Rating: PG
Series/Base: Dead Poets Society
Type: Angst/Drama
A short vignette on Neil's death from Todds POV. First written for an English assignment, but I decided to put it on (Slash non-intended).
Done to "Broken" by Seether and Amy Lee
Disclaimer: I don't own Dead Poets Society. I wish I did...
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I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
Ikeep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
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Why does fate bring us to this, Neil? Why did you have to die?
Your life seemed to be going well. You did an awesome job in the play, and everyone loved your performance, especially me. Everyone was so proud of you! Lots people cared about you. I cared about you (and I still do). After, you're my best friend, how could I not? You don't know how much your death hurts me Neil. It hurts so much, some times I can barely stand this pain. Nothing will ever be the same again.
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Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore
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I didn't know that the night of the play was the last time I'd ever see you before you died. To be honest, I expected to see you the next day with a huge smile on your face, symbolizing your pride and success. But I never even dreamed of being told that you were dead, Neil. No one did. It was a little hard to belive that you were actually dead. Somewhere in my initial pain and shock, I thought it was all fake, some sort of mean joke. Now that you're gone, theres a part of me missing.
And I can never get it back.
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The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
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So...why did you suddenly end your life, Neil? What was wrong? Your life seemed just fine to me. You should've been so happy, I know I would've. But I could tell you weren't happy. Not since I saw drive away with your father. Your father didn't seem happy, or proud for that matter, either. At that time I wondered, "What's going on with them?". I know your dad didn't want you in the play in the first place. He wanted you to go to medical school, and become a doctor after you finished your work in Welton Academy. Didn't he know how comitted you were in the play? He should've known when he saw you peform. No one can do such an excellent job without having so much passion, and being so committed in their work as you were. But...he looked so dissapointed ..and I just can't understand why. Didn't your dreams matter to him? It's hard to tell, even after I heard what happended to you.
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'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
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Your dad was going to take you out of Welton Academy and enroll you in military school. He was going to make you become a doctor after that.
What's worse is that he was deciding your future for you. Why didn't you stand up for yourself, Neil? Why didn't you tell him how you felt about all this? It's because you were afraid of him...right? That I understand. But after all that, you comitted suicide. Was it because you felt worthless, that you'd never be good enough for anyone? Or was it because you wanted to have some autonomy over you future, that if you couldn't decide your own future, you wouldn't have one at all? Why you killed yourself is far beyond me. But, for some reason, people blame Mr.Keating for your death. People say that he told you to tell your father how you feel, but that doesn't mean he's the one that caused your death! Now Mr.Keating is gone from Welton Academy, he was fired, simply because people belived that you dead becuase of him One things for sure, Mr.Keating didn't deserve to get fired, and you certainly didn't deserve to die! Things have taken a turn for the worse after your death, Neil. I really wish you would've known what would happen after you died. Maybe that would've kept you here. Now I'm not so sure anything could.
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'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
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Sometimes I wonder where you are now. Are you happy? Do you regret what you did? I'm not saying that you should, after all, no one knows for sure what happens when you die while you're still alive. And although you didn't think it, your dad did love and care about you. I know, I sound like your mom now, but I'm serious. You should've seen how sad he was at your funeral. Even though I sometimes seem tough, I cried more than I've cried in my life. Please don't think that no one cares that you're dead, Neil. I do. I'd do anything to bring you back. Now,
Welton Academy is nothing without. And Dead Poets Society is no more.
I know I'll see you again, Neil. But it's really hard to wait...
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'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
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