Happy Enough by SLynn

Disclaimer: Any character you recognize, not mine.

Notes: Thanks again for the reviews annie, Rikzbw, white rose01, prettyredneck85, fiona. Sorry if I missed anyone, I still do really appreciate it and I'm typing as fast as I can!

Chapter 7: Confessions

An hour after his 'confession' to Grissom and Greg was in the lab. Hiding in plain sight. It was easier here. Here he could just process whatever came his way and not talk to anyone.

"Greg," Sara called loudly from the door way.

His music was up to its typical volume. He turned it off and looked up at her expectantly.

"What are you doing in here?"

"Work. You've heard of it right?"

"Yes, but you don't work in here anymore."

"Tonight I do."

Sara looked down. She was growing impatient. She considered Greg a friend as much as she considered anyone a friend. Especially lately as they'd worked together more, but it had its limits. He had a puppy like charm she found amusing although she'd never tell him that but this was really getting to be too much. It was time for him to snap out of it.

"No. Tonight you and I are heading back out to that crime scene for a walk-thru."

"Take someone else."

She almost didn't believe he'd said that. But he must of because now he was turned around continuing to mix what ever it was he'd been mixing before.

"What?"

"Take someone else. I'm busy here."

He wasn't looking at her. The whole time he hadn't once made eye contact with her.

"Greg. I'm going to say this one more time. Just once. Get your coat. Get your case. Get your inhaler. And get yourself down to the garage now."

Greg finally looked her in the eye. He'd never seen her this angry before, not at him at least.

"Give me a minute," he said as he begun to wrap up what he'd started.

"Good," she said as she left.

Greg went for his jacket and case, remembering his inhaler this time, and trying to figure out why he'd been such an ass back there. This wasn't Sara's fault.

Fast as he could he made it to the garage, sliding into the passengers' seat. Sara never let him drive and tonight was not the night to ask.

"So, what are we looking for?" he asked somewhat sheepishly half-way through the trip. He hoped she was still talking to him.

"Remember that photo from the other night?" she asked concentrating on the road.

'How could I forget what had caused me yet another 'oh-god-I'm-going-to-die panic/asthma attack?' he thought but only answered, "Yeah."

"Did you see what was out of place?"

"No."

"The window. It was open."

"But it's like nearly winter."

"Exactly. The Chabot's didn't open them. They would have froze. So the killer must have."

"I didn't know," was all he said as his brow furrowed.

"It wasn't easy to spot. Only one was open and we only got one good picture of it. Luckily the crime scene…"

"No, not that. I didn't know their names."

Sara turned her attention to Greg for a moment, for the first time doubting if he'd be able to handle this job. He was having a hard time with this.

"Greg, you're going to have to try and get use to it. I'm not saying treat them all like faceless victims, but you can't get wrapped up in it."

"It's just a pointless way to die."

"I know. No one should have to die that..."

"I'm not talking about them."

"I don't understand…"

"I'm talking about me."

Greg turned away from her as far as possible, completely facing the window and frantically wiping his hands on his face.

'Dear God, why now?' he thought. 'Why suddenly now I can talk about this? Why do I have to cry about this again? And what did I possibly do to you to make this whole little break-down happen in front of Sara?'

Sara had pulled the SUV over to the side of the road and thrown on the breaks unsure of what to do next.

She'd thought he'd been upset because of the murders. It had been ugly, he'd been over worked, and after the embarrassment of Monday night, she hadn't thought there'd been really that much wrong. Obviously, there was.

Sara leaned over and touched him slight on the elbow. He turned and looked at her and smiled slightly.

"I'm sorry," he said looking down, eyes red.

Once again she was at a loss. She felt that even if she did know what to say, saying it would only cause him to retreat back into himself.

"The pictures don't bother me. The bodies don't bother me as much anymore. I just keep seeing them and thinking that at least they had each other. They didn't die alone. Isn't that sick? It's so selfish and wrong of me and I can't stop. Sara, I am so scared."

This wasn't the Greg she knew. The Greg she knew was loud and flippant and so very much full of life, that the man before seemed like a cruel mockery.

"Don't cry," he said turning from her slightly, "Please don't cry."

She hadn't realized she was.

"The stupid thing is, I don't even know yet. I could be fine. I could be driving myself and everyone I know crazy for nothing."

Sara almost interrupted him to ask what he meant, but she couldn't do it. She thought that if he didn't get this out now he might never get it out.

"Leukemia," he said as he looked into her eyes. He understood that she didn't know what he was talking about and was just tired of holding it in. "They think I have leukemia again."

"Oh God Greg, I'm so…"

"Don't," he said holding up a hand as if he could physically stop the words. "Don't say you're sorry."

She was right. Her speaking seemed to break his nerve or the spell. Greg turned away from her again, quiet for a few moments.

"Everyone's always sorry," he spoke just above a whisper.

"When will you know?" she asked after a minutes more of silence.

"Monday," Greg answered in nearly conversational tones.

"You should take some time off."

"For what? So I can sit in my apartment and count the hours? Call my parents and tell them that their worst nightmares returned? I'm an only child because they were petrified to go through it again. What do I say to them?"

"Nothing until you know."

He nodded in agreement.

"I didn't mean to dump this on you. Really, I'm sorry."

"I don't want to hear that from you either," she said in all seriousness.

"Fair enough."

"So," Sara said after another few minutes and the silence had grown comfortable, "do you want to head back to the lab?"

Greg considered it for another half minute.

"No, we should keep going. I'm alright. I'm better. Let's go see if we can find something missed. Catch the bad guys and all the jazz."

Sara nodded in agreement and started back down the dark road.

As they went she was a bit taken back to feel Greg's hand resting on top of her free one. He'd only squeezed it once and then let go again so fast she wasn't sure if she'd imagined it or not.

She didn't think she had.