Year Of The Monkey

By: YunCynImaginator

YunCynImaginator: *does White Rabbit impersonation* We're late, we're late, we're late, we're late, we're late-

Muses: For a very important date?

YunCyn: *glares* Stop stealing our lines!

Muse #1: What're you late for?

Imaginator: Chinese New Year!! It's already the ... *counts* What, ninth day? And we STILL haven't posted anything up in honour of the occasion!

YunCyn: *sighs* Nevertheless, better late than never.

Imaginator: I suppose.

YunCynImaginator&Muses: Happy Chinese New Year of the Monkey!!!

Plot bunnies: Tsk. Should all be year of the rabbit if you ask us...

Disclaimer: Sanzo-ikkou and all their affliates do not belong to us. We're just authors trying to make a living by writing stories of their exploits that most people don't see.

Muse #1: What do you mean exploits they don't see?! All these scenes didn't even HAPPEN!

Muse #2: And what do you mean by make a living!? You don't even EARN anything!

THWACK! THWACK!

On with the story...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was an unusually quiet day. One of those peaceful calm ones where nothing really moved fast enough. Everyone stopped to smell the flowers and then start sneezing their heads off because they were allergic to pollen. No one hurried anywhere and even if a giant lizard with crab pincers started rampaging through town, the townspeople would have stopped, tilted their heads, go "Oh. That's unusual" and then see if there's any more tea left in the pot. They'd even invite the monster to sit down and have a cup and perhaps, play a little mahjong.

Sanzo didn't like it.

Sure, he was the one who kept screaming for silence. And yes, he WAS the one who kept threatening to chop the others into firewood if they didn't shut up.

But that was the kind of silence where he knew it would be a couple of more hours of rest and peace before they ran into youkai. That was the kind of silence that prevailed when the end of an episode or story had come about and he would have a break before being flung into another dimension where metal humans walked everywhere and they had to find their way back to Togenkyo before the stroke of eleven forty eight p.m.

THIS silence was the breath being held before the storm blew in.

THIS silence was the kind that came before the shoe dropped.

THIS silence was the kind where trouble LOVED to brew in.

He'd learned LONG ago that his life was not meant for silence. It was one of those ironies of life. When you WANTED silence, you got a stupid monkey that made enough noise to pass for a 20 member brass band. When you wanted solitude, you got stuck with two idiots who didn't know when to shut up and another guy who was so irritatingly calm outside when you knew very well he's the most likeliest to snap like an overstretched rubber band.

But back to the matter at hand, Sanzo was, at the very least, unnerved.

At the moment, nothing was likely to happen since he was still in his room, staring at the ceiling from his bed. Most people didn't know that Sanzo usually spent several minutes just lying in his bed debating whether to use the dreaded paper fan or the lethal silver gun that day. (It didn't really matter since he ended up using both anyway but it had become a habit that was hard to break)

This morning was a change. Sanzo had a deep feeling in his gut that SOMETHING was going to break. SOMETHING that Sanzo detested was going to happen.

In other words Genjo Sanzo-hoshi-sama, would have another massive migraine and another lousy day.

Silently vowing he wouldn't go down into the depths of humiliation without giving it a painful thwack and a couple of bullet holes to remember him by, Sanzo heaved himself from the bed.

~*~*~*~

"…Gojyo, you never learn, do you?"

"Hey, it's only ONCE a year! Please?"

"But…"

"Oh, come on! It's not everyday we get to have this kind of fun!"

"Regardless, even if I do agree, I don't think Sanzo would like it."

"Hakkai, the grumpy old monk never likes ANYTHING. You KNOW how he keeps saying," Gojyo pulled on a face not unlike the kind that Sanzo had on whenever Gojyo was doing something the monk just KNEW was plain stupid. " 'Don't draw attention to yourselves, you fools!' This is the ONE chance for us to do this. Besides, it's a SPECIAL occasion. NOTHING will go wrong."

"Famous last words."

"Hakkai, I'm starting to think you're picking up the monk's bad habit of dampening everyone's fun."

Hakkai grimaced. "It's not that. It's just that you know how… impressionable Goku is. He might just take it into his head that he'll be able to do this everyday. And what if Hakuryu-"

The red head cut him off. "Look, I'll make sure he takes it off once we're done. If we muck Hakuryu up, I promise we'll clean him until he SPARKLES. And LOOK at him!" Gojyo pointed to the beaming brown haired boy. "He looks so happy! Are you gonna spoil that saru's mood by telling him the whole thing's gotta be called off? Don't you remember know how long it took us to convince him that it wasn't the end of the world when we weren't gonna bake that banana cake last time? I tell you when that guy's sad, his face is so long, HAKURYU could use it for a road!"

Hakkai's memory of how it took about half a year to comfort Goku over the loss of banana cake emerged. During that period, the atmosphere in the jeep was so moody even SANZO couldn't stand it.

He sighed. "Alright…"

Gojyo punched his fist in the air. "YES!" The redhead marched over to Goku to deliver the good news, all the while thinking how many chicks were gonna fall over and swoon at this stunt…

~*~*~*~

Sanzo joined Hakkai in the inn dining room, his eyes not seeing the rest of his party. A feeling of dread started to settle in his stomach. "The idiots are late."

Hakkai chuckled. "You know how easily Gojyo and Goku are distracted when they go into town. They said to pick them up there."

The monk raised an eyebrow. "…"

The driver glanced at Sanzo who's silence spoke volumes. And would throw daggers if necessary. "They DID say that, Sanzo."

"And you let them go into town where they'll undoubtedly cause chaos and destruction."

"Uh… yes?"

Sanzo let out a long-suffering breath. "If they mess up the town, I'm not gonna be the one to clean up after them."

Hakkai sweat dropped, trying not to imagine Sanzo using a broom to sweep the remains of the ones known as Gojyo and Goku. As he followed Sanzo out of the inn, he heard the monk stop.

"…did I mention that I let them take Hakuryu with them?"

Hakkai made a mental note to look up what Sanzo was muttering under his breath about the two idiots in a dictionary.

Although he was fairly sure even those who wrote dictionaries wouldn't dare to put Sanzo's choice of words in.

~*~*~*~

Hakkai heard the sharp intake of breath beside him and readied himself. He knew there wasn't much use trying to say anything now. He would be duly ignored but he tried nevertheless.

"Sanzo, it's just once a year and Goku really did seem to like the idea…"

"…"

"And, you KNOW how Goku gets whenever we have to stop what he's been excited about…"

"…"

"Besides, I really don't see any harm in this."

Like we said, Sanzo's silences could speak volumes and throw daggers.

Hakkai had a very good feeling this silence would not only throw flaming arrows and have an Iron Maiden ready and waiting but also included certain torture devices cleverly designed to make the tortured feel like they were dying. Sad thing was, they weren't dead yet.

Sanzo stared at Gojyo who was busy saying "Happy Chinese New Year!" to a bevy of gorgeous shapely women. Goku, dressed appropriately in a brown monkey suit complete with the furry ears and a tail poking out of the back, was happily receiving mandarin oranges and other items that the townspeople were giving him just because he looked so damn cute.

Hakuryu was on Goku's shoulder looking very contented and full. Occasionally, at Gojyo's request, the dragon would let out a small burst of flame, earning the trio more oranges and the occasional red packet.

But that wasn't making Sanzo's veins tap dance.

No, what was making Sanzo's blood pressure dangerously rise with each passing minute was a banner hanging from Goku's back.

"COME SAY HELLO TO SON GOKU, THE MONKEY OF THE YEAR AND A MEMBER OF THE FAMOUS SANZO-IKKOU! IF YOU'RE LUCKY, YOU'LL GET TO WISH SANZO-SAMA HIMSELF HAPPY NEW YEAR LIVE IN PERSON!!"

Hakkai quickly fought down a laugh. This was a most precarious time. Any sound out of him would have most certainly earned him a fate worse than death.

Goku turned around, spotted Sanzo and grinned. "SANZO!! LOOK! WE'VE GOT ENOUGH ORANGES TO LAST A WHOLE WEEK!!!"

Hakkai took a step backwards.

Yare, yare...

~*~*~*~

Hakkai let out a small sigh.

"Hakuryu, you really shouldn't have eaten so many oranges. It's not healthy to eat that many in one go."

"Kyuuu…"

"I know you like them but still…" Hakkai gently rebuked his pet. "If you eat too many, you might end up with a stomach ache. And then what would we do?"

A reluctant sounding "Kyuu…".

Hakkai smiled. "There's a good boy." His hand still petting the little white dragon, Hakkai continued to watch Sanzo chase Gojyo and Goku around town.

"YOU BLOODY IDIOTS!!! DIE!!"

FLING!

"SANZOOO!! HAVE A HEART!! IT'S JUST ONCE A YEAR!!"

ZIP!

"SHI NE!!"

ZOOM!

"ITEI! SANZO, STOP WASTING THE ORANGES!!"

FLING!

"GOKU, SHADDUP! WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE HIM USE THE GUN?!"

"YES!! I CAN'T STAND TO SEE THOSE ORANGES GO TO WASTE!!"

BONK! BLAM!!

"ITEI!! I DIDN'T KNOW ORANGES HURT THAT MUCH!"

"YOU DUMB MONKEY!! NOW HE'S USING THE GUN AND THROWING THE ORANGES!!"

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

"GO AND DIE, YOU FRIGGIN FREAKS! WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU THINK YOU COULD USE MY NAME TO PROMOTE YOURSELVES!?"

Hakkai sweat dropped. If this was what happened at the beginning of this year…

Yare, yare desu ne...

The End.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Imaginator: I had no idea oranges could cause welts like that...

YunCyn: ...this is SANZO we're talking about here.

Imaginator: ...good point. Think we could do that to the muses?

YunCyn: *grins and hands Imaginator an orange* Wanna experiment?

Imaginator: *grin* For the sake of Science!!

*Authors run off, grinning and giggling madly. Moments later....*

AAAARGH!!!

Muses: *running for dear life* What the HELL made you think ORANGES could be used as ammunition?!

Imaginator: Imagination, pals!!

YunCyn: AFTER THEM!!

Muses: AAAAAARGH!!!

Plot Bunnies: ... *twitch noses*