DISCLAIMER: Fact—Simon Pegg is the Sexiest Man Alive (deal with it, Jude Law). Fact—"The Amazing Race" is the best reality show ever. Fact—The second album I ever bought was Kate Bush's "Hounds of Love." Fact—All "Shaun of the Dead" characters still belong to Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright. But we've worked out a nice time-share deal…
Grayson led the way to the bar, found an open spot and tried to get the bartender's attention. "You still drinking cider?" he asked Sara.
"Just water, please," she said. "I'm on duty. And so are you apparently."
He ordered his beer and a water for Sara, then turned his attention back to her. "I get the feeling you're not that happy to see me."
"Wow, you were always so perceptive, Grayson."
"And you're still as sarcastic as ever," he observed. "Though your fashion sense has changed quite a bit. Not that I'm complaining. I gotta' say I never thought we'd ever be fighting side by side again," he mused, a winning smile flitting across his face. "I mean, how many years is it now?"
"Not long enough," she muttered.
"You're not really upset about this, are you? Me showing up unannounced?" His big brown eyes searched her own for any slight sign of forgiveness. "Come on, Sara, you know I'm the kind of guy who can't resist the chance to play the hero."
"I also know you're the kind of guy whose idea of a romantic first date is a midnight stroll through a cemetery."
"Hey, we were in training at the time. Can you blame me for trying to mix business with pleasure?"
"I can blame you for standing me up and leaving me to deal with two newly-made vampires on my own."
"Hey, you lived. And that which does not kill you makes you stronger."
"Well, yes, I would say surviving our self-destructive relationship certainly made me stronger. And smarter."
"Not that much smarter if you're still pining for skinny, pale, British guys," he said condescendingly.
"What?"
"You haven't taken your eyes off the DJ all night. I never knew hip-hop was the way to your heart."
"It's not hip-hop, it's electro," she corrected. "Anyway, that's Shaun. He's…a co-worker. So you can stop laboring under the delusion that you're the most eligible bachelor on the Council's payroll."
He laughed and shook his head. "Y'know, I have this theory that slayers have a superhuman ability to hold a grudge," he said, leaning on the bar with one elbow and sipping his beer. "The female ones, anyway."
"They also have an ability to hold an axe and various other sharp weapons," she advised. "Are you absolutely sure you want to have this conversation right now? Because personally, I'd rather direct my hostility at the undead creatures in this room, not at the Deus Ex Wanker who decided to come to the party fashionably late."
"Hey, I got here as soon as I could. Not my fault Michael took his sweet time sending up the bat signal."
"For your information, we were doing fine without you."
"Hmm, you let some ancient vampire wander into the Council building, murder and pillage at will, and leave our entire British unit in a shambles. Yeah, you're doing fine."
"Well, it depends on your interpretation of the word 'fine'," she countered. She looked past him to where a dark-clad figure reached across the bar, pulled one of the female bartenders to him, and sank his teeth into her neck. "And that is not fine!"
"I got this," Grayson said.
"No, I'll deal with it. You get the lights."
"Lights?"
"We've got UV lamps plugged into the lightboard. One switch should activate all of them."
"I'm on it."
He launched into the crowd and Sara pushed toward the attacking vampire. She pried him away from the blond girl's neck and threw a punch at his face. He staggered back but then countered with a punch to her stomach. Taking hold of her hair, he roughly brought her face to meet his knee, then flung her backward onto the floor. She brought her leg round to kick his feet out from under him. As soon as he hit the floor, she pierced his heart with a stake from her leg holster.
The nearby club kids stood in shocked silence. Before the dust could settle, another vamp grabbed Sara from behind and slammed her onto the bar, the force knocking the stake out of her grip. Placing inhumanly strong hands around her neck, he began to squeeze. With one hand on the vamp's face, she tried to push him away, while her other hand searched for some weapon on the bar—a bottle, a glass, an ashtray—but there were only plastic cups. No use at all.
Suddenly something red and metal struck the vamp on the head with a gruesome metallic sound, knocking him away.
After whacking him, Yvonne dropped the fire extinguisher from her hands and picked up Sara's stake, dusting the dazed vamp. Sara slowly rose from the bar, massaging her nearly-crushed throat and staring at her rescuer. To her surprise, it was the same girl that had been hugging and talking to Shaun.
"You're Sara?" she asked with an excited smile.
"Yeah," Sara said slowly.
"I'm Yvonne. Shaun's told me all about you."
"Has he?"
"Now, how do we kill these things?"
"Um, you can use a stake, which you seem to have got the hang of. Beheading, fire…"
"How do we know which ones are vampires?"
Just then, the blinding light of the UV lamps flooded the room. The vampires among the crowd cried out as their skin began to burn and blister. The club kids reacted to the screeching, fanged partygoers with shock, horror and in some cases nonchalance.
"Kill everyone with a sudden tan," Sara advised Yvonne.
Arming herself with another stake, Yvonne turned and began to cut a swath through the burning undead crowd. In the ensuing chaos, vampires and club kids alike began to head for the exit. Yvonne reunited with her boyfriend Declan, and they tried to recruit other partygoers in their staking efforts. The ashen remains of dusted vamps began to mix with the smoke from the fog machines.
Sara rushed to attend to the bitten bartender as she lay on the floor. She removed one of her arm warmers, gave it to the girl and told her to press it hard against the wound to stop the bleeding. Suddenly, she heard a cry from behind her and turned to see a vamp launch itself at her from atop the bar. She raised her right arm to brace herself for the impact. Something flew quickly past her ear, and she was instead hit with a face-full of dust. Coughing, she turned to see Grayson pointing a souped-up crossbow.
"Finally, I get to use my new toy," he smiled.
"A rapid-fire crossbow?" she asked in amazement, examining the weapon. "I thought they only existed in the movies. Where on earth did you get that?"
"It's a Shelton 317. Custom-built for me in Berlin by this girl named Lola."
"Right. Let's put it to good use then. I need you to go and protect Shaun."
"The DJ? Why?" He paused to fire an arrow at a retreating vamp.
"Don't argue with me, just do it." She paused to turn and stake a vamp that was rushing at them. "Any vamp comes near him, they get an arrow through their undead heart. Got it?"
"Whatever."
"Grayson, I'm serious. If anything happens to Shaun, I'm holding you responsible. And don't think I can't come up with some very innovative ways of torture."
"I thought you were saving your hostility for the undead," he reminded.
"For you, I'd make an exception."
"Fine, I'll cover Shaun. But if he plays K.C. and the Sunshine Band, he's toast."