Hello, and welcome to "Great pieces of literature". I am your host Hugh Gass. This next story that I will read to you is the greatest thing EVER written. It will make you want to throw out all of your other books, because after you read this you won't need to read anything else. On with the show…
I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK BUT I DO OWN THREE PAIRS OF GIRLS UNDERWEAR, IM A GIRL ON SUNDAYS!!!
Cartman was sitting in his room waiting for something to happen. His mom came up to his room and said:
"Honey-bunches, I'm going out for a while".
"OOOOOkay mom" he said back.
He waited for her to leave the house and then said:
"Its finally time. I've waited so long for this moment."
He walked over to his mother's room, looked in her droor. He took off his shirt in super-slow-mo and through it on the ground. He put on a bra, and then his mom's panties.
"Godamnit, this is a tight fit," he screamed.
He walked into his room. He had a safe. He opened the safe and pulled out his Hillary Duff CD that no one knew he had. He popped it into the CD player and started dancing in his mom's underwear.
MEANWHILE AT STAN'S HOUSE
Kyle, Stan and Kenny sat on Stan's couch.
"What do you wanna do, dude?" asked Stan.
"I don't know. We could go to the fatass' house, I guess," said Kyle.
They walked over to Cartman's house. They walked up to his door, and rang the doorbell.
"Ooooh, that must be my mail-order husband" Cartman said as he heard the ding.
He opened the door only to see Kyle, Stan and Kenny. All three of them burst into laughter.
"The fatass is dressed like a fatass girl!" screamed Kyle.
"Mmmmumblekmennv, haahhaa!" screamed Kenny.
Cartman slammed the door on them and ran to his couch. He turned on the TV and saw an add. The man on the TV said:
"We now have a special report from a midget in a bikini, midget".
"Yes, thank you. All you little girls get ready because Hillary Duff is coming to South Park!" said the midget.
Cartman's mouth dropped open.
"OH, Kick-ass" he screamed.
He ran to the door and yelled:
"You guys, you won't believe who's coming to South Park".
"Is it Floppy the Magic fire-breathing polka-dancing, beer-guzzling, flower-farting turtle?" screamed Stan.
"Goddamnit! Hillary Duff!" he yelled!
They burst into laughter. Kenny laughed so hard he pooped himself. The poop overflowed in his pants. It went up his shirt and into his mouth. He choked on his poop. He was dead, but the others couldn't stop laughing.
"I bet you want to see her, and play dolls, and dress up your butt as a pony," yelled Kyle.
"Shut up Jew-Boy, I'm going to see her, and I'm performing with her!" yelled Cartman.
And a determined Cartman walked down the street in his mother's underwear.
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Well, I hope you like it. It'll get better, I promise. Come back in a day or two to see the rest.