Disclaimer : Oh, for the love of all things good and cake-like...
The Knee Trembler
Chapter 16 : Damn that veg!
Draco and Hermione picked at their food and exchanged awkward smiles with eachother. Draco also took it upon himself to cough more times than was really necessary. He finally stopped this when he somehow managed to cough the wrong way and ended up choking on a rogue piece of brocolli. One swift Heimlich-manovuere from Hermione later and he was back to normal. Well... about as close to normal as Draco could get anyway.
''So...''said Draco, in a sad attempt at conversation. ''Food eh?''
Hermione stared at him blankly for a moment, then carried on eating.
But Draco was not to be put off that easily and continued to babble. ''So... weather eh? Been a bit mad this week hasn't it?''
''It's been sunny, Draco.''
''Yes, well... I'm not used to sun. Burns my skin terribly. Besides, back at father's house there only ever seems to be dark, ominous clouds hovering overhead. You know - thunder and lightning; that sort of thing.''
Hermione cracked a smile. ''I'm sure your father does than deliberately,''she said.
''Oh yes, very possibly,''agreed Draco. ''One time he made it snow indoors for a week. Honestly, I don't know what he thinks he's achieving.''
Hermione nodded sagely.
And then, for no other reason than to move the plot along, Harry and Ron turned up.
''Oh, for God's sake,''Draco muttered under his breath.
''Hello, Herm,''said Harry, duely ignoring Draco.''Where's Stephan?''
''Sleeping,''replied Hermione. ''Although I'm surprised Idiot by here didn't wake him up, nearly choking on a piece of brocolli and making enough commosion to wake the dead.''
''Still haven't grasped that 'eating' thing yet, Malfoy?''smirked Ron.
''Still haven't grasped that 'having money' thing, Weasley?''retorted Draco, spitefully.
''Fuck off.''
''Still dancing for pennies I see? Good God, I would've thought that you'd at least have resorted to prostitution by now! Although... let's be honest - you'd only appeal to the most discerning or seriously drunk of people.''
Ron went a rather startling puce colour. ''I may be poor, Malfoy,''he said, trying to keep some dignity. ''But at least I can handle an attack from a piece of brocolli, without being helped by a woman.''
''Yes, well, I don't care,''said Draco. ''Because I have money, and you don't.''
Then, just to make the whole argument that little bit more infantile, Draco poked his tongue out and blew a raspberry.
''Honestly Hermione,''said Harry. ''I don't know how you put up with him. He's annoying even when he isn't saying anything.''
''I resent that!''Draco cried, but he was ignored yet again by Harry.
''Oh, I don't know,''said Hermione. ''He does certainly have the potential to be a spectacular annoyance, but when you're in a different room to him, he's almost likeable.'' She turned to Ron. ''Just ignore him. He gets ratty in the evenings. He's just like a big child in that respect.''
''Yes, but it must put awful strain on you - having to tolerate two children when you only have one,''said Harry.
''Stop talking about me as if I'm not here!''Draco cried.
''Tell Malfoy that I usually pretend he's not alive, as opposed to just not here,''said Harry, determined not to so much as look at Draco.
''Why is he telling you to say it?!''Draco snapped at Hermione. ''I'm two foot away from him! I can hear him perfectly! This is so childish that even I fail to understand it!''
Hermione shook her head. ''Draco, Harry says that he usually pretends you're not alive.''
''I already told you that I heard him! For God's sake, woman!''said Draco, exasperated.
''And also tell Malfoy that I think he's a complete waste of space and that seeing him on a regular basis make me feel the urge to commit hate crimes,''Harry said.
''Harry says to tell you that - ''
''Shut up!''Draco yelled. ''I don't care! And Potter, you don't need to tell Hermione to tell me, as I am within touching distance of you and can hear you bloody fine!''
Harry turned to Draco. ''Don't remind me that you're close enough to touch me. It sickens me.''
Draco pouted and tried to think of a suitable comeback. This failed. Spectacularly.
''Oh.... you big spoon,''he muttered, before fleeing the room in a huff.
''Well,''smiled Harry. ''That worked well.''
''So...''said Hermione. ''Defeated Voldemort yet?''
''Yes.''
''When?''
''Last week actually.''
''Well, good for you, Harry.''
''Yeah... it was a bit of a let-down really. Nice to get it out of the way though.''
''Yeah, I see what you mean.''
And this pointless conversation continued well into the night, much to everyone's boredom.
The next day, Lucius turned up at the house again, much to everyone's dissapointment. Draco refused to answer the door.
''What do you want?''he said, warily from an upstairs window.
''I'm bored,''said Lucius, rather dejectedly. ''Ever since the Dark Lord was defeated last week I've got nothing to do. I can't even be evil anymore; I mean... what's the point if the ultimate evil dark lord is destroyed? It's all a bit pointless really.''
''Well, you can't come in here,''Draco said.
''Why not?''
''Because I don't like you.''
''Oh. Well, I already knew that but it never stopped me before.''
''But Dad, you were evil then,''said Draco. ''It gave you a bit of an edge. Now you're just blond. And have a stick.''
''It's a cane,''snapped Lucius.
''I don't care what it is,''said Draco. ''But you're not coming in my house.''
''I bought it,''said Lucius sulkily.
''Not quite, Dad,''said Draco. ''You had someone bumped off so you could swipe it when nobody was looking.''
''Oh yes!''said Lucius, looking rather pleased all of a sudden. ''I did, didn't I?''
Suddenly there was a voice from inside. ''Who is it, Draco?''said Hermione, who was currently feeding the baby.
''It's my father,''said Draco, in a voice that suggested deep displeasure. Which was true.
''Oh,''said Hermione, in a tone that echoed Draco's. They exchanged dissapointed looks. ''You're not letting him in, are you?''
''Why do you think I'm talking to him from a first floor window?''
''Good point.''
Lucius's oddly plaintive voice made itself known again. ''Draco...''he whined. ''Please let me in... I'm not good at doing anything else but being evil. Can I hit you with my cane or something?''
''No. Haven't you got a home to go to?!''Draco snapped.
''Well yes, but that doesn't mean I want to be there...''
''Go home!''
Lucius sighed. ''All right.''
And he did.
And that's that chapter done. I know it didn't really go anywhere but I'm at a bit of a loss at how to continue this; whether to keep it humour/parody until I run out of amusing things to write, or make it into a romance sort of thing. Ideas will be very appreciated. Sorry this chapter took me so long to do by the way, but I was rather preoccupied with my Jay and Silent Bob fic and slightly baffled as what to write in this one. Anyway, I've got the summer now to write loads of silly nonsense. Until then... bye.
Lux
x
The Knee Trembler
Chapter 16 : Damn that veg!
Draco and Hermione picked at their food and exchanged awkward smiles with eachother. Draco also took it upon himself to cough more times than was really necessary. He finally stopped this when he somehow managed to cough the wrong way and ended up choking on a rogue piece of brocolli. One swift Heimlich-manovuere from Hermione later and he was back to normal. Well... about as close to normal as Draco could get anyway.
''So...''said Draco, in a sad attempt at conversation. ''Food eh?''
Hermione stared at him blankly for a moment, then carried on eating.
But Draco was not to be put off that easily and continued to babble. ''So... weather eh? Been a bit mad this week hasn't it?''
''It's been sunny, Draco.''
''Yes, well... I'm not used to sun. Burns my skin terribly. Besides, back at father's house there only ever seems to be dark, ominous clouds hovering overhead. You know - thunder and lightning; that sort of thing.''
Hermione cracked a smile. ''I'm sure your father does than deliberately,''she said.
''Oh yes, very possibly,''agreed Draco. ''One time he made it snow indoors for a week. Honestly, I don't know what he thinks he's achieving.''
Hermione nodded sagely.
And then, for no other reason than to move the plot along, Harry and Ron turned up.
''Oh, for God's sake,''Draco muttered under his breath.
''Hello, Herm,''said Harry, duely ignoring Draco.''Where's Stephan?''
''Sleeping,''replied Hermione. ''Although I'm surprised Idiot by here didn't wake him up, nearly choking on a piece of brocolli and making enough commosion to wake the dead.''
''Still haven't grasped that 'eating' thing yet, Malfoy?''smirked Ron.
''Still haven't grasped that 'having money' thing, Weasley?''retorted Draco, spitefully.
''Fuck off.''
''Still dancing for pennies I see? Good God, I would've thought that you'd at least have resorted to prostitution by now! Although... let's be honest - you'd only appeal to the most discerning or seriously drunk of people.''
Ron went a rather startling puce colour. ''I may be poor, Malfoy,''he said, trying to keep some dignity. ''But at least I can handle an attack from a piece of brocolli, without being helped by a woman.''
''Yes, well, I don't care,''said Draco. ''Because I have money, and you don't.''
Then, just to make the whole argument that little bit more infantile, Draco poked his tongue out and blew a raspberry.
''Honestly Hermione,''said Harry. ''I don't know how you put up with him. He's annoying even when he isn't saying anything.''
''I resent that!''Draco cried, but he was ignored yet again by Harry.
''Oh, I don't know,''said Hermione. ''He does certainly have the potential to be a spectacular annoyance, but when you're in a different room to him, he's almost likeable.'' She turned to Ron. ''Just ignore him. He gets ratty in the evenings. He's just like a big child in that respect.''
''Yes, but it must put awful strain on you - having to tolerate two children when you only have one,''said Harry.
''Stop talking about me as if I'm not here!''Draco cried.
''Tell Malfoy that I usually pretend he's not alive, as opposed to just not here,''said Harry, determined not to so much as look at Draco.
''Why is he telling you to say it?!''Draco snapped at Hermione. ''I'm two foot away from him! I can hear him perfectly! This is so childish that even I fail to understand it!''
Hermione shook her head. ''Draco, Harry says that he usually pretends you're not alive.''
''I already told you that I heard him! For God's sake, woman!''said Draco, exasperated.
''And also tell Malfoy that I think he's a complete waste of space and that seeing him on a regular basis make me feel the urge to commit hate crimes,''Harry said.
''Harry says to tell you that - ''
''Shut up!''Draco yelled. ''I don't care! And Potter, you don't need to tell Hermione to tell me, as I am within touching distance of you and can hear you bloody fine!''
Harry turned to Draco. ''Don't remind me that you're close enough to touch me. It sickens me.''
Draco pouted and tried to think of a suitable comeback. This failed. Spectacularly.
''Oh.... you big spoon,''he muttered, before fleeing the room in a huff.
''Well,''smiled Harry. ''That worked well.''
''So...''said Hermione. ''Defeated Voldemort yet?''
''Yes.''
''When?''
''Last week actually.''
''Well, good for you, Harry.''
''Yeah... it was a bit of a let-down really. Nice to get it out of the way though.''
''Yeah, I see what you mean.''
And this pointless conversation continued well into the night, much to everyone's boredom.
The next day, Lucius turned up at the house again, much to everyone's dissapointment. Draco refused to answer the door.
''What do you want?''he said, warily from an upstairs window.
''I'm bored,''said Lucius, rather dejectedly. ''Ever since the Dark Lord was defeated last week I've got nothing to do. I can't even be evil anymore; I mean... what's the point if the ultimate evil dark lord is destroyed? It's all a bit pointless really.''
''Well, you can't come in here,''Draco said.
''Why not?''
''Because I don't like you.''
''Oh. Well, I already knew that but it never stopped me before.''
''But Dad, you were evil then,''said Draco. ''It gave you a bit of an edge. Now you're just blond. And have a stick.''
''It's a cane,''snapped Lucius.
''I don't care what it is,''said Draco. ''But you're not coming in my house.''
''I bought it,''said Lucius sulkily.
''Not quite, Dad,''said Draco. ''You had someone bumped off so you could swipe it when nobody was looking.''
''Oh yes!''said Lucius, looking rather pleased all of a sudden. ''I did, didn't I?''
Suddenly there was a voice from inside. ''Who is it, Draco?''said Hermione, who was currently feeding the baby.
''It's my father,''said Draco, in a voice that suggested deep displeasure. Which was true.
''Oh,''said Hermione, in a tone that echoed Draco's. They exchanged dissapointed looks. ''You're not letting him in, are you?''
''Why do you think I'm talking to him from a first floor window?''
''Good point.''
Lucius's oddly plaintive voice made itself known again. ''Draco...''he whined. ''Please let me in... I'm not good at doing anything else but being evil. Can I hit you with my cane or something?''
''No. Haven't you got a home to go to?!''Draco snapped.
''Well yes, but that doesn't mean I want to be there...''
''Go home!''
Lucius sighed. ''All right.''
And he did.
And that's that chapter done. I know it didn't really go anywhere but I'm at a bit of a loss at how to continue this; whether to keep it humour/parody until I run out of amusing things to write, or make it into a romance sort of thing. Ideas will be very appreciated. Sorry this chapter took me so long to do by the way, but I was rather preoccupied with my Jay and Silent Bob fic and slightly baffled as what to write in this one. Anyway, I've got the summer now to write loads of silly nonsense. Until then... bye.
Lux
x