Muse #1: *yawn*

Muse #2: *turns a page of 'Tortured Muses Digest'*

Goku: Hiya!

Muses: WAAAARGH!! *CRASH*

Muse #1: You're... you're Sanzo-ikkou!!

Gojyo: Who did you think we were? Tooth Fairies Inc.?

Muse #2: AND Kougaiji-tachi!!

Dokugakuji: Yo!

Muses: And Homura-tachi!!

Homura: *smirks*

Muses: ...what're you all DOING here?!!

Sanzo: Revenge.

Homura: Payback.

Kougaiji: For everything those two have done to us.

Muse #2: We knew this day would come...

Muse #1: So THAT'S why those two went running...

Hakkai: We caught them already.

Muse #2: *wince* Ouch...

Lirin: OUCH is right!! They got what they deserved!!

Muse #1: God bless them...

~ Somewhere ~

YunCyn: Stupid oversensitive anime characters...

Imaginator: Hey, stop cursing and figure out a way to get us out of this, will you?

YunCyn: And HOW, tensai, do we get out from handcuffs and straitjackets while being lowered slowly into a cauldron of boiling lava!?!

Imaginator: Uh....

Disclaimer: This shows what happens when Saiyuki DOES belong to us. We can never win so we're not even gonna try saying they belong to us.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When Saiyuki Falls Into The Wrong Hands

There is a fic by sanzo-chan the 3rd baka that explores a rather original question. (We're sorry for not asking permission, sanzo-chan and we give full credit to this author for coming up with the concept. Kudos to sanzo-chan the 3rd baka!)

What would happen if Saiyuki belonged to the authors and authoresses of fanfics in FF.Net?

It was too good to pass up.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kazuya Minekura-sama, creator of several popular manga and anime series and creator of the most beloved Gensomaden Saiyuki series that feature our favourite boys of angst, drama and forced pain…

Was in a fit.

Yes. She was in a fit. Don't ask how, don't ask why, she just was.

And as a result of that fit…

"Alright, fine! GO ahead! I relinquish my copyright of Saiyuki! GO AHEAD and let the public own Saiyuki!"

Kazuya-sensei storms out. But as she makes her way out, a hidden grin appears.

I give them three days...

~*~*~*~*~*~

And it was in happiness and joy that the Gensomaden Saiyuki fanfic writers received word that they now officially owned the series and characters and were therefore required to write down their exploits. All over the world, the fanfic writers got together and after two months, came up with a script that made almost everyone happy.

The almost everyone part meant that they had yet to receive the Saiyuki cast's reaction.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sanzo stared at the pieces of A4 sized paper in his hands.

Then, he calmly set the papers down, wiped his spectacles and re-read the papers.

Two minutes later found him standing by the bathroom sink and scrubbing his glasses with detergent until it nearly broke under pressure. He put it back on after wiping it dry and polishing it with glass polisher (is there such a thing?) and read for the twelfth time, the new script for the Gensomaden Saiyuki anime/manga.

The words hadn't changed, the margins hadn't been tampered with and the plot remained the same.

They were serious.

"…"

A vein began to throb as Sanzo's innate sixth sense picked up the notion that highly irate people were about to burst into his room. So he placed his copy of the script down and waited.

One minute later…

"SANZO!!!!!!!!!"

The blonde monk's vein throbbing increased as Goku crashed through the door. He silently noted a rather tattered script in the saru's hands that clearly showed that it had been through plenty of abuse via saru style torture.

"Sanzo, did you see what we have to do?!!!! DID YOU SEE!?!?!?" Goku was waving his script around as if he were helping to land an airplane. "They, they-!! I don't even know what some of those words MEAN!!!! And the ones I DO know are, they, they, AAARGH! DID YOU SEE WHAT WE HAVE TO DO!?!!!?!?"

It was either that Goku was too riled up over the plots to be articulate or he was too far back in his vocabulary to find any suitable words.

Sanzo decided on the latter as Goku kept repeating whether Sanzo had seen and read about what they had to do. The monk didn't whip out the paper fan and whap the saru on the head for one reason.

It wasn't worth it. The harisen would have more purpose later on.

As it turned out, Sanzo was right.

Unfortunately.

BAM!

The door was unceremoniously kicked open and in walked Gojyo. His expression held promise of pain, anguish, horror, terror, pain and more pain to anyone regardless of gender, age and race. Goku whirled around from his ranting, decided it wasn't the best time to call the kappa a kappa and resumed complaining audibly.

The redhead walked right up to the monk and flung what was left of his script on Sanzo's desk so hard, it creaked.

"I have to be a friggin' GIRL?!" hissed the redhead. Sanzo's eyes traveled to the script. It looked like it'd been twisted again and again and ultimately looked like a dog with no teeth had used it for a chew toy.

"I have to be a friggin girl for at least three episodes and then get into a lovers' spat with Hakkai and you?! A LOVERS' SPAT??!!" Gojyo was grounding his teeth so hard, there would have been no teeth for the kappa to chew with. Fortunately enamel is quite hardy. Goku, were he not ranting about what horrors he would be put through, would have sniggered. Instead he and Gojyo now stood in front of Sanzo, both looking like miniature Sanzos' on a bad hair day.

Sanzo had had no intention of replying. And even if he had, it would have been duly interrupted by Hakkai's arrival.

His monocle flashed.

It is a universal law that whenever light flashes off Hakkai's monocle, some natural disaster will occur somewhere in the world.

Either that or somebody was about to have their head and arms handed to them complete with their entire spine in the order it had been taken out.

And he smiled.

The said somebody could expect to see his entire skeletal frame laid out before his eyes. If he had any eyes at all once Hakkai was finished anyway.

Sanzo, Gojyo and Goku was entirely immune to this however and just awaited his reaction.

The driver of the group placed his own script on Sanzo's desk. It was still fully intact and in perfect condition.

Nothing is what it seems, thought Sanzo as he flicked his glance to Hakkai.

"I trust you all have received the script?"

Gojyo growled. Goku grumbled. Sanzo raised an eyebrow as he finally deigned to speak. "And?"

"It's complete absurdity that I should be turning into my youkai self about three times every hour while you and Goku are eating each other's faces every other hour."

"I have to be a friggin' GIRL, Hakkai."

"Apparently you get hit on by your own brother."

Gojyo emitted a strangled noise. Sanzo let out a suffering sigh as he felt another vein throb at the back of his head. Goku tugged on Hakkai's sleeve.

"Hakkai…!" He wailed. "Why do I get picked on by Homura AND Sanzo!? I thought Homura was dead!!!"

Hakkai, not knowing quite what to say since he'd been placed in rather… awkward situations with Gojyo, Sanzo or Shien in the script, just shrugged. He turned to Sanzo.

"Homura-tachi are on their way to see you, I expect. Along with Kougaiji-tachi."

"Why MY room?"

Hakkai shrugged again. "Apparently you're the unofficial appointed leader."

Sanzo felt a headache crop up as he shut his eyes and rubbed his temples. The kind of headache where there's a small person inside your skull pounding on a hammer and piercing your brain with a sharp rusty nail.

He didn't even bother to look up to know that the trio of terror had arrived.

"Let me make this clear, Konzen: I have NO intention of playing keep-away with the monkey."

Zenon raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were obsessed with Son Goku."

"Obsessed with getting him to create a new world, yes! Obsessed with him, NO! The monk can have him!"

"I don't WANT him." Growled the monk in his low grating tone.

It was a lucky thing that Goku was too innocent (read dense) to be insulted. He just glanced at Homura and resumed ranting.

Shien looked at the script, at Hakkai and shuddered. "No offense meant, Hakkai-san but really…"

"None taken. I understand completely." Hakkai felt his blood run cold as he glanced at the various scripts tossed on the monk's desk. There were some things he wouldn't do, for the sake of his dignity as a man.

And for the sake of ever wanting to show his face in public ever again.

Zenon looked at Gojyo who had gone into a silent foul sulk. The kami couldn't help snickering. "I never knew you were so close to Hakkai."

Gojyo glared. "Shut. Up."

Sanzo scarcely had time to tell Homura to shut up when Kougaiji burst in.

"OKAY! WHO'S BLOODY FRIGGIN IDEA WAS IT TO HAVE ME IN A FRIGGIN DRESS!?"

The rest (excluding Homura, Goku, Sanzo and Gojyo) couldn't help but snort in stifled laughter. Kougaiji glared at them and threw his own script to Sanzo's desk from five feet away.

"Sanzo, I don't care HOW you do it but just GET me out of that script. I am NOT about to wear a frilly pink polka dotted DRESS with the matching flowered straw HAT and PRANCE around tossing daisies along the road!! Princes DO NOT act like that!! NO ONE acts like that!!!"

(Sanzo now had rested his forehead against his desk, muttering "why me".)

Mysteriously enough, a certain tall basketball player from the series 'Slam Dunk' and from the school of Shohoku materialized right beside the incensed prince and sadly patted him on the shoulder.

"I understand." said Mitsui Hisashi with an expression that suggested matching flowery hats and daisy throwing were the least of the troubles to come. Kougaiji stared at him. Mitsui just returned a "Good-luck-and-God-bless-you" sympathizing look and disappeared out of sight.

Kougaiji blinked and said audibly. "I don't know what just happened but that just clinches it. I'm QUITTING if the script isn't changed NOW." The rest seemed to mumble their assent and those who were ranting/yelling/fuming/sulking resumed their various activities.

Yaone glanced at Hakkai, blushed but said nothing. Hakkai glanced at Yaone, turned a slight red but said nothing as well. There were some things too awkward to talk about.

Gojyo exchanged looks with his brother.

"You're not taking this too well, are you?"

"Try being put in a situation where I DON'T get a single girl."

Doku gave a wry smirk. "Must be torture."

"How bout YOU, Mister-Wrestle-Kougaiji-For-Yaone?"

Doku turned red. "Shut up…!"

Lirin bounced in and very bluntly shouted indignantly, "I AM NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND, BALDIE!!" She turned to Goku. "AND NEITHER AM I YOURS!!"

Goku promptly yelled back. "WHO THE HECK WOULD WANT YOU FOR A GIRLFRIEND ANYWAY, YOU IRRITATING LOUD BOSSY BRAT!?"

Doku and Gojyo palmed their foreheads as the two started arguing at decibels that rivaled sonic booms. Kougaiji and Homura started muttering to themselves about the absurdity of it all and like HECK, they were attracted to the stupid monk! Shien, Zenon and Hakkai shared reactions of when they first received the script.

It was Yaone who noticed that the monk was steaming. Literally.

"Uh, minasan…? We better keep it down… guys?"

No one heeded her quiet warning save for Hakkai who gave quiet warnings himself.

"KNOCK IT OFF AND SHUT THE FRIGGIN HECK UP, YOU BUNCH OF ASSES!!!"

Everyone (except for Hakkai and Yaone) turned to see Sanzo on his feet and throbbing veins all over his head. He picked up his gun, adjusted his robes and stuffed his glasses back in his robe.

"I'm going to have a talk with the producers. The rest of you, do what you will."

They watched him go out the door. Then they turned to Hakkai for an explanation.

Hakkai smiled. "In other words, follow him."

~*~*~*~*~*~

The following conversation took place behind the doors of a huge office.

"Ah, minasan! You've all gotten the new scripts I'm sure. I trust you have no problem wi-"

BLAM!

"Bring Kazuya back."

"Sanzo-san, that, that gun is-"

SLASH!

"Bring. Her. Back."

"G, Gojyo-san, let's be reason-"

WHACK!

"Bring her back, NOW!"

"G, Goku-san, that, that's a very dang-"

SLAM!

"Before we cause major damages, sir, please get her back here."

"N, now Hakkai-san, we, we don't want any new h, holes in the walls because of your ki-"

(The sound of a fireball being conjured up)

"If you can't bring her back, then revoke back the public's ownership of us."

"K, Kougaiji-san!! This building could burn-!"

(The hum of a fire sword)

"We're NOT going to act like the script. What do you take us for, fools?"

"PLEASE, Homura-san, I beg you! The building's too fragile for such weapo-"

(The sound of everyone surrounding a nervous producer with an S&W pistol, a shakujou, a nyoibou, a ki ball, a fireball, a sword, a spear, a fist, a Taishi's fire sword, a machine gun and two glowing whips)

"BRING KAZUYA MINEKURA BACK. NOW."

(The sound of a frightened squeak and gulp)

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kazuya smiled as she leaned back in her chair. It hadn't even been two days before she received a terrified call to please come back to work and that she could have whatever demands she wanted, just PLEASE come back and take control of her characters again!

I knew it was a good idea to let those fanfic writers own Saiyuki for a day or two.

Kazuya-sensei grinned.

It helps me keep my job.

The End.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Mitsui's appearance is an inside joke that we hope to reveal soon in a new story. *grin*

No offense to all the Gensomaden Saiyuki fanfic writers in FF.Net and all across the Net. This is really in tribute to all of you, your muses, your voices, your plot bunnies and your imaginations. We hope that you will continue writing and continue getting new ideas! To those who have reviewed us these past scenes and for those to come: we say a huge "Thank You". Without you guys, we wouldn't be able to write. ^__^ ARIGATO GOZAIMASU!!

To my writing partner-in-crime & best friend, the humourous and creative Imaginator: Thanks for everything, buddy! Friends forever! May we continue to annoy the Sanzo-ikkou always!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Traitor: *gives YunCyn a Must-You-Be-This-Mushy look*

YunCyn: *shrug* ^__^ See you guys in the next scene!