Imaginator: Actually, this was inspired by a …very unlikely situation, ne Yuncyn? (evil grin).
Muses: (mutters) Unlikely is right…Of all the insane ideas….
Yuncyn: Urusei (whacks muses hard on the head repeatedly with Sanzo's harisen until…)
Sanzo: STOP TAKING MY HARISEN WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT! *THWACK*(awards both Im and Yuncyn a hard twack before stomping off muttering about bakas of insane fanfiction writers)
Imaginator:Yeow… (Rubbing sore spot)
Yuncyn: Yeow indeed….Anyway, twould spoil the fun if we revealed that, ah…
Imaginator: situation now.
Yuncyn: Right.
Muses: (squints) Hey…..
Imaginator: Yes?
Muse #1: I didn't know we kept canaries….
Muse #2: Rather cute yellow ones too….
Imaginator and Yuncyn:…(sweatdrops)
Muses: (sighs wearily and go off in search of very,very strong Panadol)
(A/N: Panadol is a very STRONG aspirin. We should know.)
Disclaimer: It hurts so to write it....sob...WE DON'T OWN THEM!!!! WAAAA!!!!
(bunnies hold out hankerchief. Authors accept it gratefully until Im realized, instead of a hankie, she picked up a bunny.....)
What Has This Got to Do with Phobias?
Two youkai and a man stood outside a door.
Two youkai were trying their best to kick down or at least, destroy this ordinary looking door to no avail.
The man just stood to one side, taking very long drags of his cigarette and trying to maintain a calm, cool demeanor.
It was using every inch of his willpower not to shoot the source (or sources) that had gotten them into their present situation.
Hakkai blasted another ki ball at the door in vain. Gojyo fruitlessly swung his shakujou against it.
The door wasn't even dented.
"Damn!!! What is this door MADE of??? Metal???"
"Ahh,actually, if it were metal, it'd be down a long time ago."
"Hakkai."
"Nani?" *SWOOSH* *BANG* *completely useless attempt*
"Shaddup."
"…Hai."
Sanzo was slowly counting up to a hundred, taking deep breaths in between numbers. One (inhale), two (exhale)…
"GAH!!!" *CLANG* "BAH!!!" *PING* "PAH!!!" *BUNGG* "NAH!!!" *BONGGG* "DAH!!!" *KLUNG* "ZAH!!!" *PLING*"
" 'Zah' ?"
"I ran outta options. Wanna pick on my nerves too?"
"Ahhahaha…" *SWOOSH* *loud explosion*
Another useless attempt.
Siiigh. This can't be an ordinary door…Hakkai leant against it thoughtfully. Something must be making it invincible.
"Goku?" he called, "Are you alright in there?"
"Am I alright? AM I ALRIGHT???? NO, I'M NOT ALRIGHT!!! SOMEONE GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!!"
Twenty-one (inhale), twenty-two (exhale)…
"Sigh, Nothing's working."
Dryly. "You think?"
"I do hope Goku's OK…"
"Who would have ever thought the saru was claustrophobic??"
"GET ME OUT!!!! *pound* GET ME OUT!!! *pound pound* GET ME- I am NOT a saru, ero kappa! GET ME OUT!!!!"
"Oh, climb out of a window or something."
"THERE IS NO WINDOW!!!!!"
"Goku, calm down, relax…"
"I COULD BE SUFFOCATING TO DEATH IN HERE AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS 'CALM DOWN'????"
Well, look on the bright side, at least there's light."
"Yeah (sags) at least-" The lights went out.
Fifty-four (exhale), fifty-five (inhale)…
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!! I'M GONNA DIE IN HERE!!!!!!!!!"
"Goku!! Stop going hysterical!" Loud pounding against the door from Goku's side, coupled with yells. "Try your Nyoibou on it!!!!"
"I DID!!!! IT DIDN'T WORK!!! I'M GONNA DIE IN HERE!!!!"
"Goku, no one has ever died in the toilet before."
"SAYS YOU!!!! I BET I CAN NAME A MILLION PEOPLE WHO DIED IN THE TOILET!!!!"
"…OK, give me a few."
"HOMURA!!!!!" (Homura's picture floats into view)
"Goku, Homura died in a new world, not a toilet."
(Homura's picture cracks into a million pieces and drops away)
"SHIEN!!!!" (Shien's picture floats into view)
"Goku, stop bringing back bad memories, k? I didn't want to do it! I didn't!-"
"Get on with it already."
"Goku, I killed him. And I didn't do it in the toilet. Come to think of it, I wasn't even NEAR the toilet…"
(Shien's picture cracks into a billion pieces and drops away)
"ZENON!!!!!" (Zenon's picture floats into view)
"It wasn't in the toilet, Goku."
(Zenon's picture cracks into a trillion pieces and drops away)
"KOUGAIJI!!!!" (Kou's picture floats into view)
"He…Goku. Kougaiji isn't dead yet."
(A very miffed Kou is swept away by the janitor)
"Though I bet Sanzo wish he were (snicker)."
"U…ru…sei…" Seventy-two (exhale), seventy-three (inhale)…
"I COULD DIE IN HERE WITHOUT EVER SEEING THE OUTSIDE AGAIN AND YOU CAN STILL JOKE AROUND???" Sobs began to be heard. "Sanzo, (sob) can you read me a sutra while I'm still alive?"
"U…ru..sei…" Eighty-five (inhale), eighty-six (exhale)…
"(sob) Even SANZO doesn't care about me anymore…(sob) DOES NOBODY CARE IF I DIE????"
"Maa maa, Goku. You aren't going to die for a long time yet…" Hakkai sent another hopeless ki ball into the door.
"I'll forever (sob) remember you guys in the Afterlife (sob) EXCEPT SANZO!!!! (sob)…."
"Make sure you do."
"GOJYO!!!!"
"WHAT??? Here I am, sweating like a pig just to free the saru while all he's doing is crying like some baby who lost his mommy."
"I'M GONNA DIE!!!!… I DO NOT CRY LIKE A BABY WHO LOST HIS MOMMY!!!!! DO I CRY LIKE A BABY, HAKKAI????"
"Err…ahaha…actually…a little…kinda…"
"WHAT THE!!!!! HAKKAI!!!"
"But it's true…sort of…."
"WELL, I NEVER!!! I AM INSULTED!!! I AM PISSED!!! I AM…"
"How did you do that, Gojyo? He stopped wailing almost instantly…"
"It comes naturally." Hakkai nodded in understanding.
Eighty-nine (exhale), ninety (inhale)…
"Hm…ahah!!! Gojyo!! Try whacking the hinges!!!!"
"Ah…hey!! That might actually work…"
"You see, maybe destroying the door was the wrong thing to do. After all, a door's connecting point is at the hinges and…"
"Hakkai?"
"Hai?"
"Can we just get on with it?"
"Ahaha…"
*SHIAK* *CLINGGG* * SHIUUK* *PLANG* *SHING* *CRACK*
"Shit!!! THE Shakujou BROKE!!!"
"WHAT????" More sobs. "I'M GONNA BE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!!! I'LL STARVE TO DEATH!!!!…"
"Ninety-eight (exhale), ninety-nine (inhale)…
"Gojyo, I'm out of ideas!!! What are we gonna do???"
"Search me. Mister Worldly Monk hasn't done anything." Snort. "You sure he's fond of the saru?"
BLAM. A bullet hole too close to Gojyo's head for comfort.
"I'm not fond of anything." Sanzo aimed at something high, high way high up above. Hakkai and Gojyo's eyes trailed in its wake, but failed to see anything.
"Eh, Sanzo. What the hell are you aiming at??"
Silence. Sanzo's finger tightens on the gun trigger…
BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM
Imaginator: AIYEE!!!!! (dodges bullets)
Yuncyn: MOMMEE!!! (jumps out of the way)
Both Hakkai and Gojyo caught on at the same time.
"Ah!!! Sanzo…"
"Was aiming at…"
"Those fic writers…"
"Bakas.. (Yuncyn: OI!! Who are you calling 'baka'??)"
"Sou ka…"
"WILL ONE OF YOU JUST GET ME OUTTA HERE????" sobs loudly. "You guys don't care about me anymore…"
Sanzo, gun still pointed dangerously at Imaginator, stated, "That bakasaru's whining is getting on my nerves. Unlock the door."
Imaginator: Biida!!! No!!
Yuncyn: Yeah!!!
Im: (stares at Yuncyn) NO!!!
Yuncyn: (confused) Yeah!!!
Imaginator: (stares) No!...Oh, forget it. We will NOT let Goku out!!!
Yuncyn…Yeah?
Imaginator: Oy vey… (palms forehead)
Gojyo: Sanzo, she looks just like you when you're mad! (snickers)
*THROB THROB *
BLAM. Imaginator and Yuncyn froze as a bullet went zooming three centimeters away from their scalps.
"The next one won't miss."
Sulkily, Imaginator unlocked the door. A tear-streaked, hair-messed Goku came tearing out.
"Goku!!!"
"Saru!!!"
"Ch'."
"HAKKAI!!! GOJYO!!! SANZO!!!!" Goku jumped on them, crying hysterically. "I missed you all!!!!! I was stuck in there for ages…"
"Goku, you were in there only about an hour or so…"
"It felt like a LIFETIME!!!"
…
*THWACK*
"BAKASARU!!!! YOU DIRTIED MY ROBES AGAIN!!!!"
*THWACK* *THWACK* *THWACK*
Imaginator: (wipes away imaginary tear) Ah, such affection…
Yuncyn: (places hand on heart) Such love for his 'saru'…
BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM
Imaginator: Methinks we should run now…
Goku: OI!!!! I HAVEN'T KILLED YOU TWO FOR LOCKING ME IN THAT TOILET!!!! NYOIBOU!!!!
Yuncyn!!! GAH!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!
~*~*~*~*~
Imaginator: (groans in pain) (lying on the floor)
Yuncyn: (groans in pain) (lying on the floor)
Imaginator: (groans some more)
Yuncyn (groans louder, not wanting to be outdone by Imaginator)
Muses: (put hands on hips) OK, what did the Traumatic Two do now?
Imaginator: (stops groaning temporarily) Fanfiction writers are very dangerous jobs to be in…groan…
Yuncyn: I second that. Double groan.
Imaginator: GROAN…
Yuncyn: GROAN…
Imaginator:GROA…oh, what the heck. (groans quietly, shooting Yuncyn disgruntled look)
Muses: What did you…
Imaginator: All we did was write something for those Saiyuki guys…
Yuncyn: And do we get thanks? Nooo…
Imaginator: Instead, we get shot at, glared at, threatened…
Yuncyn: Don't forget chased at least 30 miles…For something we didn't even DO!!!
Imaginator: That's it! I'm retiring!…As soon as I can get up…
Yuncyn: Yeah!! (both roll on the floor, looking very much like dead fish flopping on a dry deck, if dead fish flopped)
Muses: Really??? (hope against hope, fingers crossed behind back)
Yuncyn: Wait! This brilliant idea just struck me!…(whispers in Imaginator's ears)
Imaginator: Hey, that IS a good idea. Come on, Yunnie, Let's get typing! (springs up like a jack hare(if there's such an animal))
Yuncyn: Wait for me! And stop calling me Yunnie!!! (springs up like a Jack-in-the-box and runs after Imaginator)
Muses: (look at each other, groan and go off to find aspirin for themselves)
(Plot bunnies tilt heads before hopping to join their zany keepers to spin up yet another Saiyuki deprecating fic).