DISCLAIMER: I do not own Shelton Benjamin, Nidia, or other wrestlers that appear in the following story. They are the property of the actors and actresses that portray them, as well as the WWE.
SPOILERS: Mention of events from 10-18-04 Raw, and alludes to outcome of Taboo Tuesday.
PRE-STORY AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter may offend some due to some satirical content. Please read with an open mind, and check out the author's notes at the end for the whole story. Thanks :)
Flowers Can't Keep Secrets
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Mixed tag matches, in which two superstars are thrown together to battle their respective enemies, used to be a thing of novelty. The fans would gape at the performers, wondering which benevolent god gave them both Hulk Hogan AND Macho Man on the same team (that god was Vince McMahon, and even he made mistakes (see Hogan/Brutus Beefcake pairing)).
While it used to be a challenge for uncommon tag partners to, well, partner up, today's wrestlers are more than capable to work with random teammates. Still, there are certain factors that each new tag team has to negotiate, adaptability or not.
"So what color tights are you wearing?"
"Probably the sparkly blue ones."
The young man bit his lip; his shiny blue wrestling gear was his favorite (and not just because it brought out his gorgeous blue eyes). However, since his partner was older (and therefore, more crotchety), he knew he had little chance of winning this battle. "Fine, I have black ones I can wear," he said bitterly.
If they lost tonight, he would pin it on the lack of his lucky blue Speedo.
The blond nodded. "Good. Since we are an amazing combination, how do you want to celebrate our win? Pats on the back? Man-hug?"
"What about ass-slapping?"
Jericho smirked. "Thanks Rob, but I don't swing that way."
Randy crinkled his nose at the insult. "What's wrong with a little butt slap? Athletes do it all the time, heck Hunter used to…."
The other man interrupted with a sigh; he had forgotten how impressionable rookies are. "Let's just keep to man-hugs, ok? And do me a favor kid?"
"What's that?"
"Start forgetting anything Hunter said was normal."
With those terms settled, the meeting was adjourned. Chris ventured into the hallway in search of his girlfriend; Randy wisely stayed in the locker room, in order to reduce the scarring of his fragile young mind.
On his way to the cafeteria, however, Chris found Edge pacing around in front of his locker room. This would be rather unremarkable to Mr. Jericho, if there wasn't a beautiful girl standing beside the King of all Grease.
Edge's infamous girlfriend had appeared, and lo and behold, she was a hottie.
She was tall, yet not too tall. Petite, and yet some would call her voluptuous. Dark blond (or was it light brown?) hair cascaded over slim shoulders. Her eyes were an odd bluish-greenish-hazel (again, it depended on the beholder). She appeared to have no makeup, and yet looked flawless.
If Chris didn't know better, he would proclaim that she was the figment of someone's imagination. And if he didn't have Stephanie, he might have been attracted to her, so much in fact that he would have declared his love after only a few short nights.
Thank GOD for Stephanie.
As he neared the couple, he caught sight of a stack of note cards in Edge's hands. "Everyone knows; Chris Benoit knows, Shawn Michaels knows, even Triple H knows, that I deserve a heavyweight title shot," he read slowly before flipping the card to the back. "How did that sound babe?"
The girl merely smiled, and yet her blindingly white teeth startled the approaching Chris.
"Alright, alright, how much did he pay you?" Jericho said, rubbing the spots from her eyes.
"Excuse me?" The girl's chameleon eyes were full of confusion. And unbridled lust, because she was a bad girl at heart. But mostly confusion. "Honey, who is this?"
Edge glanced at Jericho, then immediately wrapped an arm around the girl's waist. Heck, he had already lost one girlfriend to the guy. "This is Chris Jericho, probably the biggest asshole ever to walk backstage."
"Now now, don't try to be modest and pin me with your title." Deciding to rile up the tall grease ball, Chris gently grabbed the girl's hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. "I'm Chris ma'am, and you are?"
"Susie."
"Interesting name." She didn't really look like a Susie, but then again, Ric Flair didn't look alive anymore and he still wrestled.
"It's my middle name, actually. I was named after my mum, and it was less confusing that way."
"Susie's my dental hygienist," Edge interjected proudly. They smiled at each other, reflecting the light off of their teeth in a twisted game of Pong.
Chris didn't know what it was, but something about Susie irritated him. He also thought Edge's oral fetish was reaching a dangerous level.
Not noticing the other man's discontent, or the fact that two men didn't get along, Susie proceeded into her abridged life story. "That's how we met; I was cleaning his teeth and got distracted by those gorgeous eyes. 'Course, I didn't know he was a wrestler; I've never watched much wrestling. My mum wasn't a big fan, which is weird, because she used to be a huge groupie and know all of the old superstars personally."
"This is great and all, but…" Chris started.
"Anyway, it's pretty exciting to be backstage and all. I tried calling my mum but she said 'Mary honey, please be careful'. That's my first name by the way, Mary..."
Jericho's stomach was turning, and yet it was a train wreck: he couldn't step away. Edge, meanwhile, was used to Susie's rambling and had returned to his note cards.
"So I let Edgie drag me here, which is great because everyone's been so nice to me! It's almost like I belong here or something." Susie briefly paused. "I wonder if I can get a job here or something. Do you think that's possible honey?"
"Mmm whatever babe."
"Listen, this has been great and all, but I gotta split," Chris said uncomfortably. He wanted to leave, desperately, and yet he almost felt bad for leaving the girl, as if she had some strange power that made him want to like her.
"Well, it was great meeting you Chris. I am sure I'll see you around," she laughed.
Chris couldn't resist. "The question is: do you really want to be seen with this master debator?"
Susie's forehead wrinkled; a virtual 'I-don't-get-it.'
Shawn Michaels (who was walking by), pulled out a pen and wrote the clever phrase on his hand. A man from Texas wouldn't readily think of a clever pun like that, the only think he had come up with was a joke about 'sammichs' (which would still be used, unfortunately).
Since it isn't funny to explain one's puns, Chris decided it was high time he left.
Chris's best friend, meanwhile, wished that he could walk away. Unfortunately, it was rather hard to do that when he was being held against the wall.
"Have I made myself clear, boy?" the much larger man growled.
Shelton cringed as spittle flew out of his attacker's mouth and hit his cheek; what he wouldn't do to have minimal arm movement. "Crystal," he gasped out.
Nodding, Batista released his arm from the other man's chest, causing Shelton to collapse in a heap at his feet. "You WILL help me get that title, or else all deals are off."
"Whatever," Shelton grumbled softly. The ogre standing above him cracked his knuckles before sauntering off towards the exit. He relaxed on the floor for a few minutes before standing slowly and rubbing at his neck.
"Shelton?" a female's voice called out worriedly.
He whipped his head towards the noise, wincing as he strained already painful muscles. "Hey Lilian," he greeted quietly, not quite sure what to say. How much had she seen? he suddenly worried.
Noticing the young man's laborious breathing, Lilian rushed over to him. "Are you alright Shelton?" she asked urgently. She was trying to find the production truck, not expecting to stumble across the crumpled body of a rookie.
He gave her a fake grin. "Just a little winded. Think I'll go lie down in my locker room."
Lilian placed a hand on his forearm, stopping him from walking away. "Do you need some help getting there?" she asked hesitantly. Even though they were acquaintances at best, she knew he was rather stubborn and would refuse her help. Still, she felt the need to try.
Shelton fulfilled her prediction with another painful shake of his head. "Nah, I should walk it off. I'll see you around." Pulling away from her grasp, he wrapped an arm around his chest and began walking down the hallway.
"Shelton? How did those Spanish phrases I taught you work out?"
He stopped in his tracks as a flurry of emotions flooded him. Pushing the thought of Nidia aside, he made a dismissive gesture with his hands. "Eh, I think I screwed them up," he lied.
It was actually a half-lie; on retrospect, he had screwed things up.
"Guess who I just saw?" Jericho stated as he plopped down in a chair beside Stephanie.
"Hold on a sec," she replied, scribbling a few extra words down on her maintenance log. Once completed, she set her pen down, then leaned over and gave her boyfriend a peck on the cheek. "My father?"
Chris blanched, scooting his seat farther away from his girlfriend. "Y-y-y-your father is here again?" he stuttered.
Stephanie rolled her eyes at his behavior. "Yeah, to promote the pay-per-view tomorrow and all," she said as she pulled Chris's chair back where it was. "Don't worry; he's holed himself up in the VIP lodge until the show starts."
"In that case…" Chris pulled Stephanie into his lap, her legs awkwardly straddling him. "Why don't you give your other daddy a kiss?" he leered, waggling his eyebrows for effect.
That earned him a hard smack on the chest. "You're a real sicko, you know that?"
"I don't hear you complaining, babe."
Growling at the nickname, she leaned in for a hot kiss, but broke it off when he tried to deepen it. "So who'd you see?"
"You call that a kiss?" Chris squeezed her butt, getting him a glare and another smack on the chest. "Ow! Alright, I saw Edge's girlfriend!"
"So?"
Chris frowned. "I thought you'd be interested, being the nosy person that you are." His cell phone chose that moment to vibrate in his pocket, but seeing as he was trying to dig information out of his girlfriend, he didn't answer it.
"I already met her. She had to sign-in with me as a guest when she got here…" she trailed off with a shrug.
"Wait, don't the security guards usually do that?"
An evil smile spread across Stephanie's face. "We had a bit of a change in procedures today, just in case."
"There's my nosy girl." He snuggled her closer; while most men would be put off by a scheming woman, he was rather proud of her interference. "So what'd ya think?"
"I don't know." And that was the truth; Stephanie wasn't sure of her exact feelings about Susie. Sure the girl was pretty, but in a 'you're dating Edge so it's not that threatening' kind of way. She was nice enough, but her chatterbox rendition of 'This is My Life' tarnished her image a bit. And her teeth matched Edge's, which was a bit scary.
All in all, Stephanie felt that if Edge and Chris were still friends, she and this girl could've become best friends. They would go to the mall together, chat on the phone; hell, even be each other's maid of honor. But Chris despised Edge, and therefore Stephanie could really care less about the girl.
However, if this Susie tried to go after her man, she would lay that bitch out. She repeated this sentiment out loud, as an extra warning to Chris.
Chris, being the egotistical man that he was, found this terribly amusing, and started mock complaining about being some chick's property. Worse, he lamented, he was 'property that wasn't getting laid'.
His girlfriend silenced him with a kiss full of promises; however, not one of them guaranteed a roll in the hay anytime soon.
Chris Jericho didn't answer his phone during his 'talk' (see: extended make-out) with Stephanie, nor would he answer it the three other times it rang. The Caller ID told him it was Shelton, but he didn't really care: if it was important, the rookie would search him out. Otherwise, he didn't want to hear more whining about Nidia.
The four time Shelton got Chris's voicemail, he lost his temper and smashed his phone against the wall. His so-called best friend was ignoring him, probably hanging out with Orton and having a gay old time. Emphasis on the gay.
Normally, Shelton would remind himself that Chris was quite shallow, and probably had some bullshit excuse as to why he didn't take his calls. He would calm down, paste on a smile, and go be good ol' Benji.
Not tonight. The accumulation of guilt over Nidia coupled with the ongoing stress of his Evolution woes had brought him to the brink.
He was tired of pretending.
He was tired of a lot of things.
Perhaps Chris needed a reminder of just who Shelton Benjamin was. And tomorrow night's Taboo Tuesday sounded like the perfect venue.
END CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Author's notes: Finito! Honestly, I feel like this is one of my best chapters yet; I'm extraordinarily happy with the mix of humor and drama.
Now you either got the whole 'Susie' joke or you didn't… I'm hoping that you did, because honestly, I've been dying to do it for a few chapters now. If you did get it, and got offended, I'm sorry. I wasn't poking fun at any specific examples of the genre, just the usual criteria that a character like Susie would have. If you didn't like it, sorry again, but I thought it was hilarious. In fact, my brother wants a repeat performance from the Susie, and there are a few things I could add…. but we'll wait and see what the reviews say.
Speaking of reviews, please do! Oh, and while you're at it, go check out a new fic by KayAKALikWrestleGrl called 'Home is Where the Heart is'; I absolutely love the concept (pardon me while I drool at the thought of Cowboy Chris). Anyway, I hoped you like this chappy, let me know what you think! Until later days people, take care!