Zell's Crush

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony bard

Warning!!!! This is yaoi, that means boys loving boys in the physical way… don't like it? Then piss off and don't read it.

I think it all started at the orphanage. The crush I have on Seifer I mean. He was always picking on everyone, making them cry. Well, excpet Squall, I don't think he knows how to cry. But anyhow, back to the subject…my crush on Seifer. I was eight when I realized, that unlike Irvine, who thought that girls were the main force behind life, I thought they were to be respected and from long lasting friendships with. And I have. Selphie and I have always gotten along, and tot ell the truth, I was a little jealous when she and Irvine got together. I didn't speak to her for two weeks! She'd known I had a thing for him, and she knows about me, that I'm gay. And she doesn't care. We go shopping a lot together, and stuff like that.

Like I was saying though, I was eight. Irvine was chasing after both Selphie and Quistis, Squall was always looking for Sis, and that left Seifer to pick on me. Anyway, after the whole Ultemecia bit, I was bound and determined to tell him. I dunno why, I guess that having the entire world almost blow up makes you want to tell people how you feel. But it's not easy, considering he was only let back into Garden two weeks ago. And I think he's been avoiding the six of us, especially Squall and Rinoa, his arch-rival, and ex-girlfriend. But that's what I'm doing now, Looking for Seifer. And I'm not doing a very good job. I tried the cafeteria, but the smell of hotdogs was distracting… just thinking about them makes me hungry….. Whoa… losing train of thought here…. Okay I'm back.

I'm in the library now. He used to hang out here a lot reading his favorite book, "The Sorceress and her Knight". I even read the book. That was where he got the idea for being a knight. It was a huge dream, not like it was for Seifer to do anything on a small scale. Always had to find the biggest spider to put in Selphie's hair, the biggest pile of dirt to throw me in, the best way to annoy Quistis, piss off Irvine, and not to mention, being better than Squall in almost everything. There wasn't anything he did on a small scale, not even being oblivious. I sent him letters; he passed them off as some girl from the library with a crush on him. Completely oblivious that it was me, and not her with the crush. But that's why I'm looking for him in the first place.

"What are you doing here Chicken wuss?" Came his all too familiar voice.

"Nothing." I said, trying to summon up all my courage to say something. It wasn't happening. Hyne damnit! I can summon up any GF I want in the blink of an eye, but I can't even tell him I like him, let alone tell anyone besides Selphie that I'm gay.

"I'm trying to avoid Squall; he's looking for me again. Mind if I hide out here?" He looked around my little corner of the library.

"I guess." I answered my heart beginning to pound. So this is how Selphie feels when Irvine is near…

"So what have you been up to since the sorceress's, and my, defeat?" He asked out of the blue. I hadn't really expected him to start up a conversation.

"Huh? Me? Nothing, just… oh, you wouldn't understand." I looked away.

"Try me. I've been through a lot more than some of you realize."

"Ever had a crush on someone way out of your league, but wanted to let them know anyway?" I asked.

He looked at me "you're saying you've got a crush." I nodded. "Well, I never had one on someone out of my league, but you should remember that I never thought of anything as out of my league. That's what got me in this whole mess in the first place." He looked at me in interest. "So who is she?"

"No one, forget I mentioned it." I blushed.

"Can't do that, you're the first person to actually talk to me and you're not getting off that easy." He grinned. "Besides, if you tell me who she is I might be able to give you some advice."

"Never mind I said! You wouldn't understand."

"Why not?"

"You just wouldn't. And it'd be just one more thing for you to harass me about." I turned away from him….. Bye bye courage…

"Is it Selphie?" he asked. "You got me interested and now I'm not gonna go away till I know."

"It's not Selphie. We're just friends." I sighed.

"It's Rinoa isn't it? Hells, I don't blame you she's-"

"It's not Rinoa either."

"Quistis?"

"No."

"Do I know this person?" he was getting confused.

"Yeah, you know this person." I carefully avoided using gender terms.

"It's gotta be Fuijinn then, she's the only other girl I know, and I guess she's really pretty, I mean Raijin really likes her." Seifer scratched his head.

"It's not Fuijinn!! It's…… can you keep a really big secret?" I asked, cringing inside.

"Yeah, sure I can. I know lots about lots of people." he shrugged.

"Prove it."

He smirked at me with that oh-so-sexy smirk of his. "Can't do that now can I? That would be dropping secrets I've been sworn to keep."

I groaned. "So tell me one about you." well this is one way to get him to tell me stuff.

"Umm…. Okay. I'm a virgin. Happy?"

"You have to swear on your mother's grave that you will not tell a single soul." I pointed at him, well, pointedly.

"Cross my heart, hope to die, stick Hyperion in my eye." Fingers up in the Boy Scout salute and everything, what a cheese ball.

I took a deep breath, hoping he wasn't going to freak out, or start screaming or whatever. "I'm… gay." There, I said it. Is he laughing? I looked up at him. He was leaning back in his chair like the news was old.

"So, who is the lucky guy?"

"You mean you're not going to freak out and run to tell the whole Garden the chicken wuss is gay?" I asked tentatively.

"No, should I? Who is he?" Seifer bluntly asked again.

"I'm not gonna tell you." I blushed again.

"Irvine, the whole cowboy thing?"

"No."

"Squall, the fearless commander? Leather pants and all?"

"NO!"

"Raijin then?"

"Oh hells no." I said scowling. Raijin's the farthest away from my type… Ya know?

"Well then who then? You told me I know him and I don't want to spend all day guessing."

Once again I took a deep breath before I prayed to Hyne I had enough guts to do this, and enough speed to escape intact. Then, before I could change my mind, I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. Then, before I could see his reaction I got up and walked away as fast as I possibly could.

I escaped to my dorm. Probably not the best place in the world to hide when the person you're hiding from knows where you live. I realized that after I heard pounding on the door and Seifer yelling through it.

"Open this fucking door before I bust it down!"

"No! Go away!" I yelled. Oh crap, he's gonna come through that door and beat the shit out of me.

"Zell1 I'm not gonna hurt you! I know that's what your thinking and I just wanna talk!"

Against my better judgment, I opened the door.

"What was that back there?" He asked as soon as the door was open and he was inside. He had a really confused look on his face.

"I… what are you talking about." Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

"You kissing me. What was that all about?"

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. "Um… you know how we were talking about my crush being out o fm y league? Yeah, well apparently I was right. It's you. Happy? Now go away." My face is beet red, I can feel it. I wish he would stop looking at me like that!

"Zell?"

I looked away, not wanting to see the look of disgust that was going to be on his face.

"Zell?'" He hadn't left, and I was about to go into the kitchen when I felt his hand on my shoulder. He turned me around and kissed me. And I don't mean the little pans kiss I'd given him in the library. This was a real kiss, one that sent shivers down my spine and made me wish he meant it.

"Seifer, don't." I pushed him away. I don't want him to be dong this to try and make me feel less stupid.

"But I want to kiss you. I really do."

No you don't. I thought. But the look on his face said otherwise and seconds later I was back in his arms, kissing him. It wasn't until things got a little steamy he pulled back and looked at me shyly. It was surprising, I've never thought of Seifer as shy before. But here he is blushing.

"You know, since I've never-"

"Me either." I breathed.

"Can we? Slowly though, I mean-" I silenced him with a kiss. Whatever he wanted. And in the morning, there were no names, no jokes, no insults, jut me and Seifer curled up in my bed together.

A/N Another much older piece I found. Wow, I have a few older pieces I never posted that I found. It'll just take me a little time to get them up. And yes, Rin, I am still Writing Make It alright, I'm just lazy….. Anyhow. Give me reviews and I'll write more. Love me please? And leave me reviews?