I woke up the next morning in a bit of daze. The room was spinning as I sat up and squinted around. I looked into my dressing table mirror from across the room, and immediately regretted the action. I looked like a wreck. I sighed as I got out and padded across the room hurriedly. I had to get to school before it started. I had to talk to Jesse. I had to. He'd looked so shocked when he'd appeared yesterday. And not just because of the shiny BMW crashed into the tree. No, it wasn't that. It was what I was doing. Or rather what Paul was doing to me.

I can't believe I let him kiss me. I really can't. But by the time my surprise at his action had worn off, it was way too late. Jesse had seen. Paul was happy. I was dead. God! Why can't stuff go normally for me?

I rummaged through the dressing tables many draws impatiently, looking for a hair brush to attempt to tame the tangled frizz on my head. No time for a bath. I was in a hurry. It was as I yanking out the rubbish that lined my drawers that I found it. The smooth leather diary father Dom had gotten Jesse to give me. I pulled it out and blew off the coat of dust that covered its cold brass rim. I'd totally forgotten about it since that day I'd been handed it in the corridor. I had the excuse of being preoccupied of course.

I admit that I was curious. I love reading other peoples stuff. Especially when the other person isn't around to blame you for doing it. I opened the dusty cover uncertainly. Why hadn't Father Dom told me he wanted me to read it? What if I wasn't supposed to? But I think Father D knows me well enough by now that he would expect me to read it.

I glanced at the clock to my right. Then up at my reflection. I was never going to be ready in time. But curiosity got the better of me as I began to read:

13 February 1901

Dear Diary,

Today was very traumatic. Papa discovered he may have to leave for the coast indefinitely. Tis very sad how his commanders abandoned him in such a manner. Rosetta and Josaline share in my grief at the thought. Mama will have no option but to contemplate divorce. For when papa is exiled he may do nothing without bringing shame to the family. Lady De Silva has offered us sanctuary while our parents discuss their final arrangements. I am not inclined to take her up on the offer, kind though it may seem. I have met Lady De Silva's daughter –and only child- many times; and found her cruel and deeply vain. I simply could not bare the thought of sharing lodgings with her.

My sisters are yet too young to understand the difficult circumstances we are to face. With papa gone we will have no man to help run the fields or manage the orders slips. Mama will no doubt have to sell much of her finery to pay off the tax collector, who seems to be increasingly shallow.

I will have to marry within the next year in order to secure an appropriate match. The very thought fills me with dread. I do not know what to do. I feel I must speak out and yet know nothing of which to say, that may bare listening to. The ramblings of a grieving child.

I must go fetch Gretchen to help me finish my final letters to my father. But what is there to say to a man with blood on his hands? Tis been too long to understand what possessed him to......

Does not bare thinking about. Maybe one day soon I will understand. Then maybe the nightmares will recede. Maybe then I can marry the man I wish without thought of title or rank. But these are just more ramblings, and I fear my time grows thin.

I must find the truth in order to prevail as the woman I wish to become. But with papa leaving and mama in such a state, how can that ever happen? I must find out what happened that night..

Yours Faithfully

Grace Katrina Bennett

I finished reading it in complete shock. This girl; Grace I think her name was, she new Maria? I felt so sorry for the poor girl, no wonder she'd kept a dairy. She had a lot to say, and no-one would listen. I guess Father D had given it to me when he'd seen Maria mentioned. If she new Maria then she had to know Jesse right? Jealousy bubbled up inside of me as I stared at the page. Then I remembered. Jesse.

I reluctantly placed the diary down and got ready. I looked like a new girl as I stepped out of my bed-room a second later. At least I know that no matter how bad things seem, at least they're not as bad as what happened with Grace.

Yeah right.