Disclaimer: I own nothing, no one, no place…though I would like to visit!
Summary: I saw a bit of Return of the King where after Faramir rides off to retake Osgiliath on a suicide mission, Gandalf is off in a corner looking very dejected and just plain beat. I couldn't help but wonder at what he was thinking at that moment.
"Where does my allegiance lie if not here…"
"Your father loves you Faramir…he will remember it before the end."
The words echoed in his mind as he sat alone in an abandoned corner of the city. 'Olorín you old fool, you stood by and watched…and did nothing,' he said to himself. His head had known that he could not interfere, but his heart had cried out to put an end to the injustice of it, and he'd almost physically restrained Denethor.
Just then, the sound of a single bell drew him out of his reverie and he bowed his head at hearing it. "He is dead then," he said to no one in particular, for the bell meant that none had returned from Osgiliath. He raised his head again when the bell had stopped its toll.
"Is this your plan then?" he said to the air, "Is this the reason you sent my back? To watch the House of Hurín crumble? To see the White City fall and all come to darkness?"
He absent-mindedly brushed aside a tear, bowing his head again and seeing in his mind's eye, two little boys. The taller of the two stood proud and almost challenging, even at the tender age of eight; his blond hair aglow in the firelight and his green eyes flashing. The younger one was no more than three years of age and was peeking out from behind his brother's legs. He, like his father, had blue-grey eyes that seemed to pierce one's soul. And like his mother, he had red-gold hair.
Then the image changed and the boys were grown now, both men and able warriors in their own right. It was the last time he had seen them together, when he had left Minas Tirith to warn Frodo and start him off on his journey.
They were both gone now, these brothers…
"Needless…" the Wizard spat, "As lambs to the slaughter."
A silence followed as he hoped that at least Boromir and Faramir had been reunited beyond the veil. Suddenly, he stood.
"I will not stand idly by any longer," he said with resignation, "I will interfere, will fight, and I will do as I see fit to ensure that this world does not fall for if it does…you are next!"
Before he left his corner of broken crates and grief, he shut his eyes and saw the Sons of Denethor once more, back in each other's company and happy. Happier than they had ever been in life.
"I know where my allegiance lies."
He half expected to see one of the Valar themselves came to stop him....but none did, because none could. The powers that were knew that he was right.
And thus he proceeded unhindered.