Chapter 16: Be Careful What You Wish For
After his walk with Levi, Jack had settled down on the couch to watch television while he waited for Sue to return from her shopping trip with Lucy. The show he was watching couldn't seem to hold his attention, however, and his mind kept wandering back to the events of the past few days. It had only been three days since the night they'd had the Ryan's over, but his mind had replayed the moments since then many times. Jack was still thinking about those moments when he drifted off to sleep. Even though he was dimly aware of the fact that he was asleep and he must be dreaming, it felt like he was truly there again, living the moments as he dreamed them. Sue had been haunting his dreams since the night of their first kiss but with dreams like these, he wouldn't have minded being asleep forever.
Right now, they were in the car. They'd just finished eating a fast-food breakfast that Jack knew would leave him feeling hungry again in a couple of hours. Sue had made an off-hand remark about how she hadn't eaten fast-food for breakfast in years and what a bad influence he was on her. He'd just told her with a cheeky grin that he was happy to be of service, resulting in laughter from Sue.
Things had been really great between them that morning. After what had happened the night before, he had feared that things might be awkward, but the opposite seemed to have occurred. Their connection had deepened, and he felt closer to her than ever, despite the fact that Sue had insisted that they keep their distance from each other until the case ended. Jack had agreed, knowing that it made the most sense intellectually; however, it didn't change the fact that he was having a very hard time stopping himself from reaching for her hand or leaning over to kiss her lips. Still, he was proud of the fact that his willpower hadn't wavered once.
He was just about to start the car when Sue asked him to look at her for a second. He complied, his curiosity piqued. "You've got something on your face, right near your mouth," she said with a grin, grabbing a napkin. "Looks like ketchup," she told him, gently wiping at his face, while cupping his chin in her other hand, holding him steady as one might a small child. He watched her with amusement. "There, that should do it," she said, putting the napkin in the bag with the rest of their trash before meeting his gaze.
"Thanks, Sue. What would I do without you?" he teased, his brown eyes twinkling. They looked into each other's eyes, and before Jack knew what has happening, she was kissing him.
He was momentarily thrown, wondering why she'd suddenly changed her mind, but the feeling was a fleeting one, as he found it impossible not to respond to her kiss. He pulled her closer to him, which wasn't nearly close enough, considering where they were at the moment. Jack deepened the kiss, seeking entrance to her mouth with his tongue. She gave it to him without hesitation and let out a soft moan as their tongues met. Any doubt, along with all rational thought, left his mind when he heard that moan. Just like the night before, he felt the remnants of his self-control fade away.
Her hands wandered over his chest and shoulders, while Jack was beyond being careful about where his own hands traveled. Sue didn't seem to notice; she was kissing him with equal passion. He was completely lost in the heat of the moment, and a little voice in his head chided him, asking him where all of his willpower had gone.
It wasn't until his fingers began tracing the outline of her breasts that Sue finally broke the kiss, pulling away from him slowly as they both gasped for air. Jack smiled at her hesitantly, suddenly wondering if she was going to smack him, even though she was the one who'd initiated the kiss in the first place.
"I'm sorry," she apologized with a shy smile. "I guess I had a weak moment. I can't believe I did that, considering I'm the one who insisted we keep our distance!" Sue's cheeks were flushed, and they were getting redder by the second. She glanced outside the car and seemed relieved to see that there wasn't anyone else in the parking lot.
Jack waited until he had her attention again before he began speaking. "Don't be sorry. You evened out the playing field." Sue looked a little confused by his comment. "It's just good to know that I'm not the only one here who's guilty of impulsiveness," he explained with a grin.
"Well, I can be impulsive," Sue told him, smiling mischievously. Jack raised his eyebrows at her, smiling with pleasure. "I just think we both need to reign in our impulsiveness a little. At least until this case is over," she added.
"I can't wait," he admitted, reaching over to gently touch her face. "As much as I'm enjoying living with you, I'm eager for this case to end so we can find out what comes next." Sue just smiled and then looked away from him. Jack watched her for a moment before finally starting the car and wondered if she had any idea of the power that she held over him right now.
As he watched her, he was startled to see her expression of happiness contort into one of fear. Sue suddenly let out a gasp and somewhere deep in his subconscious, Jack was confused. This wasn't how it had happened. He followed her gaze and discovered to his horror that the car was no longer in the deserted parking lot, but in the middle of rush-hour traffic. The car had veered into oncoming traffic, and there was another car headed straight for them. His mouth opened to scream, but no sound came out. He couldn't hear himself, but he could hear Sue, crying out in fright.
Jack woke with a start, feeling an awesome sense of relief that it was indeed just a dream. His clothes were soaked with sweat, and he could still hear Sue's cries echoing in his ears. While it was obvious to him why he'd been dreaming about that moment in the car, he didn't even want to hazard a guess as to why on earth such a sensual dream had turned into a nightmare.
Glancing at the time, Jack realized that Sue would be returning at any moment. The way he was feeling right now, he was glad she wasn't home yet. He wouldn't want to have to try and explain this dream that had shaken him to the core.
Jack wasn't a big believer in the deeper meaning of dreams, but there was no denying that this one had left him with a strong sense of foreboding. All he could do was pray that it wasn't a sign of disaster ahead in their relationship. Heading for the shower, Jack hoped it would help clear his head and take away the coldness that had settled in his limbs.
After his shower, Jack put on a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. It was getting late and since they had to get a very early start in order to make their appointment, Jack wasn't planning on staying up much longer. Luckily he was in a better frame of mind than when he'd woken from his dream. The dream was still very vivid, but he felt a lot calmer. Jack wondered if Sue had arrived home yet and received his answer when he saw her bedroom door standing ajar. As he got closer, he could hear the sound of bags rustling.
He stood in the doorway for a moment, watching her. Her back was to him, and she was going through some shopping bags on her bed. Levi was sitting on the floor beside her and looked up at Jack. "Levi, get Sue," Jack commanded the dog, and Levi jumped up, putting his front paws on the bed.
"What is it, boy?" Sue asked, as she turned to face Jack. "Oh, hi," she said, smiling at him. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Not long," he answered. "I actually just got out of the shower."
"Umm, yes, I know," Sue replied, and Jack noticed that she was blushing a little. "I kind of walked in while you were in there. You hadn't locked the door and since I couldn't hear the water running…" her voice trailed off, and she looked embarrassed.
Jack forced himself not to laugh at the expression on her face. She looks so cute when she's embarrassed, he thought to himself. "Sue, it's okay," he insisted with a grin. "I don't mind if you want to come into the bathroom while I'm showering. Why do you think I didn't lock the door?" he asked cheekily. He got the expected reaction when her eyebrows shot up in shock.
"Jack!" Sue squawked, flushing an even deeper shade of pink.
"I'm kidding," he told her. "I guess I just forgot to lock the door." It was too late, though. Sue grabbed a pillow off the bed and hurled it at him, hitting him squarely on the head. "Hey! What was that for? You're the one who walked in on me, remember?" Jack snatched the pillow off the floor and tossed it in her direction. She ducked, and it sailed over her head.
"Nice shot, Sparky," Sue said sarcastically. The look in his eyes told her that she'd started a war. Jack lunged for the bed, grabbing another pillow, while she reached for the one that had fallen on the floor. They playfully swatted each other for awhile, both of them feeling delightfully childish. Jack noticed that Sue somehow always managed to keep the upper hand, though, and decided to change tactics.
Dropping his pillow, he grabbed her gently by the waist, lightly tickling her sides. He watched her expression as she tried not to burst out laughing.
"Hey, this isn't fair!" she gasped, as she continued to pelt him over the head with the pillow. Finally, the feather-like tickles became too much, and she dropped the pillow on the floor, moving to try and get away from him. Suddenly in a fit of giggles, Sue lost her balance. Jack held onto her waist to keep her from falling, and she gripped his shoulders. Sue's giggles ceased, as she became aware of their closeness.
Neither of them moved for a moment; they just stared into each other's eyes. Jack reached over and gently caressed her cheek. Sue closed her eyes, marveling at her body's reaction to even the simplest touch from this man. All she wanted was to stay like this, in his arms. But she knew that it wasn't possible right now. Almost as though he were reading her mind, Jack removed his hand from her cheek and released her from his grip.
He'd been about to kiss her again but had somehow found the strength to stop himself. He wondered if part of it was his dream. The fact that disaster had struck almost immediately after they'd kissed in his dream was giving him serious doubts as to where they should take things when this was over. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. What if the dream had been a sign that their relationship would only cause her pain? Jack pushed the thought out of his mind. It was complete insanity to believe that was the case. It had to have meant something else. I would never hurt Sue, he thought to himself.
"I'm sorry," he told her. "We seem to keep ending up back here, don't we?"
"It seems that way," Sue replied regretfully. She backed away from him and sat down on the edge of her bed. They watched each other in silence for a moment before Sue spoke again. "Look, since we both know that we need to focus on the case right now, how about we avoid temptation? You sit over there," she said with a grin, pointing to an armchair a safe distance from the bed. Jack complied, smiling back at her. "I want to know more about what you found out when you were out walking Levi. I'm not sure I'm totally clear about what you told me on the phone earlier. Mary and Sam's sons are adopted? Maura is delusional?"
Jack filled her in on everything he remembered from his conversation with Maura and what had happened when Mary had come into the yard. They both agreed that when they were finished with their appointment the next day they would seek out Maura, then try to discreetly find out what she knew about the Ryan family.
"I guess we should probably call it a night," Jack said. "Tomorrow's shaping up to be a busy day."
"You're right, it is," Sue agreed. "So, I guess I'll see you in the morning," she said, getting up from the bed as Jack headed for the door.
Sleep well, Jack signed, then gave her shoulder a soft squeeze.
You, too, she signed back and smiled at him softly. "Goodnight." Jack left her bedroom and headed for his own. His thoughts remained with her though, as they always seemed to when he wasn't by her side.
Jack glanced at Sue as they sat together in the brightly decorated waiting room of the adoption agency. She'd been very quiet all morning and Jack knew that she was apprehensive about their interview. She looks nervous, he thought. As though she really was trying to adopt a child. Jack reached for her hand and she looked at him with worried eyes. "You're going to be great," he assured her. His encouragement was rewarded with a tiny smile.
"I just can't wait to get this over with," Sue admitted softly. Jack nodded in agreement, then directed Sue's gaze to the woman who'd just entered the room. It was Ronna, the woman who'd greeted them when they'd first entered the building. Jack and Sue looked up at her expectantly.
"Mr. and Mrs. Hudson, if you'll come with me please," she said with a kind smile. Jack and Sue rose to their feet, still holding hands, and followed Ronna down a hallway and into one of the many rooms inside the agency. Sue couldn't help but notice that the building seemed awfully large for an adoption agency and wondered what they used all the space for. She hoped that she and Jack would get the opportunity to poke around after their interview. The place actually appeared to be pretty deserted, with very few employees on the premises, and Sue could only believe that would work in their favor. It would be much easier to do some exploring when there wasn't an employee around every corner. "Jodie will be with you in a few minutes," the pretty brunette told them.
"Thanks," Jack replied, while Sue nodded silently. Ronna left the room, closing the door behind her. "Ready?" Jack asked Sue, as they took a seat on the sofa.
"As I'll ever be," Sue answered, placing her hands in her lap. Her body was full of nervous energy and she began to fidget. Jack smiled at her and placed a hand on top of hers, easing her tension a little. Sue looked into his eyes and returned the smile just as the door opened. A tall woman who looked to be in her early forties entered the room. She had shoulder-length blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. They stood up to greet her.
"Hi! You must be the Hudsons," she said brightly. "I'm Jodie." She shook hands with both of them before sitting down on the chair across from the sofa. "Can I get either of you a cup of coffee?" she asked them as they sat down again.
"Oh, no thanks," Sue replied.
"I'm fine," Jack told her.
"Okay, then. I guess we'll get right down to business. I understand from Sam and Mary that you've been trying unsuccessfully to have a child," Jodie glanced down at the pad of paper in front of her before continuing, "for almost three years?"
"That's correct," Sue replied. "We wanted to start a family right after our wedding."
"We were together for three years before we were married, so we didn't see a reason to wait any longer," Jack explained, glancing at Sue as he spoke. She wore an expression of sorrow and Jack squeezed her hand again as they both looked to Jodie.
"So, you were unable to conceive?" she asked. Jack and Sue exchanged a glance, and Sue bit her lip before speaking.
"Well, actually we did…" her voice trailed off, and she closed her eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry; it's just really hard to talk about this," she apologized.
"It's okay. Take your time," Jodie told her gently.
"We actually did conceive once, shortly after we were married," Jack continued as they'd planned, while Sue watched with tear-filled eyes. "We lost the baby after five weeks, though. We tried again for over a year before we finally began seeing fertility specialists."
Jodie nodded sympathetically as she listened. "Were they able to diagnose the problem?" she asked.
"Yes and unfortunately there turned out to be more than one problem standing in our way. That first pregnancy was a miracle in itself," Jack said, looking into Sue's eyes for a moment before turning back to Jodie. "Sue has problems ovulating. Her case is severe, and while the doctors said that it may be possible to treat, it turns out there are also problems on my end," Jack said, looking a little embarrassed.
"So, treatment didn't help then?" Jodie asked.
"No," Jack answered, shaking his head. "Nothing has worked, and we've finally come to realize that we may never have children of our own. We decided that adoption would be our best chance to have a family. Other than praying for a miracle that may not happen again." Sue was watching Jack and found herself so caught up in his performance that she forgot to look at Jodie until Jack directed her attention toward the other woman.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Hudson," Jodie said. "Mary and Sam mentioned you were deaf, but I must admit I'd forgotten."
"It's okay," Sue replied with a shrug. "I follow along as best as I can, but I do appreciate people's patience when I ask them to repeat things for me," she explained with a smile.
"Not a problem," Jodie replied. After expressing sympathy for their troubles, she proceeded to explain what they needed to qualify as adoptive parents. The deeper into the interview they got, the more Jack was sure that their cover had convinced Jodie as well.