It didn't take long for Cee-Cee to catch up with me. I'd managed to slip away quite expertly, and Jesse certainly hadn't bothered trying to follow me. Not that I wanted him to of course. If he had we'd probably had had another huge argument like the one before. Right after he'd kissed me. He kept trying to pretend it was a mistake, and I'd replied "Stop lying, or don't come near me again." He had unfortunately taken that advice the wrong way. Instead of sweeping me into his arms and kissing me again like I'd planned, he'd chosen the latter. Just my luck.
"Jesus Simon, where's the fire?" She yelled from halfway down one of the missions many open corridors. She ran towards me in her usual un-professional way. Cee-cee was many things, but definitely not an athlete. Or anything to do with sport coincidently. I've seen her hockey skills. She couldn't figure out why the puck wouldn't go in the net. It took a long time explaining how to use the hockey stick properly, but I could tell she only pretended to understand it. That's what I was thinking as she ran towards me, white shimmering hair flying like a flag behind her. It was when she reached me, and I looked at her deep violet eyes I knew I was in trouble. They were flashing like a tigers eyes. Not that I know what tigers eyes look like. But whatever. I gulped.
"Hey. Sorry about ditching you back there." I mumbled quietly. But she wasn't having any of it. The next thing I new she was yanking me into the ladies room. I was willing to take back what I'd said before as well. She was way stronger than me.
"What the hell is going on? And don't even think about lying to me. I know you Simon, and you cannot lie to save your life" this was of course a very unfair assessment of my character, and I had every right to detest it. But after the sucky day I'd had, I really couldn't be bothered. Instead I just looked at her.
"It's Jesse." I whispered, feeling liquid beginning to fill my eyes. Damn these stupid allergies I seem to keep getting. I should be immune by now. Then I realised something. I was crying. And not in the pretty way either. I was balling my lungs out like I never wanted to stop. I felt sorry for Cee-Cee who obviously had no experience in the comforting-her-friend-who-fell-in love-with-a-ghost-that-hates-her-since-she-threw-him-into-the-metal-lockers thing. I found that even more depressing. Had I really sunk this low; that I had to cry in front of my friends in the toilets? No. I was going to forget him and move on. Easier said than done. Especially when the ghost in question lives in your school rectory. But at least it stopped me crying.
I wiped my moist hands on the back of my skirt and stood up. I saw Cee-Cee eyeing me warily, like I was some kind of bomb in danger of going off. So I flashed her, my best smile and moved towards one of the full length mirrors.
"Are you ok?" she asked nervously. I risked a glance in her direction and couldn't miss the worried expression on her face.
"Of-course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" I replied. Hiding my mascara smudged eyes, with my loose chest nut hair. But even I heard the throb in my own voice. I cringed at the sound and hoped she hadn't noticed. But she had. I could so tell.
"Well you were crying pretty hard for a girl from the ghetto." She answered in a concerned voice. But at-least she wasn't asking about Jesse. Why I'd mentioned him to her I'll never know. If only I had someone to talk to about it. But then again who would understand? Or believe me for that matter.
"I'm fine. I just feel a bit under the weather is all." I was lying, and blatantly so. I knew that she could tell. I could see her chewing her lip uncertainly. She seemed to decide to go along with it though, and just nodded.
"Fine. But if you need anything, just ask ok?" she said uncomfortably. I could almost feel the tension in the air. Why was I lying to her? I saw her turn to go, in the reflection of the mirror, and I suddenly felt like I had to tell her. Someone. Anyone. I felt my mouth open and her turn around again, looking at me hopefully.
"Cee, you're right. I need to tell you something...." The words tumbled out and I was incapable of stopping them. But what if I tell her and she doesn't believe me? What if my mom finds out and.....
"What is it Suze?" she asked. I saw her eyes light up and her expression soften slightly. She wanted me to tell her. But all of a sudden the prospect seemed impossible. How could I tell someone after all this time? So instead I just said ever so casually:
"I need some more mascara. Mine's smudged off. Do you have some I can borrow?" her eyes were hooded once again, and I wished more than anything that I'd just told her. But it was too late and now I'd let her down. And at that moment in time I hated myself completely.
"Sure. Here take it. I don't want it anyway." And then she really did walk out. Leaving me to wallow in my own self pity.