Happy Enough by SLynn
Disclaimer: Any character you recognize, not mine.
Notes and Thanks: Thanks again for the reviews: A Bloom, Sillie, werewolfe, Sandersgirl, Em, tabs, TVrocks, white rose01 and Lynn. Sorry if the previous caused undue stress, it should be getting better smirk. My weekend was great! If you have the chance, visit New Orleans. It is awesome!
Chapter 19: Turning Corners
Maggie had seen and talked to her son, watched as the sedative had worn off and the obvious depression once more filled his eyes. It hadn't been pretty. While remorseful at having caused her grief, he still was despondent. They hadn't talked so much as kept each other company. Mostly there had been silence.
Sara came by a half-hour before visiting hours ended.
When she had arrived Maggie had just gone to make a few phone calls and have a quick dinner. Visiting hours didn't apply as strictly to her being family, but Maggie didn't want to leave him alone for long.
Sara came in as silently as possible and watched him for a minute as he had his back to her once more looking out the window.
"You're not interrupting me," he said with his back still turned.
"I'd have come sooner but I, I just didn't know what I was going to say."
At the sound of Sara's voice he turned his head. He'd thought it was his mom having finally made it back.
"I was also going to bring you something, but they wouldn't let me."
Greg knew who the vague 'they' were. The nursing staff on the ward were strict. They'd been rushing off people all day and peering in at him through the window like he was up to something.
"What were you bringing?" he asked out of curiosity.
"Your walkman and discs."
"They probably thought I'd try to strangle myself with the headset, or drop the whole thing in the sink and try electrocution. Not that double A's would do anything really. It would have to be plugged in."
His tone of voice had affected her similarly to how it had Nick. While Nick had been angry about his lack of inflection, Sara was hurt at how angry he sounded.
"That's not funny," she said seriously as she moved closer to his bed.
"I know," he answered in a near apologetic tone.
Sara nodded and sat down near by.
"What is everyone saying?"
"They're worried Greg."
"Yeah, sure."
"You don't have to believe me."
"I believe you."
They sat in the semi-darkness of the hospital room without much else to say. Sara wasn't sure if she should even be there considering everything that had happened, but staying away was like telling him all over again without words that she didn't care. And that wasn't true.
"Why didn't you come by with everyone else?" he asked. "I was a lot more entertaining then."
"I didn't think you wanted me here."
"But you came now."
Sara nodded.
"So what are you doing without me at the office to run all your errands?"
"It's been tough," Sara said actually smiling.
"I bet it has. You've probably forgotten where the fax machine is, haven't you?"
She conceded and another silence followed. The lightness of the moment was gone.
"This isn't your fault," he said, looking back out the window.
"Greg I shouldn't…"
"No," he stopped her effectively with just his voice. "Nothing you could have done or said would have changed how I feel inside. Not that what we..."
"I know Greg."
"I just don't want you to feel responsible for me. Not for this."
Sara wanted to say that she didn't care what he wanted, she was responsible. She'd shut him off because of her own issues and ignored his completely. It had been a selfish way to act and yet, miraculously, he didn't blame her at all. She didn't deserve that kind of treatment.
"You were right. I could have told Nick and Warrick the truth. They didn't need to know everything, but there wouldn't have been anything wrong with me telling them that I'd stayed over. They'd have understood that. I shouldn't have said what I did."
"It doesn't matter," Greg said brushing it off. He had been hurt, was still, but didn't want her to know. "I know it didn't mean anything."
Sara wanted to contradict him but couldn't because she wasn't certain what he'd meant. Did he know that what she said hadn't meant anything or was he implying that that night hadn't meant anything?
"I should go," she said instead.
As she stood up, Greg continued to stare out the window.
"I do you know," he said as she pulled open the door.
"Do what?"
"Want you here."
She smiled at him.
"I'll come back tomorrow."
He nodded, back still turned, and she left.
The next few days had been trying. Greg had struggled through them but was doing well. Dr. Tracey had seen to it that he participate in group therapy, which he thought would be horribly awkward, but hadn't been too painful. It had helped talking with other patients going through similar ordeals. It was either that or the anti-depressants, or the combination of both that helped him finally turn the corner. It hadn't happened over night, but gradually Greg began to realize that cancer didn't equate to automatic death.
It wasn't going to make the next phase of treatment any less painful, but it had helped him regain his optimism. It was the first time he'd felt that he could do this, beat this and have back his life. In a weeks time Dr. Tracey felt he was ready to begin.
It had been excruciating and had cost Greg a bit of his new attitude, but he'd survived.
The first step had been to insert a catheter below his elbow. It would remain in until he was released in about six weeks. Greg didn't care for needles, mainly because he'd never really liked blood. Blood evidence was one thing, it was sterile and safe, but blood actually coming out of someone, being pulled out of him, tended to make him nauseous. But even that hadn't been bad compared to the side effects.
The treatment was given intravenously every day for about four hours. Two hours into the first treatment and Greg felt worse then he'd ever had before. His mother had done everything she could for him but he was miserable. Greg knew it was the only way and that it wasn't permanent, but it hadn't been easy. He had been sorely tempted to rip the damn thing out of his arm. The four weeks it would take to complete the first cycle suddenly seemed a lot longer.
The effects of the drugs typically wore off around the time that afternoon visits began which was great.
Greg was getting more and more easy with people coming to see him. Archie, Jacqui and his other lab tech friends typically came in the morning time, right after shift. Grissom, Catherine and the other CSI's usually showed up in the evenings. Generally they came in ones and twos, alternating days, but that night they all came. His room had never been so crowded.
"Greg, stop doing that," Catherine chastised for the third time since arriving. His continuously pulling at his catheter was making her tense.
"I can't help it," he said in a near whine that made everyone laugh, "The damn thing itches."
"Greg," Maggie said in an exasperated tone.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly, pulling his hand away in such a manner that everyone laugh again.
"I think you're going to have to move to Vegas," Warrick said turning to Maggie, "I don't think anyone's ever gotten that quick of a response out of Greg."
After awhile Grissom, Catherine and Warrick had to leave. They were on duty that night and had cases to attend too. Maggie left as well, but only after she was convinced Greg would be fine. Nick and Sara were planning on staying until they were told to get out.
"Your arm really is red," Sara said gently turning it over to take a look.
"Probably because he's been scratching at in non-stop," Nick said, trying to keep the smirk off of his face as he noticed that Sara, having already examined Greg's arm, now seemed hesitant to release his hand. It was so naturally done he wasn't sure she realized she was doing it herself.
"It really does hurt," Greg replied also trying hard not to let Sara distract him and focused instead on Nick. "Next time we're at the lab I'll set you up with one of your own. You'll see."
Nick laughed but Sara hadn't. She was looking at his arm again. Hospital lighting was either glaring or dim, and unfortunately now it was the latter. She thought she'd seen welts but couldn't be certain. Sara tried to determine it by running her free hand gently over the red skin.
"Ouch," Greg winced, looking up at her somewhat surprised she was still holding onto him.
"Sorry," she said catching his eye and forgetting the reason she was holding his arm in the first place.
"You two want to be alone?" Nick asked.
Sara put down his arm and threw a look at Nick which dim or not he'd caught its meaning. Greg just wanted to smack him, but settled on quiet embarrassment.
Nick couldn't help but laugh.