Summary: Take two girls, perverted minds, a boring class, sugar, coffee, and a finish the sentence format. Shake well, and this is what you get. Warning: Not recommended for any one with a closed mind or lack of a sense of humor. Written AU universe obviously.Rated because of the populace of Hogwarts obscene obsession with punishing each other.
Warning: Not recommended for any one with a closed mind or lack of a sense of humor. This story contains rampant homosexuality, drug references, sex, torture, incestuous references, and other very disturbing elements and themes. If you don't think you can handle it leave now. Any and all flames will be sent back to the sender with the bonus addition of Bubotuber pus. And I apologize to Jo for using her wonderful characters in such twisted way.
Kaybella: Plain Font BloodyX-MenLoverFromHell- Bold and Italic
Part 1: The Party
In which the scene is set
Harry started up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room. "Password please," said the lady in the pink dress… "Skky Blue Vodka" the portrait swung open to reveal a huge party. It was…Ron's first big game on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He had been the one to lead the team to victory over the Slytherin team, while scoring the house record of points made by one team member. Firewhiskey bottles littered the floor and most of the occupants were drunk including the star himself and his girlfriend… a 6th year girl named Marie who was also Dumbledore's granddaughter. Jenny and Hermione were tossing around Fred and George's latest invention, Exploding Ice. Which got you high when you threw it on the ground and inhaled the smoke… and Harry had been doing a lot of inhaling. He was currently trying to "fly" higher than Neville Longbottom. They were jumping off tables… Neville landed on McGonagall who was also drunk while Harry landed on Crookshanks and killed him. "Thanks Harry. He was about to eat my rat," slurred Ron… " Ron you don't have a rat," McGonagall said drunkenly. The 60 something year old woman then swooped down on Ron and kissed him. When she finally let him go he asked, " Then what's that in your hair?" McGonagall took of her wig and saw something crawling around in it. " FERRET!!!" she screamed then she blasted it and it was killed but it turned her wig purple, then the dead body of the ferret turned into Draco Malfoy who had a muggle camcorder in his hand. "Wait until Dumbledore sees this…" "Wait until I see what exactly," said Dumbledore starring down the stairs obviously drunk with that freshly laid look on his face. Draco screamed like a little girl and ran out of the room when he saw who descended the stairs drunk and topless behind Dumbledore. It was Snape… " For shizzle, my nizzle for izzle!" "Guess our little secrets out lover," said Snape. "Hey Dad," said Marie. Where's Mom?" "Over there." He pointed at Ginny who was passed out on the couch. Ron looked confused, high, and nauseated, which was not a good combo. "Shit I just got laid by my niece," thought Ron. "Whatever," he said. "She was good."
Part 2-The Aftermath
In which the most disturbing events take place
Minerva McGonagall woke up in the arms of a stranger. Looking over her shoulder she saw…Crabbe and Goyle "What happened?" she asked. "You got drunk," said Crabbe "We had fun" finished Goyle… She screamed and Avada Kedavra-edherself. Hearing her screams someone rushed in. "This place is turning into a mad house. Damn you Harry Potter," said Draco and he stormed off to go pout to his father. " So this is how Dumbledore is teaching his students now. Harry Potter you are mine!" laughed Lord Voldemort. " "And you two; Crabbe, Goyle you cheated on me! Now you shall pay. Crucio!!!" Voldemort laughed again as he punished his unfaithful boyfriends. They screamed writhed and died. " Now I have to say good job Uncle," said Cho. "Yes now you go and seduce Harry so I can kill him," he said." " Yes uncle," she answered. When she returned to the Gryffindor common room she saw Harry and Hermione screwing on the table. " Harry how could you? You were mine." Cho wailed. Hermione got up. " Get over it bitch. Why would he want you anyways? You're Voldie's niece." And the catfight began. "Stop," yelled Harry. "Cho, why don't you go and give Voldemort a blowjob and Hermione now I must punish you for leaving me so unsatisfied." And she came back to him and he began pounding into her from behind, and Cho left to go fill her uncle in on the news. On her way out of the common room Cho ran into Fred and George Weasley, both were very high. " Oh don't go in there unless you want an eyeful of Harry shagging Hermione," She said. " That's okay. We were looking for you." They grabbed her and headed for the Room of Requirement. It appeared this time as a sex chamber, and the three of them spent hours helping Cho get over Harry. Kreacher the house elf burst in to the room. "What is you two blood traitors doing to my mistress's wife!?!?!" Bellatrix Lestrange tore into the room, cursed Fred and George, and took her cheating wife away to be 'punished.' " You two are making me very horny," said Voldemort as he watched Bellatrix punish Cho by whipping her naked body. He got up from his evil dictator chair and took the whips from Bellatrix. He then took her and Cho to his bed for a threesome. Dumbledore and his lover Snape were looking for a private room to continue their tryst from the night before. With his muggle camcorder he stumbled on the room that was occupied by Voldemort Bellatrix and Cho. "Voldemort Bellatrix Cho," Dumbledore and Snape said in unison. "Dumbledore, Snape" said Voldemort. Dumbledore and Voldemort began to circle each other, and then they started to duel. While they were muttering curses and counter curses at each other, Snape Bellatrix and Cho proceeded to relieve their frustrations in a more satisfying way.
Part Three: The Next Day
In which imminent disaster looms over the castle and the author's punish their characters for being so incredibly naughty
" Hey didn't I kill you," said Ron. " Oh well here kitty, kitty, kitty. Bad Crookshanks, Uncle Ron has to punish you for coming back from the dead," said Ron as he chased after Crookshanks in his birthday suit. " Ron, why are chasing that cat and why are you naked." It was Marie his girlfriend and niece. " The cat has come back for the dead, so it has to be punished."
"Well why don't you punish someone else instead. Someone like… me" she asked. " I know I'll punish the cat and then I'll punish you for interrupting me," he said with a wicked grin and began to put the cat in front of him and on top of Marie. She screamed and Hermione and Harry came rushing upstairs for what they were doing. And quickly joined in but four of them (not counting the cat) quickly realized that there wasn't quite enough room so the moved to the dungeon where they went into the Slytherin common room to find them having a party. They started to dunk each other in the tea rather than listening to Draco who was still looking for a way to get the school shut down. He went to get his camera but he was distracted by the loud sound coming from his room. Upon entering he found Hagrid and Lockhart with Filch having a threesome on his bed. He ran to escape but Percy who was working the video camera, would not let him leave so Hagrid decided to teach him a lesson for making him get rid of Norbert. Once he escaped from Hagrid he hobbled to Snape's room to tell him what happened but instead he found Nearly Headless Nick trying to get it on with Dumbledore and Voldemort and ran screaming into the potions classroom to hide only to find Bellatrix and Cho trying to get away from the Weasley twins, but it wasn't working. Soon all thought of leaving vanished, while they were all rolling on the floor they bumped into a shelf and knocked it over, some mandrake root and essence of dragon scale shattered and mixed with a bunch of Floo powder blowing up the school. Only Crookshanks escaped.