Out of the frying pan
Chapter 5:
For Malik, the next morning was hell. When he and Marik came to work, they accidentally walked in on Jim, who was taking a bath in the kitchen sink. After Malik washed his hands, Jim coughed on them. Jim also ate most of the sandwich ingredients from the day before so they had to buy more before they opened.
Marik barely even noticed the way his hikari disliked Jim. To him the only thing that mattered right now was world domination. And the only way to do that is to serve more people than McDonalds. And in his mind, they needed Jim to help them do that. Malik, on the other hand, just wanted the smelly hobo out of his restaurant.
After they'd been open for about an hour, Malik had about enough of Jim hovering around him.
"Cut it out!" Malik yelled from in the kitchen.
Marik stuck his head in the window, "What's going on in here?! You're disturbing the customers."
"Well, Jim is disturbing me!" Malik whined.
Jim looked at him, "What did I do?"
"You won't stop singing! It's annoying!"
"That's the hobo theme song, I sing it anywhere I go. It reminds me to be proud of what I am."
"You're proud to be a hobo?!"
"Alright, stop." Marik interrupted, "You two are acting like little kids. Malik, get back to making sandwiches. And Jim, you go handle the register. I got another delivery to make."
"Okay." Jim started for the counter, but was stopped by Malik.
"Hold on! Marik, he can't handle the register!"
"Why not?"
"He's a hobo. What would people say if they see a hobo handing them their food?"
"Hmm. Good point." He turned to Jim, "Change of plans, Jim. Malik's going to handle the customers."
Malik nodded in approval.
"And you're going to make the sandwiches." He continued.
"W-what?!" Malik's eyes popped open, "No, you can't! Marik, he doesn't know how!"
"He's got to learn sometime." Marik pushed Malik to the counter and left the restaurant.
Malik sighed and turned to the kitchen window, "Okay, Jim. When I give you an order, you make the sandwich and had it to me. Get it?"
"Got it."
"Good." He whirled around to take a customer's ordered, "Welcome to I.H.O.S, home the sandwich. What type if sandwich would you like today?"
"I'd like a Dagwood sandwich, please."
Malik whirled around, "Jim, you hear that? Do you know what a Dagwood is?"
"Uh, sure." He thought a minute, "I mean, yeah! O-of course."
"Good, hurry it up." He turned back around.
Jim sighed and looked around the kitchen, 'Okay, think. A Dagwood? Oh, yes. Now I remember.'
"Come on, Jim. I can't wait forever. She's getting impatient."
"Uh, right!" he hurried around the kitchen, putting every kind of meat and vegetable on the bread.
He rushed out of the kitchen and tried to show it to Malik, "I'm done."
Malik was busy with another customer, "Not now, just go give it to the lady over there." He pointed.
Jim walked over to the table and set the tray down in front of the woman. She turned her head to look, "Oh my goodness!"
"What?" he asked
"What is this... this thing in front of me?!"
"Your Dagwood."
Malik overheard the noise and walked over, "What is going on over here? Jim, what did you do?"
"This lady doesn't like her Dagwood."
He looked at it, "Ew!" The Dagwood he was looking at was filled with corn chips, radishes, a sock, horse liver, week old salami and other things that didn't look fit for human consumption. "What the hell?!"
"What kind of restaurant are you running?!" the lady asked, annoyed, "I'm leaving!" she walked out the door.
"...That's two customers in two days that we've lost because of you!"
"A Dagwood is supposed to be made of a lot of things."
"Yeah, a lot of edible things. Look at this catastrophe!" he held it up, "...Is that your sock?"
"I ran out of the kitchen in a hurry and there was a empty spot in the sandwich."
"So you used your sock?! Oh yeah, that's logical!"
This conversation went on for about five more minutes before Marik came running in, "Hey, guess what!"
Malik turned to him, "Marik, I need to tell you what Jim did!"
"Tattle-tell..." Jim mumbled.
"Not now, Malik. I've got something to show you that's important." He looked at Jim, "Go mop the bathroom, Jim."
He dutifully went to get the bucket and mop and trudged into the restroom.
Marik turned around to Malik once again, "Okay, guess what."
"What?"
"Yesterday morning, I set a counter at the front of the door. Ever since, it's been keeping track of how many people come inside to buy something!"
"And?"
"And we've almost got a billion customers!"
"Huh?!"
"The McDonalds down the street is fuming mad, because we're taking away a lot of their business. I heard that the manager's freaking out! Just wait till we get more customers! Have you been selling those special sandwiches like I told you?"
"No. I haven't."
"What?! Why not?"
"Because they could be dangerous, Marik. I went back onto that black market website and read about that curse you've been using. The fine print said there are..." he looked around, paranoid, "...side affects."
"What kind of side affects?"
"Bad ones. Like sleepwalking, loss of appetite, even the desire to eat human flesh!"
"...How can you want to eat human flesh if you've lost your appetite-"
"Shh!" Malik silenced his yami, "Listen... do ya hear it?"
"Hear what?"
"...The sound of insanity knocking at our doorstep!"
"..."
"Look... do you see it?"
"See what!?"
"Humans surviving on the skin of their fellow humans! It's the sign of the apocalypse! Run everybody!" Malik sprinted into the kitchen.
Some people started to get up and leave. Not because they feared the apocalypse... but because they feared Malik coming out of the kitchen with a chainsaw.
'Damn. Malik's lost it again.' Marik thought, 'Okay... where's the frying pan? I'm gonna have to hit him hard this time.'
Just before Marik could go strike his hikari in the head with a cooking utensil, an abnormally skinny man burst threw the door. Marik whipped his head around and sighed, "Can I help you?"
"I need to see the manager." He said, gruffly.
"Well, the other manager is in the kitchen having an episode, so... what can I do for you?"
"My name is Curt. I own the McDonalds down the street."
"...Oh, so you're the one who was freaking out earlier. What are you doing here?"
Curt looked him straight in the eye, "I want to know how you've managed to steal so much of our business in such a short amount of time. McDonalds used to be the fast food king of the block before you and I.H.O.S. Not even Taco Bell could hold a candle to us! Now you've taken a sixth of our customers in only three days! Tell me, I must know how a place with such a ridiculous name... International House of Samiches could-"
"That's sandwiches!"
"I want you to close your restaurant. How much will you sell it for?"
"What?! No way. Nope. We're not selling... Curt. Besides. We're not after money. We're after something far greater!"
"..." He tilted his head in confusion, "Like what?"
"Like the power you possess. The control you have over the world."
"Control? Power? Where?"
"It's on you! It's all over you! It's... inside you!" he squinted at Curt, "Know this... Curt. I'm after it, and I won't stop till I get it! I never rest! Evil will not sleep! Evil will not eat! Evil will not go to the bathroom! I will have the world, and the world will have me! Ha, ha, ha!"
More people left the restaurant.
Curt backed up two steps, "You're insane! I have no power... all I have are my beloved customers! And you're trying to take them away! I won't let you! Evil will not prevail! McDonalds will overcome!"
"Ha, that's what you think!"
"I know." He said, and slipped out the door.
As Marik turned around, he found that he Malik and Jim were the only ones in the room, "I finished cleaning the toilets." Jim said, mop in hand.
"Marik, what was all that screaming about? You scared all the customers away!" Malik had gotten over his apocalypse trip for the moment.
"Don't worry. They'll be back. Most of them are under our spell, remember?"
"Yeah, I remember. Well..." he shrugged, "Since no one's here, let's close up early."