Chapter 3
Love is Blind
Shinichi woke up to the comforting feeling of strong arms around him and the sun on his face. He turned in bed until he was nose to nose with the sleeping Heiji. He could hear his steady breathing beside him. He traced the sun-warmed skin of his jaw then kissed his lips, never failing to surprise him with their softness. He was growing fonder of this "Hattori". Heiji opened his eyes slowly and smiled at the blind boy, "Good morning." Shinichi smiled at him and stretched.
"I'm hungry." Heiji looked skeptical.
"Are you going to throw it again?" Shinichi looked sad.
"Sorry about that. I didn't-I mean-" Before he could fumble anymore Heiji laughed and silenced him with a soft kiss, but Shinichi wanted more than that. He turned the gentle kiss into a passionate one; he rolled onto his back causing Heiji to roll on top of him. They both opened their mouths at the same time, their tongues meeting and then descending into the opposite mouths. They parted their lips only for a second to take quick rapid breaths before returning to one another. Shinichi's hands wandered over Heiji's smooth, tan skin. All he could think about was, wanting to see the man he desired. Heiji pulled away, not wanting to take advantage of the boy beneath him. Shinichi was confused.
"Don't you want me?"
"Of course I do…I love you, but I don't want to take you unless you feel the same." Heiji ran a hand through his hair. "Don't take it the wrong way."
"Hattori, I do like you; a lot." Shinichi was desperate, he wanted to be comforted, and he only wanted "Hattori" to comfort him. He sat up with Heiji on his lap; he reached up and brought Heiji's face down to meet his with a kiss. "Just make me feel good Hattori. Won't you make this blind fool happy?" Shinichi knew he was manipulating "Hattori" but it is not as if he just wanted sex, he wanted to be loved, even if the love was not fully returned by him.
"No. I have to go to work. I'm going to be late." With strange anxiousness he got up and ran out the door, "I will see you later Shinichi, I love you!" Shinichi just sat, confused on the bed.
Heiji walked into the clinic and sat down in a plastic hospital chair, waiting for his name to be called. The room was packed, coughing children, angry parents, and homeless beggars, they were all there. He himself, a former prostitute with a hot boy living in his house, he just wanted to be safe.
"Heiji Hattori, the doctor will see you now." Heiji got up slowly, afraid of what will happen. He just wished for everything to be all right, for Shinichi's sake.
Shinichi sat anxiously on the couch, waiting for Heiji to come back. He was worried about the way he had just left. Was there something wrong with him? He moved his hand over his cheeks and eyes and nose, finding with horror a large scar over his right cheek, he did not remove his hand as tears fell from his eyes.
"I'm ugly."
"Shinichi! I'm home, and I brought food!" Heiji was smiling as he walked in the front door, but soon began to worry when Schinichi did not come running. He set the market bag down on the table and went off to search for the boy. He heard running water from the bathroom, and he quietly opened the door to find a naked, curled up Shinichi in the shower crying while the water hit him. "Shinichi, what are you doing!" Heiji ran over to the boy and jumped into the shower, not bothering to shut off the water. "Shinichi?"
"Leave me alone! You don't love me. Nobody loves me! How could they, I'm ugly!" Heiji was frantic, he didn't know what to do or say.
"What are you talking about, you are not ugly, you're beautiful…" Heiji acted like a wall between the water and Shinichi as he stroked the smaller boy's cheek, "I do love you Schinichi, why are you saying these things?"
Shinichi sobbed and tried to push Heiji away. "No, you cannot love me! Look at me, my face, it's so ugly!" He reached up and touched his scar, causing him to sob loudly. "That's why you wouldn't have me! You don't want this hideous, blind face looking up at you!"
Heiji could feel tears in his eyes, he shook Shinichi's shoulders and held him tight, "fool, it's the only face I'd want to stare up at me." Shinichi wrapped his arms around Heiji, and wept.
"I love you Hattori." Shinichi rested his head on Heiji's strong shoulders, as he whispered the words to him. All Heiji could do was cry.
Heiji was drying the wet boy with his only towel in the house, trying to rid the boy of the coldness. He gentle dried his face, then bent down and kissed him slowly and softly, and then he kissed his scar. "I think Shinichi, that you are beautiful." Shinichi smiled a small smile but then looked up.
"Why then, would you not have me?" Heiji had been dreading this question.
"I-had to go to work."
"You're lying."
Heiji sat down next to the questioning boy on the couch and ran his hands through his black hair. "It is complicated."
"I want to hear it Hattori." Shinichi grabbed Heiji's hand, "because I love you. I want to do for you what you've done for me." Heiji kissed the boy's hand and leaned back on the couch. "Promise me something."
"Anything."
"Don't leave."
"I would never." Heiji turned to Shinichi and sighed.
"Okay, here it goes. When I dropped out of school, I lived on the streets, I had no money and I needed to get a job, but that doesn't come easy for a high school drop out. So I did the only thing I thought I could, I became a male prostitute." Heiji paused and he felt Shinichi's hand loosen its grip on his own. Heiji took his had away and ran both through his hair; no know how to say the rest. "I quit about a year ago, after I got a real job. I had sex with many people Shinichi…I just didn't want to give you anything, you know. So when I ran off, I went to the clinic to take a test, to see if I have anything. They said they would call tomorrow with the results." Heiji sighed and looked up at the cracked ceiling of the small, messy house. "I did it too keep you safe." Heiji got up, "I'm going to take a shower, so, just, do whatever." With that, he left, and Shinichi shed two tears before getting up and going to bed.