A/N: Ahem...ok, yeah, it's been, like, five months. But seriously. I
had writer's block. MAJOR writer's block. And school's been a real female
dog lately. I can't write 24/7. But the good news is, summer's coming in
two weeks. And that means that soon, I will have tons of time to do
anything I want, including sleeping, eating, and writing mediator
fanfiction! YAY!
Unfortunately, this chapter is rather short. However, important things happen. I had a sudden inspiration and had to write this out. I've already started the next chapter. I swear it will be out sooner than this one! But yeah...
NOTE: This chapter is rather dark, even for this story. Well, it seemed dark when I was writing it...not the humor or romance of the last chapter. Just thought I'd say that. I don't know why.
Sigh.....I shall shut up now.
Rebirth—Chapter 9
I was in that same dark place again.
The place where the angels and demons performed their sensual dance. Where Jesse was in shadow and where he still turned hateful eyes on me. Where the angels screamed and the demons chanted.
But this time, something was different...
This time, one dark being rose above the demon army, above Jesse. He looked down at us and smiled. A smile that promised slow and painful retribution. A smile that promised death.
Jesse froze in front of me, the evil grin slipping away from his perfect face, and his eyes changed. The anger left them. The pain left them...everything left them. Jesse stared at me with blank, darkened eyes...jarringly familiar eyes...
"Jesse?"
"Do you love me?" he said in a monotone voice that scared me.
"W-what?"
"Do you love him?" the dark god's voice rumbled from above us, dripping with sarcasm and malice.
"Do you love me?" someone said from behind me. I spun around sharply, and found myself face-to-face with Paul, who wore an almost identical expression as Jesse. But they were polar opposites: where Jesse wore black and stood before an army of evil, Paul was a shimmering whiteness, standing before the angels. The good side. My side.
"Do you love him?" The shadow repeated.
"I..."
I stared at Paul a moment longer, with his handsome face and icy blue eyes...then back at Jesse, dark beauty framed by soft, touchable hair. The image went against everything I thought I knew about them. Why was Paul on the good side? Why was Jesse on the evil side? I just...didn't understand anymore. It wasn't as clear-cut as it used to be. They were both kind of the bad guys, but they were both also good...
"You must choose."
I stared up at the darkness looming over all. God? No...totally evil vibes. Or maybe God was just evil. I'd seen stranger things. I would buy that he was the devil...but wasn't Paul supposedly the devil? The king of the demons? Or...or maybe there really was something even darker out there...only it wasn't out there. It was here.
"Have you been giving me these dreams?" I demanded, my voice braver than I felt.
"You must choose."
"Answer me, you asshole! Are you behind this? All of this?"
All of this meant exactly what it said. All of it. Everything. Was he the root of it all?
He laughed, and it slithered across my skin, hot and slick. I shuddered violently, and suddenly I wasn't so brave.
"Choose."
I looked towards the light, towards Paul, towards the angels. The void was eerily silent after the screaming of the angels. The Queen of Light will fall to the Darkness in her Heart? I don't think so. I can kill that destiny, right now.
I took a step towards heaven, which didn't look too heavenly anyways, and Paul's blank face gave a small smile. He held his arms out for me. I imagined stepping into the warmth of those arms, every night, arms that cared for me, eyes that looked at me and saw a goddess in a rolling sea of regret...and I took another step.
"Susannah..."
His voice stopped that last step. It was...so weak. So tired sounding. I turned, and met Jesse's eyes. There was a long moment, seemingly removed from time, removed from even this unreality. He didn't move or say a word. He just stood there, pleading to me with his dark eyes, darker than usual. I lifted my left hand. In this dream place, the ring was gone.
"Choose."
"Shut up, I'm choosing!"
More laughter, and something icy crawled inside my stomach. I crossed my arms over my chest, shivering. The coldness was in my bones.
"Jesse...why are you on the evil side? Why do I have to go to the evil to be with you? I...I don't want to fall the Darkness. I don't want to be evil...oh God..." I felt the unpleasant prickling behind my eyes. "Oh God...if there really is a God, why the hell is he making me make this choice?! Why does my love have to lead to evil?!"
I felt the tears slide out, and I covered my face in my hands, refusing to let them fall. To my surprise, a sob was ripped from my throat. I tightened my throat and let silent tears roll into my hands. I felt hands slide over my arms, around my waist. I fell back against that solid chest, and refused to open my eyes.
"Suze..." Paul breathed into my ear. "Thank you for choosing me."
"Thank you for choosing..." Their hisses slithered through the air. "Thank you for choosing..." Hands snaked up my legs...hundreds of hands, smoothing up and down my legs, sliding around my waist, touching my hesitantly at first, then reaching higher, over my stomach, my breasts, my shoulders. Cool and soothing.
"Thank you for leaving him, Suze."
"H-him?!" My hands were suddenly torn from my face by the thousands of hands, and I screamed. I was neck-deep in the embrace of all the demons of hell, leering at me, groping me, drowning me. Behind me, Paul clung to me like a vice. My vision was suddenly blurred by fresh tears. In the distance, I saw Jesse, walking away from me, very slow...
"NO!" I screamed. "No, LET ME GO!"
"Suze, you've made your choice," came Paul's disapproving voice from behind me.
"Yes, you've made your choice," came that dark rumble of corrupted dreams.
"You motherfuckers tricked me!" I stared at the slowly vanishing Jesse, willing him to turn around. "Jesse! Jesse, please! Come back!"
He didn't. And I didn't blame him. Something old and empty filled me. The day I lost him. The day I was married to evil while hung on a cross of death. I was losing him again.
I shut my eyes. "It's just a dream..."
"No..." Hands holding me tighter, keeping me trapped in his arms. "No, it's more than a dream, little Susie. Much more than a dream."
Little Susie? Little Susie?
"I'm not a child," I said, speaking low. "I'm not a child, and I'm not weak."
Laughter. This time, I felt nothing.
"I don't need any of this shit."
I felt something struggling to awaken, something deep and dormant. It was a warm glow, flickering and barely staying alive. I threw all my rage and hate into it, trying to give it the power to manifest itself. I remembered this power. It appeared years ago, to pull Jesse out of Hell. It had come on its own last time, but this time I had to force it out. I had to capture it, control it. But my hate was killing it...
"God..." I swallowed, and let myself go limp. "God help me. Please."
The warmth grew, spreading over me, and the cold hands halted.
"Please. Give me strength."
The warmth was scalding my skin now, like a fire blazing around me. The hands drew back abruptly. Only Paul held on, fighting it.
"You chose me! You're mine!"
I turned in his arms, and he let me. When our eyes met, he gasped. And I saw why. In his eyes, I saw mine, reflected back at me...and they were a deep, golden glow, like molten lava, swirling and flickering, holding a power that was pure light, with just a hint of darkness. The darkness was me. The light was something else.
"I belong to nobody."
Paul suddenly cried out, and fell to his knees, refusing to let go. His arms slid to my knees, but stayed around me. The heat emanating from me was nearly unbearable for him, and I witnessed every torment in his eyes.
"Please! Please, my queen! Please! Susie!"
I didn't want to see that pain anymore. I gave a slight kick of my leg, and he flew back as if he had been slammed by a wrecking ball.
What was this power...?
I held up my hands, and they were the molten lava of my eyes, shimmering in the heat. The sea of demons had formed a ring around me, refusing to come nearer. I looked up, and the darkest of them all, and he was frowning down at me. Paul watched me from the edge of the ring with something akin to shock, but more awe and wonder.
"What have you done, angel?" The voice, previously holding a mocking, condescending tone, was now grave.
"Nothing," I said. I smiled, and stared up at him. I drew my red-gold wings close to me. He narrowed his eyes at me.
"What are you doing, angel?"
My smile widened. I must have looked completely insane. "Nothing."
"Do not lie, angel."
The smile dropped from my face. "I will kill you for tricking me."
The eyes widened, the smile returned. But a moment later, faster than a blink of the eye, I was there. I was suspended in front of his giant shocked face. The speed unnerved even me.
"You...you've awakened." His voice held disbelief. Some anger. But mostly something that sounded suspiciously like reverence.
"Awakened?"
"Alexiel...the Angel of Death."
Well, this was news.
"But how...?"
"Did you say 'Angel of Death'?"
"You...you don't know?" He squinted suspiciously at me. "You don't know." Then he threw back his head and laughed high and loud. "You don't know! You don't know how to use the power!"
I roared in rage, and the power flew through me like a great jolt of electricity. I saw everything through a haze of red, heard distant screaming as my hands tore into his flesh, and he crumbled into ash. I felt the fire swirl around me, and watched with a smile as the black army vanished as if swept clean by an invisible hand, watched their faces twist in pain and loved it.
But where was Jesse?
Where did you go?
"It's only a dream..." I murmured.
"It's only a dream, Susannah." He was smiling.
"Is it? Am I...Alexiel?"
"Wake up, Susannah."
I woke up.
The first thing I felt was an uncomfortable heat in the room, and I thought for one wild moment that the heater might be on a little too high. Then I realized the heat was coming from me...
"No...It's only a dream..."
I felt like I had a terrible fever. I needed water. I needed something to cool down. Now.
I stumbled from the bed. My legs wobbled and I fell to the ground, feeling weak.
"Dream..."
I crawled desperately towards the bathroom. The light was on, as if someone had been here.
"I didn't choose anyone..."
I pulled myself to the side of the massive tub, turned the knob for cold water with shaking hands. I had to shut my eyes when I saw my hands were the golden color of fire. The water roared into the tub, a massive waterfall, pounding painfully in my over-sensitive ears. I screamed with the pain, and forced myself to my feet, rearing back clumsily, away from the monstrous noise, and slammed against the sink. I moaned in pain, and raised my face slowly. My heart was thudding in my ears, becoming louder every second. I met my own eyes in the mirror...
"No! NO!" I shut my eyes again. I covered my ears with my hands. The water...the pounding...those weren't my eyes...
"It's just a dream, Susannah."
"No it isn't!" I stumbled backwards, almost fell, but my back of my legs banged against the side of the tub. I lost my balance, and fell screaming into the freezing tub of water.
Time stopped.
The roar was far away. The heat was sucked away from me in a flash. The world was shifting back and forth, a faraway illusion. My body was suddenly numb. My dark hair drifted into my eyes, taking everything away. I felt myself slipping down, sinking lower into the water. The pressure in my lungs was the only thing reminding me I was still alive, but I couldn't move. I didn't want to move. I didn't to go back up there, into the harsh sounds, and see what was in the mirror again.
What am I?
I have to go back up...for Rose. For my date with Jesse. For my life. But...I can't feel the cold anymore. All feeling is gone. I can't move.
I can't—!
I opened my mouth to scream, and the water rushed in. My lungs convulsed from the sudden rush of coldness. I tried to cough, but the water kept sloshing down my windpipe, and I gagged, sucking even more water down. I swallowed desperately, tried to spit it out, but it was a living creature, filling me, killing me. Through the cloud of my hair, I saw someone's face float into view, looking down at me. I called soundlessly, but more water reached inside of me. The world was on mute. The face's mouth opened, eyes widened. Crying. A little crying girl.
Rose! I tried to scream. Rose, pull me out! Pull me out!
But darkness surged over me as ice split through my body, and I fell into eternity.
It's only a dream...but I can't wake up.
Can't wake up...
A/N: Was that a cliffie? Well, we all know she won't die. Hmmm...I'm bored. Did anybody here see the last episode of The Sopranos? Yeah, it was so awesome! I can't wait for the next one!
o.O
cough....yeah....tough crowd.....I know you all hate me for taking too long, but please be nice and REVIEW. I promise the next chapter will be awesome. I shall make it awesome. It shall be pure awesomeness.
Oh, and on a side-note...I've decided to postpone my other story, "The Mediators", until I finish this one. Sorry to anyone who's reading it, but I have good reasons. So, yes, I am planning to definetely bring this story to a close soon. For real this time.
TTFN
Unfortunately, this chapter is rather short. However, important things happen. I had a sudden inspiration and had to write this out. I've already started the next chapter. I swear it will be out sooner than this one! But yeah...
NOTE: This chapter is rather dark, even for this story. Well, it seemed dark when I was writing it...not the humor or romance of the last chapter. Just thought I'd say that. I don't know why.
Sigh.....I shall shut up now.
Rebirth—Chapter 9
I was in that same dark place again.
The place where the angels and demons performed their sensual dance. Where Jesse was in shadow and where he still turned hateful eyes on me. Where the angels screamed and the demons chanted.
But this time, something was different...
This time, one dark being rose above the demon army, above Jesse. He looked down at us and smiled. A smile that promised slow and painful retribution. A smile that promised death.
Jesse froze in front of me, the evil grin slipping away from his perfect face, and his eyes changed. The anger left them. The pain left them...everything left them. Jesse stared at me with blank, darkened eyes...jarringly familiar eyes...
"Jesse?"
"Do you love me?" he said in a monotone voice that scared me.
"W-what?"
"Do you love him?" the dark god's voice rumbled from above us, dripping with sarcasm and malice.
"Do you love me?" someone said from behind me. I spun around sharply, and found myself face-to-face with Paul, who wore an almost identical expression as Jesse. But they were polar opposites: where Jesse wore black and stood before an army of evil, Paul was a shimmering whiteness, standing before the angels. The good side. My side.
"Do you love him?" The shadow repeated.
"I..."
I stared at Paul a moment longer, with his handsome face and icy blue eyes...then back at Jesse, dark beauty framed by soft, touchable hair. The image went against everything I thought I knew about them. Why was Paul on the good side? Why was Jesse on the evil side? I just...didn't understand anymore. It wasn't as clear-cut as it used to be. They were both kind of the bad guys, but they were both also good...
"You must choose."
I stared up at the darkness looming over all. God? No...totally evil vibes. Or maybe God was just evil. I'd seen stranger things. I would buy that he was the devil...but wasn't Paul supposedly the devil? The king of the demons? Or...or maybe there really was something even darker out there...only it wasn't out there. It was here.
"Have you been giving me these dreams?" I demanded, my voice braver than I felt.
"You must choose."
"Answer me, you asshole! Are you behind this? All of this?"
All of this meant exactly what it said. All of it. Everything. Was he the root of it all?
He laughed, and it slithered across my skin, hot and slick. I shuddered violently, and suddenly I wasn't so brave.
"Choose."
I looked towards the light, towards Paul, towards the angels. The void was eerily silent after the screaming of the angels. The Queen of Light will fall to the Darkness in her Heart? I don't think so. I can kill that destiny, right now.
I took a step towards heaven, which didn't look too heavenly anyways, and Paul's blank face gave a small smile. He held his arms out for me. I imagined stepping into the warmth of those arms, every night, arms that cared for me, eyes that looked at me and saw a goddess in a rolling sea of regret...and I took another step.
"Susannah..."
His voice stopped that last step. It was...so weak. So tired sounding. I turned, and met Jesse's eyes. There was a long moment, seemingly removed from time, removed from even this unreality. He didn't move or say a word. He just stood there, pleading to me with his dark eyes, darker than usual. I lifted my left hand. In this dream place, the ring was gone.
"Choose."
"Shut up, I'm choosing!"
More laughter, and something icy crawled inside my stomach. I crossed my arms over my chest, shivering. The coldness was in my bones.
"Jesse...why are you on the evil side? Why do I have to go to the evil to be with you? I...I don't want to fall the Darkness. I don't want to be evil...oh God..." I felt the unpleasant prickling behind my eyes. "Oh God...if there really is a God, why the hell is he making me make this choice?! Why does my love have to lead to evil?!"
I felt the tears slide out, and I covered my face in my hands, refusing to let them fall. To my surprise, a sob was ripped from my throat. I tightened my throat and let silent tears roll into my hands. I felt hands slide over my arms, around my waist. I fell back against that solid chest, and refused to open my eyes.
"Suze..." Paul breathed into my ear. "Thank you for choosing me."
"Thank you for choosing..." Their hisses slithered through the air. "Thank you for choosing..." Hands snaked up my legs...hundreds of hands, smoothing up and down my legs, sliding around my waist, touching my hesitantly at first, then reaching higher, over my stomach, my breasts, my shoulders. Cool and soothing.
"Thank you for leaving him, Suze."
"H-him?!" My hands were suddenly torn from my face by the thousands of hands, and I screamed. I was neck-deep in the embrace of all the demons of hell, leering at me, groping me, drowning me. Behind me, Paul clung to me like a vice. My vision was suddenly blurred by fresh tears. In the distance, I saw Jesse, walking away from me, very slow...
"NO!" I screamed. "No, LET ME GO!"
"Suze, you've made your choice," came Paul's disapproving voice from behind me.
"Yes, you've made your choice," came that dark rumble of corrupted dreams.
"You motherfuckers tricked me!" I stared at the slowly vanishing Jesse, willing him to turn around. "Jesse! Jesse, please! Come back!"
He didn't. And I didn't blame him. Something old and empty filled me. The day I lost him. The day I was married to evil while hung on a cross of death. I was losing him again.
I shut my eyes. "It's just a dream..."
"No..." Hands holding me tighter, keeping me trapped in his arms. "No, it's more than a dream, little Susie. Much more than a dream."
Little Susie? Little Susie?
"I'm not a child," I said, speaking low. "I'm not a child, and I'm not weak."
Laughter. This time, I felt nothing.
"I don't need any of this shit."
I felt something struggling to awaken, something deep and dormant. It was a warm glow, flickering and barely staying alive. I threw all my rage and hate into it, trying to give it the power to manifest itself. I remembered this power. It appeared years ago, to pull Jesse out of Hell. It had come on its own last time, but this time I had to force it out. I had to capture it, control it. But my hate was killing it...
"God..." I swallowed, and let myself go limp. "God help me. Please."
The warmth grew, spreading over me, and the cold hands halted.
"Please. Give me strength."
The warmth was scalding my skin now, like a fire blazing around me. The hands drew back abruptly. Only Paul held on, fighting it.
"You chose me! You're mine!"
I turned in his arms, and he let me. When our eyes met, he gasped. And I saw why. In his eyes, I saw mine, reflected back at me...and they were a deep, golden glow, like molten lava, swirling and flickering, holding a power that was pure light, with just a hint of darkness. The darkness was me. The light was something else.
"I belong to nobody."
Paul suddenly cried out, and fell to his knees, refusing to let go. His arms slid to my knees, but stayed around me. The heat emanating from me was nearly unbearable for him, and I witnessed every torment in his eyes.
"Please! Please, my queen! Please! Susie!"
I didn't want to see that pain anymore. I gave a slight kick of my leg, and he flew back as if he had been slammed by a wrecking ball.
What was this power...?
I held up my hands, and they were the molten lava of my eyes, shimmering in the heat. The sea of demons had formed a ring around me, refusing to come nearer. I looked up, and the darkest of them all, and he was frowning down at me. Paul watched me from the edge of the ring with something akin to shock, but more awe and wonder.
"What have you done, angel?" The voice, previously holding a mocking, condescending tone, was now grave.
"Nothing," I said. I smiled, and stared up at him. I drew my red-gold wings close to me. He narrowed his eyes at me.
"What are you doing, angel?"
My smile widened. I must have looked completely insane. "Nothing."
"Do not lie, angel."
The smile dropped from my face. "I will kill you for tricking me."
The eyes widened, the smile returned. But a moment later, faster than a blink of the eye, I was there. I was suspended in front of his giant shocked face. The speed unnerved even me.
"You...you've awakened." His voice held disbelief. Some anger. But mostly something that sounded suspiciously like reverence.
"Awakened?"
"Alexiel...the Angel of Death."
Well, this was news.
"But how...?"
"Did you say 'Angel of Death'?"
"You...you don't know?" He squinted suspiciously at me. "You don't know." Then he threw back his head and laughed high and loud. "You don't know! You don't know how to use the power!"
I roared in rage, and the power flew through me like a great jolt of electricity. I saw everything through a haze of red, heard distant screaming as my hands tore into his flesh, and he crumbled into ash. I felt the fire swirl around me, and watched with a smile as the black army vanished as if swept clean by an invisible hand, watched their faces twist in pain and loved it.
But where was Jesse?
Where did you go?
"It's only a dream..." I murmured.
"It's only a dream, Susannah." He was smiling.
"Is it? Am I...Alexiel?"
"Wake up, Susannah."
I woke up.
The first thing I felt was an uncomfortable heat in the room, and I thought for one wild moment that the heater might be on a little too high. Then I realized the heat was coming from me...
"No...It's only a dream..."
I felt like I had a terrible fever. I needed water. I needed something to cool down. Now.
I stumbled from the bed. My legs wobbled and I fell to the ground, feeling weak.
"Dream..."
I crawled desperately towards the bathroom. The light was on, as if someone had been here.
"I didn't choose anyone..."
I pulled myself to the side of the massive tub, turned the knob for cold water with shaking hands. I had to shut my eyes when I saw my hands were the golden color of fire. The water roared into the tub, a massive waterfall, pounding painfully in my over-sensitive ears. I screamed with the pain, and forced myself to my feet, rearing back clumsily, away from the monstrous noise, and slammed against the sink. I moaned in pain, and raised my face slowly. My heart was thudding in my ears, becoming louder every second. I met my own eyes in the mirror...
"No! NO!" I shut my eyes again. I covered my ears with my hands. The water...the pounding...those weren't my eyes...
"It's just a dream, Susannah."
"No it isn't!" I stumbled backwards, almost fell, but my back of my legs banged against the side of the tub. I lost my balance, and fell screaming into the freezing tub of water.
Time stopped.
The roar was far away. The heat was sucked away from me in a flash. The world was shifting back and forth, a faraway illusion. My body was suddenly numb. My dark hair drifted into my eyes, taking everything away. I felt myself slipping down, sinking lower into the water. The pressure in my lungs was the only thing reminding me I was still alive, but I couldn't move. I didn't want to move. I didn't to go back up there, into the harsh sounds, and see what was in the mirror again.
What am I?
I have to go back up...for Rose. For my date with Jesse. For my life. But...I can't feel the cold anymore. All feeling is gone. I can't move.
I can't—!
I opened my mouth to scream, and the water rushed in. My lungs convulsed from the sudden rush of coldness. I tried to cough, but the water kept sloshing down my windpipe, and I gagged, sucking even more water down. I swallowed desperately, tried to spit it out, but it was a living creature, filling me, killing me. Through the cloud of my hair, I saw someone's face float into view, looking down at me. I called soundlessly, but more water reached inside of me. The world was on mute. The face's mouth opened, eyes widened. Crying. A little crying girl.
Rose! I tried to scream. Rose, pull me out! Pull me out!
But darkness surged over me as ice split through my body, and I fell into eternity.
It's only a dream...but I can't wake up.
Can't wake up...
A/N: Was that a cliffie? Well, we all know she won't die. Hmmm...I'm bored. Did anybody here see the last episode of The Sopranos? Yeah, it was so awesome! I can't wait for the next one!
o.O
cough....yeah....tough crowd.....I know you all hate me for taking too long, but please be nice and REVIEW. I promise the next chapter will be awesome. I shall make it awesome. It shall be pure awesomeness.
Oh, and on a side-note...I've decided to postpone my other story, "The Mediators", until I finish this one. Sorry to anyone who's reading it, but I have good reasons. So, yes, I am planning to definetely bring this story to a close soon. For real this time.
TTFN