Disclaimer: Justice League Animated does not belong to me, which includes it characters, cities, alien races, planets, etc. I don't own Linkin Park or Meteora or "Easier to Run."
Past Melody"They're playing rough today," J'onn muttered softly as he peered through the window, watching Diana and Shayera continue their sparring match in the Watchtower's training chamber. They were aggressive as ever, more so actually, and the Martian didn't fail to notice this. It was probably due to the music coming from the Watchtower's interior stereo, which emanated into the training chamber. J'onn could hear it just outside the window. Yes, Batman had included a stereo in the Watchtower's construction, as well as a DVD player, videogame system, internet, and television; he hadn't ignored the long-term residents who would live there, mainly the Martian, the Amazon, and the Thanagarian. Batman had made the right move; those additions were highly appreciated, especially by the women.
J'onn's left eye twitched a little as he saw Shayera brutally slammed into the ceiling by Diana; amazingly, she still held her mace. The Amazon wasn't done there however. Before the Thanagarian could fall back toward the floor, Diana's lasso sprung out like a striking snake, catching Shayera in its golden coils; she then proceeded to swing her opponent around, slamming her into the walls, floor, or ceiling every once in a while. The Martian was impressed by Diana's tactics, but he couldn't help but wonder curiously how long it would take for the Thanagarian to escape.
No sooner had he wondered that, then did Shayera make her move; just as she was about to be slammed into the floor below the Amazon, the Thanagarian used her mace, charging its electrical charge, all the while utilizing the momentum from the lasso's swing to strengthen the force of her weapon. She rammed her mace into the metal floor, cracking it wide open, exposing wires; of course, the floor's debris sprang up from the shock, with one particularly huge, metallic chunk barreling into Diana's stomach. The Amazon fell back, winded but still conscious. Shayera couldn't push her advantage, since she was on her knees, leaning on her mace for support, gasping for air, worn out from Diana's beating.
J'onn knew this was no way in hell a sign of the sparring match's end; this was simply a break between the two combatants. Yes, they were particularly viscous today, and the Martian was certain it was because of the music. It was a new CD the Thanagarian had bought earlier that day; the album was called Meteora and it was from the band Linkin Park, one of Shayera's favorites, and it did suit her well. Diana, on the other hand, had a distaste for the band, which she didn't mind voicing in the slightest. Obviously, that instantly angered the Thanagarian, even more so than usual, since she was very protective of that band. Unknown to many, the Winged Avenger had a great passion for Earth's music.
Although they never openly declared their sparring match to be a settlement over their music preferences, the Martian knew that was the underlying reason for Diana and Shayera. It was normal for them to sometimes take their personal arguments into the training chamber, but the Martian wasn't sure that was the best way to deal with their issues. Nonetheless, after each battle, their argument did end, and they went back to the more peaceful state of their relationship. This would happen too after this match, but not yet. J'onn noticed song 5 dwindling into silence, making way for the next one:
IT'S EASIER TO RUNREPLACING THIS PAIN WITH SOMETHING NUMB
IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO GO
THAN FACE ALL THIS PAIN HERE ALL ALONE
As the Martian heard those words, he felt his mind drift abruptly to a red canyon with crimson skies…Home. Mars. There was himself, younger, transformed into a serpent, ramming into the canyon's craggy walls, bringing them down about them, shattering them. Then, he did not care about any of his bloody, jagged cuts caused by the falling debris; nothing mattered, so long as he kept running.
That was when he realized he was all alone. They were all gone, all his comrades, and it was his fault, for as their commander, he had led them all to their deaths.... It was small consolation that their plan worked, the Invaders were finally defeated. What was the point, if there was no one to share the relief with? Then, J'onn felt like some sort of cosmic joke, and the entire damn universe was laughing at him with a twisted grin.
SOMETHING HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM DEEP INSIDE OF ME
A SECRET I'VE KEPT LOCKED AWAY
NO ONE CAN EVER SEE
WOUNDS SO DEEP THEY NEVER SHOW
THEY NEVER GO AWAY
LIKE MOVING PICTURES IN MY HEAD
FOR YEARS AND YEARS THEY'VE PLAYED
He had won in a perverted sense, but he had truly lost. Lost it all. My'ria'h. His children. His family. His friends, his comrades. His race. His whole life was gone, his soul felt lost. Yes, he didn't even have his soul anymore; it was scarred beyond recognition, so different from the way it was. Yes, J'onn was a scarred thing, soaked in the blood of his enemies and loved ones. He felt like a mockery to his race.
The Martian hated to remember things like this, but there wasn't much he could do about it. Those memories would never leave him, ever; they were all scars, each one engraved painfully. J'onn knew he should've been more thankful; the memories didn't plague him all throughout his waking hours now, not like back on Mars after the war. The nightmares remained however, ever the same, containing the same terror, the same fear, the same grief, the same guilt. The memory continued to play.
IF I COULD CHANGE I WOULD
TAKE BACK THE PAIN I WOULD
RETRACE EVERY WRONG MOVE THAT I MADE I WOULD
IF I COULD
STAND UP AND TAKE THE BLAME I WOULD
IF I COULD TAKE ALL THE SHAME TO THE GRAVE I
WOULD
The canyon had been long, so it had taken hours for J'onn to come out on the other side. The Martian didn't mind in the least then; in fact, the time actually felt longer, like an eternity. In the canyon he had prayed to his gods, more profusely then he had ever done in the war; he prayed for a way to change the past, to bring his family back, his friends back, his people back. He prayed for his soul to be returned. His prayers had fallen on deaf ears.
SOMETIMES I REMEMBER
THE DARKNESS OF MY PAST
BRINGING BACK THESE MEMORIES
I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE
SOMETIMES I THINK OF LETTING GO
AND NEVER LOOKING BACK
AND NEVER MOVING FORWARD SO
THERE WOULD NEVER BE A PAST
Truly, J'onn hated those memories. It wasn't fair. He lived through them, why did he have to remember them? What was the damn point? He was supposed to move on, to continue what remained of his life. But those memories held him back, haunted him, tortured him. Why wouldn't they leave him? What did they want from him?
But he knew the reason. They were his punishment, punishment for all his failures, all his shortcomings, his weakness. A reminder too, a reminder to be strong, to never falter. That probably explained better why the memories plagued him. He still faltered. For all his attempts, the Martian remained weak; sure, he was stronger now, but not strong enough. He wondered if he ever would be. Until then-if it ever happened-the memories would continue to torture him.
Still, why bother continuing? Why not just end it all? It still amazed the Martian that he hadn't committed suicide back on Mars after the war; it would've been so easy. They were still plenty of weapons about; all it would've taken was one laser blast to the head, and it would've ended.... But he lived, lived to guard the Invaders, and still he failed that task as well. J'onn could even do it today, if had wanted, could put an end to his existence. But he wouldn't do that. Not now. He had a family now.
JUST WASHING IT ASIDE
ALL OF THE HELPLESSNESS INSIDE
PRETENDING I DON'T FEEL MISPLACED
IS SO MUCH SIMPLER THAN CHANGE
Batman, Superman, Flash, Lantern, Diana, Shayera…they were his new family now. Still, at times, he felt misplaced even among them, as if he didn't belong. It was reasonable; for centuries, he lived isolated, so it was still difficult for him to adjust to having company again. And emotions of helplessness threatened to choke him; every day, he lived with the fear that he may fail them too, just like My'ria'h and his children, just like his first family. He knew such thoughts were self-defeating, but he couldn't help thinking them. Besides, if thrown into a larger perspective, the Martian had been defeating himself for years.
IT'S EASIER TO RUN
REPLACING THIS PAIN WITH SOMETHING NUMB
IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO GO
THAN FACE ALL THIS PAIN HERE ALL ALONE
Song 6 dwindled, but J'onn repeated it in his native tongue, singing it quietly, ignoring song 7. When he finished, he checked on Diana and Shayera again. The Martian laughed out loud. Lasso and mace, as well as mask and tiara, laid forgotten on the floor, the Thanagarian and the Amazon waltzing, right there in the training chamber. Their hair was tangled and wild, their skin covered in bruises, but Shayera and Diana were both chuckling, laughing at themselves. Truly, they were a hilarious sight to behold, considering that their waltz contrasted with Linkin Park's music in the background. The painful past left J'onn, as the peaceful present played before his eyes.
Fin