Harry Potter and Rise of the Dark Lord
By: Logical Raven

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This is actually only part of a chapter, but in light of the news of the closing of HarryPotterfanfiction.com, I decided to post it. I will just add the last part of this chapter onto the next one. It would have taken me atleast 1500 more words, and I didn't have the time.

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Nothing is My Own

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From Bad to Better


Tonks walked by Harry quickly as she passed out graded essays. Two weeks and Harry had refrained from saying one word to her. In fact he hardly said a word to anyone these days. He hated being around people, he hated being told what was best for him.

Tonks let out a small sigh that would have gone unnoticed to everyone but Harry. That was Cho's sigh, the one she sometimes gave when she didn't want everyone to know she was upset. The sigh she released when she was about to tear up and cry. He would have loved to tried to comfort her, but she was one of them. One of the people who thought she knew more than he did. Staying away from Professor Tonks was what those people has said was best for him, far be it for him to disagree, after all it was only his life.

Ron reached for Hermione's hand clumsily as Transfiguration was dismissed. The two were having a rocky adjustment to the new definition of their relationship. It was almost as if they hadn't known each other for the past seven years. Hermione pursed her lips as she refused to blush as Lavender and Parvati let out a fit of giggles on their way out the door. The new couple was making quite a splash in the gossip circles, considering Hermione had turned Ron into a toad during the infamous first transfiguration lesson of the year.

With all the new gossip about Granger and Weasley, Harry had found it very easy to make himself scarce. He had spent a considerable amount of time in his dormitory room or in the Head's Study when he was avoid Ron. Padma Patil was dating Anthony Goldstein so most of the time Harry found himself hiding and stewing in the cold stone room alone, the way he liked it.

In truth he hadn't done much studying at all. Instead he had become in grossed in the book collection that had been building in his truck the past few years. People loved to give him books. Books on defense, books on hexes and curses, books on the dark arts.

He wasn't sure why he'd never read them, studied them before, but now he couldn't get enough of it. His dreams also were getting worse. It wasn't only Bellatrix he wanted to kill in his subconscious desires. There were more faces to purge from mortality. The thing that scared Harry now was he'd rather be dreaming than awake.

He quickened his pace as he saw Ginny Weasley rounding the corner. The two former friends could hardly bare to the in the presence of one another with without it evolving into a screaming match. Harry was in no mood to deal with her fiery red headed temper. He turned the corner without glancing back to see if she had spotted him as well.

Hermione glanced and Ron and frowned. It was obvious that she knew something was wrong with Harry, even if Ron had been to ignorant to notice it.

"I wonder what's bugging Harry," Hermione whispered a few feet behind him.

Harry stopped dead in his tracked causing Hermione to collide with him, "If you want to ask me something Hermione, please do it to my face and not behind my back."

"How can I when you're always hiding," she replied cleverly releasing Ron's hand to placed hers on her hips.

Harry narrowed his eyes, "I'm not hiding now. Go on if it really is that important to you."

"What's wrong with you!" Hermione shrilled, standing up to his challenged.

"YOU!" Harry spat before turning on his heels and storming off.

Harry grinned with satisfaction as he took a seat at the Gryffindor table. His new favorite hobby had been pissing off his friends, and he was getting quite good at it. He reached for a tuna fish sandwich from the massive plate of food the elves had prepared for lunch and took a quick bite followed by a large swig of pumpkin juice.

The hall was all excited about the new spring plans created by Professor Lupin. Since the students needed some other way to occur house points, besides academics, Professor Lupin had suggest a test of skills in which all the house teams would compete to see who was the best of the best. That was the meeting that all house team members were suppose to attend was about. The meeting Harry had intentionally skipped.

It wasn't as if the Gryffindor's needed a captain for this anyways. Harry was a seeker, he didn't have any business instructing the chasers, beaters, or even the keeper. Harry snickered under his breath thinking about how childish the students were being about this stupid event day.

He shoved the last part of his sandwich into his mouth and stood up to leave. The shorter amount of time he spent in the Great Hall, the better. He pushed past Lavender and Seamus on his way out who both looked at him suspiciously. Harry met their gaze with a cold one of his own. It seemed everyone looked at Harry with the same suspicious look these days.

He was half way down the corridor to the Gryffindor common room when a friendly hand touched his storming shoulder.

"Hey Harry, been avoiding me lately I've noticed," Padma grinned.

Harry frowned, "I haven't been avoiding you."

Padma suddenly looked taken back by Harry's tone, but shrugged it off, "Well, I think it's time we plan another excursion, its has been over a month now."

"Why? We didn't learn a damn thing last time," Harry spat.

Padma faced pinched, "That doesn't mean we should give up on the idea. We have to keep at it."

"It doesn't matter, we're all going to end up dead or worse. What is the point of seeing the hit before it happens?" Harry said dropping his head in hopes she wouldn't see the anger boiling beneath the surface.

Padma was now frowning, "What had happened to you? You're not the Harry I remember knowing."

"Maybe I've just finally accepting reality," Harry said viciously willing his temper not to get the better of him.

"Reality?" Padma asked.

"THAT I'M NEVER GOING TO GET TO LIVE MY OWN LIFE!" Harry screamed.

Padma grabbed her chest in shock as Harry started to storm off. Padma watched him quicken his pace and noticed their transfiguration professor in the shadows with a tear littered face. Her face suddenly brighten. The Ravenclaw reasoning was turning the wheels in her head.

Harry saw Padma make a move to approach Tonks but the Auror disappeared into the darkness of the corridor. Harry stopped as he watched over his shoulder for a brief moment. The Prefect's Lounge was just up the halls a way, and Harry knew he'd find sanctuary there.

Within seconds he was tucked neatly in his corner in the empty Head's Study. He sighed wishing his anger would pass. He missed feeling happy.

"Harry, why are you hiding from everyone?" Padma asked appearing in the Study, the only person other than Harry that could.

"GO AWAY!" Harry screamed, turning his gaze to her.

"No, I have as much right to be in here as you," Padma said firmly.

Harry jumped to his feet, "Fine I'll leave then."

"Just talk to me, you need to talk to someone for Merlin sake," Padma hissed slamming her feet to the ground.

Harry sighed, "I can't."

"Why, because you promised somebody not to tell. Look at you Harry, whatever you're hiding is tearing you apart," Padma warned.

"You wouldn't understand," Harry spat, although his feet had quit working.

"Try me. I swear I won't say a word to anyone," Padma begged, as pity seeped into her face.

Harry's legs gave way and he collapsed into the lofty couch, "It's impossible to explain. I'm just so tired of everyone telling me what do to."

"That's life Harry, do you think you're the only seventeen year old who gets told what to do?"

"It's different with me. My whole life people have been dangling things I want in front of my face then ripping them away again," Harry sighed tugging at his hair in frustration. "Now I finally feel normal, I finally feel happy, and it's being ripped away."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Professor Tonks would it?" Padma asked softly, "I've noticed you've been avoiding her lately, like in class you won't even look at her. Just now I saw her crying in the halls."

"It isn't Tonks, it's Cho," Harry confessed finally realizing he couldn't hide it any longer.

"Huh?" Padma said puzzled.

"Cho is Tonks. She's using polyjuice potion," Harry explained.

"And you aren't allowed to see her because it would blow her cover," Padma nodded. "Things have gotten pretty serious between the two of you?"

"How could they? Every time we start to figure things out something messes it up. Maybe I should just break it off with her for good and make everyone happy. Mr. Chang would have his daughter back, Eros would have a girlfriend and the Ministry of Magic could use me to play their savior," Harry said in a deep sarcasm.

"That is one of your options," Padma nodded, "Or you could tell her you love her and everyone else to sod off."

"What?" Harry said looking surprised, it was the first time in weeks he had grinned.

"Tell them to sod off. It's your business who you want to date, and as for the ministry trying to make you play their hero, tell them to figure out their own bloody problems for once, instead of putting all their hope in you," Padma finished, "I've always said that people put too much pressure on you. I'll admit you've been impressive in what you've dealt with the past six years, but I think it's been forced on you."

"Thanks," Harry grinned, "I think."

"Well it's rubbish what the Daily Prophet has been reporting. I mean who decided you were the only one able to challenge you know who. You're still in school, and there is no possible way for you to defeat the one who must not be named. Everyone knows it's Dumbledore who'll defeat you know who anyways," Padma said quickly.

"Dumbledore is dead Padma, that is why Minister Fudge is trying to use me as his new focus point. People would panic if they knew Dumbledore isn't around, so if he can get everyone to believe that I'm the one who is going to destroy Voldemort then he can still look like a brilliant leader. So he's just going to package me up and sell me, and after he's finished he'll send me into the lions den without a second thought about if I'm ready or not," Harry said bitterly.

Padma's hands hide her wide open mouth, "Dumbledore is dead?"

Harry nodded, "But don't tell anyone. Only a handful of people know."

"Oh my, oh my...what are we going to do. We don't stand a chance without Dumbledore!" Padma wailed nervously.

Harry groaned, "You know I'm sick and tried of hearing that. For the name of Merlin, if Dumbledore was so great why didn't he just wave his wand the destroy Voldemort years ago?"

"I'm sure he could have if he'd been given a chance," Padma said in an unconfident whisper.

"Sure he could have, but why destroy the one who's made you famous," Harry spat hatefully, thinking about the predicament Dumbledore had left him in.

Padma shook her head, "No, Dumbledore wouldn't do something like that. Remember he destroyed.."

"I know, but he's dead now so it doesn't matter," Harry interrupted, the urge to run was starting to overwhelm him again.

Padma lightly touched his arm, "I know you're angry Harry, but you've got to get past it. If you don't your no better than the Slytherins or Death Eaters for that matter."

Harry frowned, "Do you remember when Luna turned? She said something to me that make more sense than anything else I remember being told. 'There is no good or evil, there is only power and those to weak to seek it.' Voldemort said the same thing to me during my first year when I was trying to stop him from stealing the Sorcerer's Stone. I mentioned it to Dumbledore and he told me that our choices define us, never anything about not wanting to seek power. What if I'm wrong, what if Voldemort is right and there is no good or evil. Who's to say I'm even fighting on the right side."

"You know you're talking crazy. You know who is mad. He's killing innocent people just because they aren't what he thinks they should be, purebloods. That is evil Harry," Padma argued.

Harry started at her, "Why can't you say his name?"

Padma looked shocked, "I was told never to say that name when I was a child. Bad things happen to those who use that name."

"Bad things like what happens to me?" Harry asked.

Padma nodded, "I know it's silly, but people are scared, and when people are scared they don't think rationally."

"So you think I'm afraid?" Harry asked suddenly.

Padma smiled lightly, "You're afraid in a different way. You're afraid to open your heart. I've heard Parvati talk about the meetings you two use to have. She still says to this day you are the most passionate boy she has ever met. She doesn't say that about anybody else. I've also seen the way Ginny and Cho look at you. There is something about you Harry Potter, I even find myself inspired and drawn to you at times."

"I don't ask people to be drawn to me," Harry said blushing slightly.

"People admire you for some reason. Do you think I'd ever find the courage to sneak out into Hogmeade if it wasn't for you?"

"Dumbledore told me that once, that people followed wherever I lead them," Harry frowned, "What if I lead them the wrong way, like I did with the DA?"

"You've got to quit blaming yourself for everything. You didn't kill Diggory or Creevy. Things happen that we have no control of sometimes, just because you have people close to you doesn't mean that you've sentenced them to death," Padma said slowly.

Padma stood up quickly and engulfed Harry in an enormous hug, and Harry grinned, "I thought you looked like you need a hug."

"Thanks," Harry muttered, "I did."

"I love you Harry Potter," Padma said firmly, but there was no romance in her voice.

Harry looked startled, "What?"

"I love you. Love is more than just something a couple feels or a feeling between parents and their children. Love is the ultimate bond of friendship. So, I telling you I love you, as a friend and as a person," Padma explained.

Harry smiled stupidly, "Cho is the only other person who's ever said that to me you know."

"What? The explanation of love?" Padma teased.

"No," Harry laughed.

"Have you ever told her that you love her?" Padma asked.

Harry didn't answer.

"Just say it once, it will make all that anger go away I promise."

Harry lifted his head and nodded, "Thanks, I needed someone to talk some sense into me, I've been a prat lately."

Padma nodded, "That is an understatement."

"I think I'm going to go find Cho," Harry started to walk towards the door, "Oh Padma, I love you too." Harry felt a sense of warmth rush over him, it was the first time he'd ever let those words come off his lips.

"Get out here," Padma jeered, "And remember, tonight we're going back into Hogmeade."