[Kalynn's POV]

Amy had really gone over the edge to be nice to me today. Her curiousness about my poem and giving up her seat by her boyfriend to sit beside me was out of the blue. Did she actually think she felt a connection? Or was she just being nice to the outcast? Who am I kidding? Fuck them. Amy has no reason to like me. Her friend Laynie sure doesn't. I walked into the restroom to collect my thoughts. As I washed my hands I saw the reflection of myself in the mirror. I just wish that I could leave this world, be free of pain, and feel nothing. I looked at my hair it was so ratty and long. I took the scissors out of my bag and started to trim my hair.

So what exactly do we say to her Laynie asked?

"We can tell her we found her drawing or something," Amy replied. The two girls entered into the bathroom and spotted Kalynn holding up a pair of scissors to her neck.

They froze in horror when they saw Kalynn with the scissors up against her neck.

"Don't do it, you have a lot to live for," Amy shouted.

Kalynn dropped the scissors into the sink. "What the fuck? You think I'm suicidal? I'm just trimming my hair, not slitting my neck." If I wanted to die I wouldn't kill myself in the school restroom."

"Oh, um sorry it looked like you were going to." Amy replied, relieved that it wasn't that. Kalynn was really starting to freak her out.

"On second thought, what a good idea," Kalynn said raising the scissors to her neck.

Amy and Laynie's faces turned white in horror.

"Take a chill," Kalynn replied, "I'm just playing." "So you want me for something?" Kalynn picked up the scissors and put them back in her bag.

"Um yea, I found your sketch with the poem you wrote," Amy replied, "They are really good."

"Give me those," Kalynn exclaimed! "They are private!"

"Must not have been so private if we found them on the floor," Laynie replied.

"You should have left them there," Kalynn yelled! Tears were starting to form in her eyes. "You don't understand!"

"No, I think we understand more than you think."

"Yea, I know about you losing Colin, after surgery." "At least you weren't...."

"What weren't we?" "Never mind, I got to go, Kalynn yelled! She ran out of the bathroom poem in hand.

Amy and Laynie ran after her. They chased her to the dark room of the art room. She was sitting in there, arms around her legs, sobbing. The mascara that she had one was running in black streaks down her pale cheeks.

Amy and Laynie walked admiring the photos lining the walls, drying.

"We used to hang out here, it was our place. He loved to take photographs, said they were like never ending moments." Kalynn said quietly, "Up until me...I... killed him." Now, Kalynn's sobs had ignited into bawling.

"Who did you kill," Amy asked? The words scared her. "Had Kalynn been a murderer?" No, there had to be more to the story, Amy told herself.

Riley was my best friend, we always hung out together.

"So what happened," Laynie asked?

"One night Riley and I were hanging out at my house as usual and were sipping this bottle of Vodka that we had found in my dad's liquor cabinet. Neither of us were heavy drinkers, we had only drank a few sips because we didn't like the taste. It was getting late and Riley insisted that he drive home. I had asked him if he could drive and he reassured me that he was fine. We had only had a few sips so it wasn't like either of us were even tipsy. That night on his way home he was crossing a railroad track and a train was coming and hit his car, killing him instantly. I should have made him stay the night like he normally did, but he said he had to get up early to take pictures at a basketball game and didn't want to have to wake me. It was my fault. I should have done something."

"Kalynn, it sounds like you did all you could. It's not you're fault he didn't see the train," Laynie said. She tired her best to console the weeping girl. Why was it so hard, Laynie thought? She felt like crying herself. Amy and Laynie's eyes locked, both of them suddenly overcome with pent up aguish. Amy broke the gaze and took a deep breath, trying to get herself together, searching for the words to say."

"You are probably feeling like we did when Colin died." Amy replied softly, "you're looking for someone to blame."

"You feel empty and cold inside," Laynie added. "That almost describes it exactly."

"Can you two not tell anyone about this," asked Kalynn? "I don't want the whole world to know."

Amy and Laynie were about to say more when there was a knock on the door.

"Amy, Laynie, you two in there?" It was Ephram he had been looking all over for them. Bright had got impatient and drove home.

"Yea," The door opened and Ephram was shocked to see Laynie and Amy sitting beside Kalynn.

"What's going on here?"

"Well.." Amy started

Laynie broke in, "We saw Kalynn in the bathroom and she wanted us to approve photos of us for the yearbook."

"So are those okay?" Kalynn asked, going along with it.

"Yea, perfect," Amy replied, "Let's get going."

"Oh Kalynn, About you're hair see me on Monday and we can fix it," Laynie said.

Kalynn smiled weakly

Amy grabbed Ephram's hand and the three of them left the dark room.

Once Ephram dropped Laynie home he decided to try and ask Amy for the real story.

They got to Ephram's house and went inside. "So what were you really doing with Kalynn?" He hoped it wasn't too serious.

"You really want to know, Amy asked?

"Why wouldn't I, it seems serious?" Ephram went and sat on the couch and Amy sat in front of him letting his arms drape around her.

"So are you going to tell me?"

Okay, I found this poem that Kalynn wrote and it brought back memories of Colin. Amy recited the poem to Ephram. She had memorized it.

"That is...no wonder you were curious, but that still doesn't explain..."

"Hold on I'm getting there."

"So when Laynie and I went to the bathroom we saw Kalynn in there and I confronted her about the poem than she fled to the dark room. We went after her. When we found her she was crying. She finally told us about her best friend who got killed in an automobile accident involving a train. She was convinced it was her fault, so Laynie and I tried to calm her down."

"No wonder she is always so dark."

"That's the whole story. So you want to watch a movie," asked Amy?

"I only have one question thought, why didn't you show me the poem in the first place?"

"I wanted to get the whole story before I told you and we started to assume something else."

"Next time, could you tell me instead of lying to me and trying to cover up things," Ephram asked?

"I promise." Amy replied. She was so glad to get that all out in the open.

"Sure ill watch a movie, if it means lying here with you" Ephram said, gently kissing her.

"Of course, I'm all yours."

Ephram got up and put in a movie and laid back down with Amy on the couch, Amy's head resting on his chest. Soon they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, enjoying each other's company.

[Kalynn's POV]

My parents gave me this journal stating it would help with the pain. Every entry I have written seemed so useless until today.

2/28/04

I saw a totally different side of two people today. Two people who actually listened to what I had to say without criticizing my thoughts, Amy Abbott and Laynie Hart. The two girls were devastated by the death of Colin Hart. They saw me today in the bathroom thinking I was going to slit my throat with scissors. To think that it actually sounded like a good idea at the time, even thought originally I was going to cut my hair. They had read the poem I wrote. Hearing them reassure me that Riley's death wasn't my fault opened a new light to me. I just hope neither of blab it to the whole school. I really wish Riley were here to comfort me. R.I.P Riley, I love you!

I saw Amy's boyfriend Ephram today. He is such a cutie, reminds me a lot of Riley. He has some of the same features. He even looked at me. What are the chances? There are no chances, not there. Kalynn

P.S: Amy and Laynie are taking me to get my hair cut.