Pain, Pain And More Pain.

By: YunCynImaginator

YunCyn: Our dear readers and friends...

Imaginator: We have an important announcement to make.

YunCyn: You know that month long break we took? The one where we disappeared because of an exam called PMR?

Imaginator: We got our results back and have great news.

YunCynImaginator: WE BOTH GOT STRAIGHT A'S!!!

Muses: *eyes as wide as dinner plates* They... they actually DID IT?!

Imaginator: *glare* Oh, THANK YOU for the vote of confidence....

Muse #1: Pinch me, I must be dreaming... And DON'T pinch me.

Muse #2: Wasn't going to!

YunCyn: ^_____^ Yes, we did manage to make it! So it WAS worth the break.

Muse #2: They actually got straight A's!?

Muse #1: ...doesn't that mean we BOTH lose our bets?

Muse #2: *thinks* Technically, yes but... *senses authoresses fire aura and starts sweating nervously*

YunCyn: ....you GAMBLED on our results?!

Imaginator: And you BETTED that we'd FAIL?!

Muses: Uh... ahehehe.... BYE!!

YunCynImaginator: GET BACK HERE, YOU TWO!! HOW DARE YOU BET THAT WE WOULD FAIL!?!

Muses: RUN!! THEY'RE CATCHING UP!!! RUUUUUUUN!!!

Plot Bunnies: *holds up sign* 'Enjoy the scene!'

Disclaimer: Visit this site: www.wedon'townsaiyukisowhydoweevenbotherputtingadisclaimer.com. Followed by: www.becausewedon'twannagetsued.net Thank you!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sanzo bit down on his lower lip as he lay in his bed, the pain throbbing up. His pinched expression lessened as the pain ebbed away. But he knew very well it would return. Oh, he knew too well.

But if ANYONE expected him to cry out or groan or at least let out a SINGLE sign he was in pain, they were DEAD wrong.

And he MEANT that literally too.

The infamous Genjo Sanzo-hoshi-sama, 31st generation of Sanzos actually admitting to physical pain?

Not on HIS life and not even over his dead body, thank you very much.

But, considered the monk, he HAD been STABBED in the abdomen several times and nearly missed getting any of his major internal organs punctured like a pin through the thin plastic of a balloon. Not to mention the grand total of 8 broken bones in five different places. (2 of which were his ribs) Surely his dignity would allow him to at LEAST let out a tiny whimper that wouldn't be commented on by anyone. Least of all, his comrades who knew the hazards of pointing out things that Sanzo would send them to the Afterlife for.

Sanzo's dignity sent back a telegram message.

NEVER HAVE STOP AIN'T GONNA STOP NEVER WILL STOP SO KEEP DREAMING STOP.

It wasn't like he WANTED to get hurt, thought Sanzo. What are you, crazy? He was ALLERGIC to pain just like every other person [1]. It gave him hives.

It's just that all the other morons and idiots in the world never seemed to get the fact that yes, he WANTED to be left alone, NO, he wasn't about to willingly be lunch to youkai and where the bloody hell did they get the idea he was HAPPY about going around with three other idiots in a bumpy jeep, aiming to beat the shit out of a dangerous youkai who wanted to destroy the world? (Or at least, all the humans in the world)

Hell, all he had wanted was to stay in the temple holed up in his office and when the elders called him, snub them like the arrogant, cold fish, you're-always-the-idiot, selfish monk he was supposed to be.

Sanzo raised an eyebrow as he entertained the above thoughts. This wasn't like him.

He was understating everything.

But here he was, lying on a bed with several rolls of bandages wrapped round his entire body, going out of his mind with boredom. If it had been any other person's orders to stay in the bed and NOT MOVE, Sanzo would've told him to sod off.

But it had been HAKKAI'S orders.

It had been HAKKAI with a glint in his eyes and a smile on his face that had ordered Sanzo to stay in bed and NOT MOVE.

Hakkai NEVER gives out orders, you must be thinking. Hakkai NEVER orders people around or threaten bodily harm, you must be saying.

Does this sound non-threatening to you?

"And I'm sure you will listen and NOT MOVE because if you do, who knows what other injuries may occur, deshou?" Smile, smile, glint, glint.

Sanzo wisely decided to respond with a "Ch!" and just lie back in bed.

It wasn't like he could move anyway. The pain, no matter how much he denied it, was too much and he could barely sit up much less walk.

Usually by now, any one of the Sanzo-ikkou would've come in to banter or tease and then nearly get killed as in every other major injury Sanzo suffered and lived through.

Unfortunately, the others who would be daring (read: stupid) enough to go and tease Sanzo were lying in other beds, talking (read: arguing) about things from Hakuryu's curious temperament to HAKKAI'S curious temperament like it was going out of fashion.

And much to Sanzo's chagrin, disappointment and annoyance, the two were situated in the very same planet, country, town, inn and room he was in.

Goku, the ever-cheerful talkative self he was, was babbling on about how high his pain tolerance was.

Gojyo, the ever I'm-always-better-than-Goku-at-anything, cocky self he was, cut through challenging the younger (or older since he's technically 518 years old…) youkai by saying that HE, Sha Gojyo the Handsome, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Sexiest Man (or Youkai if you want to get technical) Of The Year (as voted by the readers of Togenkyo Time magazine…) could be squashed under an ANVIL and not utter a single sound.

(One cannot help but pause to let the clichéd mental picture get through: Squashed Roach. *Authoresses snigger*)

Sanzo couldn't resist letting out his patented Yeah-right snort.

Gojyo turned his heavily bandaged head, wincing as he did so, to glare at the monk. "Oh, and I suppose Mister Worldly Monk wouldn't even whimper should an anvil drop on his pretty face?"

"I would kill you (if I could move) for that pretty comment. And to answer your idiotic question, NO ONE can get dropped on by an anvil and not make a sound." Sanzo made a derisive unintelligible sound.

The muscle above Gojyo's left eye twitched. "Well, Smart Ass Monk, (That was a new insult, thought Goku absent-mindedly) I STILL say I can tolerate pain better than BOTH of you!"

"No way! Who's been in more injuries this month, huh? ME! Who had more broken legs than all of you put together this week?! ME! So I can tolerate pain better than you OR Sanzo!"

Goku paused to think up a suitable ending.

"SO THERE!"

Gojyo turned his head back to face Goku, again with a wince. "Bakasaru, who has the cracked skull now, huh?! This is a HEAD WOUND! I could have been killed! But do you see me groaning?"

"That's because it didn't make a difference, you jerk! Your skull was already cracked from the day you were BORN!" Goku was about to swing his broken arm to point then stopped mid way to bite down on his lower lip as pain (no other way to describe this) zapped right through his entire arm.

"HAH!! I saw you wince!" Gojyo sat up in a flash then clutched his head as a numb pain seared through his cranium. Hakkai HAD said he shouldn't move fast if not at all.

Goku, even if mind-numbing pain was going through his arm at 120 km/h, had to contest that. "That's not a sound, you stupid kappa!!"

"WILL YOU TWO IDIOTS SHUT UP AND-!"

Sanzo found himself sitting up and very tempted to bite down on the pillow to muffle a scream of pain at sitting up so fast. Goku's eyes widened as Sanzo's face performed acrobatic acts and gymnastics.

"Woah… I didn't even KNOW a mouth could twist like that…"

Gojyo was also staring. "Man, your face must be made out of rubber, Sanzo…"

"URUSEI!!"

A few minutes later, the pain subsided enough to fit Sanzo's pain tolerance level. And enough to allow Sanzo's face to relax into a recognizable expression: the ever-popular I-hate-you-stop-staring-at-me-or-you-will-lose-your-eyeballs-via-my-hands scowl cum deadly glare.

"Hey, I've got an idea how to settle this."

Sanzo raised an eyebrow. Whatever it was, he wasn't going to listen. Nope. The kappa's ideas were always stupid, insane and not capable for a normal human brain to comprehend HOW he came up with the hare-brained idea.

"Let's have a contest."

Not listening. No way, no how.

"What contest?" questioned Goku curiously.

No way on earth, heaven, hell and over his dead body was he going to listen.

"A pain tolerance contest. Whoever groans first because he's in pain, loses."

Sanzo snorted.

He was a shoo-in to win.

Gojyo glared at the monk. "Will you STOP doing that?!" Sanzo returned as withering a look as was possible. (The potted ivy on the windowsill actually turned yellow)

Goku grinned. "I'm in. But only if the loser buys us dinner! What EVER we want for dinner too!" These guys are goin' down!

"Deal!" Gojyo grinned. Goku/Sanzo, get ready to buy me a seafood dinner with the works…

"Ch'. Whatever." This'll a piece of cake.

The kappa looked at the wall clock. "And the games begin…. NOW!"

~*~*~*~*~

"FEEL the pain… it SEARS … it BURNS… it's going through your skin, causing you to squeal… groan… it's so EXCRUCIATING-"

THWACK!!

"STOP reading that stupid horror novel, kono ero kappa!" shouted Sanzo who'd been staring at the wall, grateful for the silence.

Goku on the other hand was biting on his pillow, doing his best not to whimper. (There had been, after all, no rules against squelching shrieks)

Stupid novel...

~*~*~*~

"Okay, okay, new rule!!" called out Gojyo as the game dragged onto the end of the first hour.

Both of Goku's eyebrows rose in anticipation. "What?"

"No one is allowed to bite on pillows, blankets or anything else to muffle any groan/moan/shriek/scream/whimper/any kind of sound that signals pain."

"That's not FAIR!!" wailed Goku miserably. Sanzo silently echoed the sentiment. (Not that he NEEDED a muffler of course, of all the nerve to associate such a thing with him…)

Gojyo let out an exasperated sigh. "If we don't DO that, NO ONE'S going to win, Sir Bite-A-Pillow-Every-Three-Minutes."

Goku had to admit the kappa made sense and said nothing more except to resume insulting the kappa's odour. Sanzo, for his part, decided this no-pillows rule didn't concern him and left it well alone.

After all, everyone knew HE was the one who went through more almost fatal, serious injuries than they could count.

(What the monk fails to recall is that during those numerous almost fatal, serious injuries, he was unconscious and therefore, unable to feel any actual pain…)

~*~*~*~*~

The wall clock's second hand ticked on by, counting down each second that passed on, never to return again. Another three more rounds and a whole hour would have disappeared into time and some weird space continuum or black hole or something like that…. (Authoress YunCyn rolls eyes as Authoress Imaginator sweat drops)

Basically, it was about to be the second hour into the 'Pain Tolerance' contest.

And no one had groaned/moaned/whimpered/shrieked/squealed/screamed/emitted any other sound that signals pain.

Not when Gojyo had managed to get a head lock on Goku…

"Whimper, you stupid monkey!!"

"NEVER!!"

And certainly not when Goku tried his puppy dog eyed look on Sanzo…

Sanzo glanced down at the please-please-please pleading liquid brown puppy eyes expression he normally saved for nikuman begging.

The monk kicked the saru back into his bed at the end of the room.

And no one uttered a single sound even when Gojyo found a rerun of a certain television show for kids that he was SURE would make the rest start groaning… (Emotional pain counted apparently)

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family-"

BLAM!

"Sanzo!!! You SHOT the TV!! Now we've got NOTHING to watch!!"

"It's your own fault since you're the one who tuned into Barney."

So, now all three having exhausted all possibilities of making the others groan/moan etc (with the exception of Sanzo since all he had done was sit up, keep up his poker face and pretend nothing was wrong when in truth, pain burned in his ribcage from moving too much) just lay in their respective beds, wondering what would happen if no body won.

This kind of peace however is utterly ridiculous and CANNOT be legal in the Fanfiction world. It's just not done and also not right. No decent heroes of any anime could deserve such peace (which would explain the lack of action concerning Gyokumen Kushu).

SO…

Imagine if you will, an ordinary inn room. The only thing extraordinary are its occupants which would be Gojyo, Goku and Sanzo. The main door is to the right. Since an ordinary inn would cut costs here, there and everywhere, this room would be a tad small. So, the only thing separating Sanzo's bed from the room door is a few feet of creaky floorboards, air and a very old dusty carpet that's probably the home of five generations of dust bunnies.

Now, imagine the door opening to reveal the most patient, tolerant and easiest to snap, member of the Sanzo-ikkou, carrying several bags of groceries some feet higher than his head. This means that Hakkai's line of vision is only the brown paper bags of groceries.

(For those who can see what's coming, please don't grin in that feral way. We don't want any parents tapping you gently on the shoulder and asking what's wrong while the other parent sneaks off to the phone and calls the nearest mental institute)

"Tadaima! Have you guys been having fun?"

"FUN, Hakkai, means going out there, hanging out with some gorgeous babes, trying to snag a date. FUN isn't sitting here in a room, staring at the ceiling with a grumpy monk and a monkey with no brains."

"HEY! I HAVE brains!"

Hakkai chuckled as he walked into the room. The grocery bag mountain wobbled slightly with each step he took.

"Did you get the cigarettes, Hakkai?"

"Yes, Sanzo. It's all in here…"

At that point, several things happened at once but we'll show you in slow motion exactly what happened.

Mr. Hakkai's Foot met Mr. Dusty Old Carpet. Hakkai, as the Law of Gravity demands, pitched face forward to the floor. As he did so, the Grocery Bag Mountain went airborne. Most of the bags' contents also flew into the air.

But what goes up, must come down.

Mr. Very Hard Tuna Cans?

Meet Mr. Sanzo-sama's Foot.

It was like breaking down a dam wall. You've held it in for so long that any other effect will make you explode. In other words, that was probably the straw that broke the camel's back.

Or in this case, it was the four tuna cans that broke Sanzo's foot.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!"

~*~*~*~*~

Goku munched happily on his nikumans while Gojyo, on the verge of whistling "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow", sliced up his buttered lobster meat.

Hakkai on the other hand, was contemplating the events that had taken place earlier in the day.

"So… you three bet that whoever groaned/moaned/yelled etc. first would pay for dinner?"

"That's right!" Gojyo grinned as he popped the piece of meat into his mouth. "And a GOOD dinner it is too!"

Goku, who had never been taught to keep his mouth shut while eating, nodded vigorously. "Thanks, Sanzo!!"

The steaming, furious, positively fuming monk just continued glaring at the table, trying to make it melt.

Hakkai chuckled nervously. "Sanzo…think about it. You don't drive and the doctor said you could take off the cast in another two months…and paying for dinner isn't all that different from what you normally do…"

Sanzo didn't care to reply. Now to add to numerous stab wounds and eight broken bones in five different places, he had a broken foot.

Oh, he'd forgive Hakkai. In a week or two.

But one thing was certain now:

He absolutely, positively HATED tuna.

The End.

~*~*~*~*~*~

[1] This was questionable since Sanzo WASN'T like any other person (ordinary people do not threaten to carve a bullet hole in others' foreheads on a daily basis) But the authoresses thought it wise not to comment on the monk's musings.

YunCynImaginator, Muses, Plot Bunnies: We all want to wish all of you a very Happy New Year! May we come up with better and more hilarious scenes in 2004!