A/N: Hey guys! Heh heh...don't kill me...I had writer's block. I still do. That's why this chapter sucks so bad. And I have tons of school work. And the website is still giving me issues. See? Triple-wammie. God hates me because I'm writing about angels and demons falling in love. I'm also becoming increasinly afraind that ff.com will delete my stories for lemony content...*sobs*...anyway...I wrote this chapter because I felt so bad for leaving everyone hanging. Hope it's not too sucky...
Rebirth—Chapter 8
I heard the door close behind me, all by itself, and I knew I was in trouble. Soundproof, so nobody could hear me scream while he murdered me. Or…or did whatever else. A savage rape/murder. That seemed about right. Especially when he pulled me up against him real tight, looking down at me all hot and evil. And I put my hands on his chest and tried to push away, but the only thing that did was for me to feel how truly solid and muscled he was.
Finally, I quit fighting and went kind of limp in his arms. "Let me go." A little squeaky, but at least conveying some of the anger I felt. Because I was angry. I mean, who does he think he is, playing all these stupid games with me? Thinking I'll totally want him no matter what he does to me, just because of our history together?
Well, of course he didn't let me go. He only leaned over a little closer, right in my face. Heart quickening…breathing embarrassingly ragged…I've got to break this off before I'm lost. I was becoming uncomfortably aware of the fact that the only thing separating me from…THAT…was a flimsy little towel. That wasn't helping me at all. It would be easier, also, if I wasn't feeling all his muscles against my body…and not, well, molding to him so well…just like on the motorcycle earlier, like two pieces of a puzzle.
I looked at him, facing him with all the resolve I could muster in my current state, and said, "Jesse, we're over. I came here to get Rose's lucky ribbon. She said she gave it to you. So, I want it back, and then I'm leaving. I'm not here for…" I sort of trailed off as Jesse leaned even closer, until our lips were less than an inch apart. His breath was feathering lightly across my cheek. I swallowed. "…anything else."
"Oh, are you sure you can't stay…just a bit?" Jesse said in this low rumble that sent shivers down my spine. I was getting a familiar tingling sensation in my lower belly.
I swallowed again. "Um…yeah," I breathed out in this voice that sounded way different from the one I usually used.
He brushed his lips across mine the tiniest bit. I felt currents of electricity course through my body from the point of contact, and I turned away from him. I couldn't do this. I couldn't let him. I had to prove to him that I was stronger than him. That I wasn't just a little *whore, like he so affectionately called me.
"Oh, I think you know what you want, querida," he said, and I just knew he had one of his smiles on his face. But I refused to look at him. I tried to kind of lean away from him, you know, but he brought his mouth right to my ear, and whispered into it, "And the queen always gets what she wants…"
"I'm not like that," I said loudly. "I won't let you. You…you're the one. You're the one who's the *whore, Jesse."
His grip tightened on me, in what seemed like a warning. But I wasn't having it.
"That's right Jesse. Kind of hard hearing the truth, isn't it? You're the worthless one here, I'm worth ten of you!" I turned to him, and looked him full in the face. He was frowning at me, and he had this really dangerous look in his eye. Like he could go crazy any second. "Worthless," I hissed, and Jesse's eyes narrowed into slits.
Then he kissed me.
Yeah, I just called him worthless. And for a second, he looked like he would kill me, or snap my wings off, or something. But he just closed his eyes, and captured my lips in his before I had time to turn away. Was he sorry? It was a good kiss. Gentle and caressing. Then I felt his tongue push its way through my lips, and I let him deepen the kiss. His lips were so soft and warm…
Then I felt this weird rumble in his chest, like some kind of animal growl. And I thought, Uh oh. And maybe he caught that stray thought, cause I felt him smirk against my mouth.
Then his lips curled back, and his abnormally long incisors were cutting into my lips. I didn't even realize what was happening until I felt something trickling down my chin, and I tasted the coppery flavor in my mouth.
He was biting me. Chewing on me. That weird growl still coming from him.
I freaked. Totally freaked. I mean, my whole body was going into spasms, I was punching and scratching, but he only pulled me tighter against him until I was practically immobile, and he dug his teeth deeper, cutting into my gums, and my tongue. Sucking, DRINKING my blood, and he seemed to like the taste. It wasn't just the pain that was causing my eyes to tear. It was that he was actually doing this. The further away I leaned from him, the more he pushed, the harder he bit, like some kind of…vampire!
My mouth was full of blood, and some of it was trickling back into my throat. And since I couldn't spit it out or swallow, it was going into my windpipe. It was right about when I let out a kind of gurgled choking sound that he lifted his head away from me with this gasp of delight. Leaving me to cough and spit my blood all over his carpet. Completely in shock. I mean, what the HELL did he do that for?!?!
"What the HELL did you do that for?!?!" I screamed at him. I felt around my mouth quickly, trying to figure out exactly how much damage he had done. Surprisingly, there were only a few small cuts…but my god, it was like he was chewing my mouth, like…like…like gum! And there was so much blood…I still had the metallic taste of it on my tongue.
Jesse…God, Jesse looked like some kind of psychopathic cannibal. His eyes were all lit up like he was excited, and his smile was truly gruesome…exposing all his extra-long teeth, which were all covered in MY blood.
And, in this really deep, really sick way, I felt turned on.
"That…that's disgusting," I said, looking away quickly. My tongue felt kind of numb. I hoped I hadn't lost my sense of taste or anything. My lips were ruined. No amount of lip gloss could cover up all the peels of skin from his "kiss". I felt like I had been violated.
"Oh," he said. "Oh, you're so delicious…"
"No more biting!" I yelled, seeing the way he was leering at me and leaning towards my lips. "Get away from me, you blood-sucking freak!"
"Querida…" he faked a hurt look. But even with those sad looking eyes, there was NO way I could feel anything for him with his mouth covered in blood like that.
"Ugh…wipe your face," I told him, looking away. "That was…so gross."
"You liked it," Jesse said matter-of-factly, grabbing a towel and wiping his mouth with it. "I read your mind…you enjoyed it on a primal level, you just couldn't comprehend what I was doing. It will heal by morning, anyway. Next time, bite back. It's more fun."
"There won't be a next time, Jesse," I said wryly. "And there's no way I would be reduced to chewing on someone's tongue."
"It's a sign of affection among demons," Jesse informed me, tossing the towel aside. I avoided looking at it. The red smudges on it would probably make me queasy. Not that blood makes me queasy…it's just…you know.
"Oh, so you were telling me you love me by eating my mouth?" I said with a laugh. "Wow, remind me to bite your lips off next time we kiss. If ever," I added.
"Are you telling me you love me, as well?" Jesse said, quirking an eyebrow up.
"I'm not telling you anything," I snapped at him. "That…that was a violation of my boundaries. And…it HURT! I'll have to eat oatmeal for a week now!" I gave him an icy glare. "You sadistic bastard…you wanted me to be reduced to eating oatmeal! It was your plan all along!"
The fact that he had said "as well" registered dimly in my mind. "As well" meant that it was a mutual love. Had he meant to say it that way, or did it just slip out?
Jesse let out this deep, evil little chuckle, and he leaned into me. I was getting flashbacks from the dream, the way he was looking at me…with all that anger, that pain…
"The Queen of Light will fall to the Darkness in her Heart," he said with a sinister smile.
What did he just say? WHAT DID HE JUST SAY???
He loosened his grip on me, so that I was more comfortable, and his hands grazed my back gently. "And I am the darkness, Susannah. Surely, you know this. I am darker than he…I would have destroyed the world…"
"No you wouldn't Jesse," I said, finding it suddenly hard to breathe. "You…you're the good guy…"
He threw his head back and laughed. And when he did that, I seriously doubted my own words. He sure didn't sound like any good guy to me, the way he was laughing.
"You still think that?" he said, looking back at me. His eyes had a malicious glint in them that made me start to get, well…scared. The same fear in the castle, when he was hiding in the shadows, watching me, hating me…
"You still have yourself convinced that I'm good?" he said in disbelief, and then he laughed some more. "I share a soul with evil! I'm evil! Evil! PURE EVIL!"
"No…you think you are, but…there's good in you, Jesse," I said in a small voice. Was there? "I mean, if you were evil, you wouldn't have helped us. You would have killed me, and Rose, and…and…"
"How do you know I'm not just biding my time?" Jesse said.
Oh, god. Oh god, he DID look evil. I was in the arms of evil. Goddammit, why do I always end up with evil guys?
"Can I ask you a personal question?" Jesse asked suddenly. Just like that, the evilness was gone from his face. I just didn't understand this guy anymore.
I eyed him. "Not if you're biding your time to kill me. Not if you're "pure evil", and you want to destroy the world. If that's the case, I'm very sorry, but you can just go to hell."
"Hmm…" He looked thoughtful as he stroked my cheek. "I already have."
I was relieved when he finally let go of me at that point. I stumbled back a few steps, and watched him warily. Casting me a final inscrutable glance, he turned away from me. I watched his muscular back walk away from me and disappear into the still-steaming bathroom. The door shut behind him.
Well, now what? Was he expecting me to leave? Would he get mad if I was still here when he came out? Or would he get mad if I was gone?
Clearly, Jesse has forgotten about a common practice I like to call COMMUNICATION.
I wasn't about to go knock on the bathroom door…I mean, what if he came out without his little towel on? So instead, I turned my attention to the window-wall. Like my room, the entire wall was clear glass, open to the city and the sky. I stepped up to the glass, suddenly hypnotized by the millions of glowing lights over the sprawling city, and the millions of winking stars. Overhead, the blood-red moon hovered patiently, eternal. Burning like the sun. Burning brighter than the sun.
I always did have a "thing" about the moon. I always thought it was one of the most beautiful things God ever created.
Is there even a God? Is he sitting on his royal ass up there in the land of milk and honey, watching this dead world? If I am his angel, why didn't he take care of me and Jesse? Why did he leave us to fester, and rot into these disgusting souls we've become? What is meaning of life, anyway?
Why do I even care?
Normally, I wouldn't. But lately, I've realized that Rose is the only reason I do.
I stepped closer to the glass, spread my hands over it, pushed my face into it. I loved the sense of vertigo, like I would tip over and fall into the endless abyss at any moment. Just fall into the sky, and float through the stars, and watch my memories drift by and away from me.
"Don't think too much, you'll hurt yourself."
He came up beside me. I ignored him, staring at the moon, letting it sooth the beast within.
"You like the moon that much?"
Suddenly I wondered what he was wearing. What new temptation would he place before me? What new invention would he wave in my face, and taunt me with?
"Why don't you ask Paul to buy it for you?"
I tore my eyes away from the sight of eternity. For a moment, I had felt myself falling into it, for real. I wasn't ready for that. Not yet. If anything ever happened to Rose, then I would gladly welcome it.
"Jesse, we need to talk."
"Yes we do," he agreed.
He was wearing…pajamas. Just regular old plaid pj's, 100% polyester. The shirt was unbuttoned, providing a nice view. I sighed inwardly—I guess he wasn't doing it on purpose. The only way he could NOT have sex appeal was if he wrapped himself in a garbage bag. So really, the problem was me and my over-active estrogen levels.
He ran his fingers through his still-wet hair. No gel, I noticed. His hair was naturally perfect. Figures. The move was so familiar and Jesse-like that the tension in me finally broke. I took a deep breath, and watched the moon again.
"Jesse, there are some things you should know about me. Some things I thought were obvious to you, but I guess I was wrong in thinking so."
I could feel him watching expectantly.
"Well, first of all, I love you. At this point, I wish I didn't, because then it would hurt me so much when treat me like a piece of gum on your shoe. But I can't help it. If you really want me away from you so badly, then I will go away. Just know that I will eventually learn to hate you."
"Susannah…I don't want you to go away. Just—"
"And I'm not gonna conform to whatever standards you for me. If that's the case, go find another slut to rut around with. And leave Rose alone as well. If I'm not good enough for you, and god knows Paul isn't, then our daughter must represent everything you hate."
He winced at "our daughter". I didn't give a sh*t. I was through feeling weak and worthless.
So I continued to stare at the moon, feeling its strength flow through me. In that moment, I felt like what I really was. The Queen of this broken world, standing and looking down at a broken man.
"You're right, you know," Jesse said quietly. "She does represent everything I hate."
"Then stay away from us."
He looked down towards the city, and the defenses around his mind flickered briefly. For a tenth of a second, I felt his enormous pain and longing. Confusion.
Then he turned and walked away again. I heard him throw himself onto the bed. I thought about him…and Paul. They shared a soul, they shared power, they shared a bond. They were two halves of a man. But…they were two men. Both in love with me. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't understand. I used to think Paul was the darkness, and Jesse was the goodness. Was it possible that somewhere down the line, the darkness and the light clashed and mixed? The Jesse before me was a product of the hell he endured, and the Paul at Hell Mountain was a product of the love he felt. The confusion of love and hate. And I was trapped in the storm of both their feelings. There was no way for me to bail out. There never was. I couldn't run away from Paul—I never really did. I cared for him only because he carried with him a piece of the old Jesse.
I turned and looked at Jesse, lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. I resented him because he carried with him a piece of Paul.
"Maybe I should," Jesse whispered. "If I'm so much like Paul, and he's so much like me, then you two deserve one another."
"Jesse, stop assuming things about me. Since first met in my bedchambers, you've been doing nothing but assuming things about me based on what you see in my head. You're seeing my thoughts, but you're not understanding them."
"You really like the moon…"
Hmmm, interesting way to change the subject.
"And the stars…"
"Uh—yeah…"
"I never knew that about you, Susannah."
"Uhhhh…"
"Come here." He patted the space beside him.
I stood stock still. Should I?
"I won't do anything, Susannah. I just want you here, next to me. I want to show you something."
I slowly approached the bed, and sat on the edge of it, next to his feet. I didn't dare get any closer.
"Lie back," Jesse said softly.
Not knowing what else to do, I did. Suddenly Jesse and I were lying side by side on his bed, our heads touching, staring up at his white ceiling. We were like that for about a minute before I said in my best Sherlock Holmes impression, "Fascinating."
Jesse chuckled. "Isn't it, though? I could lie here and contemplate the whiteness of my ceiling all night. Just think about it: where does white come from? Who invented ceilings? Why is—"
I laughed a little. I knew he was trying to make me laugh, and I smacked him playfully on the stomach. "Jesse…you've really changed."
"I know." He stretched out a hand toward the ceiling, and suddenly all the white paint seemed to evaporate from it, revealing the stars and the moon.
"Wow, that…that's pretty…"
The whiteness began melting away from the walls, too, and slowly, the furniture began vanishing, like it was never there. I grabbed Jesse's hand, panicking slightly.
"What—"
"Shhhh." I watched as everything that seemed real and substantial dissipated into nothingness (including the door, I noticed with a shudder), until finally, the bed went as well. Jesse and I were left suspended in the middle of the spacey realm. I looked below us—the city was gone. Everything was gone, except for the stars, the moon, and the fiery-red earth far below us.
"What did you do?!" I demanded, panicking. I started fighting desperately to get beck to earth, to Rose, but Jesse had a strong hold on my hand.
"Susannah, relax—we are still in my room."
I stared at the planet, getting smaller and smaller, farther and farther away.
"We fell asleep, and I drew you into my mind."
I blinked in surprise. "Oh…it's quite empty."
He laughed. "I suppose it looks that way. But it's quite full. Full of crap perhaps, but full nonetheless. You did say you wanted to fall into the sky."
"I didn't "say" anything."
"Thinking is as good as saying."
He pulled me over him, so my back was against his chest, and he spread his wings. I let mine drift apart as well, and I rested my hands lightly on his.
Was he trying to apologize?
ARE YOU TRYING TO APOLOGIZE?
I jumped. My stomach seemed to fall into me feet. I had just heard my own voice, about a thousand times bigger than usual, projected through the blackness from an unknown source.
"What was that?!"
WHAT THE F*CK, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET OUT OF HEAD?!?!
"Oh my god!"
OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
"Stop thinking so much," Jesse said quietly from behind my head. "I hear your thoughts in my mind day and night. Just shut up and let yourself drift."
I did. I tried to. I really did.
THIS PLACE IS SO PRETTY…JESSE IS SO GOURGEOUS…
He didn't say a word.
I WONDER WHY HE'S SO QUIET? WHY ARE YOU SO QUIET, JESSE?
I was trying really hard to stop the thoughts from coming out. Seriously, I really was.
OH, LOOK AT ME, I'M A PRETTY SPACE ANGEL! LA, LA, LA, LA, LA…
Okay, maybe I wasn't trying so hard.
OH DAMN, ROSE WENT TO BED WITHOUT BRUSHING HER TEETH…
Jesse let out a snort of laughter.
"I can't help it!"
"Ah, querida. Just stop speaking to yourself. Think about a memory that we share."
QUERIDA…HE SAID QUERIDA AGAIN…AND IT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE HE HATED ME…
He turned me in his arms, so we could look at each other. His eyes were questioning. I didn't say anything. Partly because I knew I didn't have to.
DO YOU HATE ME?
His eyes gained a puppy-doggish slant. "Me? Hate you?"
YEAH, DO YOU?
"How could I?"
THEN WHY?
He looked away. "You know, we're husband and wife. Because of my bond to Paul, you are also bonded to me."
OOOOH, A LOOOOVE TRIANGLE.
I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.
"We're married?" I said, trying to ignore the voice inside my head.
I SHALL NOT BE IGNORED!
"Yes," Jesse said. He let go of me, and drifted away a few feet. For a second, I was afraid he might leave me alone, and—
DON'T GO!
"Is there an off switch on this thing?" I demanded, putting my hands on my hips.
"I wish there was." He closed his eyes, and started drifting in lazy circles.
JESSE IS SO GOURGEOUS…
"Ain't it the truth?"
"Shut up!" I grabbed the nearest thing to throw at him, which incidentally turned out to be a No. 2 pencil. "Very funny," I said, tossing it over my shoulder. "You're never gonna get over that, are you?"
"It was very funny," Jesse murmured with a smile.
I drifted over to him, drifting beside him. "So, is there anything exciting to do in your mind?"
"Plenty?"
I glanced around. "Well, as far as I can see, your mind is still pretty empty. Which makes me wonder just what all those big boring books were for—ahhh!"
I just been smacked in the back of the head with…a big boring book.
"Hah freakin' hah." I snatched the book as it floated past me. "Well, let's see… 'To be, or not to be, blah blah blah'…"
THIS GUY HAS NO LIFE. WHERE'S ALL THE HOTNESS, AND THE EVILNESS?
"I thought that's what you were trying to get away from?" Jesse said, still not opening his eyes, still smiling his secret little smile.
"Hey, don't look at me. Seriously, that voice is NOT me. There's an evil spirit living inside me, saying all this stuff."
LET'S CUT THE CRAP AND GET TO THE GOOD PART, LOVER BOY.
"See? I totally did not just think that!"
"Of course."
"I don't even know what the hell the "good part's" supposed to be!"
"I can only begin to imagine."
I'LL BET YOU CAN IMAGINE THE WHOLE THING. I KNOW I CAN.
I felt my face starting to heat up. Where were those thoughts coming from?
"You know what Jesse?"
"What?"
I drifted away from him, above him, and closed my eyes. "I…I forgot to ask you…"
I felt him moving closer to me.
"Ask me what?"
"What did you do with my ring?"
"Ring?"
"Yes, my engagement ring."
DID YOU THROW IT AWAY? DID YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH?
"No, I didn't. I wore it on a chain around my neck. I tried to get rid of it, but I couldn't."
WHY WON'T YOU JUST SAY IT?
"Say what?"
SAY WHAT I WANT TO HEAR.
"Words are cheap."
NOT WHEN THEY MEAN SOMETHING.
"Did your words mean something?"
My eyes snapped open, and my mouth hung open in disbelief. He was below me, looking up at me with a very grave expression on his face.
HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?! DO YOU THINK I WOULD LIE?!
"I don't know…"
YOU JERK!
"I don't know…anything, anymore…"
His saddened eyes turned away, and he faded from existence. He left me alone.
"J-Jesse?"
Did he just die in his sleep or something? Was I trapped here forever?
I noticed something coming towards me. A door. A very familiar looking door. It went right passed me, and kept going. I leaped for it, grabbing the knob. It stopped as I touched it. I just floated there, staring at my hand on the knob, wondering if I should…
SHOULD I OPEN IT?
I did. I opened it. Gravity flew back into me, making me slightly dizzy. I shut the door behind me, leaning heavily on it. Jesse was sitting on the bay window, dressed in his old cowboy outfit, looking out at the rain sliding down the glass. Spike was on his lap, purring loudly and glaring at the girl on the bed, who was lying on her stomach, flipping through a magazine.
"You know, you look like Johnny Depp," My young-sounding voice piped out from behind the magazine.
Jesse's head turned away from the rain, looking at my young self. I remembered exactly what I thought at that moment.
HE DOESN'T REALIZE HOW ADORABLE HE IS.
"Who is…Johnny Deep?"
"Not Deep, Depp." I watched myself point at the page in the magazine. Jesse made a face.
"Him?"
Little Suzie looked at Jesse, then back at the magazine. "You don't think so?"
" 'Sexiest Man Alive'," Jesse said, reading the title of the article. "You think I look like the sexiest man alive, Susannah?" He was now smiling with what looked like pity.
This pathetic sixteen-year-old child has a schoolgirl crush on me, I imagined him thinking. How sad.
"Actually, I was wishing I was a little more alive," Jesse's voice echoed through the room.
"Um, NO," the girl on the bed said in a very squeaky voice. "No, I just thought there was…a resemblance…" She put the magazine back up to defend herself. She didn't see as Jesse's smiling lips formed words she wouldn't hear for at least another year, and he dematerialized. She faded away as well.
With a sigh, I flopped onto my good old bed, staring up at the whiteness of my ceiling.
"What's the meaning of life?"
"I dunno. To die."
"Lovely. You know what I think the meaning of life is?"
"Yes, but say it anyway."
"Tupperware."
"Oh…I was not expecting that."
"What were you expecting?"
"To take care of Rose."
"Oh." I rolled onto my side, and closed my eyes. "I suppose…"
THIS IS SO WEIRD. I'M TALKING TO THE GODDAMN WALLS.
I'M THE ONE WITH NO LIFE.
"Wake up, Susannah. It's morning."
"I don't wanna go to school today."
He laughed. "Neither do I. That's why we're going to play today."
"That sounds fun."
"Care to accompany me to Roger's Place tonight?"
"A date?"
"If you wish it to be."
"Okay."
"Open your eyes."
I did. I was staring at the white ceiling again. His warm body was beside me. My hand was clutched tightly in his. The room was draped in grey morning light.
"You know, I just came out of your mind…and I still think it's pretty much empty."
"Maybe it is." He lifted my hand, and slipped something over my finger. "Or maybe you just weren't looking hard enough."
I felt tears hiding behind my eyes, and a smile tugging at the corners of my lips. He pulled me into him, and a strange feeling came over me.
"Happiness…"
He buried his face in my hair, and I was glad I washed it. "I'm sorry, querida."
"It's alright. It's better now."
"I never hated you."
"…I never hated you either."
I let the silence wash over me. It was perfection. Beyond description…
"Pick you up at eight?"
I smiled. Perfection. "Okay."
I was falling in love all over again. I just slept with Jesse…
"We just slept together," I suddenly said.
"Yes, and you're falling in love all over again," he mumbled back.
"No, no—we just slept together." I blinked in disbelief. "If anyone finds out—"
"Who cares?"
"Christ! Rose will think we—" I sat up, struggling out of the massive bed, and fell over the edge, right onto my butt.
"Sh*t!"
"Rose is still sleeping."
"But Bonnie—" I stood and stumbled towards the door. As I reached for it, Jesse suddenly materialized in my way.
Whoa—déjà vu.
He was looking at me with those dark, sorrowful eyes of his. Jesse eyes, not demon eyes. He was way too beautiful. I thought of how stupid my thoughts sounded echoing in his head.
HE'S LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE DARK, SORROWFUL EYES OF HIS. HE'S WAY TOO BEAUTIFUL. BLAH BLAH BLAH…
Now I knew why he always seemed so pissy with me.
"Susannah—"
"Oh, Jesse, before I forget—do you have Rose's lucky ribbon? She said she gave it to you…that's why I came last night."
We stared at each other with blank looks.
"She never gave me any ribbon."
Huh?
She was acting very strangely last night…like she was up to something…
"That girl is growing up to be just like you," Jesse said with a chuckle.
"Yes, she's very smart," I said through clenched teeth, wishing for a moment that she could fly just so I could toss her out the window without guilt. "A little too smart…"
"Are you leaving so soon?" Jesse inquired, cocking his head to the side.
"Well," I gave him the most evil glare I could summon at the moment, "as soon as you get out of my way."
"Are you sure you can't stay..." he lowered his head slightly, his eyes looking down at me from that wicked angle. "…just a bit?"
Oh, that's how it's gonna be. Nobody plays mind games with Susannah Simon and gets away free!
Well, nobody except Jesse, usually.
I reached out a hand, casually, and laid it on his chest. "I'd love to Jesse, I really would…" I trailed my fingers down, scraping my nails lightly over his perfect abs. He gave me no reaction except for a feral grin. "But I can't."
"Hmmm…" he flashed me those sharp canines, and stepped aside. The door slowly swung open, seemingly of its own accord. "See you later, then."
"Yeah…"
The whole thing suddenly seemed like a dream, way too good to be true. Way too sudden. He was opening the door to let me out…but would he ever let me back in?
He grabbed my arm. "You think too much," he said with that damn grin, and he gave me a quick kiss that lasted roughly .5 seconds.
At least he didn't bite.
"Don't forget our date," I told him as I turned away and finally walked out.
The door shut quietly behind me. I stood still, thinking, wondering about what to do. The path seemed so clear, but was it really that simple? Things were never that simple for me…there had to be a catch.
He still hadn't said it. I lifted my left hand, and stared at the ring. The ring…that had to mean something, didn't it?
Across the hall, the door to my room opened. Bonnie poked her head out, and peered at me through sleepy eyes.
"Are you alright?"
I flushed. "Um—er—yeah—um—we didn't—"
"Don't worry, your High—um, Suze. I will not tell a soul."
"But we didn't…"
Oh, what the hell. Let everyone think we did. And even if things weren't so perfect, let them seem that way. I had a date with Jesse. My friends and family were here beside me. Paul was somewhere far away. Rose was safely tucked into her bed. And Bonnie had apparently stayed up all night worried about me.
I smiled.
"Thank you, Bonnie," said as I walked past her.
A/N: Ah, no cliffie. Is that bad? Oh well. At least I've got a vague idea for the next chapter, so it shouldn't be so long.^_^ REVIEW!
TTFN
(Means "ta ta for now")
Rebirth—Chapter 8
I heard the door close behind me, all by itself, and I knew I was in trouble. Soundproof, so nobody could hear me scream while he murdered me. Or…or did whatever else. A savage rape/murder. That seemed about right. Especially when he pulled me up against him real tight, looking down at me all hot and evil. And I put my hands on his chest and tried to push away, but the only thing that did was for me to feel how truly solid and muscled he was.
Finally, I quit fighting and went kind of limp in his arms. "Let me go." A little squeaky, but at least conveying some of the anger I felt. Because I was angry. I mean, who does he think he is, playing all these stupid games with me? Thinking I'll totally want him no matter what he does to me, just because of our history together?
Well, of course he didn't let me go. He only leaned over a little closer, right in my face. Heart quickening…breathing embarrassingly ragged…I've got to break this off before I'm lost. I was becoming uncomfortably aware of the fact that the only thing separating me from…THAT…was a flimsy little towel. That wasn't helping me at all. It would be easier, also, if I wasn't feeling all his muscles against my body…and not, well, molding to him so well…just like on the motorcycle earlier, like two pieces of a puzzle.
I looked at him, facing him with all the resolve I could muster in my current state, and said, "Jesse, we're over. I came here to get Rose's lucky ribbon. She said she gave it to you. So, I want it back, and then I'm leaving. I'm not here for…" I sort of trailed off as Jesse leaned even closer, until our lips were less than an inch apart. His breath was feathering lightly across my cheek. I swallowed. "…anything else."
"Oh, are you sure you can't stay…just a bit?" Jesse said in this low rumble that sent shivers down my spine. I was getting a familiar tingling sensation in my lower belly.
I swallowed again. "Um…yeah," I breathed out in this voice that sounded way different from the one I usually used.
He brushed his lips across mine the tiniest bit. I felt currents of electricity course through my body from the point of contact, and I turned away from him. I couldn't do this. I couldn't let him. I had to prove to him that I was stronger than him. That I wasn't just a little *whore, like he so affectionately called me.
"Oh, I think you know what you want, querida," he said, and I just knew he had one of his smiles on his face. But I refused to look at him. I tried to kind of lean away from him, you know, but he brought his mouth right to my ear, and whispered into it, "And the queen always gets what she wants…"
"I'm not like that," I said loudly. "I won't let you. You…you're the one. You're the one who's the *whore, Jesse."
His grip tightened on me, in what seemed like a warning. But I wasn't having it.
"That's right Jesse. Kind of hard hearing the truth, isn't it? You're the worthless one here, I'm worth ten of you!" I turned to him, and looked him full in the face. He was frowning at me, and he had this really dangerous look in his eye. Like he could go crazy any second. "Worthless," I hissed, and Jesse's eyes narrowed into slits.
Then he kissed me.
Yeah, I just called him worthless. And for a second, he looked like he would kill me, or snap my wings off, or something. But he just closed his eyes, and captured my lips in his before I had time to turn away. Was he sorry? It was a good kiss. Gentle and caressing. Then I felt his tongue push its way through my lips, and I let him deepen the kiss. His lips were so soft and warm…
Then I felt this weird rumble in his chest, like some kind of animal growl. And I thought, Uh oh. And maybe he caught that stray thought, cause I felt him smirk against my mouth.
Then his lips curled back, and his abnormally long incisors were cutting into my lips. I didn't even realize what was happening until I felt something trickling down my chin, and I tasted the coppery flavor in my mouth.
He was biting me. Chewing on me. That weird growl still coming from him.
I freaked. Totally freaked. I mean, my whole body was going into spasms, I was punching and scratching, but he only pulled me tighter against him until I was practically immobile, and he dug his teeth deeper, cutting into my gums, and my tongue. Sucking, DRINKING my blood, and he seemed to like the taste. It wasn't just the pain that was causing my eyes to tear. It was that he was actually doing this. The further away I leaned from him, the more he pushed, the harder he bit, like some kind of…vampire!
My mouth was full of blood, and some of it was trickling back into my throat. And since I couldn't spit it out or swallow, it was going into my windpipe. It was right about when I let out a kind of gurgled choking sound that he lifted his head away from me with this gasp of delight. Leaving me to cough and spit my blood all over his carpet. Completely in shock. I mean, what the HELL did he do that for?!?!
"What the HELL did you do that for?!?!" I screamed at him. I felt around my mouth quickly, trying to figure out exactly how much damage he had done. Surprisingly, there were only a few small cuts…but my god, it was like he was chewing my mouth, like…like…like gum! And there was so much blood…I still had the metallic taste of it on my tongue.
Jesse…God, Jesse looked like some kind of psychopathic cannibal. His eyes were all lit up like he was excited, and his smile was truly gruesome…exposing all his extra-long teeth, which were all covered in MY blood.
And, in this really deep, really sick way, I felt turned on.
"That…that's disgusting," I said, looking away quickly. My tongue felt kind of numb. I hoped I hadn't lost my sense of taste or anything. My lips were ruined. No amount of lip gloss could cover up all the peels of skin from his "kiss". I felt like I had been violated.
"Oh," he said. "Oh, you're so delicious…"
"No more biting!" I yelled, seeing the way he was leering at me and leaning towards my lips. "Get away from me, you blood-sucking freak!"
"Querida…" he faked a hurt look. But even with those sad looking eyes, there was NO way I could feel anything for him with his mouth covered in blood like that.
"Ugh…wipe your face," I told him, looking away. "That was…so gross."
"You liked it," Jesse said matter-of-factly, grabbing a towel and wiping his mouth with it. "I read your mind…you enjoyed it on a primal level, you just couldn't comprehend what I was doing. It will heal by morning, anyway. Next time, bite back. It's more fun."
"There won't be a next time, Jesse," I said wryly. "And there's no way I would be reduced to chewing on someone's tongue."
"It's a sign of affection among demons," Jesse informed me, tossing the towel aside. I avoided looking at it. The red smudges on it would probably make me queasy. Not that blood makes me queasy…it's just…you know.
"Oh, so you were telling me you love me by eating my mouth?" I said with a laugh. "Wow, remind me to bite your lips off next time we kiss. If ever," I added.
"Are you telling me you love me, as well?" Jesse said, quirking an eyebrow up.
"I'm not telling you anything," I snapped at him. "That…that was a violation of my boundaries. And…it HURT! I'll have to eat oatmeal for a week now!" I gave him an icy glare. "You sadistic bastard…you wanted me to be reduced to eating oatmeal! It was your plan all along!"
The fact that he had said "as well" registered dimly in my mind. "As well" meant that it was a mutual love. Had he meant to say it that way, or did it just slip out?
Jesse let out this deep, evil little chuckle, and he leaned into me. I was getting flashbacks from the dream, the way he was looking at me…with all that anger, that pain…
"The Queen of Light will fall to the Darkness in her Heart," he said with a sinister smile.
What did he just say? WHAT DID HE JUST SAY???
He loosened his grip on me, so that I was more comfortable, and his hands grazed my back gently. "And I am the darkness, Susannah. Surely, you know this. I am darker than he…I would have destroyed the world…"
"No you wouldn't Jesse," I said, finding it suddenly hard to breathe. "You…you're the good guy…"
He threw his head back and laughed. And when he did that, I seriously doubted my own words. He sure didn't sound like any good guy to me, the way he was laughing.
"You still think that?" he said, looking back at me. His eyes had a malicious glint in them that made me start to get, well…scared. The same fear in the castle, when he was hiding in the shadows, watching me, hating me…
"You still have yourself convinced that I'm good?" he said in disbelief, and then he laughed some more. "I share a soul with evil! I'm evil! Evil! PURE EVIL!"
"No…you think you are, but…there's good in you, Jesse," I said in a small voice. Was there? "I mean, if you were evil, you wouldn't have helped us. You would have killed me, and Rose, and…and…"
"How do you know I'm not just biding my time?" Jesse said.
Oh, god. Oh god, he DID look evil. I was in the arms of evil. Goddammit, why do I always end up with evil guys?
"Can I ask you a personal question?" Jesse asked suddenly. Just like that, the evilness was gone from his face. I just didn't understand this guy anymore.
I eyed him. "Not if you're biding your time to kill me. Not if you're "pure evil", and you want to destroy the world. If that's the case, I'm very sorry, but you can just go to hell."
"Hmm…" He looked thoughtful as he stroked my cheek. "I already have."
I was relieved when he finally let go of me at that point. I stumbled back a few steps, and watched him warily. Casting me a final inscrutable glance, he turned away from me. I watched his muscular back walk away from me and disappear into the still-steaming bathroom. The door shut behind him.
Well, now what? Was he expecting me to leave? Would he get mad if I was still here when he came out? Or would he get mad if I was gone?
Clearly, Jesse has forgotten about a common practice I like to call COMMUNICATION.
I wasn't about to go knock on the bathroom door…I mean, what if he came out without his little towel on? So instead, I turned my attention to the window-wall. Like my room, the entire wall was clear glass, open to the city and the sky. I stepped up to the glass, suddenly hypnotized by the millions of glowing lights over the sprawling city, and the millions of winking stars. Overhead, the blood-red moon hovered patiently, eternal. Burning like the sun. Burning brighter than the sun.
I always did have a "thing" about the moon. I always thought it was one of the most beautiful things God ever created.
Is there even a God? Is he sitting on his royal ass up there in the land of milk and honey, watching this dead world? If I am his angel, why didn't he take care of me and Jesse? Why did he leave us to fester, and rot into these disgusting souls we've become? What is meaning of life, anyway?
Why do I even care?
Normally, I wouldn't. But lately, I've realized that Rose is the only reason I do.
I stepped closer to the glass, spread my hands over it, pushed my face into it. I loved the sense of vertigo, like I would tip over and fall into the endless abyss at any moment. Just fall into the sky, and float through the stars, and watch my memories drift by and away from me.
"Don't think too much, you'll hurt yourself."
He came up beside me. I ignored him, staring at the moon, letting it sooth the beast within.
"You like the moon that much?"
Suddenly I wondered what he was wearing. What new temptation would he place before me? What new invention would he wave in my face, and taunt me with?
"Why don't you ask Paul to buy it for you?"
I tore my eyes away from the sight of eternity. For a moment, I had felt myself falling into it, for real. I wasn't ready for that. Not yet. If anything ever happened to Rose, then I would gladly welcome it.
"Jesse, we need to talk."
"Yes we do," he agreed.
He was wearing…pajamas. Just regular old plaid pj's, 100% polyester. The shirt was unbuttoned, providing a nice view. I sighed inwardly—I guess he wasn't doing it on purpose. The only way he could NOT have sex appeal was if he wrapped himself in a garbage bag. So really, the problem was me and my over-active estrogen levels.
He ran his fingers through his still-wet hair. No gel, I noticed. His hair was naturally perfect. Figures. The move was so familiar and Jesse-like that the tension in me finally broke. I took a deep breath, and watched the moon again.
"Jesse, there are some things you should know about me. Some things I thought were obvious to you, but I guess I was wrong in thinking so."
I could feel him watching expectantly.
"Well, first of all, I love you. At this point, I wish I didn't, because then it would hurt me so much when treat me like a piece of gum on your shoe. But I can't help it. If you really want me away from you so badly, then I will go away. Just know that I will eventually learn to hate you."
"Susannah…I don't want you to go away. Just—"
"And I'm not gonna conform to whatever standards you for me. If that's the case, go find another slut to rut around with. And leave Rose alone as well. If I'm not good enough for you, and god knows Paul isn't, then our daughter must represent everything you hate."
He winced at "our daughter". I didn't give a sh*t. I was through feeling weak and worthless.
So I continued to stare at the moon, feeling its strength flow through me. In that moment, I felt like what I really was. The Queen of this broken world, standing and looking down at a broken man.
"You're right, you know," Jesse said quietly. "She does represent everything I hate."
"Then stay away from us."
He looked down towards the city, and the defenses around his mind flickered briefly. For a tenth of a second, I felt his enormous pain and longing. Confusion.
Then he turned and walked away again. I heard him throw himself onto the bed. I thought about him…and Paul. They shared a soul, they shared power, they shared a bond. They were two halves of a man. But…they were two men. Both in love with me. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't understand. I used to think Paul was the darkness, and Jesse was the goodness. Was it possible that somewhere down the line, the darkness and the light clashed and mixed? The Jesse before me was a product of the hell he endured, and the Paul at Hell Mountain was a product of the love he felt. The confusion of love and hate. And I was trapped in the storm of both their feelings. There was no way for me to bail out. There never was. I couldn't run away from Paul—I never really did. I cared for him only because he carried with him a piece of the old Jesse.
I turned and looked at Jesse, lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. I resented him because he carried with him a piece of Paul.
"Maybe I should," Jesse whispered. "If I'm so much like Paul, and he's so much like me, then you two deserve one another."
"Jesse, stop assuming things about me. Since first met in my bedchambers, you've been doing nothing but assuming things about me based on what you see in my head. You're seeing my thoughts, but you're not understanding them."
"You really like the moon…"
Hmmm, interesting way to change the subject.
"And the stars…"
"Uh—yeah…"
"I never knew that about you, Susannah."
"Uhhhh…"
"Come here." He patted the space beside him.
I stood stock still. Should I?
"I won't do anything, Susannah. I just want you here, next to me. I want to show you something."
I slowly approached the bed, and sat on the edge of it, next to his feet. I didn't dare get any closer.
"Lie back," Jesse said softly.
Not knowing what else to do, I did. Suddenly Jesse and I were lying side by side on his bed, our heads touching, staring up at his white ceiling. We were like that for about a minute before I said in my best Sherlock Holmes impression, "Fascinating."
Jesse chuckled. "Isn't it, though? I could lie here and contemplate the whiteness of my ceiling all night. Just think about it: where does white come from? Who invented ceilings? Why is—"
I laughed a little. I knew he was trying to make me laugh, and I smacked him playfully on the stomach. "Jesse…you've really changed."
"I know." He stretched out a hand toward the ceiling, and suddenly all the white paint seemed to evaporate from it, revealing the stars and the moon.
"Wow, that…that's pretty…"
The whiteness began melting away from the walls, too, and slowly, the furniture began vanishing, like it was never there. I grabbed Jesse's hand, panicking slightly.
"What—"
"Shhhh." I watched as everything that seemed real and substantial dissipated into nothingness (including the door, I noticed with a shudder), until finally, the bed went as well. Jesse and I were left suspended in the middle of the spacey realm. I looked below us—the city was gone. Everything was gone, except for the stars, the moon, and the fiery-red earth far below us.
"What did you do?!" I demanded, panicking. I started fighting desperately to get beck to earth, to Rose, but Jesse had a strong hold on my hand.
"Susannah, relax—we are still in my room."
I stared at the planet, getting smaller and smaller, farther and farther away.
"We fell asleep, and I drew you into my mind."
I blinked in surprise. "Oh…it's quite empty."
He laughed. "I suppose it looks that way. But it's quite full. Full of crap perhaps, but full nonetheless. You did say you wanted to fall into the sky."
"I didn't "say" anything."
"Thinking is as good as saying."
He pulled me over him, so my back was against his chest, and he spread his wings. I let mine drift apart as well, and I rested my hands lightly on his.
Was he trying to apologize?
ARE YOU TRYING TO APOLOGIZE?
I jumped. My stomach seemed to fall into me feet. I had just heard my own voice, about a thousand times bigger than usual, projected through the blackness from an unknown source.
"What was that?!"
WHAT THE F*CK, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET OUT OF HEAD?!?!
"Oh my god!"
OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
"Stop thinking so much," Jesse said quietly from behind my head. "I hear your thoughts in my mind day and night. Just shut up and let yourself drift."
I did. I tried to. I really did.
THIS PLACE IS SO PRETTY…JESSE IS SO GOURGEOUS…
He didn't say a word.
I WONDER WHY HE'S SO QUIET? WHY ARE YOU SO QUIET, JESSE?
I was trying really hard to stop the thoughts from coming out. Seriously, I really was.
OH, LOOK AT ME, I'M A PRETTY SPACE ANGEL! LA, LA, LA, LA, LA…
Okay, maybe I wasn't trying so hard.
OH DAMN, ROSE WENT TO BED WITHOUT BRUSHING HER TEETH…
Jesse let out a snort of laughter.
"I can't help it!"
"Ah, querida. Just stop speaking to yourself. Think about a memory that we share."
QUERIDA…HE SAID QUERIDA AGAIN…AND IT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE HE HATED ME…
He turned me in his arms, so we could look at each other. His eyes were questioning. I didn't say anything. Partly because I knew I didn't have to.
DO YOU HATE ME?
His eyes gained a puppy-doggish slant. "Me? Hate you?"
YEAH, DO YOU?
"How could I?"
THEN WHY?
He looked away. "You know, we're husband and wife. Because of my bond to Paul, you are also bonded to me."
OOOOH, A LOOOOVE TRIANGLE.
I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.
"We're married?" I said, trying to ignore the voice inside my head.
I SHALL NOT BE IGNORED!
"Yes," Jesse said. He let go of me, and drifted away a few feet. For a second, I was afraid he might leave me alone, and—
DON'T GO!
"Is there an off switch on this thing?" I demanded, putting my hands on my hips.
"I wish there was." He closed his eyes, and started drifting in lazy circles.
JESSE IS SO GOURGEOUS…
"Ain't it the truth?"
"Shut up!" I grabbed the nearest thing to throw at him, which incidentally turned out to be a No. 2 pencil. "Very funny," I said, tossing it over my shoulder. "You're never gonna get over that, are you?"
"It was very funny," Jesse murmured with a smile.
I drifted over to him, drifting beside him. "So, is there anything exciting to do in your mind?"
"Plenty?"
I glanced around. "Well, as far as I can see, your mind is still pretty empty. Which makes me wonder just what all those big boring books were for—ahhh!"
I just been smacked in the back of the head with…a big boring book.
"Hah freakin' hah." I snatched the book as it floated past me. "Well, let's see… 'To be, or not to be, blah blah blah'…"
THIS GUY HAS NO LIFE. WHERE'S ALL THE HOTNESS, AND THE EVILNESS?
"I thought that's what you were trying to get away from?" Jesse said, still not opening his eyes, still smiling his secret little smile.
"Hey, don't look at me. Seriously, that voice is NOT me. There's an evil spirit living inside me, saying all this stuff."
LET'S CUT THE CRAP AND GET TO THE GOOD PART, LOVER BOY.
"See? I totally did not just think that!"
"Of course."
"I don't even know what the hell the "good part's" supposed to be!"
"I can only begin to imagine."
I'LL BET YOU CAN IMAGINE THE WHOLE THING. I KNOW I CAN.
I felt my face starting to heat up. Where were those thoughts coming from?
"You know what Jesse?"
"What?"
I drifted away from him, above him, and closed my eyes. "I…I forgot to ask you…"
I felt him moving closer to me.
"Ask me what?"
"What did you do with my ring?"
"Ring?"
"Yes, my engagement ring."
DID YOU THROW IT AWAY? DID YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH?
"No, I didn't. I wore it on a chain around my neck. I tried to get rid of it, but I couldn't."
WHY WON'T YOU JUST SAY IT?
"Say what?"
SAY WHAT I WANT TO HEAR.
"Words are cheap."
NOT WHEN THEY MEAN SOMETHING.
"Did your words mean something?"
My eyes snapped open, and my mouth hung open in disbelief. He was below me, looking up at me with a very grave expression on his face.
HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?! DO YOU THINK I WOULD LIE?!
"I don't know…"
YOU JERK!
"I don't know…anything, anymore…"
His saddened eyes turned away, and he faded from existence. He left me alone.
"J-Jesse?"
Did he just die in his sleep or something? Was I trapped here forever?
I noticed something coming towards me. A door. A very familiar looking door. It went right passed me, and kept going. I leaped for it, grabbing the knob. It stopped as I touched it. I just floated there, staring at my hand on the knob, wondering if I should…
SHOULD I OPEN IT?
I did. I opened it. Gravity flew back into me, making me slightly dizzy. I shut the door behind me, leaning heavily on it. Jesse was sitting on the bay window, dressed in his old cowboy outfit, looking out at the rain sliding down the glass. Spike was on his lap, purring loudly and glaring at the girl on the bed, who was lying on her stomach, flipping through a magazine.
"You know, you look like Johnny Depp," My young-sounding voice piped out from behind the magazine.
Jesse's head turned away from the rain, looking at my young self. I remembered exactly what I thought at that moment.
HE DOESN'T REALIZE HOW ADORABLE HE IS.
"Who is…Johnny Deep?"
"Not Deep, Depp." I watched myself point at the page in the magazine. Jesse made a face.
"Him?"
Little Suzie looked at Jesse, then back at the magazine. "You don't think so?"
" 'Sexiest Man Alive'," Jesse said, reading the title of the article. "You think I look like the sexiest man alive, Susannah?" He was now smiling with what looked like pity.
This pathetic sixteen-year-old child has a schoolgirl crush on me, I imagined him thinking. How sad.
"Actually, I was wishing I was a little more alive," Jesse's voice echoed through the room.
"Um, NO," the girl on the bed said in a very squeaky voice. "No, I just thought there was…a resemblance…" She put the magazine back up to defend herself. She didn't see as Jesse's smiling lips formed words she wouldn't hear for at least another year, and he dematerialized. She faded away as well.
With a sigh, I flopped onto my good old bed, staring up at the whiteness of my ceiling.
"What's the meaning of life?"
"I dunno. To die."
"Lovely. You know what I think the meaning of life is?"
"Yes, but say it anyway."
"Tupperware."
"Oh…I was not expecting that."
"What were you expecting?"
"To take care of Rose."
"Oh." I rolled onto my side, and closed my eyes. "I suppose…"
THIS IS SO WEIRD. I'M TALKING TO THE GODDAMN WALLS.
I'M THE ONE WITH NO LIFE.
"Wake up, Susannah. It's morning."
"I don't wanna go to school today."
He laughed. "Neither do I. That's why we're going to play today."
"That sounds fun."
"Care to accompany me to Roger's Place tonight?"
"A date?"
"If you wish it to be."
"Okay."
"Open your eyes."
I did. I was staring at the white ceiling again. His warm body was beside me. My hand was clutched tightly in his. The room was draped in grey morning light.
"You know, I just came out of your mind…and I still think it's pretty much empty."
"Maybe it is." He lifted my hand, and slipped something over my finger. "Or maybe you just weren't looking hard enough."
I felt tears hiding behind my eyes, and a smile tugging at the corners of my lips. He pulled me into him, and a strange feeling came over me.
"Happiness…"
He buried his face in my hair, and I was glad I washed it. "I'm sorry, querida."
"It's alright. It's better now."
"I never hated you."
"…I never hated you either."
I let the silence wash over me. It was perfection. Beyond description…
"Pick you up at eight?"
I smiled. Perfection. "Okay."
I was falling in love all over again. I just slept with Jesse…
"We just slept together," I suddenly said.
"Yes, and you're falling in love all over again," he mumbled back.
"No, no—we just slept together." I blinked in disbelief. "If anyone finds out—"
"Who cares?"
"Christ! Rose will think we—" I sat up, struggling out of the massive bed, and fell over the edge, right onto my butt.
"Sh*t!"
"Rose is still sleeping."
"But Bonnie—" I stood and stumbled towards the door. As I reached for it, Jesse suddenly materialized in my way.
Whoa—déjà vu.
He was looking at me with those dark, sorrowful eyes of his. Jesse eyes, not demon eyes. He was way too beautiful. I thought of how stupid my thoughts sounded echoing in his head.
HE'S LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE DARK, SORROWFUL EYES OF HIS. HE'S WAY TOO BEAUTIFUL. BLAH BLAH BLAH…
Now I knew why he always seemed so pissy with me.
"Susannah—"
"Oh, Jesse, before I forget—do you have Rose's lucky ribbon? She said she gave it to you…that's why I came last night."
We stared at each other with blank looks.
"She never gave me any ribbon."
Huh?
She was acting very strangely last night…like she was up to something…
"That girl is growing up to be just like you," Jesse said with a chuckle.
"Yes, she's very smart," I said through clenched teeth, wishing for a moment that she could fly just so I could toss her out the window without guilt. "A little too smart…"
"Are you leaving so soon?" Jesse inquired, cocking his head to the side.
"Well," I gave him the most evil glare I could summon at the moment, "as soon as you get out of my way."
"Are you sure you can't stay..." he lowered his head slightly, his eyes looking down at me from that wicked angle. "…just a bit?"
Oh, that's how it's gonna be. Nobody plays mind games with Susannah Simon and gets away free!
Well, nobody except Jesse, usually.
I reached out a hand, casually, and laid it on his chest. "I'd love to Jesse, I really would…" I trailed my fingers down, scraping my nails lightly over his perfect abs. He gave me no reaction except for a feral grin. "But I can't."
"Hmmm…" he flashed me those sharp canines, and stepped aside. The door slowly swung open, seemingly of its own accord. "See you later, then."
"Yeah…"
The whole thing suddenly seemed like a dream, way too good to be true. Way too sudden. He was opening the door to let me out…but would he ever let me back in?
He grabbed my arm. "You think too much," he said with that damn grin, and he gave me a quick kiss that lasted roughly .5 seconds.
At least he didn't bite.
"Don't forget our date," I told him as I turned away and finally walked out.
The door shut quietly behind me. I stood still, thinking, wondering about what to do. The path seemed so clear, but was it really that simple? Things were never that simple for me…there had to be a catch.
He still hadn't said it. I lifted my left hand, and stared at the ring. The ring…that had to mean something, didn't it?
Across the hall, the door to my room opened. Bonnie poked her head out, and peered at me through sleepy eyes.
"Are you alright?"
I flushed. "Um—er—yeah—um—we didn't—"
"Don't worry, your High—um, Suze. I will not tell a soul."
"But we didn't…"
Oh, what the hell. Let everyone think we did. And even if things weren't so perfect, let them seem that way. I had a date with Jesse. My friends and family were here beside me. Paul was somewhere far away. Rose was safely tucked into her bed. And Bonnie had apparently stayed up all night worried about me.
I smiled.
"Thank you, Bonnie," said as I walked past her.
A/N: Ah, no cliffie. Is that bad? Oh well. At least I've got a vague idea for the next chapter, so it shouldn't be so long.^_^ REVIEW!
TTFN
(Means "ta ta for now")