Look, guys, I made it to the double digit chapters! And I'm sorry it takes me so long to update. I am bogged down with even more projects, including Mr. Casavant's newest form of torture poorly disguised as a project: a catapult. That's right, peeps, a catapult. Holy Christ. Oh and by the way, Mzhellfire, I am an American at heart. How corny is that? Well, technically I'm not American cuz I wasn't born here, but I've been here so long I consider myself at least a farce of an American.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed: Black Triforce, weirdly yours aka JENNYA, bumblebee (haha katya), Unbeknownst, crazymonkey1213, kimberly (u reviwed a LOT! I love you! And no, I don't really have any talent), PinkMonkeyPirate, and Mz Hellfire (you also reviewed mucho! thanx!) oh, and no thanks to that kalira psycho...apparently it's a chore to read this now...not my problem, hon.

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Any of it. Except mebbe the bling bling...hehehe you'll see...now enjoy!

Chapter Ten: ARRRRRRRRRGH!

"ARRRRRRRRRGH!" Harry cried as he saw the--the---thing sticking out of Quirrell's head.

"ARRRRRRRRRGH!" Everyone else behind him cried as they saw it too.

"ARRRRRRRRRGH!" All the readers cried in exasperation at the author's waiting to tell them.

"ARRRRRRRRRGH!" The author cried, as her ears hurt from everybody yelling so much.

"ENOUGH!" cried the thing which was sticking out of the back of Quirrell's head, which just so happened to be some pale queasy looking fellow's face. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks were pale and flabby. Instead of an evil overlord look, he apparently went for the computer nerd ensemble.

"Phew," he rasped. "Do you know how long I've been in that effin' turban? Jesus, it gets hot....anyway, come to me, my minions! I summon you, nye nye!"

Suddenly, a bunch of wizards and witches ran in, puffing and panting. Harry saw the stunt doubles of McGonagall, Snape, and others he didn't recognize. The real professors gaped at their twins, clearly highly startled even though they should've expected it--after all, FanfictionFantom is clearly a twisted, twisted author.

"You look like me!" the real McGonagall cried.

"Hey," the real hooked nose on legs whined, "why's my stunt double a girl?!"

"No time for that," cried faux-McGonagall. "Prepare to DIE, earthling scum!" The rest of the fakes arranged themselves behind her in a V-formation, karate-chopping thin air.

"Oh, God, I'm so scared," Hermione trembled. "There hasn't been such a resort to randomness since chapter one!"

Suddenly, when all hope seemed lost and the fakes were poised to attack our heroes, they heard a distant cry that grew louder and louder.

As the heroes heard it, they thought it sounded like a herald of hope, a cry of victory. The enemy trembled, fearful of the cry. And soon they were able to make out what it was saying:

"SnoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooop!"

As it got to the 'p' they heard a thump. Nancy had landed on the floor, having leaped from an unknown place, in a martial art position. He had some bling around his neck and a do-rag on his head. "I come bearing the power of the honky!" he cried. "And even you, Moldyvort, cannot counter true wangsta-ness! You've been keeping me and my homey-gs stoned all year, but you haven't won yet! Hiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

With that, Nancy performed a kick impressive for a man his age and knocked Voldemort's face clear off Quirrell's head. "Dude, that's---that's---that's SO uncool!" Quirrell cried, advancing upon the rest of them.

"Hermione, quick!" Harry cried, hoping she'd understand and do what she did best.

She did. "Hey, professor, how do you kill a werewolf?" Quirrell's face went slack and blank. "I--I--NOOOOOO!" he cried as he burst into flame like so many teachers before him had. Hermione grinned like a beaver and high-fived Harry, accidentally knocking out some of his teeth. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.

"No pwobwem," Harry said, forcing a gaptoothed grin. Ron, done bawling over Quirrell's comment about how poor he was, had recovered also, but then Hermione ruined that too by saying, "Wow, Ron, you've begun to improve recovery every time someone mentions how poor you are," which only set him off again.

Of course, there was still the minions to reckon with. But then yet another being landed in the room, but with a much larger crash than the previous ones. It was--

"RABID!" Harry cried.

"Yeah, 'Arry, it's me! I've finally broken out of the drugged state I was being kept in all year and now am being extremely out of character by speaking calmly and rationally. Let me start over." He coughed. "Arrrrgh summat bowling flibbet did you grrrrrr they're made with farketto cheese. Ah, much better," he beamed.

"Rabid, where have you all been coming from? People keep landing from the ceiling," Hermione said inquisitively.

"Ah, didn't you know? Voldemort and his cronies got tired of having to go through that whole ordeal back there and made a shortcut through the kitchens." Rabid ignored the steam coming out of Harry's rather red ears. "Anyways, I'm here to arrrgh goooooby help you skalduja the rest of these....droooooollll....bad guys."

"But Rabid," Ron said, eyeing the cronies, who had conveniently been crouched in attack formation for long enough so Rabid could converse with his fellows, "there's just too many of them...we'll never be able to fend them off. And we don't know who has which subject so we can't get rid of 'em the same way we did Quirrell."

But Rabid wasn't paying attention. In fact, he was looking rather green. "Rabid? You all ri--" Harry began.

Before he could finish, Rabid had fully regurgitated the random readers he'd eaten a few chapters ago. Harry looked at him, confused.

The random readers stood up and ran over to the phony teachers. Since they were experts, they of course knew every single event, teacher, and plot hole in every book so far. Fake professors began bursting into balls of flame left and right, and soon the random readers had finished their job and went off to annoy some other amature author. "We did it!" everybody cheered.

Then Harry turned to Voldemort's face lying on the ground. It was muttering curses, but since it had landed face-down, no one could hear what it was saying. "What do we do to get rid of it?" he asked.

"Why, Harry, that's an easy one! Jiminy marmalade!" Nancy cried with a grin. "We'll sell it to fans on Ebay!"

"Ahhh," Ron smiled. "Good ole Ebay."

"What would YOU know about it?" Hermione inquired nastily. "Your family's too poor to afford a computer, much less the internet." Ron began crying yet again, and Harry, who was incredibly wimpish, fainted in a dead heap.

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OK, that's it for this chapter. I know it was amazingly short, but the new chapter's already written and will be posted up soon once I get enough reviews. It'll be a sort of wrap-up, fill-in-the-plotholes, epilogue sort of thing. I'm so proud of myself for sticking through with this thing. I am slightly considering starting one for the second book, but it'd prolly hafta wait till next summer or something. Maybe over all the school breaks we have, but then updates will definitely not be frequent. Anyways, the next chapter will most probably be the last. Thanx to everyone who stuck with me and came back to review time to time, and recent reviewers. I love you guys! It means so much to me! Well, you know what to do.......

REVIEWWWWWWWWWW (it's so like uncool to like not review dude. That's effin' wrong, man.) I'm gonna wait till I get 90 reviews in total till I post the next chapter, so everybody review. I wanna have 100 by the time it's over.

!Gracias!