Chapter Fifteen: Confession

"Well," Dumbledore said. "I don't think any of us expected that. Severus?"

Snape looked downright shocked. There was a hint of moisture in his eyes, and when he tried to talk, he found he couldn't.

"Severus... are you all right?"

"Yes, Headmaster... I..."

"What?"

"The boy is an exceptionally gifted Legilimens, Headmaster," Snape said quietly. "He... entered my mind and..."

"Shared memories with you?"

"Yes, but..." Snape took a deep breath. "I didn't just observe them, Albus. I lived them."

Dumbledore's eyes widened.

"Severus? Are you sure?"

"Absolutely, I am sure, Headmaster. That was... not an experience one would be mistaken about."

"I see," Dumbledore nodded. "And did he tell you..."

"I understand many things now, Albus," Snape said quietly. "We should find him. He will not be himself for a while..."

"Of course..."

"Professor?" Hermione turned wide eyes on Professor Dumbledore. "Did Harry use..."

"It's a form of Legilimens, Miss Granger," Dumbledore said, his twinkling eyes burrowing into hers. "A very advanced form. Harry must be found. If this is the first time he has used this ability, he will be... disoriented for a while."

"Of course," she nodded.

Quickly, they spread out through the school, looking for Harry. Unfortunately, they couldn't find him. He was nowhere to be found.

"I'm afraid, Headmaster," said Remus, exhausted after an hour of searching. It was three-thirty in the morning, and the possibility of getting any sleep at all that night was fast diminishing. "That if the son of James Potter doesn't wish to be found within the walls of Hogwarts, the chances are he will not be."

"Yes, Remus. But it is very important that we find him," Albus said quietly. "You know Harry. He is going to be feeling terribly guilty over this, and he needs to be found so that it can be explained. He does not know that this skill is something one is born with. Once again, Harry is going to be confused by something that is very natural within our world. He must be found."

"Well..."

"Professor!" Ron ran up. "I don't know why I didn't think of it before. Harry has his cloak..."

Remus groaned. "That damned invisibility cloak. We could have walked past him a dozen times..."

"But he doesn't have..." Ron pulled out a roll of parchment with a grin. "The Marauder's map."

"Ron!" Remus laughed. "You clever, clever boy!"

They gathered at the top of the Astromomy Tower. That was where the map claimed he was, a small dot, not moving. But Harry was not there. At least, there was no visible sign of him.

"Harry?" Dumbledore spoke.

"He is not here, Headmaster," Snape said.

"He must be... the map..." Ron looked at Snape as the Potions Master glared at him.

"I am telling you, Weasley, he is not here. Do you think that Invisibility Cloaks are infallible?"

Ron swallowed. Harry had told him that he suspected that Snape could sense him, despite the cloak, after a nasty incident in his first year.

"I would suggest you continue your search without the map," Snape said. "It is apparently faulty."

"Yes," Dumbledore gazed at the Slytherin House head. "Yes, perhaps you are right, Severus. Come, we will begin another room by room search in the west corridor..."

Snape watched them leave, and then, without expression, looked up.

There was a small observation platform built into the roof. Few other than the staff knew of it, as it had been a favorite place in years past for young couples to meet. A concealment charm had caused it to fall into disuse, but Snape knew that a few still knew of it's existence. He had spent rather a lot of time up there, himself. Alone of course, but...

Casting a levitation charm on himself, he began to rise.

As he knew he would, he found the boy sitting there, staring out to the heavens. Snape did not comment on the tears that had made tracks down the young man's cheeks. He knew the feeling all too well.

"How did you find me?" Harry asked dully.

"You're not the only one who takes refuge in the hidden corners of this old heap of a castle," Snape commented, sitting down on the rough wooden floor beside him.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered, not taking his eyes off the stars. "What I did... it was inexcusable. I apologise."

"I understand, Potter," Snape replied.

"I don't know how. I know how I'd feel if..."

"Yes. You know how you would feel. But please do not presume to know how I feel unless I tell you."

"Yes, sir," Harry whispered.

"That was not Legilimens, Harry."

"What?" Harry turned startled eyes to him.

"It is not Legilimens. Well, it is, I suppose, after a manner. However, the skill you showed tonight... it is very rare."

Harry gave a derisive snort. "Of course it is. Everything about me is exceptional. Why shouldn't I be cursed with some obscure skill, as well? One more thing to make me different."

"Being different is not such a terrible thing."

"Isn't it, professor?" Harry asked. "I've hated it my entire life. I just wanted to be normal. And even when I find a world that I might have a shot at being considered normal in, I'm Harry Bloody Potter, the goddamned Boy who Lived."

Snape was silent for a moment.

"Harry... you do not understand the reason for the Headmaster's trust in me..."

"No. I don't," Harry said honestly. "You're an admitted Death Eater, you've worked for Voldemort, you've killed for Voldemort..."

At Snape's look, Harry shook his head. "Do you think I don't know what the initiation rites are? I've been in his head, Professor."

"So you have, Harry."

"I know what the Death Eaters do, and I know what you must have had to do to become close enough to him..."

"And here I thought it was because of the way I've treated you," Snape said, almost humorously.

"You think that this is just personal for me?"

"Perhaps I did," Snape admitted. "But I think I understand better now."

"Yes," Harry nodded. "I suppose you do."

"Harry, I think it's important that you know why Dumbledore trusts me."

"Is it something I need to know to do the job I have to do, Professor?"

"Perhaps, perhaps not. But the fact remains that you need to trust Dumbledore, and I doubt that you will, wholly, until you understand his faith in me."

Harry didn't respond.

"Harry, you know the history your father and I shared."

"Yes. That's why you don't like me."

"You share a lot of qualities with your father. However, there are other reasons..." Snape sighed. "In any case, the reason I have the absolute faith of the Headmaster is something far more... it goes much deeper."

"Oh?"

"Harry, I understand that this may be an issue for you, but I request that you allow me to share a memory with you."

"You're going to do what I..."

"Oh, no, Mr Potter. I'm afraid I'm not nearly that gifted a Legilimens. I will, however, relive a memory while you enter my mind and observe it. I feel it is important."

"Are you sure you..."

"Trust you?" Snape almost smiled. "I am a reasonably accomplished Occlumens, Harry. I feel confident that I can isolate this memory for you."

"Okay," Harry agreed.

"Right then," Snape closed his eyes for a moment, then turned to Harry. "Whenever you are ready."

Harry entered Snape's mind, finding himself on a streetcorner in a small town he did not recognize. Several people passed, but two stood out in sharp relief, as though the unimportant passersby were smudged with lack of detail.

One was a black-haired man in long robes. He looked rather like Snape, but he was not. The boy walking next to him appeared to be about thirteen years old and had the beginnings of a strongly hooked nose, and long black hair. Snape.

"Yes, father," The boy was saying.

"You should be ashamed of yourself, associating with a mudblood. That girl.. use her if you will, but to defend her against her betters?"

"Yes, father," the boy nodded again.

The memory switched to a classroom... the Potions classroom.

"No, Sev... like this..." a girl whispered, correcting the way the young Severus was chopping an ingredient. A red-haired witch. "You'll be a Potions Master yet, Sev. Trust me," she grinned.

Another scene, Severus Snape a couple of years older... by the lake... and Harry recognized this one. His father and Sirius on the attack, and his mother coming to his defense.

And now, they were in an alleyway... a very dark alleyway. Harry could hear hard breathing and the screams as curses were thrown... and taken.

And then, Severus Snape was hit... and down. An auror ran over to him... his wand pointed...

"Leave him!"

"Leave him? Lily, are you insane?"

"I said, leave him... I know him... he's not like the rest of them..."

"Lily..."

"It's Severus Snape, and I'll not be responsible for him getting the Dementor's Kiss, do you understand?"

And the auror's eyes turned to the man on the ground, and he nodded. "You owe Lily Potter your life, Snape. Remember that."

When Harry surfaced from Snape's mind, his eyes were wide with shock.

"So now, you know," Snape said, his voice cold. "Your mother was... she tried to be my friend. Even if it was difficult at times. I don't know... well, in any case, I owed her a life debt. Such a debt cannot be taken lightly, Potter. When your mother died and I was unable to help her, I realized that my life debt was now owed to you. That was the night I approached Dumbledore."

"That is why Albus trusts me. A wizard's life debt cannot be broken, under any circumstances. It is magically binding, and owed into eternity if not paid before death. And I certainly don't wish for you to have ownership of my soul for eternity, Potter."

Harry sat across from the Headmaster silently.

"You do understand that such a skill is... you cannot use it without permission, Harry. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"What you did to Professor Snape..."

"Was unforgivable, yes, sir, I know," Harry admitted. "But it was necessary."

"In future, Harry, perhaps you could not decide during the heat of the moment what is necessary and what is not?"

"Perhaps you could tell me how I'm to defeat Voldemort without deciding what is necessary in the heat of the moment, sir?" Harry raised his eyes, meeting the old man's directly.

Dumbledore sighed. "Yes, you are correct, Harry. Just... try and use some judgment in future, if the opportunity presents itself?"

"I have apologised to Professor Snape, sir. I understand that what I did was unacceptable. But it is done, and I will admit, I now understand your reasoning."

"Very good, Harry. I was hoping that Severus would share enough with you to make you understand."

"It did more than that, sir." Harry admitted. "Far more."

"I'm glad, Harry. Now, as it is nearly time for breakfast to be served, perhaps you should go and speak to your friends, who are waiting outside that door, ready to quit and leave with you as they seem to believe that I have just expelled you from Hogwarts. You can assure them that you are not going anywhere, and I can have my boiled egg."

Harry smiled and stood, turning to leave.

"And Harry?"

"Yes, sir?"

"In future, do you think you could schedule these things within normal school hours? I am an old man, you know, and I do need my sleep," his twinkling eyes looked up at Harry from where he sat behind the desk.

"I'll do my best, sir," Harry nodded, and left.

He jogged down the stairs and out through the door to be confronted by five curious, yet determined faces.

"Ready, then?" Ron said. "I've got a letter ready to send to Mum, she'll be waiting for us at Grimmauld Place..."

"What in Merlin's name are you on about?" Harry asked.

"Well…" Ron flushed. "He's sent you home, hasn't he? For... doing that... to Snape?"

"Not quite," Harry smiled.

"Not quite?" Hermione squeaked. "Harry... what you did..."

"I know, Hermione. Snape and I have discussed it, and I've apologised..."

"Apologised? To Snape?" Ginny's eyes were round with shock. "Please tell me you're joking?"

"No, Gin, I'm not," Harry said. "What I did was wrong, even if it turned out right in the end. Of course, I apologised."

"Why on earth..."

"Because," Harry said, looking down at the fiery redhead whom he topped by a good eight inches. "When we make mistakes, we have to apologise, ask for forgiveness, and move on."

Ginny looked up at him, then turned quickly away, a shadow in her deep brown eyes.

"Well..." Ron said, looking around uncomfortably. "Anyone hungry, then?"

Hello, fellow fanfic junkies! I'm back, and nearly as good as before – I've still got a bit of a cough, but I'm healthier than I've been in a while! So, we're off. I'm intending to update today – and tomorrow, then I'll be off for the weekend, so enjoy it!

CQ

SiriusBlack08: Hey, like I've said before, JKR owns it... I just like to play with the world she's created!

Aenigmatic: Harry's reaction to Ginny was strong. Ginny has been lying, if only by omission... but perhaps Ginny's not the only one. Harry has serious trust issues – and let's face it, most of the "lies" he's had experience of HAVE been lies of omission. Dumbledore doesn't necessarily "lie" outright, does he? But he doesn't tell Harry things that Harry thinks he as the right to know...

Shotgunn: I can assure you, I never had the idea for Chapter 50 of HPMM... it was all James' doing. I was highly surprised and deeply touched when James approached me about it. But we have batted about the idea of collaborating sometime in future. We'll see.The funny thing about trust is... it's not just a two-way street. People keep confidences for more than one person – should it be considered a lack of trust when they don't reveal those confidences? And I agree with you on Dumbledore – but he's been the most powerful wizard in the world for a LONG time...

MrsSakuraPotter: I've been accused of whipping people into a frenzy of confusion before.

Sabine Strohem-Moss: I had to slip that bit about Tonks in there...

Larna Mandrea: Me? Neglect a plot? Well, it could happen, I suppose, and probably has, according to some who would have me give more R/Hr detail... Ah, just call me 'cinnamon', sweetie...

Merlindamage: Was it wise? Probably not. But most of Harry's life is simply dealing with fallout from bad situations, so why change now, right?

Weselan: So you caught that, did you? I don't think many really did... as for Snape... can you see Snape allowing something like someone's difficult childhood and personal tragedies change the way he acts with them? Hmm... well, maybe... but I doubt it.

Kordolin: Dumbledore needs to be told off occasionally.

UnwrittenLaw: You try having your (much younger) girlfriend "shaking her assets" in front of three teenage boys and see how you react. I think he was quite restrained considering...

Whimsical Firefly: Like I said – one doesn't much care about the cough afterwards...

Natalie Fanfic Freak: Dramatic is good!

GiGiFanfic: Thanks, Jeanne – read on!

Not Your Average: Yeah, yeah, yeah... you people have NO patience, you know that? I'll tell you what, I PROMISE you closure on the R/Hr thing if you get off my back about the 'Mione' thing! Deal?

UnRealityCheck: 'Is an act the same as lying'? Now, there is the question... we may not think so, but does Harry? It's HIS trust that he feels has been damaged, right? And one would have to wonder at the source of the anger he feels, wouldn't one?