Disclaimer: I definitely don't own The Red Book of Westmarch (a.k.a. The Hobbit), nor The Lord of the Rings trilogy, nor the Silmarillion, the book of lost tales book 1 or 2, unfinished tales, or any of the christmas songs I have made a joke on.
Author's note: I apologize if this seems a bit "un-religious", so if you think I am trying to be rude to Christian or Catholic religion, or any other religion that celebrates Christmas, please know that this is only a joke. I myself am religious, and I celebrate Christmas. I just want to make a joke, since this is what my friend Elennar and I were singing in the car yesterday. And if you must tell me that you don't appreciate my jokes, please leave OUT any swears. I am only a kid, and I don't appreciate them. I am likely to listen to reviews and take their advice seriously if there are no swears.
The First Westmarch
The first Westmarch the Ainur did say
Was to certain poor Rangers
in halls where they lay;
In halls where they lay keeping their swords,
On a cold March 1st night that was so deep.
Westmarch, Westmarch, Westmarch, Westmarch,
Born is the King of Gondor.
They looked up and saw Eärendil
Shining over Valinor,
Beyond them far,
And to Ea it gave great light
And so continued through Lothlórien and Shelob's Lair.
Westmarch, Westmarch, Westmarch, Westmarch,
Born is the King of Gondor.
And by the light of Eärendil
Tall ships and tall kings three times three came over the sea,
To seek Isildur's heir was their intent,
And to follow Eärendil wherever it went.
Westmarch, Westmarch, Westmarch, Westmarch,
Born is the King of Gondor.
Eärendil drew nigh to the west,
Over Rivendell it took its rest;
And there it did stop and stay,
Right over the place where Aragorn lay.
Westmarch, Westmarch, Westmarch, Westmarch,
Born is the King of Gondor.
Deck Bag End
Deck Bag End with boughs of mallorn,
Tra la la lally, come down to the valley!
'Tis the season for Pippin to be drunk,
Tra la la lally, come down to the valley!
Don we now our orcish armor,
Aiya Eärendil Elenion Ancalima!
Troll the ancient Hobbitish bath song,
Tra la la lally, come down to the valley!
See the blazing Pyre of Denethor before us,
Tra la la lally, come down to the valley!
Strike the harp and join Merry and Pippin,
Tra la la lally, come down to the valley!
Follow Bilbo in merry measure,
Aiya Eärendil Elenion Ancalima!
While he sings of Smaug's treasures,
Tra la la lally, come down to the valley!
Fast away the old age passes,
Tra la la lally, come down to the valley!
Hail the new, ye elves and entings,
Tra la la lally, come down to the valley!
Sing the lament for Gandalf, all together,
Aiya Eärendil Elenion Ancalima!
Heedless of Morgoth's orcs and Balrogs,
Tra la la lally, come down to the valley!
Silent Ringbearer
Silent Ringbearer,
Holy Ringbearer,
Fast asleep from Shelob's poison,
Poor sad Sam and unconcious Frodo,
Holy Gollum so easily seduced,
Sleep in death-like sleep,
Sleep in death-like sleep.
Silent Ringbearer,
Holy Ringbearer,
Shelob quakes at the sight,
Lava streams from Orodruin above,
Shagrat says "This fellow en't dead."
"Not dead?" Sam gasps.
"Not dead?" Sam gasps.
Silent Ringbearer,
Holy Ringbearer,
Son of Drogo, holding Eärendil's light,
Whips lash out at Frodo's face,
Lava spews with dragon's fire's grace,
Frodo the halfling is awake,
Frodo the halfling is awake!
Hark! The Herald Balrogs sing
Hark! The herald balrogs sing,
Glory to the newcome Witch-King!
War on Middle Earth, and mercy none,
Théoden and Éowyn reconciled.
Hope that all of Middle Earth doesn't rise
And fight again to blow Barad-Dûr to the skies,
With Morgoth's fiery host proclaim,
Witch-King of Angmar comes to the Pelennor Fields!
Hark! The herald balrogs sing,
Glory to the newcome Witch-King!
Nazgûl, by highest Dark Tower adored,
Witch-King, the one no man can kill;
Black ships again late in time
Don't come to the aids of the orkish ones.
Veiled in armor the Nazgûl see,
Hail the incarnate servant of Sauron,
Pleased, as Uruks with a fresh kill,
The Witch-King, our demonic friend.
Hark! The herald balrogs sing,
Glory to the newcome Witch-King!
Hail! The ring-seduced Nazgûl of war,
Hail! The puppet of Melkor!
Darkness and death to all he brings,
Rising with the fell beast's wings.
All he kills with Morgul-blade
And seduces with the black breath,
Born to kill men of Middle-Earth,
And to give Sauron corporeal form.
Hark! The herald balrogs sing,
Glory to the newcome Witch-King!
We Wish you a Tweenager Frodo
We wish you a tweenager Frodo,
We wish you a tweenager Frodo,
We wish you a tweenager Frodo,
And a happy new age!
Good tidings we bring, to you and your elves,
Good tidings of Frodo and a happy new Sam!
Now bring us some figgy Elrond,
Now bring us some figgy Elrond,
Now bring us some figgy Elrond,
And bring it to Buckland.
Good tidings we bring, to you and your elves,
Good tidings of Frodo and a happy new Sam!
We won't go until we Gollum,
We won't go until we Gollum,
We won't go until we Gollum,
So bring some to Buckland.
Good tidings we bring, to you and your elves,
Good tidings of Frodo and a happy new Sam!
We all love figgy Elrond,
We all love figgy Elrond,
We all love figgy Elrond,
So bring some to Buckland.
Good tidings we bring, to you and your elves,
Good tidings of Frodo and a happy new Sam!
We wish you a tweenager Frodo,
We wish you a tweenager Frodo,
We wish you a tweenager Frodo,
And a happy new age.
I Saw Nine Ships
I saw nine ships come sailing in
From Valinor, from Valinor,
I saw nine ships come sailing in
From Valinor in the morning.
And what was in those ships all nine
From Valinor, from Valinor,
And what was in those ships all nine
From Valinor in the morning?
Tall Kings and palantirs,
From Valinor, from Valinor,
Tall Kings and palantirs,
From Valinor in the morning.
Pray, whither sailed those ships all nine
From Valinor, from Valinor,
Pray whither sailed those ships all nine
From Valinor in the morning.
O, they sailed to Middle Earth,
From Valinor, from Valinor,
O, they sailed to Middle Earth
From Valinor in the morning.
And seven stars and one white tree
From Valinor, from Valinor,
And seven stars and one white tree,
From Valinor in the morning.