. She's still a little shaken up, so I locked the window. I don't want to be the one scraping..."
"Thank you, Juliet," interrupted Artemis. "So, what do have so far on this little problem?"
The centaur consulted the notes he had been making on his computer. "Let's see. Magic's out, age is out, gender is out, the Forty-Two theory is out ..."
"Forty-Two theory?" interrupted Root. "What's that?"
"Randomization. You wouldn't get it, Julius. In any case, we basically don't have a clue. Besides the extra magic and Holly's suspicions, there's not much that sets Kim apart from any other teenager girl."
Butler shook his head. "Captain Short isn't the only one getting nervous about this. I touched that stone on the way over, and it's like the thing is on fire. But that girl touches it like her hand is made of water. It's unnatural."
"I hate to say this, old friend," sighed Artemis. "But we're conversing with elves and a centaur. We discarded naturalism for gold in years past."
"We're more natural then you human lot," grunted the commander. "In my opinion, Mud Men are like politics. No one likes them, and they're not going away any time soon."
Foaly rolled his eyes. "That was insightful, Julius. I'm moved, I honestly am."
"Don't call me Julius, centaur."
"I suggest we retire for the evening, and face this in the morning with a fresh view," said the young Fowl. "I know that you faeries are nocturnal, but I think you should get some rest. Juliet will show you to some rooms. Butler, could I see you in the study for a moment?"
Everyone nodded. The three mythical creatures trailed Juliet to the staircase.
"If you ask me," muttered Juliet. "This whole thing is insane. Holmes seems nice enough, though. Then again, Canadians are pretty much famed for being polite. I mean, have you ever seen Bigfoot Bob fight? He says 'sorry' before choke-slamming someone. Canucks are a weird bunch ..."
Root frowned. "What's a Canuck?"
"It's slang for Canadian," offered Foaly.
"And you know that because you watch all those human movies," smirked Holly. "Don't think I didn't see that 'Duct Tape Forever' DVD stashed in the Ops Booth."
"Oh shut up. It's first class comedy."
"It stars a character named Red Green, Foaly."
"I said shut up."