Hello again, mateys! This chapter ain't really long and I know I've kept you waiting for way too long, but what with high school starting and all, I have like no time to myself anymore. Damn you, education! Damn youuuuuuuu!!!!!! Well thanx to everyone who reviewed: Jenny, Katya, MultiNova, Me Gusta books, FunkyMagick, LadyAna, and Skwiggle. I love you all and I hope I didn't forget anyone—as you all know, I am not very bright. Hope this chapter doesn't disappoint! Enjoy, amigos y amigas.

Chapter Seven: Gorebert

Harry, Hermione, and Ron rushed into Rabid's shack. There, sitting on his table, was a—a—

"FURBY?!" the trio exclaimed. The Furby glared at them with evil red eyes. Claws sprouted out of his toes and fangs traveled down his mouth. "Goo ga boku!" he hissed.

"Sounds kinda like Dumble—Nancy," Hermione said thoughtfully.

"Great man, Nancy!" Rabid boomed, coming into the shack from the back door, where he'd been finding food for the Furby. He put the live kittens on the table and watched fondly as the Furby devoured them alive. Little girls and PETA people alike squealed and cursed Fanfictionfantom, then burst into tears.

"Rabid, what happened?" Ron asked. "Wasn't a dragon supposed to hatch outta that egg?"

"Well, see, Ron, when I fertilized it, I passed some of my traits down to it. At first it was just a hairy, bloodthirsty dragon, but then I fed it after midnight and it turned into, er, that." Rabid frowned in thought and wondered what the hell "that" was. Furby lovers and Gremlins watchers everywhere shrilled their outrage and joined the PETA people and kitten girls in their campaign to throw the author in a dungeon.

"I named him Gorebert," Rabid added happily. "He likes mommy, doesn't he? Doesn't he? Goo goo ga ga!" He tickled Gorebert under the chin and the Furby shrieked and tried to bite off his finger. Rabid chuckled nervously and put his hand back.

Just then, Malfoy's ugly ratty face appeared suavely and coolly in the window. Rabid, Harry, and the gang would have never noticed him had he not put his face against the window and giggled, watching his nose stretch and bloat. Harry and the others gasped and whirled around, but it was too late. Peeling his face off the window, Malfoy chuckled and ran toward the castle.

"Dammit!" Harry cried. "He's gonna tell! And I'm pretty sure it's illegal to own a flesh-eating Furby!" The PETA people and little pigtail girls cheered.

Rabid looked worried. "They'll take away Gorebert!" he sobbed, froth mixing with his tears. "I can't bear it! Krrrrrrrrr!"

Harry, however, looked happy. "I'm pretty sure there's some way in this situation to come out looking like the hero I am," he said thoughtfully. "Some way..."

Suddenly Ron perked up. "Charlie!" he cried.

"What? I'm not Charlie," Harry wailed. "Oh, no, now Ron's got amnesia! We're doooooomed!"

"No! Charlie, my older brother, is a dragon keeper! I'm pretty sure he could handle a flesh-eating Furby!"

"Ron, that's brilliant!" Hermione cried, her teeth wobbling.

"My hero!" Rabid gushed, swooning.

"Wh-what?!" Harry sputtered. "No! Wait, I'm supposed to save the day! Not Ron, I'm the hero. Th-this is sooooo unfair!" But no one paid any attention to his tantrum. Instead Rabid and Hermione were grinning at Ron, who was glowing in the attention.

Full of rage and anger, Harry threw the Furby at Ron. It bit him and Ron gasped. Then he turned purple, shrunk, and grew an extra arm. "Ron!" Hermione gasped. "What happened?"

Harry cried out, "The Furby! The Furby did it!" It was a good thing everyone's attention was on Ron, because Harry's eyes were darting around rather suspiciously. Rabid wailed. "Why, Gorebert, why-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y?"

But Hermione was already thinking about what they would tell Madame Pomfrey. "Ron, you need medical help!"

"No shit," he replied, waving around his third arm.

"Just tell Madame Pomfrey that you, er, ate a funny mushroom," Hermione shrilled. Rabid's window broke.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Harry said. "And me and Hermione will take Gorebert to Charlie. You write him a letter and we'll wrap it up like a neat little package."

But Hermione frowned and said, "This is all too easy. The evil author surely has some sort of twist because everything always goes wrong." Suddenly Hermione's teeth started to grow rapidly. "Sorry, oh your most evilness!" she cried, and her teeth went back to normal, if you could call it that.

After Ron had written a letter to Charlie to come pick up Gorebert, they took him to Madame Pomfrey. She gasped when she saw him.

"What in God's name happened to you?!" she shrieked.

"Uhhhh...I ate a funny mushroom," Ron lied.

She gasped and held a hand to her chest. "Ron, think carefully!" she said. "Was this mushroom, by chance, green with tufty red hairs on the stalk?"

Ron looked at Harry and Hermione. They shrugged, so he nodded. "Um, yes, yes, it was."

Pomfrey sighed and pulled out a chainsaw.

"W-w-what's that for?" Ron stuttered as she put on gloves and goggles.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut off your balls," she said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ron cried in agony. "Wait—wait, actually, the mushroom was YELLOW! YELLOOOOW!"

Pomfrey put everything away. "Well, that's a different case entirely. Just take this tonic. You'll have to stay in the hospital wing a while, though." She sounded very disappointed.

So Ron stayed in the hospital wing. After drinking his tonic, he began growing back toward his normal size and his purple skin was fading to its regular color and his third arm fell off. Hermione and Harry waited for Charlie's reply. Finally it came a few days later.

Hullo, Ron and chums! I'd be ecstatic to take your flesh-eating Furby. Take it to the highest tower of the castle and wait for my angels at midnight. Now look over your shoulder, because that slimy git Malfoy is reading this from behind you.

Love, Charlie.

Harry and Hermione exchanged surprised looks and turned around. Sure enough, Malfoy was running away from them chuckling evilly.

"Oh no!" Hermione groaned. "Now he'll ruin all our plans!"

"Well," Harry said, puffing up his chest. "We'll just have to take our chances! He's no match for a hero like me!"

Hermione snorted in disbelief, then said quickly, "Just kidding. He...he...he," she said, quailing under Harry's indignant glare.

That night, Harry and Hermione waited on top of the highest tower for Charlie and his friends. They'd worn Harry's Simon robe and had discovered that the robe even worked when more than one person wore it, except Simon looked like he'd gained 150 pounds. They weren't sure what Ron's brother had meant by his "angels" but they were ready. Gorebert was thrashing around in a crate. They'd tried to put him to sleep, but he woke up when they lifted the crate so they were forced to lock him in there. Harry scanned the sky for any sign of Charlie.

Suddenly three incredibly hot women on jet-powered broomsticks touched down on the top of the tower. Harry gaped.

"Hey," the Chinese chick said. "We're Charlie's Angels." When Harry just stared without saying anything, she prompted, "We're here for the flesh-eating Furby...?"

Hermione quickly pointed to the crate, then smacked Harry upside the head. "Snap outta it, moron. You don't like girls until Book Three." The Angels tied the crate to their broomsticks, flipped their hair, and flew off into the night. Hermione let Harry jack off for a bit, then the duo made their way down to the lower levels of Hogwarts.

But then they were stopped by the Neville robot. "Need...new...battery!" it pleaded with them. Suddenly it made a lot of weird loud noises. In the midst of the din, they were joined by a furious McGonagall and a smug-looking Malfoy. "What have we here!" McGonagall said triumphantly. "A bunch of rebels, eh?" She talked for a bit into her walkie-talkie as the duo realized they had left their Simon cloak at the top of the tower.

Then McGonagall explained, "Mr. Malfoy here came to my office babbling about flesh-eating Furbies, so I knew immediately you had something to do with it, Potter!" She took them all to her office for questioning.

Her office was dark and bare, and there was a very large mirror on one side, behind which Harry could hear someone muttering, "They're here." and someone coughing. McGonagall made them sit at a small table in the middle of the room and snapped her fingers. A large light shone into Harry's face.

"Alright, scumbag. Where's Sergio keeping the angel dust?" McGonagall snarled accusingly.

"Wh-what?" Harry stuttered. "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Oh, right, I mean, where is the flesh-eating Furby?"

Harry narrowed his eyes and looked around. "I don't know nothin'," he said in an Italian-mobsta type accent, even though he is supposed to be English.

McGonagall took out ten Galleons. "Lemme refresh your memory," she said craftily.

Harry hunched over and shook his head. "No, for ten Galleons I still don't know nothin'."

"How about twenty?" McGonagall laid more Galleons out on the table.

Harry took a puff of the cigar that had appeared in his mouth. "OK, maybe I do know something. We gave the Furby to—ARGH!"

Hermione had bit him with her gigantic beaver teeth. "You idiot!" she roared. "Don't let her bribe you!" To McGonagall she said, "We won't tell you anything!"

McGonagall's nostrils flared. "Bring out the demonstration!" she called out the door. In came Nancy, pushing a wheelbarrow that contained a crash-test dummy inside. McGonagall cackled sinisterly and snapped her fingers. The dummy's head suddenly turned into a furry head of lettuce. "Are you SURE you have no information?" she asked evilly.

Hermione quailed. "OK, OK...the Furby's...gone! You're too late! Eeheeheeheehehheee!" Hermione laughed maniacally. McGonagall roared.

"You idiot kids!" she cried out. "Well, fine then. If you won't speak up, I'll have to do the ultimate evil!"

Harry, Hermione, the Neville-robot, and Draco sat quivering (and, in Neville's case, clanking, buzzing, and whirring) in anticipation. "That's right. I'm taking 500 million points from Gryffindor and Slytherin—for each of you!"

The four groaned in anguish. "Not house points!" Hermione shrilled. The lenses of McGonagall's glasses shattered. "Make that 600 million!" McGonagall yelled angrily. "My bad..." Hermione trailed off. The others just sobbed harder.

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How was that, peeps? I hope it measured up to the other chappies. Sorry it took so long, but I just started freshman year in high school and am currently very busy with homework, stalking, trying to keep in touch, stalking, dealing with my mood swings, stalking...you know the drill. Oh, and by the way, I keep hearing about all these stories taken down because they did something wrong...I'm new here, guys, so if there's something wrong with my monstrosity, just put it in a review. No need to play rough. As always,

REVIEW. Please. Heehee?

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