AN: It's been a while, I know. I've been busy, and Kel went on a school trip for a week into the woods. For all her smarts, she can't stand a few bugs shakes head

Kel: It was a TICK! Have you ever had a tick burrowing into your skin? HAVE YOU?!

Tie: Genii, so highly strung. Ah, also, both of us recently saw Cats live for the first time, and were wondering: Anybody see a Cats/Artemis Fowl crossover working? We have ideas, and they scare us…

And, so I don't offend anyone, this story is not made to make fun of Americians, Canadians, Russians, or anything else. Well, maybe centaurs... And although Foaly is very bright, I think we've concluded that he's not all there...

After the faeries had been shown to the three remaining guest rooms, Juliet turned in for the night. She heard Artemis and her brother come up shortly after. No doubt they were triple checking the security.

Before they attempted to get to sleep, the three mythical creatures were having a meeting of their own in Foaly's room. The situation was getting worse by the minute.

The centaur had his four legs curled under his body, and he was hunched over his laptop, frowning at the results from Kim's blood test.

"I don't like this," Holly proclaimed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I don't like this at all. That extra magic could be anything. What if it's an active spirit mark? What then?"

"A spirit mark?" questioned Foaly, looking up. He tried to keep himself updated on magic, but his friend sometimes tended to know more about things in that matter then some of the Elders did.

"It's when a ghost touches a living mortal, and leaves their mark on their body," said Root. "Most of the time, they're visible, but some can only be seen when exposed to a certain type of magic. If the mark is inactive, it doesn't do a whole lot of good until the person is put in the situation under which the mark was meant to react. If it's active, the person is open to demons and ghosts, which could easily take control of the body. Also, sometimes the person had magic like the People, yet no control. Then things get messy."

Holly and Foaly both blinked, although they understood what he had said. It was a textbook answer. Coming from Commander Root.

"Don't look so stunned. Old Magic was a subject when I went to school. Not a lot of faeries know these things now, and it's a damn shame."

"But what spirit would have given Holmes a spirit mark, if that's the case?" questioned Holly.

"Take your pick," said Foaly, looking up from his laptop screen. "The girl lives in Nova Scotia, Holly. The maritime provinces are teeming with ghosts. Kim probably went poking her nose into some spirit's haunt, and got herself a scorch for her troubles."

"It doesn't work like that," objected the captain, happy to know something Foaly didn't. "You see, the spirit has to be …"

"Save it, Short," interrupted the commander. "I seriously doubt that Holmes has a spirit mark, and if she does, we'd notice if it was open. Trust me on this one. I suggest we try to get some rest, and sort this thing out once the humans are awake."

Holly nodded and headed towards her room. With all her day shifts and now this, her sleep patterns were getting seriously screwed up.

Kim usually woke up curled in a tight ball, thoroughly wrapped in a cocoon of blankets. It wasn't all that warm up in Nova Scotia that time of the year, when the damp cold seemed to seep up through the floor boards, which was pretty much impossible, as she slept on the top floor. It might have been spring, but it could still get as low as five below at night.

In any case, she woke up spread out across a large bed, silk sheets barely messed up. At first, she thought she had gotten completely smashed the night before, but then she remembered there was six years left before she could drink. Then she remembered Fowl. Fowl and the faeries.

She groaned, hoping that it had all been a dream. But if it was a dream, her bed would be smaller, and much less comfortable. So when she opened her eyes and saw a room that defiantly wasn't hers, it didn't bother her too much.

Kim checked the digital clock on the polished bed table. She had woken up voluntarily at seven thirty on a Saturday morning, and there was no anime involved. It was the miracle of all miracles.

The girl drug herself out of bed. She actually felt more awake then she usually did. Probably a combination of the ultra-plush bed and the shot of magic she had obviously gotten the night before.

That magic … She knew it should freak her out more then it did. Although it wasn't something she openly discussed, she had always kind of believed in faeries. She remembered her grandmother's stories about the Fae of the Emerald Isle, and the centaurs prancing around in Fantasia, which had been her favourite movie as a child. Then again, Commander Root was hardly an entrancing young elf man, and Foaly didn't seem like the graceful prancing type.

But in recent years, it had seemed like her belief in the Little People had gone out like her grandmother had. Fading slowly, getting less and less vibrant as the Alzheimer's destroyed her body and mind. Pretty soon, she had been put in a home, and it was like she didn't exist. Then one day, gone. Just like that. But there was moments sometimes when she forgot she was dead, just like there were times when thoughts of faeries skipped across her mind.

Kim couldn't help but shiver. She had never gotten close to her mother's mother, as she had gotten sick when she was young. But she always loved her stories. But they had been just stories then.

But now… Now she didn't know what to think. She had to believe in them, she had seen them with her own eyes. She had felt the centaur's tail brush her hand, and had had her lungs polluted by an elf's cigar. They were real.

She stumbled into the bathroom attached to the room. Towels were laid out, as were bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and moisturizer, as well as soap.

She slipped out of her clothes, which she had fallen asleep in. She was careful to keep her back turned to the mirror. She figured someone like Artemis would have the entire house wired, and the mirror was the most obvious place to put a camera. The idea of that creep looking at her naked didn't exactly appeal to her.

Kim turned the knobs on the bath tub until the water wouldn't burn the skin straight off of her, then closed the curtain and pulled the lever, switching the water flow from the faucet to the shower head.

She stepped inside, letting the hot water pound on her body. A trickle of red ran down the side of her face. Her hand flew to her head, and it found the dried blood from her fall the night before. She winched, and reached for the shampoo. She scrubbed vigorously until it came out.

As she let the cascade of water rinse the suds out of her hair, her thoughts flickered back to the faeries. They hadn't been at all what she had expected elves and centaurs to look like. Male faeries in paintings always wore leggings and tunics, or leather and a lot of green. Well, Root wore green, but a jumpsuit wasn't what she had pictured leprechauns in, nor was he anything close to looking like Link.

It seemed to her that female elves always had long blonde hair and flowing white dresses. Somehow, she couldn't bring herself to imagine Captain Short in a skirt, let alone a dress. She had a fiery temper, and Kim could tell she could probably whip anyone she knew, even if the elf was only a metre tall.

Foaly, he surprised her the most. She had always seen centaurs as happy little creatures frolicking in the forest, or blood-thirty perverts, swiping human brides and fighting in drunken rages. That stereotype did not fit him at all. He acted decent, even if he was annoying he was a hell of a lot politer than Fowl, and he shared her view on several subjects, mostly regarding various conspiracies.

After using the bar of soap to get the rest of the blood off, she shut off the water, and stepped out of the tub. She turned away from the mirror until she got a towel on. Some might have called it paranoia, but to her it was common sense.

After putting her clothes back on, Kim traipsed down the hall leading to the entry room. Oil portraits glared at her from both walls, every one of them seeming to have the same stare as Artemis, along with equally weird named.

"Hugo, Marion," she muttered, reading the brass plaques. "Was anyone in his family normal?"

She stopped at the one closest to the door. It was a man of about thirty with dark hair and ice blue eyes. Even though she knew it was just a painting, Kim shuddered. It looked exactly like an older Artemis. She looked at the name plate, and it read Artemis Fowl.

This confused her. Fowl wasn't that old. Unless he was a shape shifter vampire or something. Then she remembered he had called himself Artemis Fowl the Second, meaning the man in the painting must have been his father. The resemblance was uncanny, they both had the same dominant look to them.

"Like father like son, huh?" said an voice from behind her.

Kim jumped. She turned to see Foaly grinning at her. "Not funny, pony."

"On the contrary, I think it was very funny."

They stood in silence for several moments before either spoke.

"I scare you, don't I?" asked the centaur, flicking his tail in amusement.

"No, Fowl scares me. You, despite looking like something evolution started and forgot to finish, are actually pretty normal by my standards."

"Which, let me guess, are severely alerted from the normal."

"So I've been told. Where is everyone?"

"In the dining room, having breakfast. I came back to get my laptop," he said, holding up the sleek silver machine.

"Oh. Just a question, is that elf always like that, or does he just hate me?"

"He's always like that. As you may of noticed, he doesn't like being called my his first name, so I suggest you do it as often as possible. By the way, how'd you get Julius to put out his cigar? Usually he only does it for a council member or me."

She shrugged. "I've had lots of experience dealing with arrogant jackasses. I go to a public middle school, where we have zookeepers instead of teachers. Not to mention my cousins, which I see more than is good for my health. Besides, he did it like something was forcing him to. It was odd, really."

"Ah, the rules of the Book. I forgot. Magical faeries have to obey humans while they're inside a Mud Man dwelling. As for your cousins, I feel your pain. When I lived in Upper Haven, I had a big family. Never a moment of peace and quiet."

"They can't be any worse than my family. Pray you never meet them."

"I will. If they're anything like you, let's hope they don't breed too quickly. All the world needs is to be overrun by idiots."

"Like it's not already? Or have you not noticed the trigger-crazed morons hell-bent on blowing a chunk out of the planet?"

"Point taken. You're pretty insightful for an ignorant little Mud Girl," he smirked.

"Arrogant pony," he countered.

"Brace face."

"Four legs."

"Coke bottles."

"Nerd."

"Those who live in glass houses …"

"… should change in the basement."

Foaly shook his head, grinning. "I think we're going to get along just fine, Hound of the Baskerville."

"Horse ass."

"Bluenoser."

"Thanks, short stop."

"Shut up, half Newf."

"You're too kind, Eyore. Really."