DISCLAIMER: I do not own Chris Jericho, Stephanie McMahon, or other wrestlers that appear in the following story. They are the property of the actors and actresses that portray them, as well as the WWE.
SPOILERS: Events from 9-14 Raw.
Flowers Can't Keep Secrets
CHAPTER EIGHT
He felt like the King of the World.
Granted, the belt slung over his shoulder wasn't the heavyweight title, but the girl on his arm more than made up for its shortcomings.
Looking to his right, Chris felt his grin widen as he looked at his beautiful sorta-almost-girlfriend (they still hadn't spoken about the details of their relationship, due to the massive amounts of making out over the past two days). Currently, she was talking to her mother about her father coming to Raw tonight.
Cockily, Chris decided that Vance was coming to congratulate him on becoming the first seven time intercontinental champion in history. Secretly, the thought of Vince McMahon possibly confronting him about his not-quite relationship with Stephanie made his testicles shrivel up.
One knew the paternal power of Vince when his daughter's beau was scared shitless of him and they hadn't even had sex yet.
He then looked forward, and his face nearly cracked with joy.
As luck would have it, Edge caught sight of their feet and looked up. His face quickly contorted into disgust as Chris simultaneously patted his belt and moved his arm around Stephanie's waist.
"Good evening, Edgeward," Chris called out smugly, stopping their forward movement.
"Steph, babe, this is a joke, right?" The turn of events was making Edge sick to his stomach; it wasn't that long ago that he had his arm around Stephanie and he had that title belt slung over his shoulder. Stephanie snapped her cell phone shut and glared at Edge. "Did he just call me babe, Christopher?"
"Like the pig, Stephy," Chris responded quickly, scared by the use of his full first name.
"I thought so." She tapped at her chin a few times in thought. "I'm sure my daddy would LOVE to hear about this verbal harassment when he gets here tonight."
Edge's eyes nearly popped out of his head (which, if one thinks about it, isn't all that inconceivable, considering that they usually protrude from his eye sockets in a bug-like manner). Paling visibly, he ran a hand through his stringy locks. "You misheard me Steph; what I said was, 'Steph, maybe you can revoke, right?' Like Bischoff's decision to strip me of MY title?"
She gave him a strange look. "Maybe they should lessen your medication. You're making less sense than usual." She leaned her head against Chris's chest (by now, his lower lip was cracking from the strain of smiling so large) and led him down the hallway.
"Now remember, once you drop me off at my office you can't bug me until the Highlight Reel is over," she stated. Stephanie had gotten little work done this weekend; every time she picked up a sheet of paper Chris would pull her into his lap and force her to kiss him.
No one had ever told Stephanie that you can't force the willing.
Chris suddenly backed her up into the wall, his smile wiped away. "Do you really have to work?" he asked, pasting on his innocent little boy look.
"I have a lot to catch up on, no thanks to you," she said, annoyed at his games. "Besides, I doubt you want to have your arm around me with my father lurking around."
Her not-quite boyfriend blanched, flashing back to the time in high school where a former girlfriend's father caught him rounding first on their living room couch. The foot up his ass then was ten times worse than the steel ladder enema he got last night. "Point taken," he conceded before scanning the hallways for the silver-haired monster.
"What are you doing?"
With the coast relatively clear (give or take a few techies), Chris leaned towards her. "This," he whispered before stealing a quick taste of her lips. "To tide me over."
It was Steph's turn to look around; finding conditions nearly the same, she smirked up at him. "Do it again."
Chris was in the middle of debating the pros and cons of feeling up his not quite girlfriend in the hallway when a hand clapped down on his shoulder. "You're FIRED!" a voice growled in his ear.
Chris pushed himself away from Steph in a hurry, only to find Shelton smirking behind him. Grabbing his chest, he forced his testicles to stop retracting into his body. "Benji..." he gasped, unable to voice all of the threats filling his mind.
Still leaning against the wall, Stephanie echoed his deathly glare. "Thanks for ruining the mood, rookie."
With his breathing finally under control, Chris was torn between throttling his best friend or getting back to business with Stephanie. Of course, the latter would be witnessed by the former, and the last thing the King of Bling Bling wanted was an audience. "Benji, stop being a pervert and get lost," he said as he stared at Steph's heaving chest.
"My face is up here, Jericho," Stephanie bit out, tilting his chin up.
"Just admiring the Raw logo on your t-shirt, babe," Chris stated, daring her to get angry at his use of the endearment.
Other than an eyebrow twitch, Stephanie showed no change in emotion (which was an immediate warning sign to Jericho). Giving him a coy smile, she stepped away from the wall. "Do you know what Chris's mom calls him, Shelton?"
Chris began waving his hands around in distress. Shelton blinked, glanced at the distance exit, and futilely realized he was trapped. He just hoped it wouldn't scar him TOO badly.
"Stephy, please..." Chris begged. It had come up during one late night phone call, after much cajoling on her part.
"Chrissy Kittykins," she finished. "Because his best friend until he was 10 years was a stuffed cat."
It was dead silent as Chris reflected on his plushy past while his two companions let their imaginations ran wild.
Uncontrollable laughter filled the hallway seconds later.
"Chrissy Kittykins," Shelton snorted. "Mmmmhmmm," was all Steph could say as she wiped a tear away.
"A stuffed cat!"
"Mmmhmmm."
"This is too much!" Holding his stomach, Shelton took Steph's former position against the wall. "Whatever happened to teddy bears, man?"
Chris could feel his face grow hot; he told himself it was out of anger, not embarrassment, at their callous words about Mr. Kittykins. "He was a better friend than the jackass I have now," he muttered under his breath.
Letting out the last of her chuckles, Stephanie sent him a big grin. "Well, I'd love to stay and cat...I mean chat, but I should get to work."
"That was weak," he almost-boyfriend snorted.
She leaned up to peck Chris on the cheek. "Weak but effective. I'll see you later." Spotting the approaching Nidia, she sent the girl a wave before meandering off towards her janitor's closet. "Stupid bitch," Chris muttered as he watched her go. After his eyes lingered on her... finer assets, he returned his attention to a gaping Shelton. "What?"
Nidia was standing to his right, already in her wrestling gear for the evening. She gave Chris a puzzled look. "What's up with Shel?" Chris merely snickered, kick-starting Shelton's brain back into functionality. "New outfit?" he asked casually (if casually means to sound like a prepubescent boy).
"Si. I'm going to get my hands on that Molly Holly tonight, if it's the last thing I do."
Both Shelton and Chris knew there was a reason behind Nidia's vow, and that they had both heard it more than once. However, since both were involved with woman issues, they had paid little attention to her explanation (although Shelton thought it had something to do with her new friend in Stacy Keibler). "Oh, well good luck with that, Nads," Chris said.
Her nose scrunched up in displeasure at the nickname. "I was hoping you wouldn't remember that," she admitted, a small chuckle escaping against her will.
"Did he just call you Nads?" Shelton didn't like not knowing the story, and he certainly didn't like Jericho calling his (well, sorta his) woman that name.
Nidia rolled her eyes at Shelton playfully. "It doesn't matter, just a stupid nickname that Randy came up with when we were drinking." She didn't notice the way his shoulders tensed up, but Chris (having the insider info on the situation) certainly did. "Well, if you'll excuse us Nads, Benji and I need to have some guy talk," he said, putting a friendly arm around Shelton's shoulders.
"Guy talk?" she repeated skeptically. "Yeah; hot chicks, good eats, ugly chicks... guy talk," Chris floundered.
Even someone as painfully oblivious as Nidia would know of the inexistence of guy talk. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, Nidia gave them both the evil eye. "Ya know, if you two want me to get lost, just say so," she sniped, turning around and stomping down the hall.
"Smooth."
"You should talk, Benj. Why haven't you told her yet?"
Shelton averted his eyes. "She wants Orton."
Chris let out an exasperated sigh. "So make her want you." Leaning closer, he pinched his friend's cheek. "Steal some of my charming moves, if you want."
Irritated, Shelton slapped his hand away. "Oh goodie, should I call her names first, or act like an egotistical jerk?"
"Don't be jealous Benj, it's not attractive. It's not like you have any better ideas..."
"Anything would be better than acting like a fool."
Ten minutes after she left the group, Steph was missing Chris.
By the time the show started, she was getting grumpy.
An hour after that, she gave up on working and began staring at the door of her office. First she'd throw something at his head for making her so needy, then she'd kiss the hell out of him. By the time Chris had done the Highlight Reel, finished the tag match and took his shower, she was ready to throttle him for abandoning her.
It was crazy, yes; but then again, her genetic makeup didn't exactly allow for 'normal behavior'.
Eons later (to her), her office door flung open, revealing the bastard. "Honey, I'm home!" Chris said in his best Desi Arnaz voice.
It was a bad impression, he'd later admit. A Canadian tongue is incapable of a decent Cuban accent. But he didn't expect her to give him the finger.
"Go away Jericho," Steph growled, her eyes still focused on the paperwork before her.
Doing a double take between her and the stapler on the ground, Chris scratched at his head. "Not a fan of Ricky Ricardo, I guess."
"Go away JERICHO," she repeated.
"Why? I just got here." He barely ducked her next thrown object: her cell phone. "That wasn't a smart idea, you know."
Steph's anger was bubbling over. "I don't care! The only person that ever calls me is you, and you're probably too damn busy acting like the King of the Sluts to even do that."
He saw through her words, noted her pouting lower lip, and couldn't help but grin. "You missed me."
A blush crept across the bridge of her nose as she looked up to glare at him. "Yeah, the same way I miss a yeast infection."
Chris gagged. "Can we keep disgusting feminine problems out of this?" Striding to her makeshift desk, he leaned forward and gave her a smirk. "You're mad because you are obsessed with me."
His still damp hair wafted the scent of Jhirmack, and she suddenly found herself turned on by the smell of his shampoo. She allowed her eyes to graze over his tight black Poison t-shirt (Bret Michaels was looking pretty darn good on Chris's pecs, she had to admit) before meeting his challenging gaze. "I think you're obsessed enough with yourself for both of us."
"Oh?" He licked his lips slowly, the Golden Fleece of all Chris Jericho moves. Once the move was unleashed, the victim was flooded with uncontrollable lust.
Without a second thought, Stephanie threaded her hands in his hair and yanked him down for a hot kiss. When he didn't respond, she leaned back in confusion. "Why aren't you kissing me?" she pouted yet again.
Obediently, Chris gave her a small peck on the lips, curious as to what she would do next.
He wasn't expecting her to grab the back of his head and drag him halfway across the table. Her lips trailed from his mouth to his ear, and he spasmed as she sucked on a particularly sensitive tendon. "Maybe I should find Edge; at least he knew how to kiss me," she whispered before licking the outer rim of his ear.
That was a blatant lie. Stephanie had only kissed Edge twice, and both times she had nearly drowned from his excessive saliva. It was enough to scar her for life (and break off any further physical contact).
He knew she was provoking him, but he became irrationally angry at the mention of his former competition. Grasping her shoulders, he pulled her as close as possible and punished her with his lips.
At that point, Stephanie found it within herself to forgive him. After all, the honeymoon period wouldn't last forever.
Back in the privacy of Jericho's locker room, Shelton's eyes strayed from the main event playing on TV. He couldn't help but watch Nidia bite her nails and yell at the screen, even though each outburst opened the hole in his stomach just a bit wider. Idly he
wondered if he was a secret masochist; when her still damp hair brushed his shoulder for the 6th time, he decided that it was worth it.
When Triple H began the vicious head shots, Nidia's hand flew out and grabbed Shelton's forearm. "You have to do something, Shel!"What he really wanted to do was turn the VCR on record, so he could watch Orton's eventual bloodshed over and over. But his hard head was no match for his soft heart, especially when it came to her. Placing his hand on top of hers, he gently removed her grip, giving her the best smile he could force out. "Anything for you, mi chica hermosa,"
he said. Instantly liking the way her eyes bugged out, he gave her a nod and rushed out the door. He'd have to thank Lilian Garcia for the quickie Spanish lesson next week.
Running through the hallways, Shelton paid no heed to the wrestlers he bumped into - perhaps he could not tell Nidia how he felt about her, but show her with his actions.
Of course, when the action involves trying to take out all three members of Evolution, it could be construed as stupid, rather than romantic.
Luckily for his ass (and Randy's, for that matter), Chris Benoit had been one of the people in the hallway that was nearly mowed down. His curiosity peaked, the rabid wolverine tailed the young man; when he saw the circumstances, he decided that his interference would be rewarding, to say the least.
When the odd trio finally retreated to the back, Shelton's eyes caught sight of Nidia rushing towards them. A lump rose in his throat as he saw her hurried pace and worried eyes; he could almost tell what would happen next.
His fears were confirmed as she bypassed Shelton and flung herself into the arms of Randy. Shelton caught the surprised look on the former champion's face before he turned away, walking back... well he didn't know where, but he wasn't going back to the saliva fest in Jericho's locker room.
"Shel!" Nidia called out behind him, pausing his retreat. "Gracias!"
Thanks for letting me stomp on your heart once again, he adjusted mentally as he resumed walking, calling out a halfhearted goodbye over his shoulder. Now, if only he could get his heart to say that...
END CHAPTER EIGHT
Author's notes: Yeah, I'm late again (as usual), but this time it was for a good reason – I was out having fun in my old college town. So, to apologized, I added some extras to make this chapter longer :) Hope you liked it; please drop me a review and let me know what you think!
Oh, and according to my friend Colleen, mi chica hermosa means 'my beautiful girl'. I hope it's correct (my bilingual-ness only covers bits of Hungarian), otherwise I offer my apologies.