Remus looked out the library window, watching his happy peers play as the fresh snow fell around them. Near the lake was a group of third and fourth year students from various houses that were in the middle of a brutal fight. Closer to the school was a snowman-making contest in which the girls were versus the boys, who were losing horribly. Seated in the courtyard amid piles of untouched snow was a lone couple. Remus couldn't tell who they were, but he quite envied them. They were sitting so close that they seemed to be one person, their breath rising visibly as they kissed, laughed and kept each other warm.

Remus sighed wistfully, tearing his gaze from the happy couple and back to the snowball fight, where one of the bolder kids had just flung a snowball at Snape–a greasy, foul-tempered seventh year Slytherin.

A sharp jab in his side from Sirius' elbow caused Remus to look away as the third and fourth years scattered. He focused his attention back to James, Peter and Sirius.

"What?" he asked, feeling his face flush slightly. They were all looking at him with a mixture of concern and amusement.

"I asked you what you want for Christmas, Moony. You never told any of us what you wanted," Sirius said.

Remus shrugged, looking down at his hands. "Same things you normally get me, I suppose. I don't want anything special this year," he mumbled. He hated how depressed his voice sounded, how he knew that they must be aware of his lie, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't pretend to be happy any longer. "I'll see you guys later," Remus said through a sigh, offering no further information.

Vaguely, he heard Peter say, "Moony's lying," and the other two agree, but he ignored it.

With his hands stuffed in his coat pockets and his head dejectedly lowered, Remus wandered the drafty halls until he reached the large oak doors, and then his favorite dry spot beneath a large pine tree. The lowermost branches had been cut off, leaving room for Remus to sit in a spot safe from the snow.

As Remus sat alone he thought guiltily about how he had just treated his friends. They had done so much, so very much for him, they deserved more than a moody, love-sick, randy seventeen-year-old who couldn't go for fifteen minutes without sighing or wishing for what he couldn't have. It was Christmastime after all, Remus ought to be enjoying himself. Everyone else certainly seemed to be in the spirit, if the mounds of presents and bushels of mistletoe everywhere were any sign. He just couldn't seem to get over this thing, this feeling that he had. It wasn't just how sad he felt. No, that was combined with his loneliness and longing for his friend, to make Remus feel horrible and like he was always missing something that was always around him. Which, actually, wasn't that far from the truth. Because Sirius really was around Remus all the time, Remus just couldn't have him.

And it was beginning to frustrate Remus. Sirius was constantly around Remus (as were James and Peter, though Remus wasn't suffering some tragic unrequited love for either of them), always playfully flirting with everyone in his sights that wasn't Snape, and, if Remus' mind wasn't playing tricks on him, staring at Remus quite frequently. At first, Remus had blamed it on the horrid scar that he had gotten over summer holidays, but by this time the staring was just getting ridiculous.

Remus paused his thoughts and listened. The sounds of the other students playing so joyfully in the snow had faded into nothing. There wasn't a single person left outside, save Remus. He ducked under the low branches of his tree and stepped out from the spot, noting that it was probably close to dinner now since the dreary overcast sky had gotten considerably darker. The snow was still dropping its large white flakes down on everything. It all had a dark blue-grey tint to it that made it difficult to see because of the lack of that light.

Remus decided that he should head in before he became lost in the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. His thoughts could wait for that night as he lay in bed, attempting to lure sleep to himself. He walked slowly for a person concerned about becoming lost. So slow and so lost in his thoughts was he that he didn't hear the bushes rustle and had no time to brace himself when something pounced on him. They tumbled to the ground and rolled down a small hill, landing with Remus on the bottom in a mound of very cold fresh snow.

"Hello Moony!" said Remus' attacker, quite cheerfully. They were both panting clouds of warm air into each other's face.

"Sirius, what the hell was that all about?" Remus demanded. Sirius had scared Remus, not that he would admit it, and was lucky to still have all of his limbs in their proper places.

"I thought that you would be out here," Sirius said. "Wanted to surprise you!"

Remus smiled and then began laughing as the adrenaline in his body faded away. "You scared me half to death, you mutt!" he laughed. Sirius smiled down at Remus, then nuzzled Remus' neck in a bout of uncharacteristic fondness that sobered Remus up quickly.

"'s good to hear you laugh, Remus," Sirius mumbled in a deeper, grainy voice.

Remus swallowed and lay his hand on Sirius' back. They lay in that place for quite a while with th snow falling around and on top of them. Remus was confused as to whether he was warm or cold–Sirius' body was warm and comforting, but the snow beneath Remus was melting, and now cold and wet.

Sirius shifted so that he could rest his forehead against Remus'. He sniffed a little, then said, "You never told me what you wanted for Christmas."

Remus was quiet, wondering what he could say. There was only one thing he truly wanted after all... He ran his cold hand over Sirius' cheek and kept it there, feeling bolder now that Sirius seemed to need him as well. "You," Remus breathed, lower than a whisper or the fall of a snowflake. "I want you for Christmas, Padfoot,"

Sirius pulled away and gazed down at Remus for a moment. The silence around them pushed at them, pulling from Remus his doubts and fears of rejection, the loss of his friendship with Sirius and possibly the other boys. As Remus was ready to get up and flee, Sirius leaned forward and lightly kissed Remus.

"Merry Christmas, Moony. It looks like you're getting your wish this year," Sirius whispered with a smile and kissed Remus again.


Merry Christmas!

:-:silver-sunn101:-: