Happy Enough by SLynn
Disclaimer: Any character you recognize, not mine.
Chapter 18: Fallout
The news had been startling. The crime lab by and large had been told that Greg was on medical leave, hospitalized at UMC for a more aggressive chemo treatment. Everyone had expressed concern but was told that they couldn't visit immediately. The excuse was valid, that during the first stages of treatment chances of infection were high. The less exposure to outside influences the better. But it wasn't the truth.
Gil Grissom sat down with his team after the staff had been told the basics. He needed them to know the truth, without exception. Greg was beginning treatment, but not yet. That night he'd taken Greg into the hospital, straight from his office, where he'd been placed on a seventy-two hour suicide watch.
The initial reaction had been disbelief and silence. This wasn't the person they knew and Grissom agreed. The man who had sat in his office was not the person he knew and he for one wanted the old Greg back.
He'd discussed it at length with Dr. Tracey at the hospital. Just how could the situation have spun so wildly out of control? She hadn't seemed too surprised. In her opinion Greg had always been holding in too much. She'd suggested therapy and he'd refused. Twice. She even asked several times if he felt better confiding in her, but he hadn't wanted to talk about it.
Ironically, until now she really couldn't do anything more. While he was in the hospital they could start him on anti-depressants and hope that they had a positive effect. But eventually he would be released. Once his stay was over it would be up to him again to see to his own mental as well as physical health.
Dr. Tracey had also wanted to limit his visitors and at first just to family. Grissom wouldn't hear of it. Wouldn't relent until she agreed that he and a select few could visit as well. They could see him, but not until tomorrow. It was a very long night.
The next morning Grissom, Catherine and Nick left to go see him. Dr. Tracey had also expressed a concern that he might feel ganged up on if they all showed up at once, so they decided to go in smaller groups. Warrick had fought hard to go on the first visit, but Sara was almost relieved to hear that she wouldn't be, not certain she could ever make the trip. She felt heavy with guilt.
The arrived just after visiting hours began and Dr. Tracey was there to greet them.
"I'm very reluctantly letting you in," she said sternly to Grissom. "He's had a rough night and I've given him a sedative. Try to keep the conversation away from the current situation. I know that'll be hard to do. He may try and provoke you into a fight, do not let him draw you in. He's been lashing out verbally at some of the staff."
Nick could believe it. Greg had a sharp mind and quick wit, sometimes too quick. He sometimes ran his mouth without thinking, but never to be intentionally mean. Nick could recall times they'd gone out to bars or clubs and it had nearly gotten them both in a lot of trouble. But just because he'd never intended to hurt anyone before didn't mean that he couldn't.
Looking at his two mentors, Nick wondered if Griss had gotten a small taste of that yesterday afternoon. He looked as if he certainly agreed with that assessment. Only Catherine seemed mildly surprised to hear that sort of thing about Greg. She wasn't going to be prepared for this if it got bad.
"Anything else?" Grissom asked.
"No. Mostly he just needs his friends right now. Don't be judgmental; there is no answer to why."
They walked in together but Catherine made the first move to communicate. Greg hadn't even turned towards the sound of the door, was just laying in bed gazing out the window.
"Hey Greg," she said, taking a seat nearest the bed. "How are you feeling?"
"I think they gave me valium," was his somewhat cryptic response.
He hadn't even turned towards her. Nick thought they must have given him something much stronger then that.
No one spoke for nearly five minutes.
"What are you all doing here?" Greg finally asked, as if they'd just walked in.
"We've come to see you," Grissom answered, sitting himself down near the foot of the bed.
"You shouldn't have come," he began again and his voice still sounded oddly detached.
Nick couldn't stand it. He got up and left without a word, looking for Dr. Tracey. This wasn't right. He asked the nurse for directions and headed to her office.
"Can we talk?" he asked after rapping on the door.
"Of course, Mr. Stokes correct?" she said, rising part ways to greet him.
"Nick is fine," he said, motioning her to sit and he took a seat himself.
"Alright Nick, I assume this is about Mr. Sanders."
"Yeah," he said, "Greg. That isn't him. How much of a sedative did you give him? He's barely coherent."
"He was very coherent when I spoke to him last."
"It's time to check again."
She looked at him, really scrutinized his movement before speaking again. Greg had said once that Dr. Tracey reminded him of Griss, and now he knew why.
"Nick, right now Greg is a danger to himself. It is extremely important that we keep a very close eye on him and that he remains as calm as possible. He cannot do that for himself right now and we had to give him something for that."
"So the solution is to just drug him up until his treatment is over?" Nick asked in disbelief.
"No. Definitely not. The solution is to reassess his medication. He is on several powerful drugs that can cause some serious side effects. One of them is depression. It's not usually this profound but Greg has not been dealing with his disease. He's shown grief, anger, confusion, everything but acceptance. Until he accepts that he has cancer and that it can be cured, he's going to have to deal with depression. Unfortunately, the chemotherapy sometimes amplifies these feelings. "
"Still, it's not right to do that to him. He wouldn't want to be so out of it that he can barely form sentences. It's not fair to him."
"That was a last resort. We're taking him off of his current chemotherapy drugs and beginning the new treatment in two days. We've already started him on anti-depressants."
"That doesn't…"
"Please, Nick, what did your friend say that's upset you so much?"
"It's not what he said, it's his whole demeanor. That wasn't him. Even when it was bad before this, he'd still be goofing off and telling jokes."
"Have you noticed a change lately?"
"He's had a few bad days."
Dr. Tracey nodded in agreement.
"But I didn't think…" Nick stopped as it really weighed on him that he should have noticed the change. Greg hadn't been normal since he'd found out about the cancer, but the last week he was a completely different person.
"We often blind ourselves to these things. It's not your fault. It's not Greg's fault. He's very strong willed and very afraid of disappointing the people he cares about. He's exactly the type of patient you usually want, if you can just get them to accept the situation. I'm confident he'll pull through this."
"What happens when the sedative wears off?"
"There really is no telling. I wasn't lying when I said I had no choice, but I think he'll be alright. I understand his mother's flying in and he has his friends."
She'd smiled at him when she'd said that last part and Nick couldn't help but feel optimistic too.
"But let me tell you then same thing I told your boss," she said as she stood up to see him out. "It'll be easier for him to accept this and really begin treatment once the people he cares for do the same."
Nick stood to go, shook her hand and thanked her quietly, glad he'd come. He hustled back to the room to find Catherine and Grissom still inside, apparently having more luck at talking with Greg then before. He still didn't sound much like his old self, but it was a vast improvement.
During this time Warrick had gone to the airport to pick up Maggie Sanders. She was in quite a state and he didn't have any of the answers she needed. He was glad that she apparently already knew about the suicide watch and that he didn't have to be the one to tell her, she looked continuously on the brink of tears.
They drove straight to the hospital and he saw her in to Dr. Tracey's office. Warrick assured her that he'd drop off her suitcase at Greg's apartment and then went to find Grissom and the others. He knew Greg's next visitor was going to be his mother, but he'd wanted to hear how he was.
Cornering Nick as soon as possible he got the details. Afterwards, confused by her absence, Nick asked where Sara was. Warrick wished he hadn't.
"She didn't come."
"What?"
"Said she couldn't and I wasn't going to press it."
Nick rubbed his head in frustration.
"I don't care what happened between them," he finally said in a lowered voice in case Catherine or Grissom might wander by, "she should be here."
"Man, you are talking to the wrong person," Warrick agreed, "but I couldn't make her. She is taking this kind of rough."
Nick didn't care at the moment. Now he found himself hoping that the sedative might last a little longer so Greg might not notice what everyone else certainly would. Who hadn't shown up.