Only A Reflection Away

Chapter 1

"Inuyasha?" Kagome stumbled blindly through the dark, trying desperately not to trip over half visible roots. Her fingers scraped over the rough bark of a tree as she eased her way into the feudal era's forest. Unable to recall how she had arrived here in the first place, a wild instinct took over her mind, drawing forth the hanyou's name. And it was peculiar, but Kagome had an overwhelming desire to see him. It was actually more than just a desire. It was a need.

The murmurs of hushed voices drew her attention to a dirt path outlined by stones, half-illuminated underneath the icy moonlight. Kagome's fingers nervously tucked a lock of hair behind her ears, the roar of suspicion, anxiety, and doubt playing a discordant melody in her thoughts. Her feet seemed to shuffle her forward on their own, and she held her breath as her shoes made soft scuffing noises against the path. After moments of tension and anxiety, the path cut off, a thick layer of leaves blocking the rest of it from sight. Kagome held her breath, and sure enough, the voices were right in front of her.

Like a net that ensnared its prey, the leaves held from view Kagome's suspicions. It was with a gentle rustle that the leaves parted and sighed with the flourish of Kagome's hand. Her mind went blank at the sight of two lovers, entangled in each other's arms.

It was Inuyasha. And Kikyo. A soft gasp pushed itself into her throat, where it remained trapped. Kagome clasped her fingers over her mouth, her eyes widening with anguish and heartache.

Neither Inuyasha nor Kikyo seemed to acknowledge her presence, almost as if she were invisible to them.

Inuyasha lowered his head, pressing it firmly to the miko's shoulder, like a wounded puppy that needed to be consoled. Her hand rose to stroke his silver locks, and she smiled warmly at the hanyou.

"I've been waiting for you all this time..." Inuyasha mumbled into her shoulder. Kagome felt tears cascading gently down her cheek, the feeling of the glistening tears startling her slightly. He had been waiting for Kikyo? Horror crept up her spine as she devoured his words. Ever since she had first stepped into his world...

Inuyasha had felt nothing for her? Even after all of the months that she had spent there with him, searching for the Shikon Jewel? She had missed so much school, her grades were slipping, and her life had been torn apart at home. But she still came to see him, even knowing that things would only become worse as time passed in her world.

"As have I, Inuyasha."

"I swore to protect you. And I will. Always, Kikyo."

At this, the miko smiled gently. "I know." She lifted her head to his, and as she did so, Kagome saw Inuyasha's expression- the expression that she had been haunted by for months. His love and longing for Kikyo were unwavering, and she felt her heart break. Collapsing onto her knees, Kagome buried her face in her hands. But not before seeing Kikyo turning over her shoulder and staring straight into her eyes with an expression of wicked delight.

Both the hanyou and the miko locked in his arms began flickering, a noticeable haze forming around the two. Their image swayed and blurred before Kagome's terrified eyes.

"Wait! Inuyasha!" she cried out, her fingers outstretched towards him. "Please don't go! Don't leave me here alone! Please...!"

With a cry of surprise, Kagome opened her eyes and bolted upright, breathing heavily. Her fingers absently fluttered over her cheeks, wiping away the tears that she knew would be there. Her chest stiffening with a muffled sob, she sunk her face into her hands, struggling to regain control over her senses. Through the mass of sticky tears and bed sheets, Kagome's eyes softened, clenching her fingers as she controlled her breathing.

"Was it another nightmare?"

Kagome jerked at the sound of Souta's voice, and she turned her head, careful to wipe all traces of her tears away before she faced him. The door to her room was open, with the young boy's hand resting on the doorknob, his face in a grim, melancholy expression as he watched her. He removed his hand from the door and crossed his arms, inquisitive eyes set and piercing.

Avoiding his question with a direct response, she immersed herself with the sight of her floor, not daring to look at him. "How long have you been there, Souta?"

"Ever since you started screaming," he replied. "It was another nightmare, wasn't it?"

Kagome nodded dully. "But I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

Souta's eyes narrowed at her in disbelief. "You're not fine, Kagome." Kagome cringed at the sharpness of her brother's voice, wanting nothing more than to break into fresh tears again. Is this what she had done to him? For almost a month now, she had faced the same sight, the exact same dream of Inuyasha and Kikyo's reunion. The dream always ended with her trying to catch up to the hanyou. And she never did. Her subconscious had triggered her fear, and she woke often woke Souta up with her screams as a result.

Not once had she told Souta what the nightmares were about. For one, Inuyasha was Souta's idol, and Kagome imagined that it would devastate the boy to hear about these images of his hero. And secondly, it wasn't as if Inuyasha was actually doing anything. They were only dreams, after all. Not reality. She observed her brother carefully, scrutinizing his concealed expression. Her heart rose sadly. He was just a boy! He shouldn't have had to deal with something like this...

She smiled weakly at Souta. "Listen, Souta. I'm fine, really."

"You're lying."

Her eyes widened, having not expected that response. He had never spoken back when she made up excuses for what her nightmares had been about, even though they both knew that she was lying. It was rather obvious, after all. Since she sucked at lying, as Inuyasha had several times been happy to point out.

"I'm not!" Kagome replied.

"Oh, really?" Souta frowned. "Then what was your dream about?"

"I...flunked all of my exams, and my teachers told me I couldn't graduate! They said I had to repeat the grade all over again!" Kagome answered, sowing a lie together hastily. Souta's eyes narrowed, but he sighed softly, failing to respond. It was clear to Kagome that he knew. Souta nodded to her, preparing to leave her room. There was nothing left to be said, but still Kagome could sense his concern. As he turned, she called out to him.

"Souta?"

"Huh?" He blinked and turned around.

"Could you come here?" Kagome swung her body over the side of her bed in a sitting position, stretching her arms out as he approached her. She hugged him tightly, finding it hard to imagine that this solemn, mature child had once been the playful boy who obsessed over his toys and watched television and teased her. Kagome felt him hug her back gently.

"Souta, listen to me. I want you to stay a kid. Stop growing up too fast," she suddenly whispered.

He blinked, pulling away a bit to look at her. "What?"

"Don't waste your time worrying over me. You've done enough- more than you can ever imagine. You're only a kid once, Souta." Kagome stopped speaking and affectionately ruffled her brother's hair.

"But, Kagome..." Souta began.

"It's all right, Souta," Kagome interrupted, stopping him. "Thanks for everything."

She smiled softly and kissed him on the cheek, resulting in a bewildered yelp from him.

"Do you hafta' do that? Kisses are gross," Souta pouted, slightly whining.

Kagome laughed, noticing that he hadn't wiped it off like he normally did. "I'll remember next time." She hugged her brother one last time before releasing him. Getting up from her bed, she yawned. Her stomach growled loudly, and she blushed.

Souta grinned. "Mom already made you breakfast, so come down when you're ready, okay?"

Kagome returned the grin. He had thought of everything. "You're the best, Souta."

He left her room, but a moment later, he popped his head back into the doorway. "By the way...Kagome?"

"Hmm?" She looked up at him.

"You might want to get some help for your snoring," Souta teased, falling into hysterical laughter at her expression.

Kagome was surprised at the change of moods, but her shock morphed into humor. "I do not snore!" she yelled, throwing one of her pillows at him. He expertly ducked the fluffy object and grinned, sticking his tongue out at his sister. The door slammed as he blocked yet another one of her pillows, and Souta reopened the door cautiously, poking his head through the gap.

"That's not what Inuyasha says," he grinned. His sister never even noticed the way that Souta's eyes glowered at the use of the hanyou's name.

"What?!" Kagome shrieked. "Souta! I'm going to get you!" She threw an armload of stuffed animals at the doorway, only managing to make her brother erupt into laughter once more as he used the door as a shield and ran off. There was the thud of his shoes as he dashed into the kitchen.

Kagome sighed, the playful atmosphere evaporating as she was left alone in her room.

"If this keeps up, I'll go insane..." she muttered gloomily to herself. And it wasn't exactly a lie, either. It had become normal for her to wake up screaming Inuyasha's name in cold sweat. Well, it was either the screaming or her waking up in tears. Souta had always come to her rescue, waking her up as soon as he heard her screams. To be honest, she wasn't even sure why she was having these dreams in the first place. Nothing unusual had happened since her last visit to the feudal era. But that had been weeks ago. She had stopped going ever since the first nightmare started. Kagome didn't think she could bear to look at Inuyasha.

Things had never been easy for them, even since the beginning, when Inuyasha had mistaken her for his priestess. It was hard to forget the expression of horrified disgust on his face when it dawned on him that the girl standing before him was only a lost schoolgirl. With time, the hanyou had become more accepting of who Kagome was, and they had developed a close relationship. But as her feelings for him grew, so did her suspicion.

It made sense, after all, for her to worry. She was Kikyo's reincarnation, whether she liked it or not. And just because she was an entirely different person, it didn't mean that Inuyasha saw her that way. The hanyou was too stubborn to ever actually say what was on his mind, but that might have been because he was an arrogant male.

He had definitely changed since their first encounter, but Kagome had often wondered how much of his heart had belonged to and died with Kikyo. Kagome sighed, sinking back into her fluffy pillows. Did normal people face this problem with love? Probably not. Loving half-demons made about as much sense as eating dirt in her time period.

Plus, with the addition of perverted monks, demon exterminators, evil spirits, and her body's former soul being brought back to life, Kagome figured that things might be a tad easier for someone who was not in her situation.

How many people did she know had to suffer as they watched their former soul possess another body and once more draw the attention of their current love, who had previously been the first soul's love as well? None. It was far too complicated, Kagome groaned to herself.

It would've been so much easier if all these factors hadn't been involves. She sighed, vividly recalling Kikyo's possession of a clay body. It had been only a few months ago that it had happened. The expression on Inuyasha's face...

He had fallen in love with the priestess all over again. Kagome knew it the moment that she saw him watching Kikyo. That lovesick expression on his face...how many times had Kagome longed to see that look directed towards her? It was the same gaze that Inuyasha had possessed in her nightmares.

It was time to deal with the cold hard facts.

She didn't matter to him; only Kikyo did. It wasn't her that he wanted to protect...it was the presence of Kikyo that he wanted unharmed.

Her heart ached, silently begging her to remain strong. Kagome, remain strong, everyone kept telling her. But her heart was broken. She no longer wanted to stay strong. She wanted to hurt for once. Kagome was tired of this suppressed anguish, and tired of being unable to ache.

Biting her lip, she tried to recollect her thoughts. "Don't lose it now, Kagome..." she whispered, trembling at her previous thoughts. She was now afraid at just how much pain she was really in.

In an attempt to lift her somber mood, she reflected on a question Sango had asked her once when she was feeling her worst about the Kikyo issue.

"Who do you see when you look into the mirror, Kagome?" Sango asked her friend.

Kagome blinked. "Me?"

Sango smiled wisely. "Exactly. You. That is whom Inuyasha likes, and it is because you are who you are. You are not Kikyo's replacement. Have more faith in Inuyasha."

Okay, Kagome thought, maybe Sango was right. Perhaps she wasn't Kikyo's replacement. But she still reminded Inuyasha of Kikyo, and that was even worse. Kagome sighed. "I need some cheering up."

She approached her mirror and gazed at her reflection. Onyx locks gently adorning the sides of her countenance. Hazel eyes that flickered with will and determination, with courage and life, with caring and hurt.

"Who do you see?"

"I..."

"Who do you see?"

"I see..."

"Who do you see?"

"Kikyo."

All of her reserve crumbled. She would never be Kikyo. She would never be free from Kikyo's image. Every time he looked at her, the memories he immediately thought of would not be of him and her. It would be of Kikyo. She would always be tainted with Kikyo's blood. If Kikyo hadn't died, she would never have existed. She was stained. With the blood of her own reflection. She was a part of Kikyo, and Kikyo was a part of her. She could never change it. She could never be rid of this hurt...

Never.

Because Kikyo was only a reflection away.

Mrs. Higurashi hummed as she made her way into Kagome's room, carrying a basket of dirty laundry. She looked up from the basket to find Kagome's laundry basket and cried out, muffling a scream with her hand as she dropped the basket. Kagome's mirror, which had been arranged neatly atop her dresser, was broken. The mirror had been shattered, the shards lying scattered over the dresser's surface. As she bent forward for a closer inspection, Mrs. Higurashi could see the faint smear of something on the shards.

It was blood.

Kagome's blood...