Author's Note: Blah.

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Chapter 2: Bleeding Heart Over Cocktails

Heero Yuy, is and always will be a lone wolf.

He also remains the one person I can't seem to fit into my color scale. At first I thought he a total orange, and then perhaps blue, and then violet.

But he defies all my logic in that arena.

I remember the first time I met Heero, two years ago on a cruise. He was being followed by some looney blonde chick, Relena something. Last I heard she was in England or somewhere teaching. Moving on, we bumped into each other at the bar and got to talking...and somehow I became friends with the brooding boy.

We ran into each other a couple times again in Tokyo and hung out more. Remember how I said I had my indigo days? That was all Heero's faults. He's just too sexy sometimes. Curses! Eventually came the inevitable first kiss, which happened over sushi at my place while watching old Kung Fu episodes, and then dated.

For a year and half. It was mostly on again off again...and then off for good as we officially broke up four months ago. It was apparently mutual, but mostly him. Perhaps we just didn't connect as well I wished.

So then there he was at HD Planet, looking as good as ever in jeans, a tank top, and denim.

Honestly, isn't there a rule ex-es can't look that damn good! I tried hiding behind some taller people on the dance floor but alas he spotted me. I swear that boy could work as a spy. Our gazes locked and, not to sound cliched, I felt my heart stop.

Even if we aren't together, he can still do that to me. Give that nervous feeling in my stomach like I'm a school girl. Hmmm...note to self. Invest in school fuku for Halloween masquerade at Illusions. I should note Illusions is one of my favorite Tokyo haunts, a club that is mostly country-line dancing, but has its random nights of fun.

The BEST nights are the ones you can barely recall, but might I suggest to those who are utterly virginal to alcohol, if you are offered a cerebral hemorrhage..PASS. Trust me folks, it ain't pretty.

Getting back to the topic at hand, I tried to worm my way back to the table and I suppose it's a cowardly thing to do but I never said I was perfect. Damn close, but not quite. Wufei apparently returned and the three look up at my distressed state.

"What's wrong with you?" Wufei asked harshly.

Yep, that's our resident asshole.

"I just...I think I'm going to head home. I'm feeling off."

A lie..but I needed out.

"Could it be because your anti-social ex just walked in? Really Duo, backbone." Treize murmured and sometimes I swear he's more smug that charming.

"Yeah so I'm spineless. I'm out of here."

"Feel better Duo." Quatre said softly, and I swear he's the closest thing to a sister ever. No insult to the guy, but he is pretty feminine. He wears pink shirts....everyday. Seriously, now there's gay and then there's gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy.

But Quatre makes the GAP richer and I suppose there is some beneficial reasoning to it all. I myself don't really stick to one store, as in most things in life. Not that I'm utterly promiscuous, but after being in a monogamous relationship with Heero for that long, I feel I owe it to myself to play the field more. There's a billion people alone in Japan and I don't think I should narrow my margins down at all. How the hell else am I actually going to find the right person for me then?

I got out of there and managed to avoid any direct run-in with Heero as I hailed a cab and headed back home to my apartment overlooking the bay. Got to love waking up to Tokyo Tower in the morning. I swear it's like the center of the freaking universe, or at least it is in anime.

It was about one in the morning and I promptly sat on my couch, picked up the phone and called Hilde Schreinbacker, an old girlfriend who was also one of my closest friends. She lives in Kyoto at the moment but she's used to my late-night ramblings.

Ring ring ring. No answer.

Then I remembered she was supposed to be working a night shift at the lounge she waitressed at. A real nice red velvet place with good pot stickers. Hilde was one of the like five women I seriously dated, and the only one I still talk to.

It really was the only amicable break up ever and probably why I still call her at least four times a week. In fact, she utterly agreed with my 'play the field' notion. I'd like you to find me any other straight woman who'd tell a man they really should play the field and not get too tied down.

Yea, didn't think so.

I suppose there were a number of reasons why Heero and I didn't really work out. I expected too much, he was more reserved, and sometimes I find myself questioning if he was even into guys at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm studly if I say so, but my long hair does give me girlish appearance. I mean we kissed, didn't really hug, it wasn't as if we didn't get intimate....oh yea we were naughty boys, but he was just....emotionally unavailable.

And I guess I need more than that.

I was Heero's first guy actually. I remember when I was with a guy for the first time. It was someone I knew for a while named Solo. That was a crazy three months in the dorms but we parted ways somewhat well. He's currently a computer programmer in Portland, Oregon. He also works nights as a ringmaster in some odd nightclub. Not surprising really.

After five years of dating both sexes, I will admit I'm twenty-four making my first homo-erotic experience occurring at age nineteen, I find that I mostly seemed to prefer men. Sure women were nice and all, but men seemed easier to date mostly. Less bullshit. Though when they're in the closet is utterly annoying.

So it's late and I have no one to talk to. Yippee.

Thus this is where my old friend infomercials came into play. How many times I can see that Turbo Cooker one is really amazing. All I need is some Ben & Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch right now and I have a really good pick me up to fix the night.

I wondered what Heero was doing at a club. It would literally take a gun to his head to drag him anywhere out like that, trust me I know. He always hated places full of lots of people, and I guess he's both anti-social and claustrophobic. Ironically he doesn't seem to be afraid of anything else. I once sarcastically asked him if he was some kind of bubble boy growing up.

He was not amused. No humor in that one.

So the question is still there.

Why was Heero 'I Prefer Empty Spaces' Yuy at HD Planet?

As much as I hate to put myself into the jealous, over-reacting, girlish over dramatization state of mind....I do anyway.

I mean I seriously haven't talked to Heero since we broke up and then out of the blue there he is. Half of me wants to make sure we don't have any run-ins, half of me wants to know why he was there, why why why...

As much as I said I was over it all and as much as I want to see who and what is out there in this crazy world, I still can't seem to let it go. I keep thinking why and that keeps me stuck where I am at the moment.

As much as I talk, I still think about him and I sometimes miss him.

I guess it's not easy, this whole breaking up business, but I thought I could handle it.

Guess I was wrong.

Maybe I'm a liar but at least at I'm not so pathetic that'll I pretend.

Sadly I think I still love Heero.

And damn if that isn't really depressing.

Quatre's gallery party is at the end of week and perhaps I can meet someone to take my mind off of Heero, if not for the time being.

I mean is four months really enough time to get over someone? Maybe I still need more time. I'm still breathing, still walking, still living. I guess there's hope for me yet.

Until then, I still have Ben and Jerry.

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End of chapter 2. Ice cream. Mmm.. Damn I want some now.