Disclaimer : I own nothing. Also, a wank is masturbating (how nice . .), curry is Indian food, and to all you people that think this is out of character - WELL FUCKING DUH!! Do you honestly think this would really happen?? It's a sodding parody, you imbeciles. Of course it isn't going to make sense. And let me explain this slowly for the real morons - THEY SAY STUPID THINGS BECAUSE IT'S A HUMOUR FIC.
God . .some people . .
And another thing, I AM SO SORRY TO THE PEOPLE THAT READ THIS BEFORE I CHANGED IT. I WASN'T THINKING. I'M SOOOOOO SORRY!!!!!!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO WREAK THE BOOK.
THE KNEE TREMBLER
Chapter 11 : Sirius tries too hard and Draco gets suicidal again
Harry, Ron and Sirius galumphed their way into the ward, giggling and getting far to over excited.
Draco took this oppurtunity to glare at them with ever-growing contempt.
"Ooooh it's a babyyyy!!" Ron squealed, clapping his hands and jumping up and down like a ginger jack-in-the-box.
Draco rolled his eyes. "Oh do calm down, Weasley,"he drawled. "I'm sure you've seen enough babies in your time, since your parents can't afford contraception and babies are your only source of food these days."
Ron chose to ignore this, as he was currently wetting himself over Hermione's baby.
"Oh Herm, he's so lovely!" cried Ron. He shot a particularly nasty look at Draco. "You wouldn't think he was Draco's, would you?"
Draco took on a very unimpressed expression and sulked.
Sirius strided up next to Stephan and grinned. "Oh, I was brilliant with babies back in my day,"he said. "You should have seen me with Harry - you would've thought I was his dad!"
"I feel a life-changing revalation coming on,"muttered Draco.
"Shut it, you little inbred,"snapped Sirius. "I *am* good with babies."
"Stop lying to make friends,"said Draco.
"Hermione, am I allowed to throw something at Draco?"said Sirius.
"By all means,"said Hermione, who was still absorbed in the baby.
Sirius picked up a small nearby clock and belted it at Draco with worrying force. Draco didn't see it coming and was knocked to the ground.
"You could've poked somebodys eye out with that!"Draco raged, nursing the big fat bruise that was forming above his eye.
"No,"corrected Sirius. "I could've poked *your* eye out with it, and it would've been really funny."
Draco glared. "Piss off, cobweb cock,"he hissed.
Hermione threw an extremely dark look at Draco. "Mind your language infront of the baby, before I come over there and batter you."
Draco chose to pout like a little girl, highly irritated by the way the world was against him.
"So what's the little guy's name?"said Harry. He gave a little cough, trying to be inconspicuous. "And who's the godfather going to be?"
"Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!"cried Sirius, practically exploding with enthusiasm. "Everyone likes me to be a godfather! Oh go on, you know you want to!"
Sirius flashed his prettiest smile and nearly everyone swooned, including Draco.
"I swear I didn't swoon,"said Draco quickly as he got to his feet. "My head hurt and I felt the need to fall down."
Sirius looked smug. "Yeah yeah,"he said. "That's what they all say."
"Shut up,"said Draco.
"You see, Draco, there are two kinds of men in this world,"continued Sirius, preening. "Gay men, and men who have never met me."
"I wish I was the second type,"muttered Draco.
Hermione handed Ron Steffan and Ron proceeded to make a plethora of stupid noises.
Draco raised an eyebrow. "I'd rather you didn't get too close to my child,"he said. "He might contract that terrible disease you have."
"They're called FRECKLES ok??"wailed Ron, hurt. "And they're nothing to be ashamed of."
"Is that what your mother tells you, Weasley?"leered Draco nastily. "Because she's only saying that to be nice, you know."
Ron handed the baby quickly to Harry, so he could run off and cry.
Draco giggled spitefully to himself as Ron ran from the ward wailing at the top of his voice "I'M SPECIAL! FRECKLES ARE SPECIAL!!"
Harry cooed at the baby for a little while, before Sirius snatched him and started showing off with how good he was with kids.
"Look, Hermione,"said Sirius, beaming. "See how good I am with Stephan?? See?? Look! He loves me! I should be the godfather! I rule!"
Harry scowled. "Don't be such a baby-hogger, Sirius,"he said, taking Stephan back.
Sirius folded his arms and sat in a corner all by himself to sulk.
Suddenly, an owl turned up out of nowhere and smacked Sirius on the side of the head, causing him to fall rather unceremoniously off his chair. Draco gave a hoot of delight at the sight of it.
Sirius gave the owl and irritated swipe, whereupon the owl bit him, causing Draco yet more mirth. Sirius took the letter attached to the owl, then gave the owl a particularly hard thwak with it.
He peered at the letter and a smirk appeared on that extremely pretty face of his. He directed his evil grin at Draco.
"A letter from your dear old dad,"he said.
Draco blanched, the laughter leaving his face outstandingly fast. He had to sit down.
"Oh bloody hell . . ."he muttered to himself.
Sirius threw the letter at Draco, who caught it. Draco opened the letter and gave a deep and despairing groan.
Hermione looked up and saw Draco's horrified expression.
"Tell me your insane parents aren't coming to see the baby . ."she said dangerously.
"I really wish I could,"said Draco, still white. "Unfortunately, I can't and now I'm going to go and kill myself."
"Can I watch?"said Harry gleefully.
Draco thought about it. "Hmm . . let me think . . how about . . . NO."
Harry looked depressed at this and turned back to Hermione who was looking deeply unimpressed.
"Sirius, could you go and talk Draco out of suicide please?"said Hermione sweetly.
"Have you thought this through?"said Sirius. "I mean, do you really want him to live?"
Hermione nodded, but not after pondering Sirius's words for a moment.
"If you really insist,"sighed Sirius, as he made his way after the highly-depressed Draco.
Hermione looked at Harry. "Well . ."she said darkly. "Another fun visit from the Malfoys . .how lucky am I?"
Harry sighed and put his arm around her. "I would offer some words of consolation,"he said. "But it's the Malfoys . . and no amount of consolation is going to help. I'll just try and set Sirius on them when they arrive."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm SO SORRY that this chapter has taken ages to do. My computer is being an idiot, so I have to update on my laptop, which is a pain in the arse.
I doubt the next chapter should take more than a week, seeing as I've left school now. WOOHOO! Thanks for reviews!
Luv Lux
God . .some people . .
And another thing, I AM SO SORRY TO THE PEOPLE THAT READ THIS BEFORE I CHANGED IT. I WASN'T THINKING. I'M SOOOOOO SORRY!!!!!!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO WREAK THE BOOK.
THE KNEE TREMBLER
Chapter 11 : Sirius tries too hard and Draco gets suicidal again
Harry, Ron and Sirius galumphed their way into the ward, giggling and getting far to over excited.
Draco took this oppurtunity to glare at them with ever-growing contempt.
"Ooooh it's a babyyyy!!" Ron squealed, clapping his hands and jumping up and down like a ginger jack-in-the-box.
Draco rolled his eyes. "Oh do calm down, Weasley,"he drawled. "I'm sure you've seen enough babies in your time, since your parents can't afford contraception and babies are your only source of food these days."
Ron chose to ignore this, as he was currently wetting himself over Hermione's baby.
"Oh Herm, he's so lovely!" cried Ron. He shot a particularly nasty look at Draco. "You wouldn't think he was Draco's, would you?"
Draco took on a very unimpressed expression and sulked.
Sirius strided up next to Stephan and grinned. "Oh, I was brilliant with babies back in my day,"he said. "You should have seen me with Harry - you would've thought I was his dad!"
"I feel a life-changing revalation coming on,"muttered Draco.
"Shut it, you little inbred,"snapped Sirius. "I *am* good with babies."
"Stop lying to make friends,"said Draco.
"Hermione, am I allowed to throw something at Draco?"said Sirius.
"By all means,"said Hermione, who was still absorbed in the baby.
Sirius picked up a small nearby clock and belted it at Draco with worrying force. Draco didn't see it coming and was knocked to the ground.
"You could've poked somebodys eye out with that!"Draco raged, nursing the big fat bruise that was forming above his eye.
"No,"corrected Sirius. "I could've poked *your* eye out with it, and it would've been really funny."
Draco glared. "Piss off, cobweb cock,"he hissed.
Hermione threw an extremely dark look at Draco. "Mind your language infront of the baby, before I come over there and batter you."
Draco chose to pout like a little girl, highly irritated by the way the world was against him.
"So what's the little guy's name?"said Harry. He gave a little cough, trying to be inconspicuous. "And who's the godfather going to be?"
"Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!"cried Sirius, practically exploding with enthusiasm. "Everyone likes me to be a godfather! Oh go on, you know you want to!"
Sirius flashed his prettiest smile and nearly everyone swooned, including Draco.
"I swear I didn't swoon,"said Draco quickly as he got to his feet. "My head hurt and I felt the need to fall down."
Sirius looked smug. "Yeah yeah,"he said. "That's what they all say."
"Shut up,"said Draco.
"You see, Draco, there are two kinds of men in this world,"continued Sirius, preening. "Gay men, and men who have never met me."
"I wish I was the second type,"muttered Draco.
Hermione handed Ron Steffan and Ron proceeded to make a plethora of stupid noises.
Draco raised an eyebrow. "I'd rather you didn't get too close to my child,"he said. "He might contract that terrible disease you have."
"They're called FRECKLES ok??"wailed Ron, hurt. "And they're nothing to be ashamed of."
"Is that what your mother tells you, Weasley?"leered Draco nastily. "Because she's only saying that to be nice, you know."
Ron handed the baby quickly to Harry, so he could run off and cry.
Draco giggled spitefully to himself as Ron ran from the ward wailing at the top of his voice "I'M SPECIAL! FRECKLES ARE SPECIAL!!"
Harry cooed at the baby for a little while, before Sirius snatched him and started showing off with how good he was with kids.
"Look, Hermione,"said Sirius, beaming. "See how good I am with Stephan?? See?? Look! He loves me! I should be the godfather! I rule!"
Harry scowled. "Don't be such a baby-hogger, Sirius,"he said, taking Stephan back.
Sirius folded his arms and sat in a corner all by himself to sulk.
Suddenly, an owl turned up out of nowhere and smacked Sirius on the side of the head, causing him to fall rather unceremoniously off his chair. Draco gave a hoot of delight at the sight of it.
Sirius gave the owl and irritated swipe, whereupon the owl bit him, causing Draco yet more mirth. Sirius took the letter attached to the owl, then gave the owl a particularly hard thwak with it.
He peered at the letter and a smirk appeared on that extremely pretty face of his. He directed his evil grin at Draco.
"A letter from your dear old dad,"he said.
Draco blanched, the laughter leaving his face outstandingly fast. He had to sit down.
"Oh bloody hell . . ."he muttered to himself.
Sirius threw the letter at Draco, who caught it. Draco opened the letter and gave a deep and despairing groan.
Hermione looked up and saw Draco's horrified expression.
"Tell me your insane parents aren't coming to see the baby . ."she said dangerously.
"I really wish I could,"said Draco, still white. "Unfortunately, I can't and now I'm going to go and kill myself."
"Can I watch?"said Harry gleefully.
Draco thought about it. "Hmm . . let me think . . how about . . . NO."
Harry looked depressed at this and turned back to Hermione who was looking deeply unimpressed.
"Sirius, could you go and talk Draco out of suicide please?"said Hermione sweetly.
"Have you thought this through?"said Sirius. "I mean, do you really want him to live?"
Hermione nodded, but not after pondering Sirius's words for a moment.
"If you really insist,"sighed Sirius, as he made his way after the highly-depressed Draco.
Hermione looked at Harry. "Well . ."she said darkly. "Another fun visit from the Malfoys . .how lucky am I?"
Harry sighed and put his arm around her. "I would offer some words of consolation,"he said. "But it's the Malfoys . . and no amount of consolation is going to help. I'll just try and set Sirius on them when they arrive."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm SO SORRY that this chapter has taken ages to do. My computer is being an idiot, so I have to update on my laptop, which is a pain in the arse.
I doubt the next chapter should take more than a week, seeing as I've left school now. WOOHOO! Thanks for reviews!
Luv Lux