A/N: Thank you guys so much who reviewed! :) And I again apologize for any typos in this chapter, or the last... I'll try to fix the ones you guys corrected. I have a tendency to read right over my mistakes for some reason... Also, sorry if this chapter is too long, again. I seem to have a bad habit of doing that...
I'll try to use any suggestions you guys can give me, though I also apologize if my updates come a bit slower than I'd before planned. I just found out I have to have back-surgery, and am not doing too well...
And random, but any of you guys who write slash feel free to pay Slashfanfictiondotcom a visit. I recently founded the SP section there. :)
Cause and Effect
Chapter 2: Revelation
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The bell rang for lunch, as everyone proceeded to exit their current classes in order to head for the cafeteria.
Stan appeared soon after, but rather then heading for the lunch lines where the food was located, turned to instead head for gym A to confront none other than Cartman. He was anxious to laugh in Cartman's face, but at the same time, curious to find out what exactly it was he would be laughing in his face for. But seriously... this was the same guy who had made a stand about getting his pubes and starting his period. Sure, he was older now, but he still did just as many stupid things as he ever had.
Just as Stan entered the gym, he noted the growing collection of ninth-grade guys there already.
"Hey-eh Stan."
"No way dude," Stan instantly stated. "Tweek's here, too? Now I really have to confront fatass."
"Wha-at do you th-ink it is?" Tweek inquired between spontaneous blinks and twitches.
"I don't know, but it's something he'll end up getting his ass laughed off for without a doubt."
Stan and Tweek walked together over to the bleachers, before soon going underneath them to see the ever-growing circle. The two soon sat down, and began awaiting Cartman's belated arrival.
"This is ridiculous," Stan abruptly complained. "How do we know Cartman's not going to turn the switch on to attempt crushing us with the bleachers and catch it on camera or something?"
Everyone blinked.
Craig then flipped Stan off just because.
"Welcome real men, welcome," the ninth graders heard as Cartman made his first appearance to everyone. He soon eyed Stan, who was rolling his eyes. "Make that welcome real men, and Stan."
Everyone laughed.
"Fuck you, fatass," Stan shot back.
"Seriously dude – can't you think of any better insults for a change? Or are you just that short on your vocabulary?" Cartman questioned in response.
Stan just kind of sat blankly for a few seconds... "...Fuck you."
"Anyway guys, it's time I show you what will help make your passage into manhood," Cartman continued while rolling something into open view from the shadows.
"What-the-hell?" Kyle asked first-thing. Like all the other onlookers, he was rather curious as to what exactly this was Cartman had under that white sheet.
Cartman rolled the covered object through a free space in the formed the circle. "Guys, I give you the Lie-Mo 2000!"
Again, everyone blinked once the... machine of some sort was unshielded before them.
"Now I just need a volunteer..." Cartman began in pondering. "Butters. Get up here."
"Wua, why me?" Butters questioned.
"Because you have to. Now stand up, asshole."
Butters only shrugged upon standing, and ambled over to the machine just as Cartman had ordered.
"Now," continued Cartman, "We just fit this helmet on Butters' head, and put this little clip thing on his index finger."
Yet again, everyone blinked.
"I don't get it, man," Token stated at this.
"Patience, black African," Cartman assured. "Now Butters... who do you have a crush on?"
"What?"
"Just answer the goddamn question."
"Oh-okay," Butters remarked. "You guys know that new foreign exchange girl from Japan..."
Just then, a green light flashed on the machine.
"You see you guys," Cartman made noticed. "This indicates Butters was telling the truth."
"But she doesn't speak English, Butters?" Stan clarified. "You never understand what the hell she's saying to you?"
"I know," Butters replied, "But she has a way with words, you know..."
"So this thing's some kind of lie-detector?" inquired Kyle, wondering where the heck Cartman had acquired such a thing into his possession.
"Pretty much, Jew boy," Cartman answered.
"Cool," Clyde stated, "Where'd you get that? I thought they only had those in jail and stuff?"
"Well that makes sense," Stan added on mockingly, before a few other laughs followed.
Cartman shot Stan a dirty look. "For your information, my mom got it for me."
"Oh, so you mean your mom was finally arrested for being a slut and picked it up for you while in jail, or were you arrested again and hid the lie-detector up your fat ass to sneak it out?" Stan came back.
Everyone really laughed at this, which made Cartman even angrier. It was time to get to the real plan. "Alright Stan; if you're so tough, let's see you get up here now and take the test?"
"Fine," Stan responded with another eye-roll. This was retarded, anyhow. Cartman would pay for causing him to miss lunch over this pointless crap.
Stan put the helmet and finger clip on, before Cartman flicked a few of the machine's switches following. "Now, let's begin. First of all, do you consider yourself of the male gender?"
"What?"
"Just answer the question, Stan."
Stan smirked. "Duh."
The light flashed green.
"Wua, but didn't you already know Stan was a guy, Cartman?" Butters asked, "I mean it is kind of obvious..."
"Yeah," Token agreed in an aggravated tone of voice, "And this is retarded and boring so far, so I say we all kick Cartman's ass!"
Everyone cheered for the most part.
Cartman actually grinned, which made Stan arch a brow in suspicion. "Next question, Stan."
Again, Stan only rolled his eyes.
Cartman's grin remained persistent. "Now Stan... If you had to fuck one of the guys here, who would it be?"
Record scratch.
"...WHAT?!"
"Dude!" Kyle exclaimed at this.
"Okay, now this is getting good," Token laughed, along with practically every guy gathered there.
"Just answer the question, Stan," Cartman demanded.
"Fuck you fatass; I'm not answering that!" Stan yelled out in response.
"Fine, we'll do it another way, then," Cartman smartly remarked, "Process of elimination. Could it be Clyde?"
"No!"
The light flashed green.
"Could it be Kenny?"
"Of course not!"
The light again flashed green, as Kenny sighed in relief.
Cartman grinned rather derisively this time. "Would it be... Kyle, then?"
"No!"
This time, the light flashed red, and Stan was shocked by high-voltage waves. "Ow!!!"
"There you have it, people," Cartman guaranteed with a few hand-gestures. "Stan is in love with Kyle."
"Dude... what the fuck?" Clyde asked at this.
"Timmy?" Timmy questioned.
"It's not true; I don't want to have sex with Kyle!" Stan exclaimed quite loudly, before he was then met with another red light and a painful shocking from high-voltage waves.
"It's like I always said, always said..." Cartman continued in that serious, evil tone. "Stan is just a little fag, and anyone who couldn't tell he's always been in love with Kyle is a stupid dumbass."
"Woah..." Butters began, "And Cartman's like, the biggest dumbass of them all, and he knew. Come to think of it, Stan did put up a big fuss that time Kyle needed Cartman's kidney... He was crying constantly."
"And remember when those Romanian quintuplets came over?" Cartman added on thereafter, "I remember it like it was yesterday. While we were tumbling, Stan and Kyle were both in only their underwear, and Stan jumped right on top of Kyle and stayed there for like, a long time!"
"Holy shit!" Kenny exclaimed, "I actually DO remember all that!"
"No, it's not true!" Stan said almost desperately. Again, he was shocked. Literally...
Cartman suddenly redirected his attention to Kyle, who for lack of better words, looked pretty damned shocked himself... "So Kyle, how does this make you feel? Or do think we should bring you on up here and ask you a few questions now too, Jew?"
Kyle's glance was set on the machine's front, which was showing brainwave patterns on its screen. This hadn't been rigged in any way shape or form... Kyle then looked back up at Stan, even looking somewhat frightened as he did.
"Kyle, I..." Stan could only get out.
Kyle abruptly stood, and practically ran right out of there on the spot...
"Better hurry up Stan," Cartman urged on, "Your man's getting away there. I think you may have scared him straight."
"You ASSHOLE!!!" Stan yelled at the top of his lungs, before lunging forwards to sling a fist in Cartman's face. The two began fighting shortly thereafter, while the remaining crowed of ninth-graders started cheering on. After receiving a punch to the face, Stan pinned Cartman down and began throwing punches incessantly.
"Woah, Stan's t-trying to rape Cartman!" Tweek gasped.
Kenny actually made an attempt to pull his two friends apart, but was knocked back by Cartman's ass to hit a switch on the wall instead - also managing to break the switch off in the process.
"Shit!" Craig exclaimed, "The bleachers are closing!"
Everyone began screaming and hastily running as they made their way out from under the bleachers, though Kenny's coat had gotten caught on one of the free-hanging bars. When he tried to unzip his coat even, the zipper was stuck. Figured...
"I hate you, Cartman!" Stan yelled before punching Cartman in the side of the face.
"At least I'm not gay!" he yelled back before punching Stan right in the eye.
"I'm not either!"
"Wua, you guys should really get out of there, you know..." Butters stated from the outside of the metal bleachers, which were still closing profusely.
Stan and Cartman grunted, but figured they could continue their fight in the gym. Stan quickly ran out, but Cartman soon stopped. "No, my Lie-Mo!"
"Cartman you idiot!" Stan yelled out, "It's either your life or the Lie-Mo, Lame-O!"
"And if you hurry, you can still get dessert in the cafeteria," Butters commented.
"Oh, dessert? Sweet!" Cartman responded, before beginning to once again run in making his way to escape being crushed by the bleachers.
"Uh, you're not going fast enough, dude..." Stan clarified in all honesties. "You may wanna go a little faster then that..."
"Timmy!" Timmy agreed.
Cartman huffed as he tried to speed up, and barely made getting out of the crush-path in time. Stan and Butters even had to pull him out of harm's way.
"Wua, that was close," Butters said a few seconds later.
"Yeah, but I feel like we forgot something?" said Stan in the process of contemplating the issue.
"Yeah, my Lie-Mo!" Cartman whined.
"No, that's not it..." Stan continued.
Just then, a scream was heard, followed by a smooshing sound...
"Hey what about Kenny, you guys?" Butters muttered, though figuring everyone already got the message.
"...Oh my god! They killed Kenny!" Stan exclaimed.
"You bastard!" Cartman added on.
"Hey, something wasn't right about that..." Stan yet again pondered.
"Well, Kenny did just kinda die, you know..." Cartman responded. "Yet that doesn't seem wrong for some reason..."
"I thought the 'you bastard' line was usually Kyle's?" said Butters at this.
"That's it!" Stan remarked. "Oh shit, I forgot about that! Cartman, you asshole!!!"
"Oh Jesus Stan it was obvious anyway," Cartman sighed angrily.
"But it's not true!" Stan again protested. "I KNOW you had that machine rigged or something!"
"No Stan, I actually didn't," Cartman smirked. "I know I lie a lot, but this time, I'm not for once. I just wanted to get you back for threatening to get me into summer school."
"You know before this I was actually CONSIDERING giving you a break on this assignment, but after what you just pulled here, I'm making sure your fat ass gets fatter on a hard desk-chair all summer!"
"Uh, I think we kinda need to get back to class, you guys..." Butters stated rather offhandedly. The gym had already been notably vacated, and it was rather blatant the bell was about ring to signal the starting of next period.
"Damnit! I missed dessert! Damn you, Stan! Damn you to hell!" Cartman yelled while clenching his fists. "And now we have to go to Chemistry, and I didn't even get my cheese cake!" he then saw Kenny's backpack on the floor, and got an idea... "Sweet!"
Still, the only thing Stan could think about was the last look he had seen on Kyle's face...
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Now in Chemistry class, Stan sat down at his desk with a discontented look plastered upon his face. Hell, he'd just been completely humiliated in front of over half the guys in ninth grade... Stan was so deep in thought at the moment, that he didn't even note the weird stares he was receiving or the growing number of whispers all around.
When Kyle entered the room just before the tardy bell rang, the whispers and stares increased as glances set themselves on Kyle. Looking quite embarrassed, Kyle quickly made his way to a free desk. However, Stan instantly noted Kyle was obviously not sitting in his usual spot... Normally, Kyle sat next to Stan in this class, but instead, the Jewish boy had opted into sitting clear on the opposing side of the room.
At this point, Stan felt like utter crap.
"Alright, take your seats class. I'll also be collecting your projects now," the teacher declared upon his arrival. He actually doubled as the school's football coach, and was a real asshole.
Stan could at least take comfort in the fact that it was now Cartman's turn to be humiliated.
"Here you go coach," Cartman snickered, handing in his papers.
Wait a minute...
His papers?
"What?!" Stan said aloud in disbelief.
The teacher also looked somewhat puzzled that Cartman was actually handing in his half of the homework, but didn't argue nonetheless. Then it hit Stan when he caught eye of Kenny's empty seat. Cartman had stolen his papers!
"You stupid fatass," Stan shouted out. "That's not your work. The only thing you did all weekend was get fatter. That's Kenny's work!"
"Speaking of which, where the hell is Kenny?" the football coach asked.
"He died during lunch when the bleachers ate him," Cartman answered.
"...Skipping class again," the teacher sighed. "Kyle, this means until we have Kenny's half of the assignment, I'm going to half to flunk your ass, too."
"But that's not fair!" Stan again shouted, "Kyle actually did his work!"
"Aww, isn't that sweat you guys?" Cartman questioned the entire class, "Stan's taking up for his boyfriend."
"He's NOT my boyfriend, damnit! We're just friends!" Stan angrily declared. "The sheer thought of us being anything more makes me want to puke my fucking guts out! I'm telling you Cartman had that Lame-O Lie-Mo thing rigged just to humiliate me!"
"Well knowing Cartman, that would make sense, you guys..." Butters commented after having a flashback of a certain 'Awesome-O' incident.
"It wasn't rigged, I'm telling you!" Cartman firmly shouted.
The coach rolled his eyes between grumbles. "I hate my life. You can carry on these matters after class. Now, we need to discuss the Periodic Table of Elements and go deeper into the usage of counting in Moles."
"Why are we counting in furry animals, goddamnit?!" Cartman whined.
The teacher shook his head. "Stop being a fat dumbass, Cartman."
Once Cartman and Stan had finally stopped arguing with one another and the daily lessons begun, Stan once again turned his glance across the full room to where Kyle was seated. Kyle's current expression caused Stan's brows to furrow in confusion. When Kyle had first come into the room, he'd looked utterly embarrassed, yet now, his expression bore a mix of sadness, and anger. Oh well... it was probably because Cartman had stolen his way into failing him, or because he was still mad at Cartman for pulling the whole Lie-Mo thing in the first place.
No way it had anything to do with something Stan had said, though... right...?