Chapter Seven – Desperate Times  

Rae wasn't sure how long she had been sitting in Tom with her head against the wheel. She might even have fallen asleep because her crying had been heartfelt and exhausting. She came to with a start and turned the key in the ignition, put the car into reverse and began to move towards the exit of the parking lot. The large overhead street lamp, which illuminated the height and width restrictions sign, momentarily blinded her, and Rae ran her hand over her eyes and moved tentatively into the road.  As she did so a bright light blinded her again, this time in her rear view mirror, and she came to a halt.

The beam was dimmed and then she was suddenly dazzled and a loud rapping scared her fully awake almost instantly. Peering carefully through the glass Rae's heart sank as she saw a uniformed officer standing there with a flashlight in his hand and she lowered the window.

"Are you ok, Ma'am?"

"Yes, yes, I am, thank you." Rae rubbed her face realising that she probably looked a state, and her eyes would give away her earlier tears.

"Could you please pull over to the side of the road, Ma'am?"

"Um, ok, why don't I just back it into the lot instead?  Get off the road completely?"  When she had been in uniform, Rae had hated dealing with people along the roadside.  The thought of other cars whizzing by in such close proximity had always been a little unnerving. 

The officer gave her an appraising look and nodded.  "That might be a good idea, Ma'am," he said with a sniff.

Rae sighed, there seemed little point in asking why until she had done as she was asked, and so, putting Tom back into reverse again, she manoeuvred, a little shakily, she had to admit, until she was facing the right way, and then parked by an overhead light and waited.

The police car pulled up beside her and the same officer got out. As he did so Rae switched on the interior light and turned off the engine, then she placed the keys on the dashboard and rested her hands back on the steering wheel where they had only a little while before cradled her head.

"You've been stopped before, have you, Ma'am?"

Rae just glared at him. "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"I hope not, would you please step out of the car and show me some form of ID, and your vehicle documentation?" The cop shone his light at her, dazzling her again, and then as he moved the beam slightly Rae could see the shadow of his hand hovering where his gun would be.

"Sure." Slowly Rae eased herself out of the car, noticing for the first time that there were a few empty beer bottles and cans near where she was standing, and then she put her hand into her trousers and drew out her wallet. "I have my drivers licence." Rae held the leather case so that the card was showing in the flashlight's beam and felt it being taken from her.

"Ok, Mrs Travis, would you like to tell me what you are doing in this parking lot at almost midnight?"

"Midnight? I must have fallen asleep. I'll just drive home, I'm sorry to have caused you a problem."

"Do you have proof of ownership of this vehicle?" The voice of the officer was curt and Rae began to realise that it may not be as simple as just driving home.

"It's in the glove compartment, can I get it?"

"Sure."

Rae leant into the car and opened the catch on the small box. The documents were the only thing in there and so she handed them over quickly.

"Thank you." The officer seemed to take an inordinate amount of time to check them. "They seem to be in order, Ma'am, but I'll need to breathalyse you."

"Why? I wasn't driving, I was sleeping." Rae felt a large black hole appear in the pit of her stomach.

"Yes, Ma'am, I realise that, but you could have been sleeping it off. You can leave your car here and accompany me to the station, or we can do it right now." The officer took a smaller flashlight out of his pocket and pointed it at Rae. "Can you follow this light?"

"I AM NOT DRUNK!" Rae finally lost her temper. "Listen, Officer, I haven't had a drink for over twenty years, which, I think, puts me in the category of stone cold sober! Now, if you will excuse me, I have children to get home to." Rae turned to move back towards her car, but the heel of her boot caught on the edge of a beer can and she twisted her ankle over. "Arghhh."

"Ma'am, I can either breathalyse you here or at the station, and if you resist any longer I will arrest you."

Rae hadn't thought that her day could get any worse, but now she knew that it could. She also knew that owning up to the fact that she was a cop at this late stage would only make matters worse. So far this very enthusiastic young man hadn't seen either her ID or her gun, and she hoped that she could keep it that way. "Is it all right if I just lock up my car and get my purse?"

"Yes, Ma'am." The officer watched as Rae did just that, and then waited for her to put her keys away. Rae made sure that they were safe inside her jacket and then she did it up, also making sure that her weapon was well hidden. As she turned from the car though Rae ran her hands through her hair and her coat moved up showing the holster of her gun and the next thing Rae knew she felt her hands being pulled behind her. 

"Hey!" Rae got no more words out before she was slammed against the side of her car, the enthusiastic officer obviously taking no chances. Her bag was taken from her and she felt her gun being removed and knew that things had gone far enough, but before she could say anything else her wrists were encased in handcuffs, she was being frisked, and the memory of the manacles she had worn in jail threatened to overwhelm her. Rae pulled herself back together just enough to realise that her badge was in her purse, the pants she was wearing weren't ones she usually wore for work and she hadn't wanted to spoil them.  As she was escorted to the black and white which was waiting for her Rae saw that the name on the cop's badge was Jerkovsky and she knew that whatever day it now was it was gonna be a long one.

Jesse and Susan had sat and talked about old times for just over a half hour before he knew he really should get back to work. The look of hurt on Rae's face was beginning to leave a feeling of guilt resting in the pit of his stomach, and he also knew he would have a lot of explaining to do. Although it was his first week back on duty, and he had been scheduled to work only a few hours at a time, Wil Collins had fallen foul of a, hopefully, twenty-four hour bug, so Jesse had worked a double shift. Now though, it was just after midnight and he was driving himself home.

Sally had agreed to have the girls overnight because of Jesse's long shift, and the uncertainty of Rae's return, and so he headed straight towards Beverly Hills, knowing that Rae would probably be waiting for him. The driveway was empty though, and all the lights in the house, apart from the security ones, were off. With a feeling of dread as well as guilt now accompanying him Jesse unlocked the front door and entered his home.

"Rae? Rae, are you here?" Jesse didn't really know why he was calling out; it was obvious that the house was empty. For a moment Jesse felt panic stricken. Why wasn't Rae home? She was supposed to be there, waiting for him, she had been away for three days and now she wasn't here. But then he realised that she would have been here, with him, if he'd known that the woman kissing him wasn't his wife. The feeling of guilt deepened, he had known, as soon as he began kissing her he'd known it wasn't Rae, but it had felt so good, like finding a favourite sweater years after losing it, and he hadn't wanted to stop.

Now though, all that was secondary to needing to know why Rae wasn't here. His mind was reeling, she was always where she should be, and now she wasn't, and it was his fault. Jesse looked at the telephone on the table in the hallway, but instead of moving towards it he found himself backing further and further away. The door to the breakfast room stopped his journey, but still he didn't know what to do. Steve, you could call Steve … no, no, Steve knows, can't call Steve. Mark, no, not Mark, he'll worry … Amanda, no, Ron would know, he can't know, no one, there is no one to call. With a sob escaping him Jesse slid down the door behind him, put his head in his hands, and waited.

Pacific Community Police Station wasn't very busy, it was after midnight and Rae guessed that the beaches and airport would be quiet. She stood in silence with Jerkovsky holding tightly to her arm and waited to see what would happen next.

"If you would like to come with me, Ma'am, we'll get this started." Officer Jerkovsky looked at Rae a little closer, now they were in the light, there was something familiar about her, but he wasn't sure what.  He had been alone in his patrol car and so he had put her in the back and driven to the station before searching her purse.

"What we'll do is get this finished, Officer." Rae's tone was now short and curt, and she wished she'd flashed her ID at him right at the beginning of the ordeal, but she knew that he was well within his rights to have done what he did, and it wasn't his fault he'd found her just after she had discovered her husband cheating on her with another woman. Rae closed her eyes for a moment to try to bring herself back to the moment, but all she succeeded in doing was bringing up the picture in her mind of Jesse and Susan kissing. She swayed a little and opened her eyes quickly.

"Ma'am?"

"I'm sorry, Officer, it's been a very long day, let's get this done." Rae felt the need to run her hands through her hair again, but as that was impossible she just waited while Jerkovsky began his search of her purse.

"You're a cop?" He held her badge in his hand.

Rae nodded her head. "Yep."

"And you didn't say anything?"

"Why should I? Would it have made any difference? It shouldn't have."

"No, Ma'am. But you obviously have a good reason for carrying a weapon, I'm sorry, Officer Travis." He hastily removed the restraints and watched as his ex-prisoner rubbed at her wrists.

"That is Detective, Officer, Detective Reagan Yeager." Rae finally pulled her ID out of her pocket and showed it to the young man.

"I knew I recognized you."

"Hmmm, shame you didn't mention that earlier."

"Yes, Ma'am, now, if you'd like to follow me?" Jerkovsky indicated with his hand and she walked along side him down the hallway.

Just over an hour later Rae climbed out of a black and white in the parking lot and felt the rest of her reserve of energy leave her. Her little car, new and red and shiny was now trashed. The windows had been broken, she was absolutely sure the stereo would be miles away by now and, just to add insult to injury, her Gladstone bag had been slashed open and her clothes were lying across the tarmac of the lot. In the middle of all this destruction lay two photo frames, both obviously broken by the heel of a boot, one of Jesse and the other with a picture of Eliana and Anneya in. Because Jerkovsky had been alone he had called in the fact that he was leaving a vehicle in the parking lot and requested back up to search it, Rae could see the police aware sticker on the windshield, or what was left of the windshield.

Rae felt the tears rush into her eyes, but she forced them back. "Oh God, look at my car."

"Ma'am, I'm so sorry, is there any one we can call for you?" To Rae's relief Officer Jerkovsky had been unavailable to take her back to the parking lot, and so she had grabbed a ride with a two man crew who were returning to duty after bringing in a genuine drunk driver. The cop who had spoken to Rae was called Jade Gamble, and Rae could hear the sadness in her voice. The other officer, who was still in the car, had begun to call in the vandalization of her vehicle.

"Yeah, you could call my hus … no, maybe my partner?"

"Sure, Lieutenant Sloan, right?"

Rae smiled, "Of course, I forget his reputation precedes him!"

"Yes, Ma'am, but yours does too!" Jade looked a little embarrassed.

"You know I have no idea of his cell number, or his home, they're on my phone, and I, well, I got a bit cross with it earlier, most of it is over there on the floor."

"Let's see if we can find your sim card then." Jade grabbed her flashlight from her belt, and they moved across, carefully avoiding the devastation around them.

It didn't take long, before Rae found the small red piece of card that held her telephonic life in its centre. "Is this the same network as you?" Rae held it up and saw Jade nod her head. She wasn't surprised, most cops used the same one, it was more cost effective.

"I'll take mine out, put yours in and then you can phone him yourself." Jade did just that, and five minutes later Rae was waiting for Steve to answer her call.

Jesse had no idea what the time was when he heard a key in the lock, but it was dark, and then suddenly the area was lit up, and Jesse knew he was in terrible danger.

'Well, Doctor Travis, no one else can help you now… How do you like your accommodations…? Do you really think you are going to get out of this alive…? They've left you, they've all left you.'

"NO!" Jesse screamed out, the voices were all around him, he couldn't back away, the door was shut, but there was a hall table right by him and it had a large fruit bowl on it. Standing up, Jesse grabbed two apples and threw them at the shadows, and then two more, and again and again until they were all gone. "No, no, go away … please … go away … please … don't hurt me." Jesse felt all his energy drain out of him, he slid back down the door, but this time, unable to sit he collapsed onto the floor shaking.

Rae and Steve looked at each other in horror, both ducking as the fruit came flying at them. "Oh, God, Jesse." Rae forgot all about the pain she had felt, the betrayal, the awful night she'd had since and moved closer to her husband. All she knew now was that he was hurting, terribly, and she wanted to help him.

Jesse saw the feet on the floor coming closer, and he knew he had to get away. The chains had gone, he was free to leave his cage, and so getting to his hands and knees he pushed himself up and began to run.

'You can get away, Travis, I'll let you go, but she needs you, and if you leave her she WILL die."

Jesse realized that he had no place left to go, the walls came up all around him, there were doors, but he didn't know where they went, which one should he choose? If he went in through the wrong one they would take him away, the ground would shake, like an earthquake, everybody would leave him and someone would take him away. Too long, you're thinking too long, they're coming, coming for you, coming, coming, coming.

He began to run again, back the way he had come, there must be a way out, if he could just get out into the open, out into the air, he would be safe, they had never taken him into the air except to let him go, so they wouldn't know where to find him, air, he needed air.

Steve couldn't believe what he was seeing, Jesse was totally unaware of them, or at least of who they were and was terrified. Steve went to move closer to his friend, but felt Rae's hand on his arm. "No, Steve, wait." As he carried on watching he saw Jesse reach the end of the hallway. There were three doors and, if Steve remembered correctly, one went into the library, one to a study and the other to a small room that Rae had been considering turning into an office.

As they watched both Rae and Steve could see that Jesse was looking around him, as if he didn't know what to do, and then suddenly he darted at them, he came back up the hallway, running in a frantic manner, and he began to talk, to babble, but it wasn't nonsense, it was the same thing over and over.

They were still there, waiting for him, but if he could just get past them, just get out. "Air, I need air, air is good, safe, air is safe."  Now he knew what to do Jesse was filled with new resolve, if he could get past these people, he would be ok. One of them was smaller than the other, he was small, he'd go for that one. Push, if you push you will get to the air, just push.

Rae saw Jesse change direction in front of her, and then before she was able to respond he pushed at her, she felt his hands, or his fists, as they made contact with her stomach and she doubled up in pain and shock.

"Jesse!" Steve barked out his friend's name as he saw Rae fall to the floor. He could tell from her demeanor that she was only winded, and so he ignored her and concentrated on his friend.

"Jesse!"

My name, they know my name, no, I have to get away. "I'll never tell, let me go and I'll never tell." Jesse's voice had panic coursing through it.

Steve knew that he had to intervene, had to stop his friend from hurting himself or others, and so he moved quickly and decisively towards him, lowering his voice and speaking to him all the time as he did so.

"Jess, it's me, it's Steve. Come on, Buddy, you need to stop, let me help you." Steve was almost on him now. Jesse had stopped running, but only because once again he had run out of room. The kitchen door was behind him, and as Jesse leant into it, it fell open behind him and he disappeared. "Dammit!"

Out of the corner of his eye Steve saw Rae getting to her knees, he moved cautiously into the kitchen, turning the light on as he did so. Jesse was in the middle of the room, looking wildly about him, and Steve knew that, once again, he was searching for a weapon.

As he watched, Jesse backed away a little more and then saw what he needed. He held his hand out in front of him, and the kitchen light glinted off the steel of the steak knife he had in his hand.

"Stay away! I have to get out into the air, into the air." Jesse swept the knife in an arc in front of him, and Steve had to jump back.

"Jesse, I don't want to hurt you, but you have to give me the knife." Steve moved a little further forward, wondering where Rae was, and hoping that she was calling for backup, medical as well as cops.

Rae couldn't believe that Jesse had hit her, and hard enough to knock the air out of her and send her to the floor. Gradually she had regained her breath, climbed to her knees and then her feet. She moved closer to the kitchen, where she had seen Steve and Jesse disappear and as she did so she heard her partner speak.

"Jesse, I don't want to hurt you, but you have to give me the knife."

Rae knew that it had gone too far, that they needed help, and so she moved over to the phone and with a very heavy heart dialled 911. She gave the details as succinctly as she could and then put the phone down, even though she knew that really she should have stayed on the line. But it became apparent instantly that she had done the right thing, because, as she turned, she heard Steve cry out.

"Arghhh, Jesse, no … Jesse, no! Arghhhh."

Rae heard the second scream as she rushed in through the door and saw Steve backing away as he clamped his left hand over his right arm, but not before Rae saw the blood spurting high into the air out of two wounds. She looked at her husband, he seemed unaffected by what he had done, and she knew that somehow she had to either restrain him or get the weapon off him.

"Jesse, give me the knife, Honey." Rae too, lowered her voice, and as she spoke her husband took his eyes off of his friend and turned to her.

"Rae? Is that you?" Jesse blinked rapidly a few times and then he seemed almost to wake up and he let the blade fall to the floor. "What … what happened?" Jesse turned and saw Steve, his face ashen, and his training took over for a while. "Rae, get me something to put over his wound, anything at all, did you call 911?" Rae nodded her head and looked around, she knew that Steve had a severed artery, and so she didn't argue.

Jesse moved towards his friend and was concerned to see him back away, suddenly he realised why. "Oh, God, Rae, leave that, come here… put pressure on his arm, keep it tight so that you can slow down the flow… Steve, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" Jesse's strength began to leave him again, his legs slowly gave out under him and he collapsed gently to the floor, where he wrapped his arms around himself and began to rock.

Mark was about ready to drop. He had been sure that he would have a quiet night, it was a Wednesday after all, there was no reason to suppose that, bar fire and flood, and he'd dealt with both of those many times, it wouldn't be the same as most Wednesdays. The rest of Los Angeles seemed to have a completely different idea about it though, and he'd dealt with everything from a broken leg caused by roller blades, and he knew what Steve would say about that, through to a concussion caused by a cake tin, full apparently, falling off the top of a cupboard. So, when it got to two thirty and he had five minutes to himself Mark had made his way gratefully to the doctor's lounge for a cup of coffee and a little peace.

Everyone had been talking about Jesse and Susan, and how Rae had come out of the elevator to see the two of them necking. It was a silly word, but it was the right one. Mark couldn't understand it, how could Jesse kiss Susan when he was with Rae, they had two wonderful children and a marriage that most men would give up their own wives for? If it wasn't so late at night he would call to see if everything was alright, but hopefully Jesse and Rae would have had a chance to talk and they would both be fast asleep right now. Mark checked his watch, drained his coffee in one gulp and with a sigh stood up and stretched his aching back.

"Doctor Sloan to the ER, STAT; Doctor Mark Sloan to the ER, STAT."

With a groan Mark headed for the door where he was stopped by Shannon. "Doctor Sloan, the EMT's called ahead, there are two ambulances coming in, one has Steve in it, the other has Jesse… They want psychiatric staff on hand for him and … and Steve has lost a lot of blood."

Mark didn't say anything, he had no idea what to say and so he just broke into a run and headed for the ambulance bay, knowing that for Steve it had to be bad, and for Jesse to need that type of assistance it had to be cataclysmic.