DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters or events of the film "Shaun of the Dead." There I said it. Are you happy now? And if you are happy with the story so far, please let me know by submitting a review. I need the validation. Really.
Shaun had been out of the hospital, or whatever it was, for almost a week. It had been a very surreal experience, much of which he couldn't remember. What he did remember, quite clearly, was having the blood drained out of him by a girl he'd once fooled around with. Was the universe trying to tell him that he should be single? Wasn't there a more subtle way than exsanguination. Vampires? Seriously?
Walking up the sidewalk, he clapped his hand on the familiar fencepost, swung open the gate and trudged up to the front door of his flat. Unlocking the door and walking inside, he almost expected to see Liz come bounding down the stairs, angrily asking where he'd been all this time. But there was nothing but silence to greet him.
He headed out to the garden shed, sat down and picked up the game controller. "Ed, you would not believe the week I've had," he said to the undead hulk beside him, his decaying arms chained to the wall but still able to manipulate the other game controller.
"I got rid of all of Liz's stuff, I went to the pub to shoot some pool, I met this girl that used to work with Liz and she tried to rip out a chunk of my neck. Have you any idea how painful that is?" Ed moaned and sort of nodded in agreement. "Oh, right, guess you do."
Shaun tried his best to go back to work as if everything was normal. He was used to keeping his general paranoia on a low simmer after Z-Day, but now he had a whole new kind of monster to worry about.
He found himself buying more garlic than usual at the store, scanning the room for objects that could be potential stakes, paying even closer attention to reruns of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel." Perhaps he should re-read Bram Stoker's Dracula. Or perhaps just rent the movie.
His old friend Yvonne would call every so often and force him into social interaction, saying that she was worried about his anti-social tendencies. A fellow survivor of Z-Day, she exhibited no signs of post-traumatic stress. She and her boyfriend Declan were still together, still happy, and Shaun hated them a little for it.
It was a Saturday morning when she surprised him with her insistent banging on the front door. He sleepily raised himself off the couch and went to answer it. "Yvonne?"
"Morning, sunshine! What are you up to?"
"Trying to oversleep like everyone else."
"That's no way to spend a Saturday, Shaun." She pushed past him into the hallway. "Dec and I are going to play paintball. You want to come?"
"Frankly, Yvonne, I've got enough real violence in my life. I don't need the simulated kind."
"Are you still hung up about Z-Day, Shaun? That was over a year ago. You should really think about moving on. I mean, it's highly unlikely something like that will ever happen again."
Shaun rolled his eyes and turned away to resume lying down on the couch. "Look, thanks for the invite but I'm not interested."
"Really, Shaun, you should get out. Live a little." Her eyes lit up with what she considered a fabulous idea. "You and Liz could go on holiday. You could come with Dec and me to Ibiza at the end of the month. I bet Liz would really like it there. She's a great girl. You need to take her out more often. You need to show her how much you appreciate her."
"Liz is on holiday, Yvonne," he said. "She's taken a permanent holiday away from me."
"Really?" Yvonne gasped, in somewhat mock surprise. "Well, I never liked her anyway. Seemed a bit high-maintenance if you ask me."
Shaun almost got whiplash from the sudden turnabout in Yvonne's attitude. "I thought you liked her. You just said she was a great girl and I should show her how much I appreciate her."
"I had to say things like that when you were dating her. Now I can say how I really feel. Fully support you in your indignance and vitriol."
"I passed the indignance and vitriol stage a few weeks ago. Now I'm in the 'fantasies about her painful and agonizing death at the hands of rabid Alsatians' stage."
"That's very cruel, Shaun."
"You're telling me. Alsatians show no mercy."
"Well, at least you're making progress. And I think it will help if you come out with me and Dec."
"I don't want to play paintball."
"Then come to the club with us tonight. Maybe you'll meet some nice people. Maybe you'll meet a nice girl and forget all about Liz."
"That's highly unlikely, Yvonne."
"You won't know unless you try. And if you won't come, I'll strap you to a chair and force you to watch 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' until you beg for mercy."
Shaun stared up at her in horror. "You are a heartless and cruel woman."
"You coming out then?"
"Yeah, I'll be there," he casually acquiesced.
"It's a place called 'Skin' off the high street. Be there around 9ish. Byee!" she called, letting herself out. Shaun made himself comfortable on the couch and flipped through the channels, hoping to find a marathon of old sci-fi or horror movies with a high count of female casualties.
After dinner, he threw a T-shirt on over a long-sleeved white shirt and paired it with baggy khaki pants. Slipping a green anorak with a high collar over his head, he tried to collect his thoughts and steel himself for the battle ahead.
Clubbing. Not a favorite activity of his. He always felt vastly superior to the pierced teens with hair of unnatural colors that passed for DJs in the local clubs. Worse than that, he would be expected to chat up girls. Which had almost resulted in death the last time. But Yvonne was persistent and he didn't want to face her wrath if he stood her up.
The night air was cold, so he stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked briskly. All week, he'd felt as if someone was watching him, following him. Tonight was no different. He stopped and turned quickly to scan the street. No one there.
You're being stupid, he told himself. No one is following you. Now get yourself to the club and get the humiliation over with. He resumed walking.
If I have to wait in line, I'm turning around and going home, he thought. But there was no line. That figures. He walked right in, past several people in dark, skin-tight clothing. Clearly, this generation was still taking its fashion cues from the Matrix trilogy.
Yvonne waved enthusiastically to him from a table in the back. "Hiya, Shaun! So glad you could come! Oh, before you sit down, be a dear and get me another pint."
"Okay," he reluctantly agreed and turned back to the bar. "Two pints, please," he ordered. After fumbling through his pockets for money, he scanned the room. Goths, yuppies, backpackers, bankers in the throes of midlife crises—it was a full selection. A bloodthirsty throng of the undead almost seemed attractive by comparison.
Just then, he noticed raised voices at the end of the bar near the door. The lady was not looking for a dance partner and she had no hesitation in declaring it. She jerked her arm out of the man's hand and walked away.
She came to stand next to Shaun at the bar and ordered cider. A lightning bolt of recognition hit Shaun as the bartender slammed his two pints on the bar. "I know you."
She tucked her brown hair behind her ear and barely met his gaze. "No, I don't think so."
"Yeah, yeah, I do. You're the American girl from the record store. Christ, you're the girl who saved me in the alley!"
She looked as though she wanted to crawl under the bar, under the building, even under the Earth's crust. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said in a low voice, still not looking at him.
"You mean you don't remember killing a vampire that was sucking the life's blood out of me? I suppose you do that all the time?"
"Look, sir, you've got the wrong girl." She looked evenly at him, wanting to make things clear. "I'm just a student. And I should be going home." She abruptly told the bartender to cancel her order and headed for the door. Shaun knew he wasn't wrong. He rushed back to the table, set the glasses down and turned away.
"Wait, where are you going?! You just got here!" Yvonne shouted.
"Sorry, there's someone I need to talk to." He rushed for the door, hoping she hadn't gone far. The cold air hit him again as he left the club. It didn't take long to spot her walking quickly down the street. He ran to catch up with her.