DISCLAIMER: I do not own Stephanie McMahon, Shelton Benjamin, or other wrestlers that appear in the following story. They are the property of the actors and actresses that portray them, as well as the WWE.
SPOILERS: Mention of events from 11-22-04 Raw.
DEDICATION: To Jodi, who told me that she would never give me a bad review. Here's hoping you don't change your mind :D
Flowers Can't Keep Secrets
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
While employees in the WWE are generally used to the random occurrences backstage, there are those scenarios that leave them wondering if they were having a psychotic episode. Stephanie McMahon, with her position as a glorified technician, had the unfortunate job of listening to the wack-job stories.
"So you're telling me that Trish Stratus, clad on only a towel and her face guard, tried to come on to you in your locker room?" Steph repeated in disbelief.
Wiping his sweaty forehead, Shelton nodded. "Yeah, until your father came in and started talkin' nonsense about me being hopelessly attracted to blonde Canadians. Then she jumped on him."
Steph wrinkled her nose at the imagery. "My father?"
"Yeah."
"And Trish?"
"Yeah."
She leaned forward to place her hand on his forehead. "You're a bit warm. Hallucinations are common with fever, ya know."
Shelton frowned, giving her an imploring look. "You think I'm crazy, don't you?"
"I've always thought you were a bit off," she replied coquettishly. "At least now I've got the proof. Maybe you should take the night off and rest up."
"I'm not taking the night off!" the young man said loudly, startling her. "What's so crazy about all this?"
"First, my father isn't here tonight. Second, Trish Stratus came on to you. And third, you've been exposed to Hunter's little mind games. That'll make anyone crazy," Stephanie listed, ticking off her fingers as she spoke.
Shelton gaped. She knew? How did she know? Why wasn't she strangling him yet? "Wh-wh-what was that about Hunter?" he squeaked.
"That he was screwing with your mind. That's what Nidia said, anyway, after you went off on her," Steph said, her attention returning to the paperwork before her. "What was the deal with that, anyway?"
When there was no immediate answer, she looked up to find that Shelton had vacated the catering area.
"Crazy rookies," she grumbled to herself.
Whether she was part of Shelton's hallucination or not was uncertain; currently, Trish was fully clothed and lounging in her boyfriend's locker room, listening to him bitch yet again about his brother.
"I still can't believe that he attacked me after the match! Me!" Christian whined as he stomped his foot.
"Me neither baby," Trish sighed as she filed her nails.
The blond man was completely unaware of her disinterest. "And then he starts screaming that I'm the reason he didn't get the heavyweight title! Like I even cared to vote for that match!"
Tomko grunted softly; he has seen his boss vote for Shawn Michaels that night, but he wasn't about to correct him. Or remind him that he had a poster of Shawn Michaels hanging up in his house.
"You're better off without him baby," Trish cooed. Finishing with her left hand, she tossed the nail file aside and gave her boyfriend a pout. "Christian, do I look pretty?"
Christian stopped in his tracks and gave her a scathing look. "Is that all you can think about at a time like this? My own flesh and blood attacked me last week, and you want me to shower you with complements? Women!" he complained.
That riled her up good and proper. "Well, sorry for trying to talk about myself for once!" she huffed. "Look at me! I look like… I look like…" she trailed off, trying to think of an acceptable comparison.
"Marsha Brady?" Tomko offered, only to receive two death glares from his companions.
"Who said you could talk?" Trish said.
"Better yet, who said you could try to be funny?" Christian added, going to sit beside his lovely girlfriend. "We hired you to be a one-dimensional bodyguard, not to be Mr. Clowns-Around."
"Yeah," Trish echoed, snuggling into Christian's shoulder (or at least attempting to; her mask did impede her snuggling ability).
Their one dimensional bodyguard sighed, falling back into his role of 'constantly angry guy'. "So, who are we going after today?" he mock-growled.
"Shelton," Christian replied. "Unless Triple H contacts us."
Trish rolled her eyes. "Ugh, I hope not. The last thing I want to do is pretend to salivate all over Chris Jericho."
Christian looked at her critically, wondering if she could seduce ANYONE in that silly mask. "Look at it this way babe; you can pretend he's a much less awesomer version of me," he offered.
"I can hardly wait," she deadpanned.
Shelton, after running away from Stephanie, soon found himself hiding out (where else?) in Chris Jericho's locker room. He knew that he had to tell her, tell everyone actually, about what was going on; however, he couldn't quite muster the cajoles to bring up the subject. Especially when the blond Canadian was going to go psycho on him.
"We need to talk," Chris said suddenly, causing Shelton to jump from his folding chair. Talk? Did he suspect something?
"About what?" Randy replied.
Shelton let out a breath, relieved that he wasn't being forced into a conversation. The other men looked at him strangely before returning to the task at hand.
"About who's going to be the GM next week," Chris finished.
Randy looked surprised for a second. "What is there to talk about? It's your turn."
"And why the hell is it my turn?" Chris frowned.
"Isn't it obvious? I was the team captain, so I should get the last show," Randy explained, as if he was the wise old veteran and Chris was the stupid rookie.
As Chris began to steam, Shelton scooted his chair back, as he felt a tussle fest coming on.
"I never voted for you to be the captain!" Chris whined. "You can't just name yourself captain!"
"Unless you're Christian," Shelton interjected with a snort, but stopped when both Chris and Randy glared at him. "I thought it was funny," he sulked quietly to himself.
"Does this even matter anymore? The point is, I was captain, I won the match for us, and I should get the last show."
"You didn't win the ENTIRE match, rookie," Chris growled. "Besides, you can't have a title match."
"I can if you win the title from Hunter next week," Randy said with a grin. Friend or not, he could totally take Chris.
The blond Canadian's eyes narrowed. Shelton scooted his chair back further, just in case. "Let me get this straight: you want me to be the GM next week so I'll fight Hunter. I win, you challenge me to a match, and supposedly will win." At Randy's nod, Chris smacked his forehead loudly. "Rookies! God help you all."
"What? I happen to think it's an excellent plan." Especially the part where I beat you, Randy mentally added.
"Idiot, what if I don't win? Then your whole little show is a big fat waste!"
Randy's smirk faltered slightly; he hadn't really thought of that (although, in all honesty, it wasn't his fault. He spent the majority of his time thinking about himself).
Shelton, however, couldn't keep quiet after that. "I must be dreaming; did Chris Jericho just admit that he could LOSE to someone?" he exclaimed.
"Shut it, Benji; it was a 'what if' scenario. Of course I'm going to beat Triple Nose and get that title, but only if I'm running the last show."
"Well that doesn't make any sense. If you can beat him, then why does it matter when?" Randy asked.
Chris grinned broadly. "Because, rookie, he will already be worn out from whatever gauntlet you put him through next week. It'll be a piece of cake."
Randy scratched at his head for a few seconds, mimicking his evolutionary brethren (no pun intended) as he mulled over the situation. "Alright, say I take the GM job next week and run Hunter into the ground…"
"Then I'd say you're talking smart, junior," Chris interrupted.
"Let me finish!" Randy said impatiently. "If I do this, I get the first title shot against you."
"It's a deal!" Chris exclaimed, discreetly crossing his fingers behind his back. If he got his heavyweight title back, his first defense certainly wouldn't be against a rookie! It wouldn't be proper!
Randy saw his arm retreating from his back, and his brow furrowed. "What's with your hand?"
"I had a scratch," Chris said quickly. "Speaking of scratching, I'd better go stretch for my match with Batista. I'm sure I'll see you guys in here later," he said sarcastically, alluding to the 'rookie hangout' status that his locker room had taken.
After Chris had left, Randy gave Shelton a puzzled look. "What did that have to do with scratching?"
Chris was partially right, in that Randy was still hanging around in his locker room when he won (see: crawled backstage) his match. They were soon joined by Stephanie, who was brimming with the gossip about Evolution.
"Wouldn't it be great if Dave left them? Then he could be friends with us!" she exclaimed.
Chris growled at that; his girlfriend had a minor crush on Dave Batista, but she assured him that it was only physical 'and she'd never leave him for another muscle-head'. "The guy just knocked me out in the ring, and already you're inviting him to the Thanksgiving party?" he griped.
"I'm sure he already has plans," Steph dismissed as she turned to Randy. "What about you? Aren't you excited that you could have your friend back?"
Randy rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Not really; the dude has always scared me."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I used to have to room with him…" he trailed off, and then shuddered. "Anyway, he's not a softie Steph, so I'd forget about befriending him."
Stephanie sniffed and crossed her arms. "You're wrong; I can just tell he's a big teddy bear who needs some hugs." She winced at Chris's glare. "Platonic hugs, of course."
"Of course," Chris repeated through gritted teeth. If he didn't already have an oversized ego, he'd have a complex over this.
A lightbult then went off above Randy's head. "Hey, I wasn't invited to the Thanksgiving party!" he complained.
His complaint would go unanswered as the door opened then to reveal a worn-out Shelton. He scanned the room, nodding to himself when he saw Steph sitting on Chris's lap. "Good, you're all here," he greeted. "We need to talk."
"Can't you take a shower first, Benji?" Chris requested as he held his nose. "You're a bit ripe."
"Deal with it," Shelton growled, moving to stand before them. He had fretted about this conversation throughout his entire match, nearly causing his team to lose when La Resistance hit him with their finishing move. "Stephanie, Hunter's in cahoots with Bischoff to get you fired."
Stephanie blinked slowly. "Excuse me?"
"And Hunter's also trying to break up you and Chris."
This time, there was no exclamation, outburst, or even an immediate reaction for the first few seconds.
Then, all chaos broke out.
"How did this all happen," Steph moaned.
"I'm going to kill him!" Chris vowed.
"There goes the neighborhood," Randy remarked quietly.
Shelton paced for a moment, trying to find the best way to explain the situation, keeping Chris's short attention span in mind. "Okay, let's start at the beginning. Chris, do you remember when Nidia was getting beat up by Trish and Tomko?" Chris nodded slowly, and Shelton continued. "Well, at the time, Hunter and company were still harassing me about my wins over their precious leader, so I struck a deal with them. They threatened Tomko and Trish, and I'd, well…"
"You what," Chris prompted, not liking how Shelton was bouncing around nervously.
"Well, I would spy on Steph for Hunter."
"You WHAT?" Stephanie screeched.
Shelton held up his hands defensively. "Chill Steph, it's not like I took naked pictures of you!"
Chris stood up, unceremoniously dumping Steph on the ground. "You better not have, rookie, or else…" he threatened.
"Hunter is still pretty obsessed with you, Steph," Randy commented. "Basically, he would make Shelton snoop around your office and tell him anything that he found. One time we… I mean he even made Shelton steal your day planner."
Steph turned to Shelton, who was hanging his head guiltily. "Why would you do this?" she asked quietly, feeling rather vulnerable.
"I couldn't figure out any other way to protect Nidia."
"So you threw them Stephanie," Chris said, cracking his knuckles and approaching his former best friend. "That makes a whole lotta sense, Benji."
"Just… just let me finish," Shelton begged. He wanted to get it all out before Chris (and probably Steph) started wailing on him. "Anyway, when I swiped your planner Steph, Hunter found your little mission statement about taking over Raw. Needless to say, he showed Bischoff."
"Oh shit," Stephanie cursed as she dropped her head in her hands. Under her current contract, she wasn't allowed to breathe the word 'takeover', much less draw up her detailed plan. "If Bischoff shows that to my father, I'm screwed."
"He was going to, but then Orton jumped ship and changed their plans. Hunter temporarily forgot about Steph and started targeting him and his girlfriend…"
"She was never my girlfriend!" Randy grouched, slinking down in his seat. "And I didn't need you to protect me!"
"Shh!" Stephanie hissed. Even though this entire drama involved her, she was sickly engrossed with it. "Nothing ever happened to Nidia or Randy, though, did it?"
Shelton shook his head. "Beyond the ring, no. But in order to do that…"
"You told Hunter about Stephanie and me," Chris finished, feeling ill to his stomach.
Stephanie looked at Shelton in horror. "You didn't!"
"I did."
"Everything?"
"Up until I won the title from you. When we stopped talking, Hunter stopped caring and left me alone."
Chris and Steph both sighed in relief; their relationship had become much more serious since then. "So he thinks he's going to break us up, huh," Chris said, pulling Steph up off the floor and into his arms.
"To quote my father, he's got no chance in hell," Steph said as she tucked her head under Chris's chin.
"Now, as for you Shelton…" Chris trailed off as he tried to push Steph away; however, she was holding on tight. "Babe, let me go so I can kick the crap outta him," he mumbled into her scalp.
While Stephanie enjoyed a good ass kicking, she found herself feeling sorry for their young ex friend. "I think we've got better things to worry about than beating him up," she remarked softly.
Shelton, while a backstabber and a liar, had rendered himself harmless to the power couple; however, he had introduced them to a greater problem by the name of Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
One this was for sure:Shelton was definately uninvited to the Thanksgiving party.
END CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Author's notes: The beans have been spilled. Still confused? Probably; it's hard to write a heart-wrenching confession when two of your main characters are Chris and Randy :P Oh well, review with your thoughts. Hope you all enjoyed, and I'll see you next week (by the way, they'll be a special guest next week.... Take care!