After Danny and Samantha spoke that morning, they both went to work and had an unusually slow day. He left a little earlier than usual and made his way to Kelly's loft in Greenwich Village. After he knocked on her door, Bobby Willis, her sometimes roommate, quickly answered. "Well…Well…Well…I thought you people were done with Kelly. I read in the paper that you got the S.O.B.," he said as he greeted Danny.
"We did. I…uh…I need to speak with Kelly. Is she here?"
Bobby sighed and shook his head. "She needs to be left alone…"
"Who's at the door," he heard Kelly's voice call out.
Bobby turned around and answered. "FBI Ken…he left Barbie at home."
"Bobby…," Kelly responded in an agitated tone as she came to the door. She looked at Danny and smiled slightly. "It's OK, Bobby. Can you give us a minute?"
Bobby noticed that Kelly's eyes lit up as soon as she saw Danny. "I guess I'm not needed here. I've got to go to the gallery anyway. Later, angel face," Bobby said as he walked out the door giving Danny one last look over.
"He's a protective guy," Danny said as he watched Bobby leave. "I...uh...I wanted to call you yesterday…when we found him…but…,"
Before he could finish, Kelly put arms around him in an emotional embrace. He encircled her waist and held her close as he felt her begin to cry on his shoulder. "I can't believe it's over," she said as she held tight to him. "Thank you."
Danny pulled away first, but kept hold of her arms. He just looked at her for a few moments. She had this carefree, easy expression that he had never seen on her face before.
"Do you know what I did this morning?" she asked as she smiled through her tears.
"No…what?"
"I went to Central Park all by myself, and I took a two hour walk. I didn't look over my shoulder once. I didn't stay in the crowded areas. I felt…I felt…free…for the first time in three years...without the assistance of chemical substances, of course."
"That's great. That's really great," Danny said quietly as he smiled at her.
"I even called Candace and talked to her. It was good that you found her when you did…you saved her a lot of pain…"
"You found her, Kelly. Your help is what made us find her. We couldn't of done it without you," he responded sincerely as he looked at her sweetly and lightly stroked her arms.
Kelly bit her lip as she looked into Danny's eyes, and had to step away from him as her heart started to race. All the time and therapy since she last saw him didn't stop her from still loving him. And being this close to him was a bad idea. "I…um…I'm glad I could help," she said as she looked down and folded her arms. "Um…someone from the DA's office called today. He said that I would have to give a deposition."
Danny noticed the wall go up as soon as she backed away from him. She was trying to protect herself, and for a moment, he regretted coming to see her because closure for him might mean opening old wounds for her. "You'll probably have to testify…but you'll be fine. He can't hurt you anymore," he said as he kept the distance between them. "I probably shouldn't have come today. But…I just…I just wanted you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. And looking back…I think I let things go too far. That wasn't fair to you."
"I'm happy you came today, and it wasn't your fault, Danny. You never did anything wrong. You just cared about me. I know you think that I just fell in love with you because you saved me, but it was more than that. I think you're amazing. You always made me feel like I was the only person in the world when we were together. And no one has ever made me feel like that…not ever," she explained as a few tears escaped her eyes.
"Kelly...you're the amazing one," he said as he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "This is a new beginning for you. Take care of yourself."
"You, too," she replied as her voice cracked with emotion. "Goodbye, Danny."
He held his hand up in a little wave, and then he turned toward the elevator as she closed the door. Danny wanted to say more. He wanted to tell her that he had feelings for her, too. But he couldn't risk it. He couldn't risk starting something with her only to end up hurting her. So he decided to walk away. He thought she deserved a chance to start fresh...everyone deserved that at least once in their lives.
Before going home, he went to an AA meeting. As usual, he didn't say anything while he was there. He didn't tell them that he felt weaker today because he said goodbye to Kelly. He didn't tell them about guilty feelings...and the lonliness he felt even when he was with someone. He never said anything during his meetings. He just listened and acted like he had everything under control. And then he walked out as soon as the meeting was over.
As he approached his building, he was surpised to see Samantha sitting on the front steps with her coat pulled tight since the evening was getting chillier. "Is this going to become a regular thing?" he asked as he smiled at her. "I can see if there are any vacancies in the building. It's much warmer inside."
"You left work hours ago. I thought for sure I would catch you at home," she replied sheepishly. "I haven't been waiting long. I just...I just..."
"You want to talk?" he asked as he walked up the stairs and unlocked the door.
"Yeah...I'd like that."
They climbed the stairs and entered his apartment. Danny put on some coffee while Samantha tried to warm up as she sat on the sofa. He sat down next to her and asked, "So...what's up?"
Samantha ran a hand through her hair and shook her head. "You first. What did you do after work today?"
Danny gave her an amused expression...because he knew that she already figured out where he went. "I saw Kelly," he responded quietly.
"Yeah?" she asked with smile.
"Yeah...as if you didn't know that already. I've never seen her like that before. She was at peace."
"That's good. It's good that she can finally move on. Did you and she talk about..."
"Talk about what? Us? There is no us with Kelly and me. She is better off starting over. If I was a part of her life now...I would just end up hurting her again."
"Danny..." Samantha started to argue.
"That's enough about me. You didn't come here to talk about me. Did you talk to Martin today?"
Samantha nodded. "I ended it."
"How'd he take it?"
"Typical Martin. Very classy. He said he just wants me to be happy. But I think he was disappointed. I...I feel awful for jumping into things with him."
"He's a big boy. Sam. He knew what he was getting into. And I'm sure he is disappointed, but this doesn't have to be an ending. You just need time to figure things out, right?"
"Right. I'm going to take a little more time for me...even though it is so, solonely," she said as she smiled.
Danny smiled and took her hand. "It doesn't have to be lonely when you have friends."
"So we are friends now?"
"Yeah..."
"Then will you let me give you some advice this time."
Danny looked at her skeptically as he released her hand. "I guess...fire away."
"Don't close the door on Kelly or anyone else because you think you are going to hurt them. I think you are afraid to let people in. I think you shut down in relationships because falling in love and making a committment means that you risk getting your heart broken. It's much easier to be the one who leaves than to be the one who is left. I know that better than anyone. Have you ever been in a relationship where you didn't break it off first?"
Danny looked at Samantha. He didn't want to answer. He was annoyed, but he answered anyway. "I always leave first."
"How's that working for you?" Samantha asked.
"Don't start this...OK? I don't need a counselor. I'm fine, Sam."
"OK...if you don't want to talk about you, then let me tell you something about me. When I started things with Jack, I thought I could handle it. I thought I could get involved with him without falling in love with him. But truthfully, I was already in love him. And even though I knew that I was going to get hurt in the end, part of me hoped that somehow things would work out. I believed in that...because I loved him. But, of course, it didn't work out. And I ended up getting hurt more than I ever thought possible. But Danny...I don't regret a moment of it...not one moment. Loving someone is taking a risk," Samantha said as her eyes welled up with tears.
Danny put his hand on her back to comfort her, but he wasn't sure how to respond. This was one area that he couldn't talk about with anyone. How could he explain to Samantha that everyone he loved in his life has left him? Everytime he trusted someone, he was betrayed. So finally, he just replied, "Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. It means a lot to me."
Samantha watched as Danny shut down right before her eyes. Obviously, she entered territory that he wasn't willing to discuss. She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. "We're quite a pair, you know? Can you believe the federal government trusts us to find people?" she joked.
"It's really kind of scary when you think about it," Danny said as he laughed thankful for the levity.
"Maybe we're good at finding other people becausewewant toavoid finding ourselves," Samantha said all of the sudden serious again.
Danny stopped smiling as he thought about her statement for a few moments. And then he replied pensively, "Or maybe...one day...our jobwill actually help us find what is missing within us."