Note: This is a REALLY long chapter. Only one more chapter to go. Thanks for sticking with this.

The next morning Danny lay awake in bed thinking about the case. Part of him was so relieved to finally give Kelly piece of mind. He was definitely happy that they saved Candace before Raynor could harm her any more. But the other part of him felt sad because seeing Kelly reminded him of the mess he made of her life. He felt like he almost destroyed her.

Danny looked over at the clock. It read 5:28 a.m. His alarm would go off in two minutes. Usually, he would go for a run before work, but not this morning. He thought too much when he ran, and this morning he didn't want to think. No…it would be safer to just go to the office and finish paperwork, he thought. He got up before the alarmed sounded and turned it off.

Within a half hour, he was showered and half-dressed. He was in his kitchen pouring a cup of coffee when he heard his intercom buzz. He couldn't imagine who it was at 6 a.m. "Yes," he answered into the intercom.

"Danny? It's Sam. I'm…um…sorry to stop by so early, but I didn't want this to wait until work."

Danny hesitated for a moment. He wanted to let the argument with Sam rest. He didn't want to explain anything more about Kelly, but he buzzed her in anyway.

He grabbed his dress shirt, put it on, and then opened the door for Samantha. He watched as she turned the corner to walk down his hall. She wasn't dressed for work. She was wearing sweats with no makeup and her hair in a ponytail. As she approached him, he gave her an amused smirk. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like hell."

Samantha watched as Danny's smirk curved into a little smile. She never thought he would smile at her again after their fight. "Thanks a lot. I…uh…I didn't sleep very well last night. Finally, I just got up and took the chance that you would be home."

"Well…it's 6 a.m. Where else would I be?"

"Right," Samantha said as she entered his studio apartment. "We've known each other almost five years, and I've never been up here."

"You've never really had a reason to be here. Have you? I've never been to your place, either," he replied. "You want to sit down? I have coffee."

"Coffee would be great," Samantha responded as she sat on the sofa.

Danny poured a cup for her and brought the mugs over to Samantha. He sat down next to her and asked hesitantly, "What's up?"

"Are we friends, Danny?" she asked with a worried expression.

"What?" he responded not expecting that question.

"Are we friends? Are we more than just co-workers?"

Danny shrugged. "I think so. I mean I spend more time with you than I do with anyone else."

"I got your note last night. That wasn't fair," she said quietly.

"It wasn't fair? I needed to apologize. I was out of line. I shouldn't have said those things. I didn't want you to think that I really felt that way about you."

"Yeah…but you weren't really wrong. I did fall in love with Jack and now his family has fallen a part…and Martin and I are…well I don't really know what I am doing with Martin. But I was wrong. I was completely wrong about you," she said in a tortured tone. "I know now that nothing happened between you and Kelly. She told me that nothing happened. She told me that you just tried to help her get clean."

"You talked to her about it?" Danny asked with a defensive tone.

"I didn't mean, too. It just came out. I know it isn't any of my business."

"You're right. It isn't. What did she tell you?"

"Just that you helped her get to AA, and in the process, she fell for you. But that you told her you couldn't reciprocate. You did the right thing, Danny…unlike me. I continue to do the wrong thing all the time," she replied shaking her head.

Danny gave Sam a quizzical look because he wasn't sure what she meant. "I may have done the right thing in the end, but I let it go to far. She was very needy. I liked feeling needed by her so I ignored the signs. I didn't really do the right thing until it was too late. She almost died because of me," he responded pensively.

Two and a half years ago

Danny was on a date with a very attractive woman with auburn hair named Amber. He met her on his morning run in the park. They'd seen each other every morning for the last month. He finally introduced himself one morning after they spent several days eye flirting. On their second date, she asked him up to her apartment and he said no. He knew the relationship wasn't going anywhere. He knew that she really wasn't his type. If he heard her tell one more story about her yoga class, he was going to shoot himself. But when he said no, she persisted. She gave him the whole line about this not being serious, and she just wanted to have a good time. He didn't really believe her, but he gave in--even though he knew eventually this would end with her in tears, and him feeling guilty.

That's where he found himself one warm summer evening…on Amber's couch making out with her like crazy. As he focused his attention on kissing her neck, she whispered to him breathlessly, "Let's go to the bedroom."

He pulled away and she started to lead him to her bed, but then his cell phone rang. Part of him was relieved at the interruption. "Excuse me for a second. I'm sorry," he said to her as he answered the phone. "Taylor."

"Danny?" answered a small, almost incoherent voice.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"Kelly…Kelly Carmichael. I…um…I found your card in my wallet, and I really need your help. I know that he's not here, but I keep seeing his face…and it's like I can feel his presence."

Danny nodded as he turned away from Amber. "Where are you?" he asked after he heard the fear and tears in her voice.

"Um…my friend's loft in SoHo. It's on the corner of 47th and Lex on the 8th floor. She is having a party. There's a bunch of people here and we've been doing coke. Maybe I am having a bad reaction or something."

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Don't go anywhere. OK?"

"OK. I'll stay here until you get here."

"See you soon," Danny said before hanging up the phone and turning back to Amber. "I'm really sorry, but a witness in one of my cases is in trouble. I need to help."

"At one in the morning? Come on, Danny. I'm sure this witness can wait until the morning," Amber replied as she started to run her hand down Danny's bare chest.

He caught her hand and stepped away as he started to button his shirt. "I'm sorry, but it can't wait. I'll call you…OK?" he said as he smiled and gave her a quick kiss.

"Fine. Whatever," she replied in a disappointed tone.

He took a cab to SoHo and found the loft. He used his FBI id to gain access to the secure building, and then went up to the 8th floor. The door was open, and there were probably fifty people at the party. He made his way through a maze of drunk party-goers before he finally found Kelly dancing in a corner with some guy. The guy was all over her trying to pin her against the wall and kiss her. She kept dodging him while continuing to dance. Danny approached the guy from behind and tapped him on his shoulder. "Excuse me," he shouted over the music. "I need to talk to her." Danny motioned to Kelly.

"Too bad, dude. She's already with me," the extremely drunk guy replied to Danny and then turned his attention back to Kelly.

Danny firmly put his hand on the guy's shoulder and pulled him away from Kelly. "I don't think you heard me…dude…I need to talk to her now," he said as he looked into the guy's face with his most intimidating stare.

The guy looked up at Danny and realized he didn't want a fight, so he quickly squirmed away from Kelly. She just looked at Danny appreciatively and smiled. "You came. I'm so glad you came. Dance with me, Danny," she said as she put her arms around his shoulders.

He could tell that she was extremely drunk and high, so he pulled away from her and took hold of her arms. "Kelly, we need to get you out of here. You called me and told me you were scared. Remember?"

"I'm not scared anymore. They gave me some really good stuff, and now...I've never felt better."

"Well I didn't drag my ass all the way down here to just leave you here," he said still shouting over the music.

"I don't want you to leave me, Danny. Stay…we'll have fun…I promise. I bet…I bet you're a really good dancer."

"I'm not staying, Kelly. Either you come with me now, or that's it. I won't help you again."

"You've got to be kidding? You want me to waste all this good coke? If I go with you…will you promise we'll have a good time?"

Danny knew this was futile, but most importantly, he just wanted her to be safe, so he replied, "Yeah…we'll have a good time."

Kelly bit her lip and nodded. "OK…let's go," she said as she let him lead her out of the party.

Once they got downstairs, he made her call her parents to let them know she was OK. When she got off the phone with them, she said sarcastically, "Happy now?"

"Am I happy? Yeah…I'm thrilled to find you like this. Do you know anyone trustworthy who lives down here? Someone who you could stay the night with?"

"Um...well...everyone I know is up at that party. So...no...I guess not," she answered as she giggled.

"Great," Danny said as he hailed a cab. "Get in."

They both slid into the cab and Danny gave the driver his address. "Is that your place?" she asked with a smile.

"I don't really have a choice...so, yeah...I guess we are going to my place."

When they arrived at his apartment, Kelly said, "This is very quaint, Danny."

"Thanks...I think," he said as he closed and locked the door behind them. "You can take the bed. I'll sleep on the couch. And then tomorrow we'll have a talk before you call your parents to pick you up."

"What happened to the fun you said we would have?" she said as she walked towards him. "You know, Danny...it's no fun sleeping alone." She put her hands on his chest and looked up at him as she smiled seductively.

"I lied...about the fun. It's two in the morning, and time to go to bed. I don't want to play games with you, Kelly."

"I don't want to play games, either. But I also don't want waste this buzz. I bet you remember what it was like, Danny...having sex on a high...there's nothing quite like it," she said as she arched up to kiss him, but he pulled away quickly.

"Actually, what I remember most is not remembering anything about nights like these. Just like you won't remember any of this tomorrow. Go to bed, Kelly. We'll talk in the morning."

She backed away from him and shook her head as she entered the bathroom. Danny just sat on the couch and wondered if there really was anything he could do to help her.

The next morning, he placed a steaming cup of hot coffee on the nightstand next to his bed. She was still sleeping. He gently put his hand on her back to jostle her awake. "Morning...sunshine," he said in an upbeat tone.
When Kelly first opened her eyes and realized she was in a strange bed, she jumped slightly. But then she saw Danny's face and felt confused. "What...what happened?"

"You...uh...you called me last night. You asked me to pick you up. I figured you didn't want to go home like that, so I brought you here."

"My parents...," she said wearily.

"You called them. You said you would call this morning when you were ready to be picked up," he answered. And then he had to ask, "How long has this been going on, Kelly?"

"Do we really have to talk about this now?" she asked as she turned her head and willed the sun to go away.

"I think we do. You were pretty out of it last night...out of control. What were you thinking?"

"I'm tired. I tired of being scared and I'm tired of everyone watching every step I make. I want to go back to the way it was before...before..."

"You really want to go back that? You like waking up and not knowing where you are or how you got there? The problem with trying to forget...and trying to pretend like nothing is wrong is that the problems never go away. They are still right there for you when you sober up. You're a strong person, Kelly. You survived something...unthinkable. You can survive this, too. I know you can," he pleaded.

Kelly looked into Danny's eyes and saw the same strength from the day he saved her. In that moment, she would have done just about anything he would have asked of her. But all he asked was that she go to one AA meeting with him. He asked her to just go to one, and if she didn't ever go back...he would understand. So she went with him. And then she went with him the next day, and the day after. After two weeks, she was going on her own every day except for the two meetings a week when Danny was there. After those meetings, they would go for coffee after.

"So...how's it going?" he asked after he took a sip of coffee.

"OK...I'm doing good. I working through the steps...you know...it's like my full-time job."

"Good...that's good to hear," he replied as he smiled at her.

"I do have one rather large problem...I was hoping you could help me with," Kelly said coyly.

"Name it."

"You have to be my sponsor, Danny. Mary just doesn't get me...you know? We are nothing a like. She's a housewife from Queens. I have zero in common with her."

"You're alike in the only way that matters...you're alcoholics. And it's not like you have that much in common with me," he replied.

"I know...but I can't relate to her. I can't talk to her like I can talk to you," Kelly responded in earnest.

"Maybe I can help you find someone else, but I can't be your sponsor."

"Why not? Because you're a guy? It's a silly rule."

"It's not silly. And it's not just because I'm a guy. We have a history...even if it's a brief history. I can't save you this time, Kelly. You have to save yourself. It's not even really about who your sponsor is...at this point, it's all about helping yourself."

Kelly sat back and sighed. "You're tough, Agent Taylor. Here I thought I could wrap you around my finger."

Danny smiled. "Nope...I know every trick in the book."

While Danny did put his foot down at being her sponsor, he still was there for her whenever he could be. During the next six months, they had many coffee dates and late night phone calls. He talked Kelly through several rough patches and even let her spend the night on his couch when she was feeling particularly scared or weak. She even started to join him on his morning run a few times a week. And he either didn't notice or didn't want to notice her lingering glances and touches. When he would give her a hug at the end of an evening, she would have to catch her breath. She enjoyed every conversation with him even when he was telling her how self-absorbed and spoiled she was. He was the first person in a very long time who could really make her laugh, and he always made her feel safe. And because of all of that, she was falling in love with him more and more every day.

One night after she was sober for about six months, she showed up at his apartment after an AA meeting. "Hey," she greeted him as he opened his door.

"Hey...this is a surprise. What's up?" he asked as he watched her walk in the door.

"I was in the neighborhood. I was actually at a meeting around corner. I thought you would be there."

"No...I had to work late tonight. I'll catch one tomorrow."

"You want to do something tonight? Get Chinese or something? I could use some company."

"Sounds great, but I'm beat. I've been working for about 48 hours straight," he said wearily.

"OK…," she replied sadly.

As tired as he was, he noticed that she seemed particularly down, so he asked, "What up? What's wrong?"

They both sat down on the couch. Kelly looked at him for a few moments, and then finally said, "I just…I just feel so alone. All of my friends are still partying, you know? And I don't feel like I can talk to any of them. My parents…I still haven't really told them about going to AA. I just hate the thought of them knowing that I have this problem."

"They need to know, Kelly. It will help you if they know."

"I know," she said as she looked at him and started to cry. "You know I really don't know what I would do without you. You've been so amazing through all of this. But you can't be there for me all the time…and I don't feel like I have anyone else."

As she started to cry, Danny took her in his arms. "You don't need anyone else. You just need yourself. That's what this is all about. You're doing great, Kelly. You just have to believe in yourself."

"That's a lot easier said than done," she replied as she let herself go limp in his arms. He felt so warm and strong.

Danny pulled away from her and looked in her eyes. "It's gets easier. I promise. You want to crash on the couch?" he asked realizing it was getting too late for her to go back to the Hamptons.

She hesitated for a moment, but then finally found the nerve to ask, "Can I…can I sleep with you tonight…just tonight?"

Danny shook his head. "No. That's not a good idea. We're friends…that's all."

"I know that," she lied. She knew that she wanted much more than friendship from him. "But I just…I've been having these nightmares lately, and it's so hard to sleep. And I just…I know that I would feel safe if I slept next to you."

The voice in Danny's head was screaming that this was bad idea, but he was exhausted. All he wanted to do was sleep. He didn't see the harm of letting her sleep next to him for one night. "OK…just tonight," he finally gave in.

She slept next to him, and slowly made her way over so that she was nestled in his arms. She almost didn't want to sleep because she wanted to remember every moment. In the morning, she woke up with her head on his chest and her hand laying on his stomach underneath his t-shirt. She could hear his heart beating and smell his clean, masculine scent. She didn't want to move for fear of waking him. Finally he started to stir next her. She felt him hold her a little tighter, so she inched her way up to look at him. When he looked at her and realized how close they were, Danny started to put distance between them. But, Kelly held his arm and looked into his eyes. "You can't tell me this doesn't feel right, Danny," she whispered.

"This was a mistake. I shouldn't have…"

She put a finger to his lips. "Don't…don't say it. You want to fight this…because you don't think it is the right time. But I know how I feel about you. I love you, Danny. We belong together. I know we do," she said as she leaned in to kiss him.

And because he didn't want to hurt her feelings, he kissed her back lightly…but then pulled away gently and sat up in the bed. "I don't want to hurt you, Kelly. It's the last thing I want to do. But I think I've let this go to far. You don't love me. You don't know anything about me…how could you love me?"

"Don't say that. We've gotten close the last six months. I've never been closer to anyone in my life. I know you…I know your heart…and I know I want to be with you."

Danny stood up and shook his head. "You want to be with the guy who found you in the basement…and who came to get you at that party. That's not who I am all the time. There's so much you don't know about me. The last few months…I was trying to be your friend. I was trying to help you stick to the program. That's it, Kelly."

Kelly stood up from the bed as tears started to roll down her face. "You're wrong. I know that deep down you love me, too. I know you feel the way I feel. I can tell by the way you look at me."

"I care about you. I do. But I don't love you. I'm not in love with you, and I'm sorry if I've done anything that made you think that. Clearly, last night was a mistake, but I thought…"

"Thought what?" Kelly yelled. "That you would have a little pity party for me…and do your good deed for the day? So I've just been a charity case for you?"

"No…we are friends…"

"I have friends…Danny!" she shouted. "I want you. I want to be with you."

Danny shook his head and looked down because he couldn't look at her tortured face anymore. Finally, he said, "Look…maybe I should just take you home."

"Don't bother. I can get home on my own," she said as she slipped on her shoes, gathered her purse and coat, and stormed out of his apartment.

Danny watched as she hailed a cab and got in. He sat on his bed and mentally chastised himself for being so stupid. He knew that part of him like the attention she gave him, but he should have been more careful with her feelings.

Back to present

"Did you hear from her again?" Samantha asked after he told her the whole story.

Danny nodded as he ran his hand across his face. "She called several times, but I told her that I couldn't talk to her. I told her that we needed distance. Then she called me one night to tell me that she was sorry and to tell me goodbye. I could tell that she was wasted, so I traced the call from my cell phone, and called an ambulance. And then I called her parents…and told them what happened."

"So…that's why her mother assumed it was your fault."

"Well…it kind of was my fault, Sam. The truth is…I did…I do have feelings for her. I think I probably could love her, but it was just too dangerous at the time. She only had feelings for me because I was there when she needed someone. If I would have acted on those feelings back then…she never would have been able to save herself," he responded pensively.

"So that's when she went to rehab?"

"Yeah, she tried to kill herself on a cocktail of coke, sleeping pills and vodka. They sent her to this facility. I wanted to see her, but I knew it wouldn't do her any good. I got a letter from her about a month later. She apologized for putting me in an awkward position. And she said that she couldn't use me as her lifeline anymore. She had to learn to stand on her own two feet. I was just happy that it sounded like she was turning the corner, you know?"

"You couldn't have known. You couldn't have known that she would fall for you."

"There was a time in my life where I was really casual with the feelings of the women I was with. As I've gotten older, I've tried to be better about it, but sometimes I know I'm still guilty of doing it. I didn't see the signs with Kelly because I didn't want to see them."

"Relationships are hard, Danny. We only see what we want to see. I spent six months with Jack, and I rarely ever thought about his family when we were together. I just wanted to be with him. I didn't care about anything else. And now, this thing with Martin…," she started, but then stopped.

"What? What about it?"

"I don't want to burden you with this, Danny. After all, we're not sure if we are even friends, right?"

"Well, I think after what I just told you…that makes you a pretty good friend to me. You can talk to me about this, Sam. It won't go any further, I promise," he said reassuringly.

"Things started with him the night I thought Jack was leaving town. I was sad and lonely, and Martin has always been so nice to me. I knew that he liked me."

"The whole office basically knows that he likes you…it's fairly obvious," Danny said as he smiled.

"Yeah, well, I shouldn't have acted on it. Because now…Jack's back and getting a divorce…and…"

"You want to be with Jack?" asked Danny slightly surprised because he thought feelings ended between them when Jack went back to his wife.

"I don't know. I know that when I was with Jack that I loved him, and those feelings haven't died."

"And with Martin?"

"I care about Martin. And he's been really nice to me, but I don't think I love him."

"As a friend…do just want me to just listen or do you want my advice?"

"I'm not sure…you never pull any punches with advice."

"I'll be nice…I swear."

"OK…advice, then."

"Maybe you need to take some time for yourself…"

"I did that…after Jack…I was by myself. I was even in therapy."

"But Jack wasn't available. He was unattainable. You need to really think about what getting involved with him would be like. It would be a real relationship this time. Maybe you aren't ready for that…maybe that's why you're with Martin. And you need to end it with him, by the way. End it now before it goes too far. If you let this go on knowing you don't love him, and then it ends bad….Sam…his father could have you transferred to Alaska," he said with a slight smile.

Samantha put her head in her hands as she rubbed her eyes. "We're both pretty messed up, aren't we?"

"Speak for yourself. I'm at least improving with age," Danny responded.

"Thank you for confiding in me and for listening," she said as she stood up. "I should go. I have to get ready for work."

Danny stood up with her and pulled her into a warm hug. "You'll figure everything out, Sam. Just give it time."

"See you in a little bit. You might want to let everyone know that I will be a little late."

"I will. See you soon," he said as she walked out the door.

Danny was glad that they talked. It helped talking about Kelly, but he knew he needed to talk to her before he could really close this chapter in his life.