Chapter 2
Names Are Nothing
Heiji clicked away on his keyboard, thinking of how he pushed Shinichi away, true he wanted him, but not that way. He sighed and leaned his head on the back of his chair closing his eyes. If only I could tell Shinichi who I am, it would all be so much easier…but that would make him leave. He has always hated me, I do not know why, but there has always been tension between us. Maybe I should make up a name. Would he buy it? Could he recognize my voice? Maybe he knows who I am, secretly. He stood up when he heard a crash from the living room. "Shinichi!"
Shinichi was sprawled out on the floor; he had run into the coffee table trying to get somewhere. His knee was bleeding and tears where coming from his useless eyes. Heiji hurried to his side and tried to help him up, but Shinichi didn't want to move. When Heiji reached out for him, Shinichi just pushed him away and started to sob. He didn't know what to do. "Shinichi…"
"I- I am useless, I can't do anything by myself!"
"Shinichi, you are blind…" Heiji's voice was full of concern and worry. Shinichi did not answer, just cried and eventually let Heiji hold him. Shinichi sobbed into Heiji's chest, while he stroked his hair, "don't do this to yourself, Shinichi…"
"But I did. The accident was all my fault."
"How was it your fault?"
"I was driving the car."
"So?"
"I killed Ran!" he all but shouted it into Heiji's chest, who paused for a moment and sat silently.
"You loved her?" Heiji's voice was sad, as if the question hurt to ask. Shinichi stopped sobbing and pulled away from him.
"I don't know. She was my first girlfriend; I suppose it was a kind of love. She was my best friend." Heiji's let out a breath, he didn't love her, he didn't love her. He hugged the fragile boy in his arms and whispered into his ear.
"No one blames you, I don't blame you. It isn't your fault, it isn't your fault." He repeated those words to Shinichi as he wept, clinging to Heiji until he fell asleep. With a sad smile, he picked him up and carried him to his room, softly setting him on the bed under a thin blanket. He cupped the boys face, "Kid, this is the best I can do, all I can offer you is myself." He sat next to Shinichi in a chair and kissed his forehead. He fell asleep holding his hand.
Shinichi opened his eyes, disappointed to still be unable to see, but he found that the darkness had lightened to a dark grey. He was getting better. He stretched and wondered when he had gotten in a bed. Figuring the boy must have put him there; he got up and stumbled until he found the door. He listened for sounds of life and followed them into the kitchen that smelled of eggs and bacon. Heiji turned and looked at him, "Your up, are you hungry?" Shinichi nodded and groped around for a chair. He tripped on a loose floorboard and started to fall but Heiji caught him. "You have to be more careful or your going to hurt yourself again."
Shinichi felt tears coming again, he was such a failure. "Come on now, don't cry Schinichi, you never cried like this before." Heiji tried to hold him but Shinichi was angry.
"How do you know how I am? Who are you? What is your name?" Heiji looked hurt and turned back to the eggs leaving Shinichi in the middle of the small kitchen.
"I only want to help you Shinichi." Heiji put the eggs and bacon on a plate and handed it to Shinichi, then left the room to hide in his study. Shinichi threw the plate and heard it break, then ran out the doorway and hit the couch, where he fell onto it and sobbed. He didn't know what to do.
After an hour, Heiji came out into the living room to find Shinichi staring blankly at the ceiling, "hey." Shinichi didn't reply he just stared up. "Please lets not fight Shinichi, I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry? You have only tried to help me. I don't deserve help, you should kick me out." Shinichi blinked away tears, angry that he had become such a crybaby. "I'm sorry," he said as he wiped at his eyes. Heiji walked over to him and knelt by the couch.
"Shinichi," Heiji leaned over Shinichi and kissed him, who was surprised but responded. He slowly sat up, breaking the kiss and looked at Heiji with his blind eyes. Something was in them, some strange feeling that Heiji couldn't interpret, but he knew they were pleading at him. He reached out, trying to find Heiji's face, when he did he ran them down his cheek and over his chin, nose, lips and eyes, feeling the way he was put together. He stared into Heiji's eyes, trying his hardest to see, but in vain. He pulled his hand away, but Heiji caught it.
"My name is Hattori." It wasn't a total lie, it was his last name. It sounded enough like a first. Shinichi took this in and smiled the first smile in a long time. Heiji felt tears on his cheeks, but didn't remember when he had started to cry. Shinichi heard Heiji's soft sobs and wiped the tears from his cheeks.
"Now who's the crybaby?" His voice was neither condescending or angry, but soft and warm. Heiji took his hand and kissed the palm.
"I love you Shinichi." The blind boy just looked at him with a smile, and then he kissed the crying boy.
"I know you do Hattori." Shinichi took Heiji into his arms while he wept, rocking slowly back and forth as if he was holding a child. He knew it was not the response Heiji wanted to hear, but now, it was the only one he had.