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Pragmatic Daydreams
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The grass is always greener on the other side, they say.
Only twelve, and death isn't just theory and morbid explanations, it's part of the drill. You've barely lived, but you've already lived more than those three times your age. When reality hits you in the face in the form of your best friend and you realize that dying for your village isn't as glorious as it sounds, in that one blinding second of raw terror you finally understand what it means to be who you are.
It's not often you think of how it could be, what it might have been, what if it was-- but in between trainings and the general strain of life, you wonder, just briefly, just how the regular kids live. Do they wake up in the morning with their throats raw because they can't forget last week? Have they hated themselves so much they can't bear it because their best friends are dying when they're too weak to save them?
All you've got is some vague and distant idea of the typical preteen doing typical teenage things and maybe with a dose of typical world-weary cynicism. But then again, all they've probably got is a romantic misconception of shinobis playing hero and fighting in glory for their country. You can only be a hero when you're dead and carved on a rock, and fights always play out in blood, gore and animal terror that leaves scars and nightmares, but they don't know that and ignorance is a luxury they can enjoy. Who fights for their country these days; under all the bluff and big talk it's always for your teammates first, and yourself second that you live so you can fight for.
But it is satisfying, after a bitch of a mission, to see almost reverent respect from villagers twice your age when they smile at you. It's almost enough to make you forget about that broken arm, how you almost all died- really died- back there, and walk taller with a cocky grin on your face. Maybe the scars will never go away, but at least you don't live your life blind and deaf to the world around you, and you really live because you know more than anyone else every second may be your last. And sooner or later, when you're all alive and laughing from sheer exhaustion and your heart is nearly breaking with joy at knowing this type of friendship, this type of life will never be more rewarding that you start to forget fantasizing about a normal life without pain.
The grass may be greener on the other side, as they say, but it doesn't mean it's any better.
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so welcome to my life
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Typical crap on nin's life I wrote when trying to find inspiration, which still eludes me. Still amazed by how much people seem to like the Letter Writing Excercise chapt- I almost trashed that for being too daft. ...Maybe I should have uploaded all those drabbles that I've trashed before. Picky wicky me.
I live off feedback, and this collection isn't the best way to garner them (partly my fault) and so this collection will end in maybe one more update or so.
Review, if only for the other chapts.