Chapter 1
Excitement rose from Cloud's villa, filling up the starry sky. Tonight was a night of love, peace and harmony.... perfect for the wholesome shenanigans of Avalanche as they waited for St Nick to arrive and bring them their--
"Now just wait a damn minute!" Rufus Shinra pushed the homey scene from the imagination's eye, "Yeah, that's right. Let's pay attention to Rufus!"
Standing with his arms crossed, the president surveyed his audience to make sure everyone was paying attention.
"Hey I see you back there Blondie!" Rufus shouted at a random reader, shaking his fist with menace. "Don't make me come back there!"
Taking a shade off of his killer glare, Rufus gave a quick flick of his hair. "If I have to sit through one more Avalanche Christmas story, I'm gonna gouge my eyes out! Shinra stories are where the money is! Come over to the dark side people! Do I have to beg here?"
By now Rufus had changed to a slight shade of pink, his anger showing through. But lets face it, Rufus Shinra doesn't beg. He wasn't even considering paying off some people to beg FOR him. No, when Rufus gets this mad, he doesn't beg. He gets trigger happy.
Fortunately for all of us, that shotgun had been disposed of. Rufus smacked his forehead in memory of his dearest pal in the whole world, "Ol' Gunny." He had left the keys to his office to Reno to feed Dark Nation, but Dark Nation never got fed. Instead, he had been left starving in his office. After he had ate all of the wallpaper, and most of the carpet, the shotgun had been the cat's next victim. At least Dark Nation was alright... but ol' gunny would never shoot again.
Except when Dark Nation got indigestion... then you had better watch out.
"You're lucky I have been permanently unarmed." Rufus warned "That would make my quest considerably easier. If only gunny was here, then I could get rid of Avalanche for good!"
Rufus began pacing, as he tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I must stop the Avalanche Christmas stories from coming...... But how?!"
***
As Rufus will need a little time to figure out his sabotaging plans, let us skip forward to Aval-
"Not Avalanche!" Rufus shouted, "That totally defies my purpose of getting rid of their stories!"
Ahem. I meant the Shinra Christmas Eve party. If you need a place to get your jingle freak on, then Floor 61 is your room to par-tay! The sounds of "The Safety Dance" filled the room, as Heidigger--
"Stage name, please" Heidigger crossed his arms and waited expectantly.
Excuse me, "Rap Master H" was finally pursuing his DJ dream. In a corner, Sephiroth himself was collecting donations for the Underprivileged Villain Foundation. Generally, a fun time was being had by all.. But the person who seemed to be having all the fun was Reno. Which isn't much a surprise, because who wouldn't have fun if they were the life of the par-tay? Yes, Reno was the Par-tay king... but the king was not being appreciated.
"Hey Elena.." Reno slunk up to his co-worker and whispered seductively in her ear.
Elena turned with a surprised look on her face. "Yeah?"
Reno broke out into a grin as he held onto a piece of mistletoe at belt height. "Say, how 'bout we get into the Christmas spirit and you ring my jingle bells?"
Yup. You guessed it. A slap that broke through the Richter scale sounded through the room, causing the turntables (which Heidigger was having a mighty grand time on) to stop. Every eye was on the stupefied red head as he nursed his aching cheek. Even a few monocles were dropped.
"This man is a pervert!" Elena yelled, causing a collective gasp of the party. Most weren't that surprised, but the gasp was contagious.
"You disgust even me!" Sephiroth yelled from his donation table.
Reno tried to form words, his mind slurred with the intake of booze he had drank that night. Could this have been avoided? Let's see... first he had christened Palmer, claiming the "gravy boat" had come to take him away. Then he scratched Heidigger's favorite Boy George CD. After that it got a little foggy for a few hours... then just now he had tried out his favorite mistletoe oriented joke on Elena. Nope, it was meant to be.
"I wont allow this to keep going!" Heidigger shouted from his perch on the turntables. "Get out now, and never return! You're fired!"
Fired? Reno laughed uncontrollably, causing the party goers to drop a few more monocles. He figured he'd get another beer before he left... because after all, it wouldn't seem so funny in the morning.
****
Has Rufus decided on a diabolical plan yet? Let us see.
Rufus was inside of his office, trying desperately to claw himself out of a large fishing net.
"Not yet! I'm not ready!" he shouted in dismay.
Well, I guess that answers that question. Let's see how Reno is taking his newfound unemployment.
***
Reno walked out of the Shinra building, sipping a beer. This was by far the best Christmas Eve ever; After all, he had not even been caught on fire as of yet. As he strolled down the sidewalk, the redhead came upon Tseng, which caused him to do a double take.
Tseng? Was his brain finally turning on him? No... that's not right, it had turn on him long ago. "Damn Brain!" Reno muttered savagely and punched himself in the head. "Oww..."
That proved it. There was no way it could be the many liters of alcohol swimming in his gut, or even the result of eating the mold under his desk (it looked like cherry sauce at the time, which was one thing he couldn't pass up). Tseng was definitely standing in front of him. His dead colligue was a little green, with dust covering his frame. One of his eyes were bulging precariously from his eye socket, and his suit had bite holes covering it. Everything besides his hair spelled destruction. Reno made a note to get the name of Tseng's conditioner. Damn, his hair was beautiful.
As a bug crawled up Tseng's suit, he carefully brushed it off, and smiled, showing perfectly white teeth. Tseng held up a pack of Mento's and winked at Reno.
"Wow, long time no see." Reno commented calmly, totally ignoring the Mento's theme song playing faintly in the background.
"Yeah. How have you been Reno?" Tseng rubbed his eye, causing it to plop out on the ground and roll down the street.
"Damn... not again" Tseng sighed sadly.
"Maybe it WAS the mold.." Reno said to himself. He would definitely think twice before he ate some unknown substance next time. "You gonna get that?"
"Eventually.."
It was then that an awkward silence hung over the two. Being dead was really not much of a conversation starter, and Reno was still a little weirded out about the whole eye plopping out thing. You know, that old situation.
"So.." Reno started, "You seen Rude?"
Tseng looked disappointed. It wasn't like everyday that someone came back from the dead, and now Reno was already talking about Rude! He sighed. He would just have to find attention somewhere else..
"Yeah.. Left early. Said something about 'getting what he wanted this Christmas'" Tseng answered sadly.
"Ah.. I wonder what that could be.." Reno smiled happily as he thought of all the wonderful things he wanted for Christmas... booze... and smokes... Elena jumping out of a cake. Mmm.. Cake... he really wanted some cake. Rude would have cake!
"Well, better go find Rude! Catch you later Tseng!" Reno said joyfully, smacking Tseng on the back, causing the other eyeball to follow the first.
"Damn...."
*****
A/N: Chapter 2, coming soon! please review!
Excitement rose from Cloud's villa, filling up the starry sky. Tonight was a night of love, peace and harmony.... perfect for the wholesome shenanigans of Avalanche as they waited for St Nick to arrive and bring them their--
"Now just wait a damn minute!" Rufus Shinra pushed the homey scene from the imagination's eye, "Yeah, that's right. Let's pay attention to Rufus!"
Standing with his arms crossed, the president surveyed his audience to make sure everyone was paying attention.
"Hey I see you back there Blondie!" Rufus shouted at a random reader, shaking his fist with menace. "Don't make me come back there!"
Taking a shade off of his killer glare, Rufus gave a quick flick of his hair. "If I have to sit through one more Avalanche Christmas story, I'm gonna gouge my eyes out! Shinra stories are where the money is! Come over to the dark side people! Do I have to beg here?"
By now Rufus had changed to a slight shade of pink, his anger showing through. But lets face it, Rufus Shinra doesn't beg. He wasn't even considering paying off some people to beg FOR him. No, when Rufus gets this mad, he doesn't beg. He gets trigger happy.
Fortunately for all of us, that shotgun had been disposed of. Rufus smacked his forehead in memory of his dearest pal in the whole world, "Ol' Gunny." He had left the keys to his office to Reno to feed Dark Nation, but Dark Nation never got fed. Instead, he had been left starving in his office. After he had ate all of the wallpaper, and most of the carpet, the shotgun had been the cat's next victim. At least Dark Nation was alright... but ol' gunny would never shoot again.
Except when Dark Nation got indigestion... then you had better watch out.
"You're lucky I have been permanently unarmed." Rufus warned "That would make my quest considerably easier. If only gunny was here, then I could get rid of Avalanche for good!"
Rufus began pacing, as he tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I must stop the Avalanche Christmas stories from coming...... But how?!"
***
As Rufus will need a little time to figure out his sabotaging plans, let us skip forward to Aval-
"Not Avalanche!" Rufus shouted, "That totally defies my purpose of getting rid of their stories!"
Ahem. I meant the Shinra Christmas Eve party. If you need a place to get your jingle freak on, then Floor 61 is your room to par-tay! The sounds of "The Safety Dance" filled the room, as Heidigger--
"Stage name, please" Heidigger crossed his arms and waited expectantly.
Excuse me, "Rap Master H" was finally pursuing his DJ dream. In a corner, Sephiroth himself was collecting donations for the Underprivileged Villain Foundation. Generally, a fun time was being had by all.. But the person who seemed to be having all the fun was Reno. Which isn't much a surprise, because who wouldn't have fun if they were the life of the par-tay? Yes, Reno was the Par-tay king... but the king was not being appreciated.
"Hey Elena.." Reno slunk up to his co-worker and whispered seductively in her ear.
Elena turned with a surprised look on her face. "Yeah?"
Reno broke out into a grin as he held onto a piece of mistletoe at belt height. "Say, how 'bout we get into the Christmas spirit and you ring my jingle bells?"
Yup. You guessed it. A slap that broke through the Richter scale sounded through the room, causing the turntables (which Heidigger was having a mighty grand time on) to stop. Every eye was on the stupefied red head as he nursed his aching cheek. Even a few monocles were dropped.
"This man is a pervert!" Elena yelled, causing a collective gasp of the party. Most weren't that surprised, but the gasp was contagious.
"You disgust even me!" Sephiroth yelled from his donation table.
Reno tried to form words, his mind slurred with the intake of booze he had drank that night. Could this have been avoided? Let's see... first he had christened Palmer, claiming the "gravy boat" had come to take him away. Then he scratched Heidigger's favorite Boy George CD. After that it got a little foggy for a few hours... then just now he had tried out his favorite mistletoe oriented joke on Elena. Nope, it was meant to be.
"I wont allow this to keep going!" Heidigger shouted from his perch on the turntables. "Get out now, and never return! You're fired!"
Fired? Reno laughed uncontrollably, causing the party goers to drop a few more monocles. He figured he'd get another beer before he left... because after all, it wouldn't seem so funny in the morning.
****
Has Rufus decided on a diabolical plan yet? Let us see.
Rufus was inside of his office, trying desperately to claw himself out of a large fishing net.
"Not yet! I'm not ready!" he shouted in dismay.
Well, I guess that answers that question. Let's see how Reno is taking his newfound unemployment.
***
Reno walked out of the Shinra building, sipping a beer. This was by far the best Christmas Eve ever; After all, he had not even been caught on fire as of yet. As he strolled down the sidewalk, the redhead came upon Tseng, which caused him to do a double take.
Tseng? Was his brain finally turning on him? No... that's not right, it had turn on him long ago. "Damn Brain!" Reno muttered savagely and punched himself in the head. "Oww..."
That proved it. There was no way it could be the many liters of alcohol swimming in his gut, or even the result of eating the mold under his desk (it looked like cherry sauce at the time, which was one thing he couldn't pass up). Tseng was definitely standing in front of him. His dead colligue was a little green, with dust covering his frame. One of his eyes were bulging precariously from his eye socket, and his suit had bite holes covering it. Everything besides his hair spelled destruction. Reno made a note to get the name of Tseng's conditioner. Damn, his hair was beautiful.
As a bug crawled up Tseng's suit, he carefully brushed it off, and smiled, showing perfectly white teeth. Tseng held up a pack of Mento's and winked at Reno.
"Wow, long time no see." Reno commented calmly, totally ignoring the Mento's theme song playing faintly in the background.
"Yeah. How have you been Reno?" Tseng rubbed his eye, causing it to plop out on the ground and roll down the street.
"Damn... not again" Tseng sighed sadly.
"Maybe it WAS the mold.." Reno said to himself. He would definitely think twice before he ate some unknown substance next time. "You gonna get that?"
"Eventually.."
It was then that an awkward silence hung over the two. Being dead was really not much of a conversation starter, and Reno was still a little weirded out about the whole eye plopping out thing. You know, that old situation.
"So.." Reno started, "You seen Rude?"
Tseng looked disappointed. It wasn't like everyday that someone came back from the dead, and now Reno was already talking about Rude! He sighed. He would just have to find attention somewhere else..
"Yeah.. Left early. Said something about 'getting what he wanted this Christmas'" Tseng answered sadly.
"Ah.. I wonder what that could be.." Reno smiled happily as he thought of all the wonderful things he wanted for Christmas... booze... and smokes... Elena jumping out of a cake. Mmm.. Cake... he really wanted some cake. Rude would have cake!
"Well, better go find Rude! Catch you later Tseng!" Reno said joyfully, smacking Tseng on the back, causing the other eyeball to follow the first.
"Damn...."
*****
A/N: Chapter 2, coming soon! please review!